Closed Shattered Memories

[Cadicus]

His back collided with the door of the brothe, her hands splayed across his strong chest, and yet despite his muscles and his hardened heart, Cypress held all the power in this moment. He was as malleable as clay, as melting as butter beneath the sun. She burned brilliantly and he caved in before her. He had spoken his piece, spoken it with all the honesty he could muster. There were things he had not said: things he could not say now, things he might never say, but the words he had given her had been amongst the truest in a decade. For him, the glacier had begun to thaw. He desperately tried to melt hers. His breath caught as Cypress' escaped in a gasp, warming the frigid air between them, where he was caught between the door and her immovable soul. Flinching, his jaw tightened for a moment: stop, a word he had never heard from her. She had always been cravings and desires. Had always been pleading and begging when she was young. Perhaps not in such a crassly open way as that, but she had wanted his heart, and had been honest about that. And now, these years later, she sought to dam the words that finally flowed from his lips. The drought had ended and yet the reprieve from thirst was not wanted. Biting his lip hard enough to draw blood, he did as she asked. He stopped. Upstairs? Into a brothel he might have sought without a second thought? Into a place of wanton lust and nothing pure, where nothing resembled the way he felt for her? Into the room where Cypress had touched other men in a way that made his stomach clench and rage bubble through his body? Cadicus swallowed: he did not have much of a choice. Nodding, he followed behind her, leaving as little space between them as possible without their skin touching. He could not stand the torture of space, and yet the burn of flesh was too much for him at this time. To be open and honest, to break the hard-hearted exterior he had worn was effort enough. He stayed silent through the dingy brothel, where moans could be heard, where the stairs creaked as he went deeper into the whores' quarters. Cadicus tried not to look at anything too closely. He didn't want to imagine Cypress in a place like this. The small room Cypress led him to was not as dingy nor as grimy as he had feared; and yet to Cadicus, it was like a slaughter room. The bed, softly illuminated by three lanterns, was like a sacrificial altar. He clenched his teeth, swallowing audibly, avoiding looking at that site of loss. His dark eyes, instead, were captured by Cypress within the room. She stood in the center like she owned it, like she knew what she was and had forgotten the little girl from home. Her womanly hands pulled out the tangles of her braid. He could see the lithe muscles rippling as she did so. Cypress was a woman now, he saw anew. He did not know how that made him feel. He stayed silent. Words would do nothing in a place like this. He could only wait for her response to what he had said in the street. Only wait for the girl he had run from for a decade. His breath caught once more as she tugged on the strings of her flimsy dress, loosening it, revealing more and more of her chest and sternum. He could not deny that he wanted her. He wanted her in absolutely every way, in a way that was all consuming, in a way that had caused him to flee his home and hers like a coward. He wanted her in a way that he hadn't even begun to admit to himself. It was encompassing and burning and destructive and by god, her skin was perfect for a whore. Don't make her beg? Cadicus still stood, the ever silent Drykas, in the doorway, watching her present herself to him. Lord, she had begged before, he had heard in hundreds of times before he left. He had begged her before, out there, in the street. Before he could say anything, her strong hands hauled him into the room - he was unprepared, unresisting, and she closed the door behind them. "Cypress." How many times had he said her name tonight, after years and years of barely whispering her name aloud, even to himself, even to shadows? "I don't want you like this." He cursed himself in his mind. Poor word-choice. "I want you. I want you. I didn't mean that I don't want to." He took on the pleading tone that he had had outside, subconsciously. He had never been so in the hands of anyone else before. "See, Cypress, I can admit that now! I want you, I want you now, I've always wanted you, and I'll always want you. But I don't want to fuck you like a prostitute. I don't want to take you on this bed. Shyke, Cypress, other men have touched you here, and I want you to be MINE." His frustration mounted and mounted, until he slammed his fist against the dresser by the door. "Mine. I don't deserve you, but by Syna, I need you like I need air. I don't want you here. I don't want to leave you. I don't want to leave you. I don't ever ever ever want to leave you." As he repeated those last sentences, he took steps towards her, advancing on her smaller frame. But no matter what moves she made on him, no matter if she removed every item of clothing, he would not kiss her until she said something honest. Until she responded to what he had said in the street. What he should have told her ten years ago, on the day he left Endrykas.

[Cypress]

With hands pressed flat against the closed door she listened as Cad spoke. He was offering up exactly what she had wanted to hear from him ten years earlier. There was a desperation in his voice now, pleading with her to be someone else, someone he held in a protected memory. His words rushed from his lips, as if he could no longer hold them in, and every one of them battered against her hardened heart. He didn't want to take her like a prostitute...but she was a prostitute. She turned, to open his eyes, to make him see that what he wanted did not exist in her, but he was not finished. MINE. Like a punch driven into her stomach she had a physical reaction to his desires. A mixture of fear, denial and a smattering of hope brewed in Cy's stomach, infiltrating her psyche like a drug, and still Cad spoke. His voice rose, and a anguished frustration drove his words into her ears. Did he really believe that one plea could fracture a wall that had been fortified for ten years. His powerful fist slammed against wood and she started, taking a step back when he rushed toward her. With her gaze compelling his, she wrapped her slender fingers around his wrists, trying to contain him in some small way. The barrage of his words still had her feeling raw, leaving her without a voice for several excruciating moments. Her grip was vice-like, allowing no movement, whether withdrawal or advancement, she held him fast. Finally, after staring into his eyes while her heart nearly fractured, Cypress found her words... "Yours?" His pulse pounded beneath the pads of her thumb, reminding her that he was really here, in front of her, offering himself to the little colt...she wanted him. She always had. But now she was a woman, flawed and disillusioned, and hardened. He promised he would stay, for the colt...not for a whore. Or would he? Her gaze dropped and long dark lashes eclipsed any betrayal of her eroding will. "You make promises you cannot hope to fulfill." The bawdy seduction was gone from her voice, replaced by a quiet defeat. "Take me, I know you want to." She lifted one of his hands to rest flat on the center of her chest to cover the path of skin she had exposed at the loosening of her dress. He would leave her. She drew his other hand around her back, pressing herself into his grasp. "I won't disappoint you...I know what you need, Cad." She could hardly speak his name, it stalled on her tongue, caught there by the paradox of knowing that she had nothing to give him beyond sex, because she had already given him everything; She was filled and emptied by the same love. "Take me where ever you wish, and you will owe me only the cost for a night." She could not attribute any gravity to his words, it would ruin her, more so than she already was. Hope would be her end,a fact that helped her to continue. Slowly, as though afraid of startling him, she lifted her face, brushing her lips along his cheek...he would take her...she would make him, then his words would mean nothing as he would just be another night in her life. She felt sick. The conflict of her reaction to his confession made her stomach churn with self loathing. Hadn't she always dreamed of being in this moment? So close she could feel his breath on her skin, something stopped her, made her freeze in her movement. She could not. Her eyes closed, lashes dragging along his cheek. This was her Cad. A long breath seeped from her mouth and she began to tremble. All she could muster was the softest whisper. "Why now?'

[Cadicus]

Her slender fingers wrapped around his wrists like manacles, heavenly manacles which made the flesh beneath their iron grip sing. To be held captive by one such as his Cypress would be such an existence. He swallowed, his eyes dark and intense, boring into her sky-blue gaze. His breath was not fulfilling his lungs anymore. His throat felt dry and his chest tight while he waited for a soft response from the girl he had dashed against the rocks so many years ago. A girl he had hurt far more than he could have imagined. After he had slit Malicai's throat, he had fled the Sea like a murderer, which he supposed he was. He had taken the dog's life to end his suffering, but he knew that after he had rejected Cypress the way he had that morning, she would not see it as such. The older man in love with a girl had fled like a fool. To keep him warm at night, he had stopped thinking of Cypress, though when the pain was less sharp, he could imagine that perhaps she was better off without him, that without someone to reject her she could grow into a self-possessed woman, free to love and marry as she might wish (though that thought sent a dagger through his stomach every time it crossed his mind). He had never imagined that she would collapse in such a way. That he could have caused so much damage in one moment of leaving. Her grip was tight, and her eyes as strong. He swallowed at her question, simply nodding like a chastised child. She was his. Even when she had loved men for a night, and he had taken drunken women to whatever room he was staying in at that time, he was hers. And so it would always be. The way they continued to hurt each other in such agonizing ways could mean nothing else but that they were bound to one another. He, hers. She, his. And when she spoke again, her voice was so quiet, so soft, so empty of spirit and determination that his heart shattered all over again. A beautiful woman before him stood offering her body to him so freely - in the past, he would have leapt at the chance. But this was Cypress, this was she, the one he had longed for for ten years. Her manacle-hands brought his arms around her, enclosing her frame in his strong grip. He did not resist. He could not, even though he was cradling a broken woman. "Cy," he murmured, as her lips came up to his cheek. He shuddered at the sensation, before softly turning his cheek away, looking down into her eyes with the utmost sincerity. His voice was gentler now, less pleading, less desperate, holding her within his arms without a single hesitation. "You're right, I want you. You're beautiful, of course I want you." He brought his hand from her chest to her cheek, cradling her face gently. "But I want you because you're Cypress, not because your lips are red, your hair is luscious, not because you're a prostitute." He kept his eyes on her, slightly watery as they were, as he held this woman in his arms again. "If you know what I need, Cy, you'd know I need you. Whoever you are now. Whatever men you've touched. I won't take you tonight, however much I want to make love to you. But I am not leaving either. That's a promise I will keep." Her eyelashes brushing against his cheek like snowfall, he sighed, his warm breath caressing her forehead as he towered above her. "Why now?" He sighed. He wished he could say that this was more than coincidence, that he had found her after years of searching. Not that he had stumbled upon her while looking for a lover for the night. His arm drew tighter around her waist. "Cy, I have wanted you since you were fourteen years old. It was terrifying to me. I've known you since you were twelve, and been in love with you for over a decade. I should have said this earlier. But I'm a coward." He took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut tight. "Now because I've found you again and now because I've felt it forever. Now because I love you." And there it was. There were those words. Cadicus didn't even know what they meant, not exactly. He couldn't define them. He didn't want to. Just whatever they were, he felt them, and he wanted her more than anything. But he wanted her, not her body. He could only close his eyes and hope she believed him.

[Cypress]

Surely she could not be hearing correctly. That Cad was here saying these things now, in this filthy place, after she'd given herself to whomever would pay her, was a testament to the ironic cruelty of life. She had seen the first signs of it the day he left, after ending Malicai's life, and now the wonder and innocence she had know was all but eclipsed by that infectious malice. Her capacity to absorb anything resembling kindness had waned, and to go so far as love, something inside her closed down and refused to believe. Cadicus continued to make promises, He would not leave. He seemed to think that saying it over and over again would wear her down, he could not know that she had been worn raw by the pain he'd caused, so raw that now she was beyond feeling anything. But conversely, as deadened as her heart was, her body could not deny that it was Cad holding her and pulling her closer. For the first time she could remember, she wanted a man's hands on her; she wanted to have him in her bed. Poised to continue her seduction, she ignored the gravity of his words until he said it...that thing she could not ignore. I love you The words seemed to inject fire into her heart, fire fueled by rage, and like a crumpled piece of parchment, she was instantly ablaze. With force beyond herself she slammed her palms into Cad's chest and forced him away from her until he stumbled against the dresser, clutching at it for support. "NO!" She grabbed the front of her dress and pulled it tightly around her body, nearly crushing her breasts flat. "You've no right to come here and say this, not now." Pacing to the corner furthest from Cad she stared at him. "Get out!" The sharp sting of tears set into her eyes and she could not stop the tightening of her jaw as she looked at him. "My god how did you become so cruel." Not for one moment could she imagine that his words were spoken in earnest. Her mistrust would not allow her to accept his confession, but what did chime within her ears, with resounding clarity, was the belief that he would repeat his words until she believed and then leave her, worse off than before, to suffer the life she had descended into. "Hope doesn't have any place here. Especially false hope." Why had he not gone? "I know what I am." She closed the distance between them with a few hurried strides and pushed him once more with a pouncing thrust, the heels of her hands connecting with a SMACK into his chest. "I'm a whore Cad, fuck me or go. But don't try to save me. I don't know what love is."

[Cadicus]

The silence between them seemed to stretch on and on, in the room of the brothel. Her fingers traced patterns over his chest, her eyes watching him carefully as he spoke through her fluttering eyelashes: but everything stopped still when he spoke those fatal words. Gods, why had he said that? Why here, when she was in her whoring outfit, and he had jangling coins in his pocket for a woman? But it beat true, it beat entirely true. He wasn't a good lover. He wasn't kind or patient or understanding. But he loved nonetheless. And he wanted Cypress. He held his breath, looking down into her blue eyes, waiting nervously: imagining her lips coming towards him and whispering the same words back brought him a kind of nervous joy... but the still air dragged on forever. With the strength of the hunter, she slammed his chest, bruising it with the palms of her hands, sending him stumbling backwards into the dresser. Gasping, he toppled, grasping at the wood to keep from falling over completely. His eyes wide, he stared: to have such a vehement reaction was not something he had expected, but he could not say that shock was something he felt. He deserved nothing less than pure and utter rejection. Looking down, Cadicus felt the pain and numbness of the last decade begin coursing through his blood again, now that she had made it clear. No, she had said. And he agreed. "You're right," he whispered, staring at the ground. "I have no right at all." But he could not leave. His eyes flickered up from the ground, taking in the sight of this fiery Drykas woman pacing in the corner, and his throat constricted when he saw the tears HE had left, HE had created. He had hurt her again. And if he left now, he'd only be proving her right. "Cypress, I can't--" She cut him off again, and her words cut like shards of glass. Straightening, he took a hesitant step towards Cypress, hand outstretched, but he paused there, frozen like a statue in a museum. Cruel? Cruel. "I don't want to hurt you... Petch, Cy, I don't mean to hurt you." He swallowed, thinking. "Not anymore. Not today, at least." Cadicus had hurt her before. He'd rejected her time and time again. He'd slit their dog's throat and fled without a word. But this, what he had said here, this was all true. This was all honest. It was almost as though his words were falling on the ice of the Northern Wastes, though. She kept ranting, kept pacing, kept holding back the tears he could see gleaming in her eyes. Cadicus bit his lip so hard he drew blood. It was not like him, not like the fiery Ethaefal, to stand silent and take such criticism. But it was deserved. And it was from Cypress. And if there was one person he knew who was smarter, more deserving, more perfect than him, it was his little colt. She hurried towards him, and he simply let her shove him, hard. Expecting it, it was easier to regain his balance afterwards. "I don't know what love is either," he whispered, looking down. "But I feel it. And you're right. You're a whore." He looked into her ice eyes. "But you could be mine, Cypress." Cadicus sighed, running a hand through his short shaggy hair. "I won't fuck you. Not here, and not now. Not in a place like this. So I'll go." He took a step towards her again. If she stood still, he would take her hands, his eyes burning deeply into hers. "But I am coming back, Cy. I'm coming back for you. You don't have to believe me, not yet. But I'll be here." Dropping her hands, he turned and strode to the door, pulling it open, leaving Cy standing in the middle of her room. Just before he turned and left her again, he looked over his shoulder and whispered one last thing. "I love you." And whatever it meant, whatever those words meant, he did.

[Cypress]

Once more, intangible sentiments that seemed so far from her current life were ringing in her ears. Spoken by a voice so familiar that she knew its inflection and timbre almost as well as her own. But it was like throwing pebbles against a granite wall, and she was unchanged, seated solidly in her jaded psyche. Cad gathered her hands, holding them as though she were made of glass and softly, he spoke his promises. He was trying his best to reach her, saying everything that would have undone her all those years ago. Her mouth was a fine line, and her eyes had absorbed the tears she would not cry. I'm coming back for you. A nervous spin of her stomach was stifled by her will as he released her hands and began to leave. She ground her hands along the from of her skirt, trying to erase his touch from her skin but it was useless, she could feel every spot that his skin grazed hers as though she had been burned; Burned without pain but with a lingering imprint of heat. So distracted was Cypress by the sensation of a familiar touch that she nearly missed his final promise. His declaration caught her off guard and took her breath away, leaving her to stand there alone with his voice still sounding in her ears. She lingered there in her room until the footfalls diminished into silence, swallowed the lump in her throat and mechanically twisted her hair into a knot at the back of her head. the first steps toward the door were carried on a long release of breath. He's gone, pull yourself together. Cy lifted her chin and took a deep breath as she stood on the threshold. Looking down at the front of her dress, she lost the battle, and without warning, the tears poured from her eyes. "What's this, tears?" A rough calloused hand grabbed hold of her chin and lifted her face with careless haste. Pale blue eyes were met with the beady black eyes of her 'keeper', his sour breath nearly gagging her as he slammed her back against the door, pressing her there with the weight of his soft, lazy form. "Do I need to teach you how to do your job, Cypress? It is Cypress?" A wave of nausea gripped her stomach as he spoke her name, until that moment, she had been Jocelyn...never Cypress. Never Cypress. The sound of her name dripping from his thin lips made her feel exposed, more than any physical nakedness could, He grasped the front of her dress, dragging it off her shoulders to leave it hanging around her waist. His hands began to gnash her skin and she looked away only to have him jerk her head to face him. "Pay attention...Cypress..." He savored the syllables of her name, rolling them around on his tongue like he tasted an exotic sweet. She winced as his hand forced between her thighs, but did not, could not, escape. This is more like it... She thought to herself, closing her eyes as he forced her through the door to her room, her dress now torn and discarded in a pool of fabric on the floor. The hot tingling of the real touch left behind on her skin was obliterated by the clumsy, brutish hands that now assaulted her, taking away the sliver of hope that had begun to manifest against all odds. "I'll teach you how to keep a man in your room..."

[Fallacy]

XP Award! Name:Cadicus XP Award: Observation- 1 Rhetric- 1 Lore: Searching for The Right One Cypress the Whore Devotion to Cypress Haunted by Loss Notes: Name:Cypress XP Award: Observation- 1 Auristics- 1 Seduction- 2 Lore: Seeing Shadows from the past Other forms of Revenge Notes: Nice thread guys ^.^ Lots of emotions being played around with and a blast from the past. It will be interesting to see how things develop between the two of them now. Any questions or concerns about the rewards gained please send a PM