Benshira Rewrite

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Benshira Rewrite

Postby Dovey on January 2nd, 2018, 2:07 am

Last year I volunteered to rewrite the Benshira race, as part of the overhaul of Eyktol. And after too long, I've finally written up a proper article outline for the lore rewrite. Here is the article proposal; it contains a detailed outline complete with short summaries of the eventual content.

Obviously I need all you brilliant people to help me and give me feedback if this project is going to be a success - so please, let me know what you're thinking! Tell me what you like, what you don't like, any questions you have, anything you think should be added, aspects of the original Benshira which I haven't included but you'd like to see retained.... etc. etc. I hope this project is as exciting to you guys as it is to me!

CHANGELOG
  • Added Agriculture, Cuisine, Holidays, Clothing, Aesthetics, and Psychology sections
  • Added Politics section
  • Altered the Subduing the Desert subsection to include Glyphing magic
  • Added a new Magic section, moved the Subduing the Desert subsection there, and reworked it to focus on the Glyphing element. The Magic section also includes subsections Attitudes Toward Magic and Benshiran Glyphing Theory.
Last edited by Dovey on June 9th, 2018, 9:27 pm, edited 5 times in total.
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Benshira Rewrite

Postby Tierra on January 2nd, 2018, 2:41 pm

i love the idea of them being rewritten, I know at one point the Eypharian Race was also being rewritten, not sure if that got picked back up or not. If that race is still being rewritten it would only make sense to have the Benshira rewritten as well.

I think this could be super successful. I would like to caution the close treading path of the Fremen from the Dune Saga (phenomenal series if you haven't read them yet). They are a desert people as well. I will edit this if I think of anything else.

Depending on the stage in which the Eypharian race is in in regards to it's rewrite I would suggest taking what bits you can from that, as they would share a commonality in their ancient history bits if I am understanding your proposal correctly.
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Benshira Rewrite

Postby Dovey on January 2nd, 2018, 10:26 pm

The Eypharian rewrite is actually complete and up in the Lore now! I'll be certain to conform the Benshira history to what it says about them in the Eypharian article.

As to the Dune thing, I confess I've only read a bit of the first book. I'd deeply appreciate it if you'd let me know - do the Benshira as I've outlined them strike you as very similar to the Fremen? I'd hate to end up with discount Fremen instead of a properly original race.
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Benshira Rewrite

Postby Gossamer on January 3rd, 2018, 4:45 am

Honestly I had given up hope that this would even get talked about or that the people that volunteered to do it and were enthusiastic about it had even given it a thought. I still don't have a lot of hope because the 'extensive' outline seems very generic.

I don't mean to be overly critical but its been a year and in reading the outline it just looks incredibly like a desert version of the Drykas that someone worked up in an hour or two. We want Eyktol redesigned and its races rewritten because they were all generic rip offs of the real world. I see freman in these too, but moreso I just see Drykas with a few flips (like all female councils) who do circuits of their territory. Honestly, the best rewrites don't take a year. They take a day or two or a weekend of inspiration and originality.

This just needs effort to make it worth it. And so far its not really fixing anything just giving a desert flavor to an already Mizahar main dish.

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Benshira Rewrite

Postby Dovey on January 3rd, 2018, 8:09 am

Those are completely fair reservations. Life caught up with me and I had to be away from Miz. Then once I came back, honestly this project was frightening me for a while - I truly don't want to let anyone down with my work - and so I avoided doing it at all. Not the best solution by far, but that's why it's been so long. But I have had the project on my mind and I am really excited about working on it.

By 'extensive' I merely mean the outline is more than just categories, it's filled in somewhat - rather than that it's a detailed work of art. It's not. That still needs to happen. What I have is only a bare-boned start.

In terms of the similarities to the Drykas, I'd really like to ask you about that because you were concerned about those similarities when we were talking about this project before. I had thought the main issue was the archetype of a patriarchal, nomadic society, but as I've got the Benshira as matriarchal now, with gender roles that don't match the Drykas division of labor even when flipped, I'm afraid I'm not sure of the nature of the problem. Is it that they're nomads to begin with, or that they make circuits of their territories? If the problem is simply that they don't have enough to *distinguish* them from the Drykas, rather than that they have too many distinct similarities, I'll definitely work up distinct cultural elements - celebrations, art forms, even more specific description of their attitude toward life - which would help to differentiate them. I wanted to get this outline posted first of all, since I know I have to get the project approved properly, and that this shouldn't just be my ideas but that other people should be able to give feedback throughout the process.

If the problem is that they're nomads, they could just not be. I'd be sad about the subduing the desert thing - possibly it's cheesy but I was quite excited about it - but most of their cultural elements could either stay unchanged or be modified to fit the new setting. I assume their city would be stationary either way, but since you're designing that I'm not really sure how far I can reasonably go with discussing Benshira city life and culture. If you'd like me to write that up and have the city designed around it or something like that, I can definitely do so. Only I don't want to encroach on your project, and I'm rather fuzzy as to the boundaries between the two writeups.

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Benshira Rewrite

Postby Dovey on February 14th, 2018, 6:38 pm

Hello all!

So. I realize now that although I want to take everyone's wishes and ideas for the Benshira into account, giving you so very little foundation to critique in the first place is not a great way to collect your opinions. According to the rules I can't update my lore outline until the proposal has been approved, but here is some miscellaneous potential content for your perusal and constructive criticism.

Agriculture
Common crops include flax, millet, vesper peas, opal berries, viper cucumbers, pomegranate, basil, rosemary, and black pepper. Hik fruit and rose hips are not crops but are commonly scavenged by travelers and the less well-off.
Acacia honey is a luxury item
Bowbacked goats are the most common livestock, followed by desert cows. Horses are valuable and somewhat rare.
On the coasts, fishing is a popular way to make a living
Nomadic Benshira plant hardy crops such as millet at their oases; tending these is the main preoccupation of a clan resting from a territorial circuit. As the crops are left alone for such long periods of time, the clans can plant only a very limited variety of crops; as such, clan Benshira live mainly on animal products and wild plants.

Cuisine
Millet is a staple.
Millet sautéed in opalberry wine is known as nightbalm, so named because of the twilight-purple tone the wine lends the millet. Tender, sweet and creamy, this is a dish popular among the lower classes due to the simple, easy to find ingredients. This dish is traditionally prepared on the winter solstice, using young wine made from berries harvested the previous summer and fall. The delicious food's association with the night adds a note of cheer to the long, dreary hours of darkness.

Holidays
Summer Festival (name TBD)
This summer holiday lasts three days. On the first day, a team of female Benshira will rush to complete an intellectual task assigned at sunrise, with sundown as their deadline. On the second day, a team of male Benshira will attempt a task of physical prowess, with the same parameters. The tasks are assigned by the city government and are unique each year. Contestants do not apply for their positions; instead, they are chosen by government officials based on their prominence in the community and their suitability for that year’s task. They may, if they wish, turn down the position. Tasks for female teams in past years have included riddle-based scavenger hunts, the sufficiently impressive composition and performance of a hymn to Yahal, and the completion of a mindbending logic puzzle. Tasks for male teams have included the retrieval of a flag atop an almost inaccessible tower, the traversal of an obstacle course arrayed throughout the city, and the flawless demonstration of a ritual dance. If both teams successfully complete their tasks, the contestants are feted with a grand feast and city-wide festival. If either of the teams fails, the whole contest is considered a failure, and the city hosts a mock funeral parade for the contestants. This is not a genuinely sad event, however, but an occasion for friendly mockery of the contestants and lighthearted self-deprecation for the city in general.
End-of-Season Ceremony (name TBD)
In an effort to combat the power of the wild djed found in the desert, city Benshira perform a ceremony which has evolved from the desert-taming rituals of their nomadic counterparts. On the last day of every season, priests and priestesses of the more reputable gods gather in the city center to pray for protection from the dangerous magic in the new season. Devout citizens join the gathering and offer their own prayers, either for protection from wild djed or for their own individual causes. The main deity petitioned is Yahal, as the Benshiran patron, but one can hear prayers said to any from Makutsi to Tyveth. At midnight, when the watchtower flares and changes color, the voices of those praying rise to a shout in a chant which honors Priskil and asks that the season be full of hope and light. After the ceremony is over, those who stayed up to attend traditionally eat a midnight dessert of spiced and honeyed bread, which is meant to represent the sweetness of the gods' protection.

Clothing
The Benshira wear long, loose robes of lightweight fabric in several layers, with little distinction of clothing between genders. Their robes are mostly thin wool, as this is the most available fabric, and it is both fairly cool during the day and keeps them warm during the desert nights.

Aesthetics
The Benshira associate expensive materials and elaborate designs with their longtime oppressors, the Eypharians. As such, their buildings are generally simple and built for practicality. Similarly, their clothing is sturdy and practical, with little in the way of frills or elaborations even where that would not impede practicality. Jewelry usually follows simple patterns and is made of common materials. However, they do love bright colors as a culture; they paint their simple buildings with joyful abstract designs, and dye their clothing in every bold shade. While the Eypharians prefer elegance, precision, and monetary value, the Benshira associate those values with the snobbishness and entitlement of those who abuse their power. Their own styles represent, for them, the simple happiness of a truly free people.

Psychology and Values
The Benshira idealize humility, and as such do not object as strenuously as many other races to loss of face or loss of glory. They even have a saying for such times: “It’s good not to mistake ourselves for gods.”
The Benshira, having been a slave class under the Eypharians, now utterly oppose slavery.
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Benshira Rewrite

Postby Gossamer on February 14th, 2018, 9:05 pm

You've been given permission to continue writing this... there's no further approval needed.
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Benshira Rewrite

Postby Dovey on February 15th, 2018, 1:18 am

Aha, I see! Thanks for the clarification.
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Benshira Rewrite

Postby Paaie on April 14th, 2018, 11:41 am

It's SO exciting to see the benshira being developed (thank you for taking up the mammoth task!). I might be a bit late to it, but I'd like to chip in with some of my thoughts and see what you think~

My first thoughts are about where the benshira have come from. If they were once Eypharians, do they still share some biological traits? Mostly I'm thinking of the glands that Eypharians have that secrete their pheremone scents and the gilded skin.

Will benshira have gilded skin too or has that trait been lost through the generations? If they do still have gilded skin, does it have any social implications—like a benshiran with more gilded skin be looked down on because it reminds the people too much of their history as eypharians.

I did have an idea about the way benshira might have retained the pheremone glands, but that the purpose of the glands have adapted to the life and hardships the benshira have developed, something which helps them in the desert. If it's not too far-fetched, I had a few ideas.

  • The glands have, over the centuries, become sensitive to the water in the desert. As with sweat in humans, when a benshiran is dehydrated and there is a lack of water sources near, the glands stop producing a scent. Say the glands have developed tiny hair-like structures and these have developed to 'sense' water, producing more scent when water is near than when water is sparse so benshira can track and find new water sources. Maybe the glands don't even sense water in the air, but a benshira must lie down on his back in the sand and read the earth for moisture, like he is gazing into the sky and praying to go along with the ritualistic vibe already there.

If that's a bit boring (or too much like the Chaktawe?), another idea I had:

  • The 'subduing wild djed' ritual aspect of the culture gave me an idea about the pheremone glands having adapted to actually let them interact with the wild djed. So instead of the ritual being purely superstitious/spiritual, the gland has adapted to allow them to actually absord wild djed and store it.
    I thought this would encourage magic in the society, which got me thinking about the benshiran way of getting about the desert and reimancy specifically. I thought it might be cool if the benshira had a group of sand (earth and air) reimancers, which help them to 'sculpt' and get about the desert.
    Then it got me thinking of benshiran 'sand walkers', which use the wild djed they absorb and store in their glands to get about the desert more quickly. Either the gland could have adapted to develop the djed into energy the body can use, or (admittedly stealing a bit from the drykas striders and webbing) they can step into a 'djed wind', which carries them a distance across the dunes and which would be predetermined by how strong the wild djed they absorbed is, how long they have stored it and how strong the wind itself is.
    Then I thought about sand storms and got thinking about how this sort of wild djed magic storing could be used to harness the power of sand storms or wild djed storms! Could we have 'storm herders'? Which tend to and herd sand storms/storms of wild djed around the outskirts of their territories, to keep their territories safe from outsiders. Each tribe or clan would have a 'storm herder' to keep their tribes safe whilst traveling the desert.

I definitely like my second idea better, as I feel if benshira were able to harness wild djed (whatever they happen to use it for or do with it) would give the race something exciting to set them apart as desert dwellers.

I remember Raoul mentioned something about having an organ/cavity that lets ghosts possess people without the person losing their will as well, but I can't find the post now to link it or quote what their ideas was (found it!). I thought I'd mention it as well as, after reading Raoul's comment, I got excited at the thought of a race who could harbor ghosts this way. It got me thinking about benshira having an ability 'feed' off of a ghost's soulmist to stay alive during long periods in the desert without food or water. I guess because of benshira values, then, a benshira would make soulmist to replenish their ghost friends in return, developing a symbiotic relationship between benshira and ghosts.

I do like the gendered social hierarchy you have going on with women in leadership roles and men in protector roles but, like Gossamer, I didn't feel it really marked the race as distinct from others.
I got to thinking if, after their history as being shunned and abused by the eypharians, benshiran society would lean towards egalitarian and fairness?
So, not having 'roles' for specific sexes, instead being an equal and fair society which encourages their people to do whatever they were passionate about so long as it adds value to the community as a whole.

I love, love the ideals of humility you have held on to as well, and I think the saying (“It’s good not to mistake ourselves for gods.”) is brilliant!

I really liked the competitions of wit and strength too, I think even if you don't stick with the gendered hierarchy/gender roles that those competitions should stick around. Maybe I would combine them and have a single challenge of wit and strength for anyone who is nominated to take part. A celebration of having freedom: to think for themselves, and, to craft their lives with their own two hands.

Everything else—the festivals, the cuisine, agriculture, generally the vibe you have going on with tribe and clan structure—hits the spot for me. I like the idea of the benshira being led by priests of Yahal or their elders.

I hope this is helpful and if the ideas aren't usable or too out there (or not out there enough!), or done already somewhere I haven't noticed, then I hope my chiming in will reaffirm your own vision and ideas at least!
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Benshira Rewrite

Postby Dovey on April 21st, 2018, 6:48 am

Thanks so much for the feedback, Paaie!

Assuming I understand the Eypharian article correctly, the Benshira weren't once Eypharians but are the humans from the region where the original Eypharian community grew to prominence. A lot of them likely have Eypharian blood, but I don't think it would go so far as to give them anything like the pheromone glands. Perhaps some of them would have complexions with a sheen reminiscent of the Eypharians' gilded skin, though - I think that's a good way to tease at the connection. And I like the idea of that trait being looked down upon - maybe it's stereotyped as unattractive?

I really love your ideas re: subduing wild djed, regardless of the presence of any special glands. Since the vast majority of Mizahar is so suspicious of magic, it would be cool to have another culture where at least certain mages are more accepted, and I think you're right that this would provide a good incentive for that.

I just went digging through the Lore about magic and djed, and the Glyphing article states that Glyphing can be used to "stabilize wild magic"! So perhaps the Benshiran clans' magic of choice could be Glyphing - on their pilgrimages they could create 'walls' of glyphs which protect their homelands from the desert djed storms, maybe by leaching djed off the storms or by redirecting them into unpopulated regions. Clans could have dedicated Glyphers ('storm herder' is a great name for this sort of person!). Everyone else in the clan would go along to help with the spiritual, prayer side of things, which would be totally intertwined with the magical ritual. Also I expect you'd need a community with you to survive in the Eyktol desert.

I am concerned that this would bring them too close to the Drykas again - race has a type of world magic that's special to them and that connects them to the land? But the Drykas are ok with magic in general, if I understand them rightly. So to differentiate - the Benshira would use their glyphs mainly and specifically to defend against wild magic. Glyphs hold no power of their own, only affecting other magic. So maybe the Benshira are more in line with the majority Mizaharian opinion when it comes to other types of magic.

The viewpoint would run like so: it's reckless and arrogant to think you can bend the wild force of magic to your will, and to invite its power, thus perverted, into the midst of civilization, all while our storm-herders devote their lives to keeping it from invading our lands and destroying us. Just because it looks tamed, doesn't mean it actually is - messing with djed never leads to good consequences. For proof, Benshira would point to the famous proclivity of magic-users to go mad.

Since storm-herders do manipulate djed, however indirectly, they would likely be watched closely for adverse effects. Overgiving doesn't affect world mages, but the Benshira in general might not know that. So storm-herders would fall into this strange social territory where they're highly honored and respected, but at the same time they're viewed with a hint of suspicion, as if they might suddenly "go bad".

Glyphs which interacted positively with other forms of magic - like storing a spell for later release - would be taboo. Only totally defensive glyphing would be socially permitted, and other forms would be looked on as a perversion of the art.

This could tie into a cultural rift between clans and city. Maybe city Benshira have yielded to suspicion of the whole art, preferring to protect themselves via walls and sturdy structures. (Maybe they even have underground 'storm shelters', if djed storms are at actual risk of striking the city from time to time - like hurricanes in places like New Orleans, or tornadoes in the US Midwest. It would depend on exactly how destructive these storms are or can be, which is something I haven't found yet in the Lore.) Some clan Benshira might view this as foolish disregard for the power of the wild djed, while some city Benshira think clan Benshira are superstitious to trust their glyphs, and are playing with fire even by dabbling along the edges of djed manipulation. Others of more conciliatory minds might see the different styles of defense as symbiotic.

Orrrr counterpoint to all this, your idea of sand reimancers sounds super fun. So maybe the Benshira like to fight fire with fire, and magic with magic, wholeheartedly! An alternate angle to maybe explore at some point, but good heavens, I've been talking for a while about magic! Sorry to run off on a tangent. Your ideas inspired me! To move on to your last couple points:

I think you're right that they'd lean toward equality and fairness. I do like incorporating sexism of some form into my worldbuilding, because it adds another layer of potential struggle, and because it's hardly ever absent in the real world, so to leave it out makes me feel like the society I've built is unrealistically cool. But maybe the Benshira have dodged that bullet, or maybe there's a balance to be struck here, so the gender roles aren't too strict but there are still stereotypes and biases present. I definitely don't want to lock people down in character creation by having societal norms be too rigid.

And I love that angle on the competitions! I'll definitely keep them around in altered form if the gender dynamics change, and I'll incorporate the celebration of their freedom into the rationale behind the festival.

Again, thank you so so much for the feedback - it was super helpful! I hope to hear from you again, especially as to what you think of the ideas I've thrown out there re: magic use.

And anybody else who wants to chime in, please do!
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