Without Armor [Kendall]

[Hadrian]

4th Spring, 511 A.V. When the door to the Aelius apartments opened to reveal Kendall, a smile rather too large for Hadrian's face appeared before his own systems of self-censorship kicked in and diminished his smile, dampening the sudden light that seemed to shine from within. But he greeted Kendall warmly -- warmly for Hadrian -- and hurried him into his rooms again, much the same as the time previous, as if he were ashamed of something. It was not Kendall of which he was ashamed, though the other lad might easily assume that, but only that Hadrian did not feel that he fit in well with his family and so everything was at odds with what they should be. But behind closed doors, though that window was open again to let in the spring breezes, Hadrian loosened up. There was still that low-burning fire to keep the last of winter's chill out of the air, refreshments laid out, and Hadrian playing the strangely gracious host. His mother had drilled etiquette into her children, and he had absorbed her lessons even if he couldn't quite relax into social settings the way he ought. "I'm so glad you could come," he said, glad that Cathan had not come, although he very much enjoyed the Kelvic's company. It was just exponentially more difficult for Hadrian to deal with a second companion at the same time. "Please, make yourself at home." The last time had been to impart the basics of Auristics and Morphing to Kendall, but Hadrian had even more secrets bursting at his seams. He wanted to teach Kendall everything, the better to equip him for the dangers ahead. Normally Hadrian was a close-mouthed fellow, however, so this was abnormal behavior. "I thought, perhaps, I could show you how to Shield. Just a little. It's good just to see you, too. But I'm... Well, I'm worried about you going to Ravok, but I think I would be a little less worried if I knew I had shared this with you. One more thing to keep you safe. And Cathan, of course. And Sondra, if she's going too."

[Kendall Saarinen]

Kendall could feel his heart racing as he knocked on the door to Hadrian's abode. He would not admit it out loud but he loved it there. It reminded him a bit of his home back in Zeltiva. It could have just been because people lived there. It had the essence of family, something a tent never could have. He felt safe there even though he knew he shouldn't. He barely knew Hadrian, why was he letting himself get so attached? When the door opened to Hadrian's smiling face Kendall was a bit surprised. Kendall shyly smiled back as he stepped into Hadrian's home. If being in the apartment was not calming enough, there was a fire burning. That alone made him smile, although it could have just been everything in front of him. The apartment, the fire, and Hadrian. Kendall could not deny the man had been on his mind a lot since they had met. He could not return to Kova's Well without thinking of the day they had met. Although he was in a man's body, his mind was still working at a girl's. He replayed the memory over and over again, trying to remember every detail. He needed to come back to reality though. Hadrian was right there, right in front of him. This was not time for memories. Not when the one person who seemed to haunt them was right by his side. "I am happy to be here too." He did not want to think about it but he was happy that Cathan had not joined him on this visit. He much preferred to be alone with Hadrian. Kendall was a little uncomfortable around so much magic. He knew it was more of a irrational fear. He was okay with his reimancy, mostly because it was fire, a gift from Ivak. Since being around Hadrian he had gotten a little more comfortable around the arcane but there was still one question nagging at him. He smiled shyly at Hadrian. "Thank you. I am willing to learn. I just need to ask you something." Kendall was not sure if it was appropriate to ask but he needed to know. "What kinds of magic do you know? I know it is an odd question its just that…" His words cut off. Hadrian would think it was childish if he admitted that he was a bit scared of people who practiced Animation. He tried not to think back to what happened that night. A shiver bolted through him as he the memories creeped back. "You are here with Hadrian. You are okay." He wanted to believe that was right but it would take a while, if not years before the images would stop being nightmares and simply be memories.

[Hadrian]

Hadrian was concerned to detect what he thought might be distrust, disgust, or even fear when Kendall spoke of magic. Perhaps in attempting to arm his friend against future enemies, he had scared him. But there had been the fire and the proof that a god was protecting Kendall. It remained to be seen whether anything Hadrian could offer would compare, though he supposed one day he might fashion a body shield that would be proof against extreme heat. And he would extend it to cover his clothes! Not that it had been such a big deal, and he had replaced Kendall's clothes. "Oh. Well, my greatest skill lies in Magecrafting and Auristics. I'm all right with Hydromancy and Glyphs. I've dabbled in Spiritism, Malediction, Shielding, Morphing, Hypnotism, Flux... and I once assisted a Nuit in her Animation project, though I'm hardly an Animator." He paused, his senses on hyper alert. "Is that... Is that the problem? I just wanted to know how it worked from experience. I made golem toys for orphan children. I would never have stolen your body from you, I promise!" He frowned, chin falling so his gaze could trip over the floor. Perhaps Kendall had just come to learn the Shielding and then go. Many were the Mizaharans who found certain disciplines anathema. Perhaps he should have lied about the Animation, but he didn't want to lie to Kendall. He wanted Kendall to know him better, because he thought Kendall might approve and accept those parts of Hadrian that he kept hidden from others. Kendall had just seemed so kind. "I'm sorry."

[Kendall Saarinen]

So Hadrian had practiced that art. Kendall felt the fear bubbling up within him. He was not even sure why he was so scared anymore. That man back in Zeltiva had taken so much more than just his body though. It was much deeper than that. He had stolen his family, his identity, even his future. He had dreams back in Zeltiva. He had people who loved him. It was all gone now. The change that had happened did not just change his outward appearance and it did not stop at taking his family a future. It was changing him on the inside. He felt as though he was losing his female identity. Only around Hadrian did he feel the small sparks of who he used to be lighting up. He did not judge Hadrian for his curiosity. What was a scholar without a sense of wonder? He could not blame Hadrian yet there was a small ember of fear flickering within him. ”I know it wasn’t you Hadrian. I would have remembered if it was you. I doubt your face would be one I would easily forget.” The real culprit was out there somewhere. It was clearly not the man who was standing in front of him. He was too kind and quiet to kidnap a girl just to try an experiment on her. Kendall was embarrassed. What if he had insulted Hadrian? Magic was clearly a large part of his life, just like writing a poetry was to his own. ”You do not have to apologize. Of all people I should know not to group people together like that. I mean, Azenth are not the most liked people but I would like to think I am not a bad person.” Ivak was not well liked and considered dangerous by millions and yet Kendall welcomed him into his life quite easily. Hadrian, as far as Kendall knew, was not dangerous. ”I am excited to work with you though. It has been really nice to spend so much time with you.” There was more Kendall longed to say. He wanted to say how glad he was that he met him and how he enjoyed his company. He wanted to tell Hadrian how intelligent he thought he was and how he kept pushing his plans to go to Ravok back just so he would not have to leave him. All those things seemed a little too overemotional and he felt maybe they were better kept to himself. He felt himself quite taken by Hadrian though. He was not sure he would ever be able to mention it. Hadrian did not seem to be the sort of person who would give much attention to that emotion in others regardless. He seemed so black and white but maybe that was part of his appeal.

[Hadrian]

"Well," he began, unsure how to respond, "I know about not being liked." He risked reaching out, touching Kendall's shoulder. "But I don't think Ivak is evil; he was manipulated and because he is powerful, that led to disaster. People fear what they don't understand, but they should understand rage and love..." That said, he fell silent. He didn't really understand rage or love, or any emotion really. He held them up for study, even felt them at times, but when emotion came to him, it swept everything away and that terrified him. He turned away. "Anyway, you should not feel ashamed that Ivak loves you. I think you would be easy to love." Rather than continue speaking, he began working, Fluxing his djed down his arms with practiced ease from all those years of hydromancy. But now when he let the magic pool in his hands, it was different somehow. One might say it was the flavor of the magic, or the tone of it if one were musically inclined. He wasn't sure he could explain the difference other than as an essential part of what the energy was, like sunlight shone through a prism showed a rainbow, djed properly distilled could become res or this substance. He cleared his throat. "You start much as though you were creating res," he said, showing Kendall the energy glowing in his hands, but not meeting his gaze. "But this is different. Can you see the way I taught you? The pattern is different. It is like res, but not. This stuff can be manipulated in the same way... Treat it like liquid or gas, or move it with sheer willpower." Concentrating so hard that a thin sheen of perspiration sprang up on his pale brow, he willed his proto-shield into the shape of a chalice that gleamed with cool light. Taking it with one hand, he held the other over the top of it, pushing more djed out of his hand, but this time in the form of familiar res, which he immediately transformed into water. As it poured toward the chalice, it splashed through as if nothing were there, wetting his hand and the rug beneath it. Then the water stopped and instead he just let res pour down, the which was caught in his energetic cup to glow with quiet potential. "You can make them impervious to just about anything, but the simplest ones only block djed. Does this make sense so far? Do you have any questions?" He glanced up, mistakenly looking at Kendall's eyes, the green and the blue. It killed him that he did not know more about shielding that he could teach more and faster, the better to protect Kendall in the future.

[Kendall Saarinen]

Kendall's eyes widened with a bit of shock. He had not meant for Hadrian to think he was ashamed of Ivak's attention. It was in fact the complete opposite. He was honored that Ivak had chosen to bless him. He was not too sure about how the Gods worked, although who really did, but he imagined Ivak would not have marked him for no reason. The God obviously had bigger things to worry about than some girl from Zeltiva who was going through an emotional crisis yet he took notice. He was proud that Ivak shared his power with him. He could have just turned a blind eye. "No, I am not ashamed. Ivak came to me when I did not have anyone. I honor his gift very deeply." Hadrian's words following words seemed to echo in Kendall's mind. The words about him being easy to love. "You should try it." He felt as though he was betraying the new friendship a bit by thinking this way but if the words were simply thoughts. As long as he kept them in his mind he believed they would be safe. Hadrian did have an interesting way of figuring out what Kendall wanted to hide though. First, he figured out Kendall's biggest secret although in a way it was sort of his fault for telling him his real name. Hadrian also had found out about his connection to Ivak. Perhaps it was time to be a little more careful about the things he wanted to keep hidden. Kendall's eyes watched as Hadrian's Djed moved down his arm and started to settle in his hands. He tried to see the difference between the Res and the Djed like Hadrian said. There seemed to be some differences but Kendall was fairly new to the world of magic. He had only been playing with fire for about three seasons now. Before then magic had been a world he was never allowed to see. He had been trying to understand it but he felt like he was far behind most magic users his age. Hadrian had obviously been practicing the arcane for years. He felt a bit out of place with his own magic at times knowing he was a beginner at an age where people might have been playing with Djed for years prior. Kendall was amazed as he watched Hadrian use his two forms of magic together. He was a little scared to see the water fall into the rug but it occured to him that if Hadiran was going to let the water fall onto the rug he wouldn't have had an issue with it getting it wet. When Kendall saw Hadrian looking into his eyes he shook his head to break from his amazed stare at the chalace. He felt a little immature to be so amazed but he had never seen anything like it in his life. "It makes sense. It is just a lot of new information." He tried to sort it all out. He found it a bit hard to believe he could do what Hadrian had just done. He would try his hardest though. He did not want to waste Hadrian's time.

[Hadrian]

Having mistaken Kendall's words regarding Ivak, he had just hurried along, hoping his misapprehension could be swept under the rug. But Kendall seemed to at least get the gist of what he was doing. Hadrian was just wracking his brains trying to think of the best way to communicate what he was still figuring out in terms that a literature student would best understand. There were technical terms in magic, math and theory, but that wasn't Kendall's training and it would likely confuse the handsome lad. Hadrian didn't want to condescend, but he didn't want to talk over Kendall's head. Of course, the pyromancer was not stupid, just trained in a different direction. "Do you want me to show you again?" he asked. "I'll go more slowly, and you can watch, and then perhaps you can attempt to copy what I'm doing." He spread his hands, let the res and the shield chalice dissipate without his will to keep them in their present form. Such was the drawback of his weak talents for personal disciplines. He had to augment such weaknesses with his mind, hence the world magics.

[Kendall Saarinen]

Kendall's eyes watched Hadrian's work closely. He was glad Hadrian was going through it again. The first time Hadrian went through the motions Kendall saw but still was having a hard time working into his head how he would create the motions himself. Hadrian had said it was like creating Res, but not exactly. Kendall tried to think of the flow of his Res but in a different form. "Like Res, but different." Kendall tried to think of the Res, to see it moving like Hadrian's did, only the Res needed to be Djed. It was a bit confusing to say the least. It was not that Hadrian did not explain it correctly. It was simply that Kendall was walking through a world that was completely new ground to him. Along with finding himself in a new city he was starting to peer into the arcane as well. A world he had been forbidden to see until now. He tried to work his Djed like Hadrian and shown him. It wasn't working though. He felt the Res coming from his palms. That was not what was supposed to happen. He with a frown he tried again, trying to get his Djed to act in a similar way to Hadrian's. He could not seem to make it work like Hadrian did though. Each time he tried to rise the Djed to run down his arms like Hadrian had shown him he found that nothing but Res was appearing. He looked at Hadrian blankly. "What helps you when you are trying to shield?" He wondered if possibly he would need to meditate again like he had when he was working with Hadrian with Auristics. It was hard for Kendall to concentrate on meditation. He had so many things that felt like they were rushing through his head. Zeltiva, Cathan, Ivak, money, and of course the man who was standing right in front of him. He felt a bit more calm when he was around Hadrian though. Maybe it was because when he was around him he could only think of one thing. With less to think about there was less commotion in his mind. "I'm sorry I am not getting this. I'm sure it goes without saying that I am new to this." Kendall had a feeling Hadrian would be sympathetic to the fact he was having difficulty although he was a little worried that the sympathy would run out some time soon.

[Hadrian]

"What helps me? Well, I could see the differences with my Auristics, but... I can't really articulate what they are. Res just... feels different. More... crude? Shield energy feels more smooth somehow, and there's this aftertaste...? I'm not making any sense." He thought about another tactic that might work, then shook his hand and took Kendall's hands in his own, another strange move for the young man who was all about personal space. "You're doing fine," he assured his friend. "I'm not very good at it, myself. I just thought it was something you should know how to do. I'm sure you'll be better than me in no time, and it will make me feel good to know that I got you started with defensive magic. Fire can't solve every problem." He grinned and then molded Kendall's hands into a bowl shape before resting his hands gently over them. Pushing more djed out of his hands, he keyed it to that stuff which would make a shield if properly manipulated, but just let it collect in Kendall's hands. "Do you feel the difference?" he asked, hoping Kendall would and then could more easily replicate it.

[Kendall Saarinen]

In truth Hadrian was not making a lot of sense. He might have to someone who worked more with magic but Kendall was a little lost. "I'm sure the more I work at it the more sense it will make. I'm just a bit lost right now." His eyes widened a bit when Hadrian's hands wrapped around his own. He could feel his heart pick up speed a bit at his touch. He knew that the touch did not mean much more than a simple teaching aid but he could not stop the small fit of butterflies in his stomach. His female reactions still laid deep within him coming to the surface every once in a while. Lately the had been appearing more often though. It made Kendall feel a bit better to hear Hadrian tell him that he was doing well. He was lacking greatly in the grounds of self esteem and at times it was a bit obvious. He found himself start to smile a bit when he felt Hadrian shaping his hands. He quickly bit down on his lip in hopes that it would hide his girlish grin. Under Hadrian's hands Kendall could feel the Djed brushing against his hands. Like Hadrian had said, the Djed was smooth. He consentrated on the feeling of Hadrian's Djed against his hands and he tried to make his own come forth. He breathed out, trying to clear his mind of everything except the feeling of Hadrian's Djed against his hands. With each breath he tried to make the Djed appear. He opened his eyes to see a faint string of Djed moving down his arm. It was not anything like Hadrian's but that much was to be expected. Hadrian was more experienced and had been working with magic for much longer than him. He was surprised he was able to make the Djed appear at all. Next he tried to move the Djed down his arm, making it pool in his palms like Hadrian had done. With a small smile he looked up at him. He bit his lip, trying not to look at Hadrian too long. He did not want to make him uncomfortable. "Is this right?"