Appreciation
You know, as a person I don't think I am very demanding. I require very little to be done for me as a daughter, girlfriend, friend, whatever. I may need help, yes, but once I figure something out I can do it for myself. I don't require my friends to be anyone they're not, do anything they don't want to do and the same goes for anyone else in my life. I love you for who you are. If I don't love who you are, I'm not going to try and change you, I'm just probably not your friend, or at least not a close friend. That sounds stuck up but what I mean is... I'm friends with people because I like them and who they are. I am not friends with people because I think it's cool or because everyone else likes them.
On World of Warcraft, for example, I was friends with people who were genuinely hated by others, but that didn't make me stop liking what I did about them because someone else didn't. I've been friends with people who hate each other and while that is a shame and sometimes got in the way of being friends because they couldn't understand why I liked the other person and just wouldn't let it go, it didn't stop me from being friends with one or the other.
I like to be liked. Everyone does. I think if I lived in a world where no one liked me, it would make me think about who I was as a person and ask myself why no one can stand to be around me. But that isn't the case.
I like to be listened too. My opinion matters. I might not know everything about every topic, but that doesn't matter. I doubt spout ignorant shit and I only really open my mouth when I know what I am talking about. If I have a conversation with someone about rocket science and I don't know the first thing about rocket science, I will listen, learn and then perhaps go research so I can formulate my own opinion and next time I encounter that person, we can have an actual discussion.
I will never tell you your opinion is wrong, disregard you because you think one way and I think the other. If you have an idea, I will listen to and consider it. I will not ever just go with what I think because it was my idea. People have better ideas than me- all the time. People know more things than I do. People are smarter than me, nicer than me, prettier than me, shorter than me... whatever.
So, stating all of that about myself, is it so fucking ridiculous to think that I want to be treated the same way? Now, I don't mean everyone I interact with need to be exactly like me, but show me some damn respect. I have give people the respect they diserve, the respect I'd want to be shown, until they prove they otherwise don't deserve it.
I don't think anything I listed above is out of control insane and impossible for another person to achieve.
Frankly, I am tired. I am so tired of these people I live with. This must be rant 50 or so on them. They are just so opposite me. I am emotional, yes, but I would never, ever yell at someone just because they didn't do everything I asked. I would never ever turn it into an argument. My parents never did that to me. If my mom asked me to clean the kitchen and something else I had to do got in the way, she would just take it in stride and either wait till I could do it or do it herself. These people aren't understanding or considerate, really.
Okay so I guess I'm done beating around the bush. This is what I am pissed about:
I feel like I don't have a voice. I am stifled and downtrodden. Which is weird, because they treat me like the favorite child. I never get in trouble, I can really do nothing wrong. But I see family dynamics that I would otherwise not, being only Ian's girlfriend. So it's an odd situation that I try to detach myself from and cannot.
Yet, these loud and opinionated people try and try and try to make sure that THEY are the ones that are heard. They don't listen to each other. They talk AT each other, all four of them, and then get mad later when so-and-so didn't do what whom-ever asked.... because NONE of them were listening. None.
So, I happen to know quite a bit about animals. I'm not a pro, I've never really worked hands on with them for very long and most of my knowledge has come from other people, university courses, reading and some first hand experience. When something happens in this house to one of the 6 dogs or 4 cats or 4 birds, they ask me.
And then they don't listen to what I say.
Not only that, but when I make a specific request or share a bit of information that I know, I am smiled and nodded at and then ignored as soon as I turn my god damn back.
First Issue: My dog, Polly. She's overweight. Why? Because people food is fed, excess treats are given.
Me: Hey, everyone, can we please stop giving Polly treats? She really doesn't need them. I'll take her from the room when the others get them, just let me know. She won't even know she's missing out.
Everyone: Yes, sure. We'll let you know.
....Bullshit. My request is ignored. Now, if you don't know anything about Dachshunds, they bond to their human. I'm Polly's human and so no matter what, she comes to me. She follows me around she sleeps with me she sits on my lap over everyone else's. Except when food is around. Because she was mistreated and used as a breeding dog at a breeders house, she is really obsessive about food because it was restricted from her. So she will eat any and everything in front of her. Food is the only thing she will leave my side for. And everyone knows it.
Me: Gene, can you please not give Polly any snacks. I'm trying to get her to lose weight and I don't get to walk her every day like I'd like too, so the treats are kind of undoing all of my hard work.
Gene: Sure, I won't give her any snacks.
Me: Awesome! I appreciate it
*Five minutes later* Polly runs into where I am sitting typing this...with a god damn 5 inch long chicken strip snack thing that they feed them in her mouth. So now I have to be the bad guy that takes the treat FROM her and throws it away. Soon, she won't even run to me anymore when she has food because she is going to realize I take them away.
I am blatantly and almost condescendingly ignored.
Second issue: When I talk, I am ignored.
It's just rude. Andy asks a question to no one in particular "Hey, what's the name of the 13th state?" (That wasn't the actual question, I don't remember what it was now with this massive anger vein pumping in my forehead). Me "Rhode Island." Then he says nothing, and his mom walks into the room. "Hey Mom, what's the 13th state?"
I know he heard me. We were sitting five feet apart. But I was totally ignored. And this isn't the first time it happens. It happens all the time with everyone except Ian. I've given up trying to tell stories or share information that I know because no one listens. It's not just in my head, I'm not over reacting... No. One. Listens.
Now the whole house is complaining because ALL the animals have fleas. Ians' mom keeps giving them flea dips and flea baths, but it's making it worse and just drying their skin out. So I tell her that, and she says okay I won't do it anymore. What is she doing right now? Giving them a flea dip and a flea bath.
So I say, "Well, we can flea bomb the whole house but the animals all need to go outside for a few hours. Every room needs a bomb and you have to pick everything up off the floor. At the same time, we need to give them Advantage or Frontline or whatever brand onto the actual dogs. You need to do this all at once or you'll never completely get rid of fleas." This had been backed up by any vet you'll talk too. So they agree, yeah, yeah, cut me off and start talking over me before I even finish, like they know what they have to do.
So they flea bomb Andy's room and my room, give polly and 2 other dogs the flea meds........
REALLY?! Really. And now they're complaining at me that my method doesn't work and blaming me cause they wasted this money. But they didn't listen. They didn't take my advice or even completely listen to my advice.
The problem is, I have siad this more than once. I must have gone over this four or five times with them now.
It's little things like what I described above snowballing and building up and building up until I just feel like I don't even matter. I don't have any friends to hang out with in person other than Ian. Either I have never met them or they live across the country.
I don't know what to do. I am not being heard, and it's slowly beating me down. I am strong person and I deal with a lot. I am in a some-what shitty situation that I am trying to make the best of. I am trying to adapt myself to all of this so that I can survive. Not change myself, but adapt.
I'm finding it hard to adapt to being unheard and treated like what I have to say doesn't matter and no one gives a shit.
Not only that, but they all talk about each other. Mom complains about one son to the other son, Mom complains about the dad to the sons. The sons complain about each other to their parents, the dad complains and bitches about everyone to everyone else.
So what the FUCK are they saying behind my back? To live in a house that is supposed to be an adult family (The sons are in their later twenties. These aren't teenagers we're talking about) it is upsetting how much drama there is. Like I said above, I like to be liked, I like to be polite and treat people kindly because until they prove to me that they don't deserve it, why be mean?
These people are mean and catty. They're bitchy and self obsessed with no idea how an outsider (me) sees them. The things they bitch about, they also do and all of them are so hypocritical it makes me want to vomit.
This is why you should never live with your inlaws. Seriously.
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Like someone saying, go ahead and have that last piece of succulent pie! I've never given a flying petch about word count before and it's just plain weird to grab my calculator after rping for the sheer joy of it and ick! do math after writing like a punishment. 
I actually don't go into chat very often anymore because I realize how much of a distraction it is. For the weeks that I sat in chat, my number of posts went downhill. I just cannot see that little tab flashing at the top of my browser and not look at it. 
So that is why no one ever sees me in chat anymore.
