I am sick with wanting
and it's evil and it's daunting
how I let everything I cherish lay to waste
I am lost in greed this time, it's definately me
I point fingers but there's no one there to blame
Seodai's story laid siege upon the night.
It caught Caelum like an insect in amber. Tanroa cupped him like water in Her hands, unbreathing, while Seodai ranted and raved like the madman in the mirror. He watched, absorbed, while the younger man rode to his feet to pace and range through the cage of the present, words warped by fury and grief and thereby creating a language that was at once uncommunicative and universal. The stove fire spat at their shadows, shattering them across the counter where bread was left rise and children climbed in search for treats.
Caelum blinked and time stuttered, jumped ahead like a horse beneath spurs. The wind of memory lashed at him and he stepped back, sank down, hands reaching for the blanket shrugged from his patient's shoulders. It felt heavy in his hands but he gathered it up and by the time Seodai had relocated his chair, was driven back into it, Caelum was there to draw the blanket over his shoulders once more.
"That's right," he said quietly, hunting up the words, shoving them into the shape of a sentence. He sank down, eyes catching Seodai's, waiting for those hydrangea blues to to click. To register. To hold against the surprisingly stable regard he was offering. "You're Denvali, Seodai.
Defend yourself."
temporary is my time
ain't nothin on this world that's mine
except the will I found to carry on
free is not your right to choose
it's answering what's asked of you
to give the love you find until it's gone
Hot water released licks of steam into the firelight. The fat bellied pot was black as their recollections, but it was forged for these coals. Caelum dipped the bucket into the scald again and again, carting it to the copper hip tub he had dragged out from beneath the pantry shelf. It was lined with a thick fold of homespun linen before he began to fill it. A mug had been dipped first into the boil and poured across the arrangement of leaves and spices he had selected with utmost care from the neat labels scrawled upon Cian Noc's kitchen medical kit.
Rose hips and rue. Chamomile and cloves. The purification of orange root shaving and a handful of petals bunched from the bulb of a daffodil. This and mint steeped as he worked, disappearing for mere breaths before returning with a stack of thick, clean towels taken from the below stairs linen closet. They existed for just these exact reasons and Caelum well knew it, having pried and peeped into every cranny of the converted garrison in his short days here.
"The heart and mind need as much if not more defense than the body, Seodai," he said while netting out the tea steep. It was dumped into a second, clean mug for himself, thinking a bit of heat and calm could go a long way for both of them. The Lacun mark on his chest, as of yet still fresh, ached. Every divine hand ever laid upon him ached, in truth, all of them with need which only left Nikali's chain struggling beneath the blasphemy of what corruption lay upon their city.
"Vengeance, hate, these aren't natural conditions of your soul," and here he spoke soft, setting the mug aside after dosing it with a stiff shot of degtine and a touch of honey. Love knotted braids loosed from their Drykas weave as he returned to where his patient sat beside the fire. He reached down to draw the farmer up, head bowing and mouth settling into a thin line. "Are your hands working? No?" Unlikely, still frozen to bits, so he raised his eyebrows in a healer's matter of fact manner before reaching down to begin assisting Seodai out of his frost and mud slathered pants.
"Love is real," he went on, Rak'keli's opalescent light glinted tarnished off the back of his hand. "Focus on that. What do you love, Seodai of Denval? Melchior of Alahea? What and who? Tell me. What and who and why?"
Once Seodai's pants were shucked off, Caelum nudged him toward the steaming tub, intending to help him climb in. It was a corporeal reflection of the healthy tethers he was attempting to coax Seodai into using to tie himself back into a soul's safe harbor.
oh something has me (something has me)
acting like someone I don't wanna be
something has me (something has me)
acting like someone I know isn't me
ill with want and poisoned by this ugly greed
* The Avett Brothers, Ill With Want.