On The Road Again II [Seliarus]

[Nidassasyae]

Fall 73

It was cold. Not bitterly so, but cold enough so that a slushy mixture of ice and water overlayed the road and made travelers pull their cloaks tighter around themselves. Nida could hear the squelching noises her boots made with every step. They were close to Syliras now, close enough that the road was marked with the footprints of many travelers. Only about two days walk, if the roads were clear enough.

Winter... was it only last Winter that they had been in Zeltiva? Could it have only been a year since they had met that silly human Luke, and had sacrificed that sailor to Siku?

It had to have been. It had felt like a lifetime ago, back when she used to laugh and smile and be merry. When it had seemed like the most wonderful and exhilarating thing to have a Bondmate. The hatred and the passion had seemed more than enough to sustain her. She hated and accepted that his smile, his glance, his hand on her shoulder made her tremble and follow meekly. But anything was better than being alone.

“Are you warm enough?” asked the Kelvic to her Bondmate. She was prepared to fling her own cloak over his shoulders if he was not sufficiently warm. “Would you rather ride?” The mechanical words would not hide the concern that she felt towards him, no matter how automatic her questions were. If he required her cloak, she’d willingly give it to him. The cold was nothing to her, not this cold at least. If he would rather ride, then she’d shapeshift. Whatever Seliarus decided, Nida would comply.

But if he didn’t want the cloak, nor the chance to rest, she’d fall back into her silent trudging. Her eyes scanned the underbrush, checking for threats. The Kelvic let her mouth open slightly, to better take in the scents of the forest. Whatever threat there was, Nida would keep it from her Bondmate. She offered him companionship and protection, but there was no affection in her movements.

After his disappearance, Nida just wanted to start over. If he wished her to be someone or do something, he had only to ask. But she would not do it herself, she couldn’t bring herself to be so forward as to make assumptions about his thoughts and emotions, even if they flowed willingly through the Bond. Whatever he wished, he had only to say something.

But how the Kelvic wished he would say something. Anything. She felt useless, just walking along, not knowing what to do.

[Seliarus]

The travelling the two were through for the past days were all the same. Scarily, to note the least. Silence, save for a few chit-chats here and there, lied around the couple. The joy and happiness the two felt in the beginning of their relationship, seemed to be replaced with worry, and doubt. It was as the two were strangers to each other. Maybe it was just his own little doubt, but the silence and the lack of actual emotions made him think otherwise. No doubt it was his fault in all of this, yet he found that he could not find a way to make it better, and also, she wasn't that all of a help of giving him any signs, or way points to where he should go. It wasn't pleasant, even though both of them tried to at least make things better. His part wasn't done particularly well, though. Which led to more worry. As monotone as his steps, the Dhani felt the days go by. And just when you turn around, it was already cold. Sel could feel the winter getting closer. It was obvious that he simply hated the cold for what it was. Then, unless he was running around to keep himself warm, his movements became slower. His reflexes numbered, and his thoughts became just as slow as the rest of his body. he tried to keep up with Nida, and trying not to show a sign of his struggle, but, every year, this time of the year was a nightmare. All he wanted to do is lie down. Lie down and sleep. Sleep till the spring. No, till summer. Or, even better. Sleep simply forever. Escape every trouble. Every doubt. To feel Siku's embrace. Maybe cold, but welcoming. Maybe. "I can bare with it." The Dhani replied, shaking his head as he did so. He wasn't going to complain and whine to her when just a chill of air goes trough him. It wasn't cold enough for that. Even though a snake, he felt that he shouldn't give in to nature just that quick. "Spare your energy, Nida. We'll need it later on." Was the reply for the next question. He would rather ride, yes. But he wasn't going to tire her out. If she could walk, he should walk besides her. To at least give her that support. She wasn't a lifeless object, even though her words and mimics sometimes spoke otherwise. She was still his little hatchling. His feelings, even though numb of cold and the past, still attracted him to her. He still cared for her. He still loved her... But his actions and words couldn't speak that out loud. Not after what he did. Yet, his hand slowly trailed closer, and, unless she'd struggle it off, try to wrap his hand around her shoulder, and pull her a bit closer. "You know...If I remembered correct...It'll soon be a year. Soon." He gave her another snake-ish smile. "Remember? That...That garden?" He was trying to remember the day the two bonded. His words weren't actually placed in a neat order than usual, but he still spoke calm. Almost a bit child-like. Remembering something that felt so long ago. "Now, I think. I could ask you this. Do...Do you sometimes...Regret your actions back then?" He just had to know. No matter what the two were through, he never thought about regretting that. He didn't. But now he had to know. "I really...Do not. No matter what did happen... But be honest. Do you?"

[Nidassasyae]

Though her eyes did not meet Seliarus', she listened closely to what he had said. She knew he was cold, though the Dhani denied it. Before he had even started to speak his second answer, she'd already pulled the cloak off her shoulders and slung it over his. Completely silent, the Kelvic stopped in front of him for a brief second to secure the ties of the cloak and tug it into place. If he protested, she would simply shush him gently and say, "I'm feeling too warm, you might as well wear it."

The Kelvic let herself be pulled closer to Seliarus. She told herself she was completely indifferent to it. Nida kept repeating that over and over to herself. At least Seliarus was telling her what he wanted her to do, that was a vast improvement from the silence they'd been walking in.

"I remember. It is.. odd. To think that it's been a full cycle of seasons since then," replied the Kelvic blandly. Though her voice didn't convey emotion, Seliarus would be able to clearly feel her faint frustration at his refusal, a silent sigh at the nostalgia he reminded her of, resignation to her silent facade, and the exhaustion that was taking its toll on her.

The Kelvic felt her brow furrow in frustration before she could summon enough composure to smooth it out again. Regret? It was not something she often thought about. “No,” she said, and took a moment to think of what to add to the rather bald statement.

“I don’t regret any of it, Sel,” Nida said firmly, turning her head so that she could face him. She could feel his own regret, though she could not tell at what. She could feel how he tried to keep his emotions from bubbling up, and how much it cost him to reveal so much in his questions. Nida felt the urge to reassure him, to show him that she was not upset with him. She was never upset with him. Why couldn’t he see that it was herself that she was upset with?

But the Kelvic knew that even if she told him that, he wouldn’t believe her. He’d think it was his fault. Were all males so troublesome? She shook herself when she realized how her own silence might have been interpreted by him as something other than just not knowing what to say. She could not remember any time when she’d acted so much like a sulky child. Perhaps he wanted her to say something. And if he did not, then she’d know as soon as he reverted back to his usual coldness.

“I asked you a question, perhaps a season or two back,” the faint blush that colored her cheeks would serve as a specific reminder of the circumstances that the question had been put forth in,
“I asked you to tell me what you wanted, Seliarus. When the silence stretches on, I don’t know what you want.”

The Kelvic shook herself gingerly, careful not to dislodge his hand from her shoulder. “We- we should continue. You are sure you would not prefer to ride?”

[Seliarus]

The Dhani felt that he was a part of a different world by that point. He felt like before, without words to back up his statements. It was so frustrating, that he stopped thinking about it entirely. He wasn't supposed to need words to express himself. That was the most human thing to do. And, he hated the thought of that. He already let himself be swallowed by emotions, and actually turn him weak from the overwhelming weight of said feelings. It was actually pretty disgraceful. If there would be any other Dhani around, they'd laugh him out. He was simply a weak little man in a cruel world, who couldn't stand up for himself. He let himself into this relationship, and was tied down so tight, that he couldn't even think of going his own way any more. He didn't want that. He changed. It wasn't that bad, this new change, though. At least, it wasn't before. He always wanted a companion, but as their trip continued, he couldn't help but feel that there were a lot of unsolved problems. At least, his mind told him that. But, he decided he'll stop listening to it. He needed something to grab on in times of need. He needed this leash. He needed this control. He needed her. The lust for pain has hidden itself deep down in his being, but slowly and steadily, it was returning on the surface. Slowly, his coal black eyes were framed in a red colour. Nobody knew why, but it was certain, he needed something to destroy. Then all those emotions were destroying him on the inside. His thoughts were interrupted by the cloak, which was suddenly placed around him. Now, he could of protest and complain about it, but there really was no real reason to. He simply nodded, and looked at her with an appreciating smile. No more, and no less. His answers relaxed him partly, but he couldn't relax fully. He could of not done that for the past season. Every time, there was something between the Dhani and relaxation. And that was tiring. He noted her blush at the question she asked him. He remembered fully when and how it was asked. Yet, the Dhani didn't loose any moments with blushing, or feeling embarrassed by it. He hardly shown any other emotions but that, now partly usual, half-smile. "The ansswer sstill didn't change, Nida. I jusst want you bessides me." He said, lifting his free hand up, and using his index finger to trail over the chevas mark he wore. "I don't want to losse you. Yet I worry that I might all the time." He said, before shaking his head. "Let'ss continue. But we'll walk."