Siarak - Looks good. My only criticism would be to run your CS through a spell checker, as there are some grammar and spelling issues.
Lycorice - In regards to your CS, I'm not sure what you're asking for; if you want to 'spruce up' your CS, I would recommend looking at other CS's and get inspired from their layout. If you haven't posted in the Introduction forum yet, you could do so and ask people there for some constructive criticism. Storytellers are busy people that volunteer their time running and grading threads, on top of playing their own characters and can't always provide those opinions for you!
My only issue with your CS at the moment is your allocation to "Whip/Bow (Starting Package) ~ 15." Those are two different weapons and will require two different sets of points for each one. I won't put an Intervention on there if you can just tidy that up.
Hope this helps.
C