Character Sheet Help (Locked and Relocated)

[Aluria]

http://www.mizahar.com/forums/topic17203.html

I need to get this officially checked. Thank you in advance.

[Cowboy]

Lyratai- You're good to go! Cygnus- There's an issue with your Skill Points, please see my Intervention for details. Mathias- That's perfectly fine, as you have Equipment section with the vest (or nothing) listed, it'll do for myself and a Storyteller. Lyss'ai- You're good to go. My only criticism is that it's difficult to read the black text over the background your chose. You can either adjust the font colour, or add in a [frametrans] tag to your CS. Lualani- You get the URL when you post a CS in this forum. You take that URL, add it to your profile, and you're golden. Please see some of the other CSs for inspiration, and the BBC Code thread for some help on how to use the code on this forum. If you're still stuck, please PM me and I'll handle it from there. Lorette- Looks good! Please add your CS URL to your Profile. Also I hope your signature is fictitious, as Nuit cannot possess inanimate objects! Aluria- You're good to go! I also deleted the duplicate topic that got messed up on you.

I think that's everyone! Thank for your patience in my absence.

[Angelo]

http://www.mizahar.com/forums/topic17254.html

My CS. Hope nothing is wrong with it.

[Darik]

Angelo you can have three languages, but if you don’t want three please mark common as fluent. Also maybe make your lore a bit more specific? Instead of “Lore of types of flowers” maybe make it “Types of flowers by Alvadas” or something else like that. Also about your expenses, if you have no shelter than you have 600 gm not 100. However, I suggest having a house in your starting package.

[Lualani Nav'iale]

Hey could someone look ay my character sheet? And maybe tell me if its good, done correctly, and give some constructive critisism on how to make it better if its not? Thank you, its in my signature because i cant copy-paste it (i am on my phone)

Thanks!
-Lualani Nav'iale

[Claude Van Inkaa]

Hallo, I have recently finished my character sheet, I feel I may have blurred the rules a smidgen in creation, as well as my skills may not quite fit. If someone could review it at some point it would be greatly appreciated.

No rush
Peace!

[Tion]

Hallo, I have recently finished my character sheet, I feel I may have blurred the rules a smidgen in creation, as well as my skills may not quite fit. If someone could review it at some point it would be greatly appreciated.

No rush
Peace!

Well, I did find one thing that maybe might not be of such a great importance but in your characher history it says that you are born in a gypsy family. I think a nomad family would suit it better since gypsys, or Romani, are a ethnic group in reality and I'm not sure if it's fit in. But then again, I guess people will understand anyway.

[Claude Van Inkaa]

Actually a few moments ago I was reviewing the Inarta race page, and I made a few minor edits to my history. it may have covered what you just mentioned. Mostly is specified that he had never been to the Inarta homeland, and how his parents where travelers.

Edit-and I'm mad Irish, and I feel Inarta embodies the Irish more than some of the other races. Takin it home haha

[Revy Hiroe]

well, I've played an Inarta and it is extremely rare that they leave Wind reach for good. Second is taht I noticed that you don't have the Inarta native language. Maybe you want to clarify why your parents didn't teach you it, or adjust accordingly. Even if they don't go to the Inartan homland, they should still know the language.

Another note is that Inartan don't have surnames.

Besides that is that you have forgotten to add the racial bonus for Inarta: either +10 to glassblowing, +10 to a bow-class weapon or +10 to Falconry.

To be fair is that travel in Mizahar is extremely dangerous, so one does not does so unless they are mad, or have a good reason to go. Especially traveling alone is a horribly dangerous task.

About your ledger, make sure to add costs and deductions specifically if you have them, so if you buy a Bow and arrows put it in as:
Bow (X GM)
Arrows [amount] (X GM)

Your possessions, if you have a certain look for the clothing, you could search for a good link and put it in like: [ url=whateveryouwant.com]"The name of the item[ /url] (Remove the spaces)

Your house is stated in the beginners guide what you can have. Cashing it in means that you get 500 GM but no housing (which you could buy from that 500 to get the basic needs) Please read over this: http://www.mizahar.com/lore/Starting_package it contains all you get at start for skills etc
Btw I noticed you have weaponskills while you carry no weapons with you. I think you'd want to buy those before starting though Take a look at my CS if you want to know how I did it.

Greetz,
The nosy mercenary Revy Hiroe

PS: I hope you don't hate me for criticizing it like this.

PPS: about the vision water, I think you need approval for this first as it is rare that Konti give this out to anyone.

[Claude Van Inkaa]

I will be slowly working on these changes over the course of roughly the next hour and a half, and the criticism is greatly appreciated. I haven't been in the forum RP scene in quite some time, and the vast amount to be taken in within Mizahars wiki is phenomenal. I've had a hard enough time finding my way around it all.

And as far as the vial of vision water is concerned, if it requires special permission I can vastly expand my history involving my time in Mura, to make it a more reasonable request, or we can size it down to my characters a thief? haha

Edit: P.s. I only get to choose one of those racial bonuses, correct? not all three?

Edit dos: I took most of your recommendations to heart and as far as traveling is dangerous is concerned, than Claude may just die by my hand, but I'll take that risk. risk and reward do go quite hand in hand, plus the way I plan to RP with claude, I think he can handle it, hopefully. I'm not talking godmodding or powerplaying, but I am going to be very "on the defensive" until my skills develop a bit. Sorry if I come off as cocky or newbish. I won't even know what direction I'm really taking Claude until I have gotten into the RP a bit, see it firsthand, ya know? anyways thanks for the assistance, I do really appreciate it.

As of this edit I do not plan to make any more changes to my character sheet... save maybe extend his history a bit more, but I plan on doing that a lot for quite some time. 26 years is a lot to fill up and I have a lot of ideas flowing around. Small things, like various encounters with travelers and such that will go into more detail about how he came to acquire some of his currently less fitting skills.