Character Sheet Help (Locked and Relocated)

[Demlin]

Hey, I was wondering if I could get an overview of my character sheet. Thanks!

[Antar]

Hello Never a bad thing to ask for help.
The only things I can see:
1. Languages: you get 3 in the starting package. You can find the languages also on the language list: here
2. Lores: you get 2 in the starting package
There is one thing I noted from your character, starting in syliras : Here's where you get Dusk's stuff you should be aware of for the city .

Namely this:

3. When creating a character who starts off with housing in Syliras, keep in mind that the entire city is one huge castle. You will not have a cottage, you will have a 20x20 room in the bowels of the castle, and - unless you actually play out renting your room through the Housing Authority, you are so deep in the interior that you probably don't have any windows. Keep that in mind.

And if you're trying to start him out as a knight or a trainee ^-^ you should pm dusk, and if you have any questions on syliran knights contact Dusk, Chevalier, or Emblem as they are the ST's of the city .

That's all I can offer as help .

Have fun Rping.

[Dronkier]

I would love to get my sheet looked over, just posted it this evening. Thanks!

[Gossamer]

Dronkier - Couple of suggestions. Name your CS just Dronkier since I had a devil of a time finding it since that's the name I was looking for. Then, go ahead and add the link to your CS in your Control Panel so the link shows up under your avatar like others' CS do. That way we can find it easily enough.

You are lacking two lores to start with, but other than that your sheet looks fine.

[Gossamer]

HI Folks!

Since we are currently without any CS Liaisons, I've asked Staff and more veteran players to start overseeing the forum until further notice as they have time. That means you might get Moderator Interventions and or PMs from all over the place (and multiple times) as helpful people who have free time step in to help oversee things.

The Mods will remove their Mod Interventions if you PM them after you've made changes. Generally, expect everyone to be nice and helpful. We aren't getting critical to just give new people or new characters a hard time. But many people log onto the site thinking Mizahar is just like every generic game out there, and we have specific rules for creating a character (no pet dragons, etc) that we expect everyone to follow. Welcome PMs contain all the links you need to create your character. The "Getting Started" Drop down menu above every page also has links that will help you.

If you have any questions, ask in this forum! If you want a specific review or just want to show off your CS.. ask in this forum!

Thanks,

Goss

[Mneme]

I have PMed Clara Dionne and Lucifel about their Character Sheets.

PM to Clara :

Clara, I just have to note a few things are wrong with your CS.

Fluent: Alahean
Basic: Vani
Poor:Suvan

There are no languages on Mizahar called Alahean or Suvan. 'Suvan' would be Fratava, and I have no clue what Alahean would be.

Skills
Skill List
Dance 25/100 Novice
Drawing 27/100 Competent
Intelligence 30/100 Competent
Mathematics 10/100 Novice
Painting 25/100 Novice
Playing Musical Instruments 45/100 Competent
Singing 25/100 Novice

A second thing is the amount of skill points you have. Since you're a human, you can have +15 points in any skill you would like. Other than that, you have 50 to spend, without going over 30 on any even combined with the racial bonus. So, you have a total of 65 points to spend. The 15 can not be split up between multiple skills. For 'Playing Musical Instruments' you have to specify which instrument. You can't play all of them competently.


Long, light colored dresses with mid-length sleeves and mostly low V-necks. Each dress has a trim of a contrasting color or pattern, which are more commonly ties around the waits tied back in a bow. One sunhat made of light colored, carefully woven straw, and around the base is a white satin ribbon. Two pairs of shoes; one for the snow, and one for all other flat type terrains.



For the clothing, you can only have 1 outfit. So one dress, one pair of shoes. You can also have an heirloom, so if you want your heirloom to be another dress or a pair of shoes, that's ok.

Clara has a very European look to her.

Europe does not exist in Mizahar, but even though you're saying that just to describe what she looks like, people in Europe have many appearances, not just one.

That's all I see a problem with, and if you change that you can start Role-playing.

Good Luck!
-Mneme

PM to Lucifel :

Hey Lucifel, I'm noticing a few problems with your CS.

The first thing I noticed was your name. Lucifel is the name of a character in an anime, therefore I highly doubt you can use it for your PC. If you really feel you need to argue your point, ask a Founder. They know more than I do.

Second of all, Kelvics age the same as animals do. So if Lucifel's 23, she would be dead or near death. It's ok, I made the same mistake on my first Kelvic, too.

You also can't be a Myrian tiger kelvic without special Help Desk permission. And for that, you need to provide an epic and unique chara concept. Then Cayenne can approve or disapprove you. So for the meanwhile, unless you get approved, you have to be a regular tiger. That is, if you did happen to get approved, you would have to live in Taloba and speak fluent Myrian. They are called Myrian tigers, after all.

It would also be a good idea to at least copy and paste the starting package into your CS.

Fix these things, and you can continue Role-playing.

Good luck!
-Mneme

[Mneme]

I PMed Alakai as well.

PM to Alakai :

Hey! I've noted a few problems with your CS.

The first one is your history.

Ever since he was a boy, Alakai has loved his eagle. He would never take his eyes off of him or let him go somewhere without him. When he went traveling to Endrykas, he had to bring him. Even though it was forbidden. He had to, he couldn't let him out of his sight. So he went to Endrykas but got caught with his eagle so he was banished from his tribe...

The first two sentences make sense. But then, it starts to get confusing. First of all, it's not forbidden to travel. Take note of this:

Inarta Player Characters may start with Wind Eagles rather than horses in their starting package with Wind Reach's Domain Storyteller's permission. They must have a Storytellers Secret thread accompanying this permission and they must understand Wind Eagles are colony birds and are going to be unwilling to leave their 'colony'. Also, they are sentient keepers of secrets, so be aware that the 'Eagle' characters needs a distinct personality and knows things the character will not be aware of. Brief travel away from Wind Reach with a Wind Eagle is permissible (ten to fifteen days), but long wandering roaming adventurers will never be approved. If your character wanders away from Wind Reach to 'travel' and 'adventure' your bird will unbond and rebond with someone else who is more of a homebody.

Second, if you get caught in Endrykas with a Wind Eagle, you can't be banished from any tribes.

Another problem I notice is the fact that you do not have permission to be an Endal. You need to have a bond story and a Storyteller Secrets thread given to you by the DS (In this case, Gossamer) to be an Endal.

I suggest reread the Inarta and Wind Eagle lores. Unless you get approved for a Wind Eagle, you'll have to redo your CS. And make the changes to your History, as well.

Good luck!
-Mneme

[Mneme]

I PMed Leon Wolfbane, too.

PM to Leon :

Your CS is looking great! I'm just noticing a few problems.

When they saw the village off in the distance he saw his beloved village...

There are no villages. There are cities, and there are groups of people moving. But no villages. You can modify that to, say, "In the distance, he saw his beloved home...burning!" As in, his house in a city is burning. Of course, that wouldn't work for Syliras, it being a giant castle. But there are no villages. Just change that, and you'll be fine, for the most part.

The second problem is this:

He practiced and practiced everyday to improve his combat skills.

Yet you do not list any combat skills, at all. No sword, dagger, or even stick. You would need those skills to kill

about 12 bandits.

Just change those few things, and you'll be all set to continue role-playing!

Good luck!
-Mneme

[Xenalia]

Hey link to my CS is below, would love just an overview, what i'm missing, what's no bueno..All that..Just PM me. or put it here. Thanks guys ;p And gals

[Mneme]

Your CS looks great, Xenalia. I would add the prices of the items you bought, though, just to avoid confusion. And have something like,

100GM
-[random number]GM [item]
=28GM