by Jilitse on July 16th, 2010, 4:56 am
Wow. What happened? Did I suddenly enter a slow mo universe where everybody works in a slow pace? Mizahar, to my Jilitse, has really been so... stagnant lately. Haven't heard from Tarot, Dusk is too busy to start a thread with me at the moment, my thread with Malia and Ialari are both dragging (not that it wasn't slow before, but with everything slowing down I feel trapped in Tanroa's embrace, curses!), Jaq will take a while before he arrives at Syliras for the Pond pilgrimage, my new Eypharian PC turned into a frozen delight because my questions haven't been answered by Colombina yet.
I'm not really complaining, it's just that, well... I'm weirded out by the slow pace. I can write... but I don't really want to start an alone thread again. I'm as cautious as my Jil when it comes to Syliras... would they be friendly to a nuit like me? Baaaw. So I'm stuck in between here and there.
Maybe I've been too confined in a closed space, I mean, my PC have only done threads with people she's comfortable with. Cosette knew Malia (but Cosette left already), Tarot knew Ialari... and though I'm hard-pressed to admit it, I'm too shy to ask for threads with other people. As shy as a nuit would be towards pulsers.
I've taken my PC's mindset to heart. Now outside Sahova, what would an Animator like her do in Syliras? She should feel indifferent, of course. Everybody is alive and everyone is trying to make a living. *sigh* My PC is confused and lost. Where to go, hmm, what to do? Eyktol is out of the question, of course. Too far, and I'm not sure about those Benshirans at the moment. There are parts of my quest that should only be done much much later.
I'm having a hard time picturing Jil's motives at the moment. Sure she's found her purpose, one that Mashaen sent her to. Quoting Miley Cyrus, it's supposed to be the climb. Cheesy, I know. But how does one go about to challenge a God? While other PCs would think about the grand scheme of things, my PC is governed by her heart (spirit if you want to be technical about nuits not having a heart) - she wants to free Mashaen. The dazzle and danger of being Priskil's friend and Sagallius enemy takes the side story. Killing Drainira is an epic tale, one that she could not go about on her own, and not at her current weak state right now... but it centers on her life, her calling - an Animator killing the Supervisor she holds in the highest regard.
In between, there's the question of right and wrong. Can a creature of darkness, a tool of evil, do something good? The thing is, Jilitse doesn't have a good grasp of her morals (or maybe that's just weak character building on my part). She thinks Sagallius needs to be stopped because she realized that his greatest mischief, toying with Drainira, was wrong. It was wrong because it encroached on Mashaen's ability and authority as the Archmage. That sounded like soup, but the gist of it is that she wants to protect Mashaen, out of love and loyalty. Yes, even nuits know the concept of love and loyalty.
She questions her existence. You know, that's the start of a good challenge to a personal conflict. The propensity of a person to doubt, to think, to reason out. Jilitse joined Project Sahova because 1) Mashaen would be there, 2) She's an Alahean patriot. Her father died creating golems for the war against Suvan. Now she's catapulted into modern day Mizahar, losing both reasons for her former existence. Now, she decided to be Mashaen's hero. But is she only saving Mashaen? Or is she doing this on her own free will, having recognized that she could be much much more? Another important part of her is that she is not overly ambitious. Sure defeating Sagallius is an ambition. But the motives are so personal and simple and cheesy. Who is she? Jilitse is just another fool who wants to go out and save Mashaen and the rest of Sahova and redeem herself. She had realized that Alahea is not the Alahea she knew before. It's a new world, even if the characters are the same.
Wow. This felt really good, getting these things off my chest. At least I can look back here later on and read again where my lovely nuit came from.
I love you Jil.
I. Vox Populi, Vox DeiII. The Night the Watchtowers CriedI am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common woman with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.
