[Flashback] What We Once Were

[Hirem]

Hirem, almost if he followed the sun's pattern, awoke with good spirits and a fresh and ready mind. The little sleep he had had done him wonders, and now he was eagerly awaiting the next day. He was also more than a little relieved to see no disturbing message from Yahal telling him to leave and move on, like a dead carrion bird laying on his lap. Yahal did not act like that, but Hirem let his imagination wander.

Outside, he started his stretches that had served him so well in the desert, testing the strength of his muscles and gauging how far he could go during the day. Today seemed like it would be an exceptionally fruitful day, as each of his limbs were strong and limber, and that made his mood rise all the more.

The other relations in the Tent seemed curious as he arose, but their gazes did not linger on him for too long. They would only watch him for a few seconds and get back to their morning work, leaving him be. They had seemed to accept him into their Tent, at least for the time he would stay, and would be as polite and kind to him as any other member of their community.

Giving a quick survey of the Tent, he spotted Nahali, his new shepherd companion, wandering about the camp with her herd of goats following diligently behind her. She seemed to be lost in some distant thought, which Hirem guessed was not uncommon for the young girl. She seemed to be quite a thinker, with a mind sharp as a blade but still innocent in her own way. Nahali had proven to be a kind girl that had been a relief to find in the desert, and now was a friendly companion among the Tent. He was glad he was to spend his time here with her.

He cupped a hand around his mouth, and let out a loud cry, drawing the attention of everyone who was in earshot. Seeing it was their new resident, they turned back to their work, ignoring his yell. Nahali turned as well, and her face seemed to brighten at the sight of him. He took a big smile, and slowly padded his way through the sand to her, waving his hand.

"Quite a lovely day, wouldn't you say?" He glanced about, pursing his lips together. "Your friends aren't awake yet?"

[Nahali]

Nahali's brow wrinkled in response to Hirem's question. "Yes, it is lovely today," she agreed, "but no, the boys who were supposed to be working with us aren't here yet. Knowing those two, they won't bother to show up until we've already been to the watering hole and back. Then they'll suddenly appear behind us and claim that they were there all along 'looking for strays.'"

She rolled her eyes at the very idea, then grinned up at Hirem. "As you can tell, those boys are certainly not my friends. Lazy, careless, always clowning around. But then, most boys I've met haven't been much better. Even my little brother is so frustrating. Boys are all just so…so…"

Her hand flew to her mouth before she could say anymore. After all, Hirem was a man, wasn't he? He'd been a boy once too. It was a good thing she had stopped herself. Nahali thought she saw a twinkle in his eye, indicating perhaps a smile behind his head-cloth, but she was still glad she'd kept herself from saying anything terrible.

Privately, though, she did think boys were mostly big babies. At age fourteen, she felt much older, wiser and more mature than any boy her age. No wonder she was the one up at dawn with the goats, while the two her father had told to help her were off Yahal-knew-where.

To change the subject, Nahali patted one of the goats' heads and turned toward the edge of camp. "Um. Well. We should probably find somewhere for these goats to drink and nibble on something. Follow me, I know a good spot the other shepherds haven't found and grazed to the ground yet."

[Hirem]

Hirem found amusement in Nahali's rant about boys, mostly because the words were so childishly innocent and yet still bearing some truth to them. Nahali seemed to bear a lot of resentment at the female prejudice, and that was something that Hirem had in common with her, though hearing her say it was a lot more entertaining. When she looked embarrased about chatting about boys in front of him, he chuckled a few times at her quick, dart-like movements of her eyes.

"Well, let us go then! Leave the boys to their games, they'll get in trouble for it." Privately, he entertained the notion of finding the boys and making them do their duty, but they were children. He could forgive them forgetting their place in life for a little fun. He hadn't been like that, but he couldn't judge women, conversely, when he has his own life and rules and she had her own.

He fell in behind Nahali, and the goats didn't even seem to notice him. They crowded about his legs, forgetting his place and concentrating on their loving mistress, and Hirem smiled at the feel of their little bodies bumping into his lanky legs. He had missed the sensation of guiding other beings to safety and life, and it was unlikely he would ever return to that life, but he could at least have some happiness here.

[Nahali]

Nahali grinned and nodded her agreement, and they left the camp behind to feed and water the goats. The animals pressed on eagerly around them, making no secret of wanting to fill their bellies with tough desert vegetation. They knew the way to Nahali's favorite grazing area nearly as well as she did by now, using some animal sense more arcane than her simple trick of counting the familiar rock formations that marked the path. Urged on by the goats butting at their legs, Hirem and Nahali soon reached the correct tenth rock formation. At once, the goats surged ahead toward the scrubby, thorny plants rooted deep into the sand.

At the sight of their eagerness, Nahali burst into laughter. "If only those goats could talk, I expect I know what they'd be saying. 'Grass! Grass! Food! Water!' They're such straightforward creatures. They'd only need a handful of words to describe everything they were thinking."

Even as Hirem smiled at her remark, he was already among the goats with the naturalness of someone who had grown up shepherding animals. Several goats were crowded around the same clump of plants, so he turned a few toward a second clump that wasn't nearly as well-attended. Nahali admired how deftly he maneuvered them, using just the right amount of strength and murmuring soothingly to them. Soon, each goat was munching contentedly on a mouthful of green-grey vegetation.

"It's like I said before, you know how to handle animals," she commented. "You really care for them too and you want to keep them safe. I can tell. You could make a fine living as a shepherd."

Feeling the air growing warm around her, Nahali decided to ask him the questions she'd been pondering before the oppressive midsummer heat made talking impractical. "What…what did Yahal's voice sound like when he spoke to you in Yahebah? Was it like thunder, the way my father says it should sound? It's just…it must have been very powerful for you to leave everything behind."

[Hirem]

Hirem laughed as well at the goat comment, and reached down to scratch a small little kid under the chin. The thing bleated happily, content to be fawned over by complete strangers as long as they did it with grace and love. He smiled softly, patting the goat on the forehead as it continued it's journey to the shrubs. "I would like goats much better than man at that point. With goats there is no lies or deceit."

He shrugged, and started to carefully adjust the number of goats eating at each clump of vegetation, making sure each animal was able to eat a sizeable amount to keep strong. It was nothing new to him; just incline one's direction to march it to the other plants, soothe one over from butting into another's territory. They were tricks he had learned before, and ones that he had almost engraved into his being, though he was a bit rusty considering his length of time studying and focusing on his studies in Yahebah.

He glanced over at Nahali as she asked him of Yahal, and took an uncomfortable look to his face. In truth, he didn't much like sharing his religious experiences with others, considering that he felt religion was a different matter to each person that looked at the concept.

Still, she was only looking for a small tidbit of information, one that honestly didn't matter much. "Well, I wouldn't describe it as a voice so much as an overpowering feeling. One that overrides your senses, and leaves no room for doubt. I was absolutely sure that Yahal had commanded me to roam the deserts, searching for a sign."

He shrugged, and picked up an unruly goat, one that had been especially violent towards his comrades, and set it down at another shrub, letting it eat the plant to it's hearts content. "I guess it was hard, but in truth, I didn't have much there. I would wander to the libraries and study on our history, ignoring friends and family in my search for knowledge. There wasn't much for me in Yahebah, but it was a gentle life, one that is a far cry from desert wandering."

[Nahali]

"An overpowering feeling that overrides your senses and leaves no room for doubt," Nahali repeated in a thoughtful murmur. "Absolutely sure that Yahal had commanded you. I see." For a few moments, the only sound around them came from the goats chewing and bleating as she pondered his words.

For someone who had emphatically denied Rapa status, she thought it was a rather Rapa-like answer. She remembered asking a very similar question of the visiting Rapa she had liked most when she was a little girl. He had told her that Yahal's will was like a guiding force that led him to where he needed to be. Nahali had been somewhat dissatisfied at this explanation, though, because her own instincts and thoughts felt like guiding forces too. Yet, they were certainly not sent by Yahal. Hirem's explanation clarified the matter tremendously. Not only was Yahal's will a guiding force, but it was irresistible and powerful, overshadowing everything else in your mind. Nahali smiled to herself, satisfied.

"That's very good to know," she said aloud. Hastily, she added, "Not that I ever expect Yahal to speak to me so directly. But if he does, I can at least feel confident that I'd recognize his voice!"

As she spoke, Nahali glanced around to make sure that all the goats had eaten their fill for the morning. They had finished eating more quickly than usual, probably because Hirem had been there to make their meal more efficient. After their meal, the goats seemed content to settle lazily and socialize with each other, and she decided to let them take it easy for a while. In the heat of summer, it wouldn't be wise to water them until the sun had gone down, especially when the hardy goats were perfectly able to store their own water for a while.

"I suppose it's good that you don't feel you have lost much," she continued, returning her attention to Hirem. "I can't really imagine myself living in Yahebah either. But still…" She hesitated, thinking over the questions that had sprung to mind while thinking of Hirem's stories earlier in the morning. "It's just that…what if Yahal's will ever required you to do something you didn't want to? Or…or what if it was so powerful that it blotted out everything else you cared about?"

She looked up to meet Hirem's eyes, which were an unusual soft brown color. Her expression was a little troubled. She did not mean her words to show any doubt in Yahal's goodness, but she could not keep herself from wondering either. Just because Yahal was good did not mean he thought the same way as humans did.

[Hirem]

Hirem glanced up about as soon as Nahali was done her questions, and picked a nice, comfy-looking section of sand. He slowly sat himself down there, crossing his legs as he groaned with relief, surveying the happy goats. They bleated happily, trotting about this way and that, bringing a light smile to his face. Inside all his knowledge and muscles, he still had the shepherd's heart.

He glanced at Nahali, and patted the ground beside him as he searched for an answer to her question. "Well, I've always believed that gods have wills greater than men... I mean, mortals still have rights and will but..." He stammered in this way for a few more seconds before halting his speech, his eyes twinkling as he watched the animals.

"Take these goats, when they were eating from the same clump of vegetation. I had seen that if they continued eating this way, they would get uneven shares and some would be left out. That wouldn't be good." He nodded as he felt more confident with his analogy, continuing without waiting for a response. "I had walked up to the goats, and started to move them about, away from the shrub. They didn't like that very much, and were unruly. They didn't want to do what I wanted of them."

"However, it all worked out for the best, as my actions gave them all an even share of the vegetation, and they quickly forgave me for any wrong they thought I was doing them." He gestured to the goats excitedly, motioning for Nahali to watch them. "The goats are human beings, bickering and unruly. I was doing Yahal's work, guiding them on unfamiliar paths to salvation."

"Do you see now why I had utter faith in Yahal's wish? It may be unpleasant, and we can kick and scream all we like. But he cares for us, and will eventually lead us to a better future."

[Nahali]

Nahali's mouth formed a round "O" of astonished understanding as she applied her mind to absorbing Hirem's answer. Not only was it brilliant, but it was simple enough that even she could grasp it and feel it ring true in her heart. She might not be very old or wise, but she had lived long enough to learn that the more complicated an explanation was, the less likely it was to be the truth. Hirem's explanation of how he saw Yahal in relation to their people felt both simple and appropriate, and thus Nahali believed it.

"That is so true!" she exclaimed. "You were guiding the goats so that they could all eat equally and be happy. Yahal guides us through our lives so we can be happy and strong too. That makes so much sense! I can't believe I never saw it that way before. Yahal is our shepherd, and with him we lack for nothing."

An amused little smile curved her lips as she privately envisioned a bright-winged Yahal armed with a shepherd's slingshot herding flocks of Benshira from place to place. She hoped Yahal would forgive her for the irreverent little picture. Nahali was fairly sure he would, though. When she was little, she had pictured Yahal as something like her great-uncle Abiel: tall and stern, with white hair and a flowing white beard, who pointed a single imperious finger and gave commands that no one could disobey. Yahal had never done anything to her for it, then or now.

Her smile dwindled when she thought of something else. She turned back to Hirem, her eyes bright with curiosity and interest. "But Hirem, where does that leave you then? If Yahal is our shepherd and we're like...well, like the goats or sheep he cares for, then what are you? The goats that the shepherd guides most directly are the ones who are misbehaving, sick, or injured. The goats that don't act up and do as they're told, we usually leave alone. Yahal hasn't left you alone, but you aren't sick or injured either. Or a bad person, as far as I can see."

[Hirem]

Hirem glanced back toward the goats, and pursed his lips together as he thought of another analogy relaing to the animals. He had success in relating them to people, but this answer had to be a tad more complicated, on a human scale. The goats were stil frolicking about under the intense heat of the sun, but Hirem wiped his arm across his forehead, clearing the sweat that was gathering there.

"Let's say Yahal is the leader of a Tent. Yours, for instance." He gestured back in the direction they had come, over the soft sandy dunes they had travelled over. "We are running out of water, and, almost as if a random decision, he picks you to get the water from the nearest oasis."

He hoped that she'd be able to understand this explanation, but she was intelligent, and could be talked to on the same level as an adult. "You don't know why Yahal has chosen you. Maybe it's to help you grow, maybe you need this journey for self-confidence. But you know you must do this task." He gestured to himself, and shrugged. "I'm not sure why I was chosen, but Yahal guides my path and I will follow his command."

There came a distant cry that stopped him from explaining further, and Hirem swiveled his head to see the origin of the call. There were two small figures approaching them, donned in white, flowing tunics and loose pants. They appeared to be about Nahali's age, but their beaming faces and dirty limbs made them appear much younger. Hirem tapped Nahali's shoulder, raising an eyebrow. "These your friends?"

[Nahali]

Turning to look in the direction Hirem had indicated, Nahali rolled her eyes when she spotted the two boys walking toward them. In a tone of long-suffering exasperation, she replied, "Well, they're not really my friends, but they are the ones my father told to come help us with the goats last night. As usual, they only bother to show up when the day is almost halfway over."

Abruptly, her eyes went wide when she realized how close it truly was to midday. As though to further emphasize the point, her stomach grumbled softly in the first signs of hunger. With all the unwelcome clarity that only an embarrassing memory could bring, Nahali suddenly recalled how she had woken up so bright-eyed and eager to start the day's work…so eager, in fact, that she had forgotten to pack any food for her midday meal. Normally, Nahali rarely forgot something so essential, but her anxiety about Hirem and desire to impress him with her diligence must have thrown off her routine today. Right now, her only hope lay in the carefully-wrapped bundles the white-clad boys were carrying.

The thought shamed her, especially in light of all the scathing comments she had made about them. Nahali resolved to think and act better toward them. For all that she had called them immature, Nahali herself had behaved more like a child today. She turned toward the approaching boys with a friendlier, more welcoming expression than before.

"Yacob, Lahai, over here!" she called, waving her arms at them to attract their attention.

In the dry desert air, her voice carried easily to the boys. Shading their eyes from the sun, they loped easily over the sands with the peculiar slip-sliding stride that every desert traveler learned to adopt. As they came closer, Nahali frowned slightly when she noticed their dirty clothes and limbs, as though they had been rolling around and wrestling in the sand this morning. With an effort, she forbore to mention it or scold them as she normally would, but instead introduced them to Hirem.

"This is Hirem, from the tents of Alachi, of the sons of Rapa. He has been traveling through the desert but has kindly agreed to help us with herding today," she said formally, giving his full name to the boys. Indicating the taller one with red-brown hair, she added, "Hirem, this is Yacob, son of my father's second cousin. And this is his brother Lahai," pointing to the shorter, slenderer boy with pale blue eyes.

"We are honored to make your acquaintance," the boys recited solemnly, making identical bows to Hirem. After the proper courtesies had been exchanged, they spun around and blurted apologetically to Nahali. Clearly, they were used to her nagging at them. "We're sorry we're late! You see, there was this terrible emergency and we just got held up and…"

In a show of her newfound patience and self-control, Nahali just raised her hand to stop them. "Don't worry about it. Have you brought food and water with you, at least?"

"Oh yes," the boys chorused. They unwrapped the bundles they were carrying and spread the cloth on the sand. In a few moments, a very respectable midday meal was laid out, with a stack of flat barley bread, a small flask of olive oil, crumbling white goat cheese, olives, and a few shoots of green onion. With a magnanimous air, Yacob told them, "Go ahead and eat. We'll watch the goats for you and eat what's left after you're done."