Mantric Meditations [Solo Flashback]

[Anselm]

Mantric Meditations The Morning of the 46th of Autumn 224 Master Ahn's Dojo, Somewhere in the Zastoska Mountains This section of the Zastoska Mountains was dominated by conifers. Giant firs commanded the valleys below. Somewhat smaller spruces occupied the upper parts of the valleys and passes. Ahn's dojo was located just below a pass, so the trees were of the smaller variety. Having said that, they were still very big trees, some as much as ten feet across. Here they shared the land with other species of trees, some of which were deciduous and were well into their annual assignment of carpeting the forest floor with shades of red and orange, yellows so bright that it almost hurt to look at them, dark greens spotted with muddy browns. It was through this cacophony of colors, on a chilly and damp Autumn morning, that Anselm now walked, oblivious to the beauty around him. He had been summoned to a private meeting with Master Ahn. He stopped at the outside door to Master Ahn's study and listened. He did not hear anything but he knew the master was there. Probably in a state of deep meditation, he thought. Or sleeping. It's hard to tell which sometimes. Anselm hoped he hadn't done or said anything that would cause the master to expel him from the dojo. He worked hard at staying in the old man's good graces because he had something Anselm wanted. He could teach him Auristics. Unfortunately, the old man had shown no inclination to do so since Anselm had arrived some sixty days earlier. “Learn to meditate first,” he said whenever Anselm brought it up. “It will enable you to better appreciate and control its subtleties.” Then he would smile that benevolent smile of his, making Anselm want to hit him in the face. Anselm didn't want to 'appreciate the subtleties' of Auristics. He wanted the power it would give him. He waited. He didn't have to knock. The master knew he was there and would invite him to enter in his own good time. I wonder what the old man wants? In Anselm's view, everybody wanted something, and what they wanted was what drove them. The whole point of power was to get what you wanted. He had not yet figured out what Master Ann wanted. Suddenly he realized that the door was open and Master Ahn was standing there watching him. How does he do that? Anselm wondered. Gods I hate it when he does that. Master Ahn was not an especially tall man and he looked old. Nobody seemed to know how old he actually was. Anselm guessed he was around a hundred. He was not smiling but Anselm could see the perpetual twinkle in his eyes. The master had wrinkles around his eyes and across his forehead characteristic of a man who laughed often and hard. This was because Master Ahn did laugh often and hard. This, too, irritated Anselm because it was something he couldn't do. While not having functioning lungs did have some advantages, like underwater walking, it also had some disadvantages, like not being able to produce anything even remotely resembling a laugh. Or at least, Anselm had not figured out how to do it in any of the bodies he had thus far occupied. “Anselm,” the master said in a surprisingly high pitched voice. “Come in. Sit. Have some tea … oh, I forgot … you don't drink tea. Or anything else for that matter.” Anselm had never known the master to forget anything and thought it highly unlikely that he had forgotten that Anselm neither ate nor drank. He was just having a little fun at the Nuit's expense. Furthermore, Anselm suspected the old man knew that this irritated him, and that he did it on purpose for some mysterious pedagogical reason of his own. Anselm entered the private study of Master Ahn. OOC : Master Ahn and his dojo were created for this story with moderator permission.

[Anselm]

A desk and chair sat on the left side of the room, along with a book case and table. A couch occupied the right side of the room. Opposite the entrance was another door that led to other parts of the building. Master Ahn waved Anselm to the couch and sat beside him. “How have your meditation exercises been going?” He asked. “It is ... difficult.” “Indeed. Especially for a Nuit.” “Breathing meditation techniques would be a lot easier if I could figure out how to breath.” Master Ahn's face crinkled up as he laughed. “Yes,” he said. “The breathing meditation techniques are not working for you. I once had a Nuit student who did eventually work out a way to simulate breathing. At least enough to use the techniques. I was hoping you might as well.” The Master was silent for a few moments. Anselm adjusted his robes while he waited. Now that we have the chit-chat out of the way, he thought. We shall find out the real reason he summoned me. To say that Anselm was suspicious of the motives of others would be an understatement. But in this case he was surprised. “There are other techniques,” said Master Ahn. “They are more advanced than breathing meditation and I usually teach them only to my more advanced students. But in your case I have decided to make an exception.” He paused as though waiting for Anselm to say something but Anselm could not think of anything to say. “Mantric meditation, for example,” he continued. “Philosophical meditation. Observational meditation. There are others. I will teach you mantric meditation first. Once you have mastered that, we will see about the others.” Although Anselm was not especially interested in learning how to meditate, this constituted good news because it would put him one step closer to what he was really after. “When can we start?” he asked. “Right now.” Master Ahn rose and headed toward the door opening into the rest of the dojo. Anselm followed him into a hallway that led to the meditation hall.

[Anselm]

The meditation hall was not large. Three tan-colored cushions sat on a rough wooden floor along one side of the room, three more along the opposite side. They all had a well used look. At the head of the room was a seventh cushion which was where the person leading group meditations would sit. At each end of the room was an oil lamp hanging from the ceiling. Other than that, it was a spartan room with bare wood walls and now windows. A single door at one end opened to the outside. Of particular note, especially as the days and nights were getting colder, was the absence of any source of heat. It was not the sort of place people came to for a pleasant holiday in the mountains. Master Ann indicated that Anselm should sit on one of the cushions nearest to the leader's cushion. Then he sat on the cushion directly opposite Anselm’s. This surprised him. He had expected him to take the leader's cushion. They sat in silence for several minutes, allowing themselves to get as comfortable as they could sitting cross-legged on the thin cushions. Then Master Ann began to teach. “The main purpose of the breathing techniques is to provide an internal focal point upon which we can center our consciousness. These techniques help us disengage from everything outside and become fully engaged with that which is inside. A master can disengage so completely from the world around him that he is no longer aware of its existence. All his thoughts are turned inward and narrowed down to a single still point of awareness located in the belly just below the navel. There he can remain for as long as he wishes. This is the place where wisdom begins. It is a place where he finds himself completely alone with himself. Here dwells in the place for as long as he wishes. The longer he stays here, the more clearly he sees his true self. Eventually the master learns how to go about his daily affairs in the world as his authentic and undeceived self, while remaining constantly centered on that still point within. “Breathing techniques are not the only way to achieve this state. Today you will learn to use a mantra as a focusing technique. A mantra is a sound or word or phrase that sets up a resonance with your soul. Mantras are carefully constructed by masters, each one designed for the one person to whom it is given. I have designed one for you. It is kona ... kaana. You will say it slowly and rhythmically over and over in unending procession. To assist you, I will beat out a rhythm for you.” Anselm now noticed that Master Ann had a small drum which he placed between his legs. Using a small wooden mallet, he began beating out a slow, steady rhythm and nodded to Anselm to begin. Anselm felt a little silly at first, but he did as he was instructed and began repeating the mantra. “Kona … Kaana … Kona … Kaana … Kona … Kaana ... ” Since he had no need to take occasional breaths, he found it easy to keep up a steady rhythm. He also found that the mantra was surprisingly easy for him to vocalize. Apparently Master Ann really had designed a mantra for a Nuit. “Kona …Kaana … Kona … Kaana … Kona … Kaana … Kona … Kaana … ” He continued repeating the mantra for a while but found that his mind kept wandering off on tangents. He tried to stay focused on the mantra but the harder he tried the more his mind seem to find other things to think about. He stopped and opened his eyes. Master Ahn also stopped and looked at him with the usual twinkle in his eye. “Having difficulty concentrating?” He asked. “Yes.” “That's because your mind is used to the 'noise' of always thinking about something. It doesn't know what to do when you aren't giving it anything to think about. So it dredges things up from your memories to think about. Or it just makes things up.” “What can I do about it?” “Silencing the noise is the most difficult part of meditation. As each stray thought intrudes, you must do three things. First, notice it. It will not go away until it has been acknowledged. Second, gently set it aside and tell it you will get back to it later. Third, return to the mantra. At first it will be hard. But with practice it will become easier. Try again.” He continued beating out the slow rhythm with the drum. Anselm closed his eyes and again concentrated on saying the mantra over and over. He again felt silly. I notice you. I set you aside for now. I return. He thought about Master Ahn and his drum and wondered whether he was grinning at the silly old Nuit. I notice you. I set you aside for now. I return. He remembered the horrified look on the little girl's face when she ran into him in her dead father's body. I notice you. I set you aside for now. I return. Thought after thought, memory after memory, his mind seemed to be frantically casting about for something – anything – to replace the mantra. Anselm kept pushing the intruders aside and returning to the mantra. But rather than getting better, it seemed to be getting worse. He opened his eyes. Master Ann was watching him with the usual twinkle in his eyes. Anselm was not amused. “Why is it not working?” “It is working,” Master Ahn retorted. “You're just not very good at it yet. Practice. You will master it if you practice. You will not master it if you do not practice. It really is that simple.”

[Anselm]

For the next two months Anselm practiced mantric meditation for several hours each day. It became a kind of contest with himself to see how long could he stay focused entirely on the mantra without stray thoughts creeping in. “Kona … Kaana … Kona … Kaana …” An itch on my right ankle. He tried to push it aside but it only seemed to become more intense. Finally he gave up and scratched it. Ah … that does feel good. Then back to the mantra. “Kona … Kaana … Kona … Kaana ...” The smell of venison stew. Damn. I see you. I set you aside for now. I return. “Kona … Kaana … Kona … Kaana ...” The shrieks of several crows. I see you. I set you aside for now. I return. “Kona … Kaana … Kona … Kaana ...” Wading through an ice cold stream to get to the other side. “Kona … Kaana … Kona … Kaana ...” What time is it? “Kona … Kaana … Kona … Kaana ...” When will the other disciples come barging into the meditation hall? “Kona … Kaana … Kona … Kaana ...” At one point he discovered a little trick. He imagined a drop of water falling in the dark and landing in a quiet pool with a “sploop.” He visualized the drops falling in time with the mantra. He found that he had to slow down the rhythm to accommodate the visual image, but it seemed to help him remain focused on the mantra longer. He asked Master Ahn about it. “You have discovered one of the more advanced mantric techniques,” he said. “It works, as you have probably surmised, because it engages two senses instead of one and thus co-opts a channel of distractions. Continue your practice. You are doing well.” Over time he began to noticed a drop in the frequency of intruding thoughts. He was able to hold his full concentration on the mantra for longer periods of time before having to reign in his thoughts as they charged off again. Eventually he reached a place where he could slip into a deep meditative state in a matter of minutes and remain there for several bells at a time without a break in focus. Contrary to what Master Anselm had said, the biggest challenge turned out to be boredom. Then he experienced a breakthrough. He had developed a habit of meditating at night. One of the advantages of not needing sleep was that he could practice in the meditation hall in the middle of the night when everyone else was sleeping, and thereby have it all to himself. On one particular night he found himself in an especially relaxed and still state. The mantra was thrumming along quietly in the background almost without conscious effort on his part. He floated in a sea of non-thinking, at peace with himself and his world. Suddenly the door burst open and in came three of Master Ahn's other disciples. Anselm's eyes snapped open and he was blinded by the bright light streaming in through the open door. It took him a few moments to realized what had happened. He had meditated through the night and well into the morning, yet it had seemed like only a bell or two. “So you see Anselm,” Master Ahn explained when Anselm asked him about this. “It is possible to lose oneself in the simple rhythm of the mantra. With practice you will learn to monitor and manage your journey from the outer world to the inner world. Eventually you will be able to disappear into this inner world for many bells and it will seem as though no time has passed at all. In that extended stillness you will be physically and mentally rejuvenated and your Djed will be replenished.” OOC : The practice of using mantras to facilitate meditation is an ancient and well-known practice. The phrase "mantric meditation" is, as far as I know, something I made up.

[Anselm]

As he gained greater control over his thoughts, he began to notice something else. Things that had once seemed very important to him were becoming important. He asked Master Ahn about it. As usual, Master Ahn chose an unexpected starting point. “Tell me Anselm, why did you come to my mountain?” “To learn from you.” “To learn what from me?” “Auristics.” Anselm was puzzled. Master Ahn knew very well what he came here to learn. “Why?” “I don't understand.” “Why do you want to learn Auristics?” This was a question Anselm did not want to answer. He knew better than to try to deflect Master Ahn when he was after something, but he tried anyway. “I do not know.” “Of course you do.” The old man waited. “My original intention was to master Auristics and then go back to Syliras and use it to make lots of money playing cards,” he said. “Why?” “I do not understand.” “Why would you want to make lots of money at others' expense?” Anselm did not want to answer this question either. He was beginning to wish he had not brought it up at all. “I do not know.” “Of course you do,” said Master Ahn patiently. But Anselm wasn't sure he did know. He searched his mind for an answer and could not find one. After what seemed like a very long time he said, “I do not know.” “Of course you do,” said Master Ahn again. “But you've hidden it from yourself. You have chosen not to see what is real. Go and meditate on this. I am giving you a new mantra. The mantra you will use is Why money? Come back to me when you know the answer to that question and we will talk again."

[Anselm]

Somehow the mantra Why money? seemed too mundane to be a real mantra. But Anselm figured that if he had come to learn from Master Ahn, he might as well do what Master Ahn prescribed. So he meditated with his new mantra. “Why … Money … Why ... Money … Why ... Money ...” He did this for three days and three nights without a break before he had a epiphany. Actually, a mini-cascade of three epiphanies. Money brings security. Money brings respect. Money brings acceptance. The mantra stopped and he found himself, for the first time, in absolute inner silence with no thoughts at all. Only a feeling. The feeling was shame. He held on to it, embraced it, refused to think about it or analyze it. He let himself float in the midst of it and slowly it changed from shame to disappointment and then to a profound sense of loss. “Tell me, Anselm,” said Master Ahn when Anselm returned. “Why would you want to make lots of money at others' expense?” “I wouldn't,” replied Anselm. “But I thought that was why you wanted to learn Auristics.” “I was mistaken.” “I see. Tell me, then, why you at one time thought this?” “I thought if I were wealthy, people would accept me.” “And you no longer believe that?” “It doesn't matter. It would not be real acceptance.” “Interesting. What do you suppose would be real acceptance?” “Self-acceptance.” Master Ahn sat back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. After a long silence he said, “You asked me why things that used to seem very important to you are no longer as important. I will tell you. Your soul knows that most of the things you strive for in this life are illusions. They can never be truly possessed, and even if they could be they would turn out to be dust in the wind. As you spend time alone with your soul, it reveals these things to you and you gradually cast off your illusions. Your soul also knows what things in life are real. If you continue to practice meditating it will begin to reveal those things to you as well.” Many years later, when Anselm reflected back on this conversation, he would realize that he had come to Ahn's Mountain looking for one kind of power, and Master Ahn had showed him another kind of power; a power much greater than what he had sought in the first place; the power to know himself.

[Arcane]

Rewards and Treasure! Experience Points +4 Meditation +4 Philosophy Lores Zastoska Mountains: Master Ahn's Dojo Master Ahn the Meditation Master Purpose of Breathing Techniques in Meditation Advanced Meditation Technique: Mantric Meditation Meditation Mantra: KONE AHN KANE AHN Advanced Meditation Technique: Rhythmic Drops of Water Master Ahn the Wise Meditation Mantra: Why Money? Self-Acceptance Over Others' Acceptance Miscellaneous None Comments "making Anselm want to hit him in the face" - I laughed at this. This totally plays to the trope of the 'wise to the point of annoying to the brash young protagonist' or the 'wise old master that is too wise to the point of obscurity or aggravation'. This is definitely a better revision, and Anselm played quite wonderfully to his skill level when he tries to learn Meditation. The philosophical self-realizations at the end was wonderfully written, and Master Ahn's ending speech with Anselm's thoughts sent a warm shiver (it's a paradox, but yeah xD) down my spine. I love your portrayal of Master Ahn. My favourite part of the story: Your soul knows that most of the things you strive for in this life are illusions. They can never be truly possessed, and even if they could be they would turn out to be dust in the wind. As you spend time alone with your soul, it reveals these things to you and you gradually cast off your illusions. Your soul also knows what things in life are real. he would realize that he had come to Ahn's Mountain looking for one kind of power, and Master Ahn had showed him another kind of power; a power much greater than what he had sought in the first place; the power to know himself. You are awesome. That is all.