A Heart to Heart (Shadowfang)

[Sahashkalila]

Timestamp: 3rd Summer, 512AV, Late Evening
Location: The Lake just outside of Base Camp.

She could not sleep. There was no use even trying that night. She had been tossing and turning in the longhouse, her dreams troubled as she tried to find peace that night, to no avail. She sat up in her bed with a quiet sigh, careful not to disturb the others as she slipped on her boots and slid out of bed. Pulling her cloak out her pack she placed it around her shoulders and pulled up the hood before slipping quietly out into the night, breathing the clear air.

Small sounds could be heard, the rustle of leaves and branches in the wind, the sound of birds and small animals rustling in the treetops as they made their own nightly excursions. These sounds did not comfort her though as she wandered through the base camp, not exactly sure where her feet were taking her. She wanted.....well she didn't know what she wanted. Her dreams kept plaguing her, and she wondered if it was because of the added stress of being in the injury ward, seeing so many people hurt bringing back memories of her past. She shook her head in frustration, looking around as she found herself headed up the mountain path to the lake. Perhaps that was where she needed to go, to find some peace in the cool water and let her mind wander for awhile.

Once reaching the lake, she sat down near the edge and pushed back her hood, looking up at the night sky before out across the small lake. It really was a beautiful night, and the waters seemed calm, calming her in the process. If only Nasim were here, she thought to herself, and then grew sad, wondering if her brother was even still alive. She didn't think so.....she sure was doing a great job of distracting herself. She pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around them, placing her chin on her knees. Perhaps she should have just stayed in the longhouse.

[Shadowfang]

Leaned back on a large tree branch; the strong smell of the cool lake water filling his nose. This was one of Shadowfang's favorite spots to be. Sometimes, he would lie there and think, sometimes he would train, and sometimes he would simply do nothing. Tonight, it was the second one. Both of his hands were stretched out in front of him as he focused on the space between them. Ten seconds passed, then twenty, then thirty. A small black spec appeared in between his hands. He focused on using the djed around it, erasing everything. The portal expanded as the air around the portal disappeared and kept growing, until it was about the size of his fist.

It was getting just a little easier to open portals. The more he practiced, the easier it became, and the more he could open. The little portal closed and, after another thirty seconds, the djed began to erase the matter between his hands again and a second portal appeared in its place.

Step step step. 

His sensitive ears detected footsteps in the distance traveling up the path towards the lake. Probably just an animal, and if it was not an animal then Shadowfang figured he was too well hidden amongst the leaves on the tree to be found by anyone. Still, he was curious about who or what was coming. He waited, sustaining the portal between his hands for as long as he could, simultaneously training and awaiting the arrival of whatever was walking up the path. As the figure passed under his tree, a single scent that had been present among the myriad of smells in the injury ward. Kalila.

Shadowfang felt his heart jump into his throat and he momentarily forgot that she could not see him. She was one of the few people that knew he could void. And she was the only one that knew that voiding had given him his scars. If she found out that he was practicing voiding... The thought of the healer being angry with him was just plain scary. His body spasmed in anxiety as he rushed to close the portal. In all his frantic flailing, he accidentally rolled. Right off the branch. 

He spread his wings to try and slow his fall, to little avail. By the time he had fully spread his wings, his feet hat hit the ground. He stumbled forward, running and flailing to try and keep himself upright. He tripped and fell, slamming his face into the ground and summersaulting forward, and rolled to a stop right next to Kalila. His feet had splashed into the cold water, but the rest of his body was sprawled out on dry land. He gasped for air and coughed. His hand grabbed at her cloak, grasping a fistful of the cloth and tugging. Well, at least she did not catch him voiding.

[Sahashkalila]

It was peaceful just sitting by the lake, listening to the jungle around her. She let her mind wander and just relax, letting go of her worries and inner demons just for a little while in the night air. She could see herself being happy here, she really could. She had found a place that truly needed her, her skills being useful to the many that were injured and sick from the mists that still surrounded the city. There were so many things that she wanted to learn from the people here, and she felt truly at peace in the jungle.....even if it was a bit cold. She shifted and clutched her cloak around her, enjoying the warmth that it brought her.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a sound coming from behind her and she tensed, thinking that perhaps she had someone follow her....or perhaps it was something worse. She turned and saw a dark shape moving towards her very quickly, not quite able to make out what it was in the moonlight. She was hardly given any time to move, because the figure was coming straight for her. She gasped in surprise as a very familiar figure landed with a thud right next to her, coughing as he tugged on her cloak.

"Ssshadowfang! What are you...are you alright?" she asked concerned that he was injured, her hands moving over him worriedly. He shouldn't have been moving like that at all with they way his ribs were injured and she hoped that he hadn't injured anything else. "What happened? Are you hurt? What's wrong?" She knelt over him with a worried expression, her moment at the lake forgotten. How did he even get all the way to her like this?

[Shadowfang]

He coughed a couple more times and pushed the worried healer's hands away from him. "I am fine. I could not breathe for a second. It is something that has happened whenever I got hit before." he growled softly. His voice was filled with the kind if sass a teen talking back to his mother would use. He slowly sat up and wrapped his wings around him to block Kalila's access to his torso. He knew that Kali would probably prefer that he be in bed because of the beating he had taken from Ximal, but he just could not lie there and not do anything anymore. There was only so much sleep a Zith could get before becoming restless.

He crossed his arms and legs under the makeshift cloak that his wings had created and stared at her with all the defiance of a cat that did not want to be bathed. He was inwardly denying the fact that he was hurt. After all it was his body so he should know better than she did whether he was hurt or not. After a few moments of glaring, he realized that he had fallen into a rather sour mood for no discernible reason, silently arguing with Kalila, himself, his own body, and everything else he could think of arguing with. He blinked once, broke away from her gaze, and stared at the water.

It did not occur to him that he should apologize to her for having such an attitude. Apologizing was something he only did when he thought it might keep him from getting hurt. Instead, he quickly changed the subject as best he could: by stating what might be obvious to others. "You are sleeping at other nights, but you are not sleeping tonight. When I cannot sleep, I practice v-." He quickly snapped his mouth shut and chose a different word. "Practice something. Did you come up here to practice something, too?" 

[Sahashkalila]

Kalila sat back and watched as he righted himself, his attitude similar to a child who tried to justify his actions. She folded her hands back into her lap and kept her silence, the obvious glare on his face letting her know that he didn't want her to say anything. He really needed to be back in the injury ward recovering, but she was not about to argue with him. Only the slight tightening of her lips showed her irritation with his behavior before she turned her attention back to the water.

She listened to him silently, her ears picking up on his slight hesitation of words. He was doing that thing again, the thing that he had showed her in the injury ward when she had checked his arm. Her lips tightened slightly once again at that thought before she smoothed her expression. She was not about to fight with him on this night. "I do not have any patientsss to practice on,"she said with a quirk of her lips, finding humor in his question.

She stayed silent for a few moments, not exactly wanting to tell him of her dreams, it was not his burden to bear. "I sssimply could not ssleep sso....I came here to clear my mind,"she said softly, shifting her body slightly as she looked out over the water. "Are you ressstlesss asss well?"

[Shadowfang]

Shadowfang nodded slowly. "I cannot sleep tonight. I have been sleeping all day and night and I needed to find something to do." He went silent and stared at the water for what felt like the longest time, thinking. Then, a thought came to him. "Kali..." be said tentatively. "How old are you?" The question came seemingly out of nowhere, but it was something that had bothered him from time to time. Not Kali's age, but the thought of death. He knew that he could die at any day but... different races tended to live for different amounts of time. He knew he had never seen a Zith over forty but he did not know how long Kali and her kind would live. 

"I forgot... but I think I am only ten years old. I am grown up for a Zith... I am scared, Kali. I am scared that I will die soon and I am scared that I will not be able to... He went silent, hugged his knees, wrapped his wings even tighter around his body, and stared at Kali. She did not look very happy tonight. In fact, she looked sad and worried and tired. Mostly tired. He felt like it wasn't fair, that she did all that work to heal and comfort people and no one seemed to comfort her. He scooted closer and closer until he was next to her and, still wrapped in his wings, leaned over until he was resting his head on hers. 

"You have something that you want to talk about, too. it was not a question. "I am not a good talker, but I can listen very good. Tell me what is wrong."

[Sahashkalila]

She could not be made at him for wanting to get out and about, he had been cooped in the injury ward for awhile and understood the need to do something. However her healer instincts did not approve, but she would not say anything, instead letting the comfortable silence fall between the two. After awhile he spoke again, his question catching her slightly off guard. She did not openly say how old she was, knowing that it sometimes made others uncomfortable. However he was someone that she trusted and cared for, and did not mind revealing it to him if he really wanted to know.

"I have lived a long life already, and sseen much that many will never ssee in their own lifetimess. I will be one hundred and three thiss sseasson. I wass born in the summer and I am conssidered an adult now for my race,"she said quietly, falling silent once again as she reflected just how much time had really passed. She was aware of him looking at her but her attention was still on the water as he spoke, growing thoughtful as he spoke of his own fears and his age. So young. Ten years was nothing to her, and a sad thought crossed her mind, knowing that she would watch her friend die before her if she did not fall to misfortune, a thought that she brushed away after a moment.

"You are sso young, with a full life ahead of you Sshadow, one that I will greatly enjoy sseeing. Death comess for uss all at ssome point, it iss not ssomething that you sshould be frightened of. It iss jusst another journey to be taken, and one that I will welcome when it comess for me,"she said softly, turning to give him a small smile before looking out at the water once again. She could hear a slight shuffling and his body was then pressed against hers, his head leaning against hers. She had come to know him as a physical being, one that needed physical comfort and offered it just the same....and she welcomed and needed it at the moment. Her mood must have rubbed off on him since he seemed to know something was wrong, and she stayed silent for awhile, not sure if she should even say anything to him.

Talking about her past was not something that she did, the story sad and painful to bare. But sometimes.....sometimes she needed just a little time to still grieve and talk about things. This was one of those times. "I...I dream at timess, of my home and passt life,"she began, her voice filled with sadness as she reflected on it. "The memoriess are ssometimess to painful to bare....and sso on nightss like thiss I will walk to easse my troubled mind and perhapss find ssome peace for jusst a little while."

[Shadowfang]

Shadowfang widened his eyes when she told him her age. Humans did not live to be that old, did they? Just to be sure, he interjected with another question. "What is your race?" He felt his claws with the palm of his hand. As far as he knew, his race was the only race of "monsters" in the world, and for someone to call Kalila a monster made him fume in anger. At the mention of dreams, Shadowfang remembered back on a dream he once had. The dream in which he had met that girl... creature and she had cried all over him and got his fur wet. He had never dreamed about the past per say, but he had dreamed about Andalusa and Musca. Recently, he had been dreaming about them a lot. He extended his wing and hooked it around her, moving their bodies closer together as he did and wrapping her in a winged hug, staying silent so that she could enjoy her peace. 

The silence that befell them was like a blanket of tranquility, allowing Shadowfang to think to himself. Peace seemed to come to him easily when he focused on something, but when there was nothing to do his mind needed to focus on something else. And his mind tended to want to focus on memories that were painful for him. Kalila must have been the same way. She had said that her memories were painful as well. All this thinking about dreams and memories led to thoughts so unpleasant that he almost began grinding his teeth. There was just nothing he could do. Nothing he could do to make Musca like him, nothing he could do to make Kalila feel better, and nothing he could do to bring Andalusa back. He and everyone around him; everyone was helpless.

"Ever since Andalusa died... because Sissa hates me... Why do I dream about them? Why did Andalusa die? Why is Sissa so mean to me? Why do I keep going back to her? I do not... I do not want to be a-" Only when he choked on the last word that he tried to say did he realize that he had been thinking aloud. No no no no no! He wanted to help Kali this time, not the other way around. She did not need to hear about his hauntings and his dreams, he was the one who wanted to hear about hers. He was not going to distract her and move the topic onto himself. This was supposed to be about her.

"No... no... We are not talking about me. We are talking about you. You are always help me, Kali... it is my turn to help you. Do you want to talk about your dreams and memories? People say that talking helps." Under their wing cloak, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, further shortening the gap between them. Almost every time another being touched him, it brought him pain. Kalila was different. When she touched him, it brought comfort and calm, peace even. He thought that if she could do that to him, maybe he could do the same to her.

[Sahashkalila]

Kalila looked at him briefly before she let go of her knees and folded her legs underneath her, her hands resting in her lap. She hesitated only a moment before she answered him, not sure if he had ever seen her transform. She had been discreet about it while they traveled to The Spires, not wanting to make anyone uncomfortable. "I am a Dhani, a ssnake woman,"she said softly, "a viper to be exact." The silence then grew between the two once again and Kalila didn't mind, it wasn't an uncomfortable one. She felt his wing wrapping around her, providing more warmth to her chilled body as she scooted closer to him, her arm wrapping around his waist as he wrapped his around her shoulders. She rested her head in the crook of his neck, his velvety fur soft against her cheek.

She assumed that he had troubles just as he did, the words spilling from his lips sad and heartfelt, causing her to grow sad as well. She did not know who Sissa was, but she knew who Andalusia was....her first real friend in her chaotic life. Her loss was hard to bare. "You dream about them becausse you love them Sshadow, there iss nothing wrong with that. Ssometimess we do not alwayss undersstand why thingss happen in our livess, but we remember them becausse they are preciouss to uss,"she said softly, taking his free hand in hers and squeezing it. It was ironic that she could easily give him comfort and advice, but she couldn't seem to do that for herself. She took a deep breath and sighed, appreciating the fact that he wished to help her.

"I...am not ussed to having ssomeone assk me what iss wrong. I am ssuppossed to be there to help otherss and make them whole and yet......I can't sseem to make mysself whole,"she said after a few moments, a wall crumbling down that she rarely let anyone see. "My sstory doess not have a happy ending you ssee, nor did it really have a happy beginning. I wass...I wass casst out of my home when I wass young. I wass not considered proper to my race, my practice of medicine unheard of." She paused and shifted against him, growing uncomfortable once again. "But it wass not jusst that....I abhorred the very race that I am, the crimes committed in the nesst were appalling, and I refussed to be like them. And so they casst me out much to my family'ss dissmay, my brother coming with me. He should have jusst let me die in that desssert, the. He could have led a happy life with hiss family.....but he didn't,"she said softly, her eyes trained on the water in front of her. "we travelled together for awhile until I inssissted that we go back to the nesst to ssee our family. But we were met with hosstility, our family murdered before our very eyess and we were next. It wass.....it wass all my fault, and it alwayss will be,"she then grew quiet, her hand coming up to wipe away a few tears that had fallen.

It was painful to talk about these things, and it was hard to relive that night over again in her mind while telling someone else about it. "Nasssim and I parted ssoon after that and I don't know if he iss dead or alive. I ssupposse I continue to heal people to try and make up what I had losst.....but I sstill dream about it. They sshould have let me die all thosse yearss ago."

[Shadowfang]

A Dhani... A snake person. This was another race he did not know a lot about, but Borth had told him about them. About how many considered them to be monsters like the Zith. But Shadowfang did not see a monster in front of him. The only monsters he had ever encountered were humans. And now that he knew Kali was not human, he knew that she was definitely not a monster like they were, or like he was.

Shadowfang squeezed her hand just as she did his, listening intently. With focus that only a Zith could muster, he avoided thinking of his own problems and tried to translate what she was saying. It seemed that every other word she used was a word he had never heard before, confusing him and making it hard to understand what she was saying. Abhorred, committed, appalling, dismay; none of those words made sense to him, but he thought he caught the just of Kalila's story. She was different, her colony cast her out, her brother came with her, she did not like being a Dhani, they went back to her colony, her family was killed, and she ran away from them and separated from her brother. It was a story that reminded him of the story of his own life in his colony, but now was not the time to think about himself. One word she said stuck with him, a word he had never heard before, but one that he thought he could figure out. 

Love.

 He dreamed about them because... because he loved them. Andalusa was his first mate, someone he was strongly attracted to, someone he had wanted to protect from everything... someone he was too weak to protect from anything. Musca was his "adopted" sister, someone who wanted to teach him, someone else who he wanted to protect even though she was always hurting him. He... loved them. "You must... love... Nasim. You dream about him. And I think that he... love you too. If he did not, he would not have... left with you. I think that he was trying to keep you... safe." He brought the palm of his hand to her face to help her wipe tears away, the salty liquid soaking into his fur, before gripping her hand once more. He only half understood what he said, giving back information that Kalila had given him in an attempt to make her feel better. Really, he was still mulling over everything that she had said, but he felt that he needed to say something, anything. But he did not feel like he was helping. He was not skilled in the ways of comforting others with words, or even talking in general.

 He ground his teeth together in anger when she said she wished that she had died. "No!" His voice was forceful, almost giving away his anger. He turned his body so that he could wrap both arms and wings around her, as if he was afraid she might run away. "No... Do not wish that you were... dead. Because I do not wish that you were dead and I think Nasim does not wish that you were dead. If you had gotten killed, then... I would not have met you and I would not have gotten... fixed by you when I got... hurt. You are the best healer in the world and I am... happy that I met you. And I..." He thought some more. He did not want Kalila to die and he did not want to have never met her. 

Death came for everyone, but Kalila had lived such a long life already. Maybe... hopefully... death had forgotten about her.

He hugged her tightly, squeezing her against him. He was almost certain that he had figured out everything. Kalila was the single most kind and gentle person her ever knew, and he really wanted to protect her, more than he had wanted to protect Andalusa, or Musca. So as he understood it...

"I... love you, Kali... and I do not ever want you to... die."

A gentle breeze blew over them, making tiny ripples on the still lake, gently rustling the leaves on the branches of the tall trees, passing in between their trunks and branches like a whisper moving from ear to ear. Alone. That was the word he had choked on, the word that would not come out of his mouth. Above all else, he did not want to be alone, and he did not want her to be alone either.