[Flashback] Go Forth and Seek (Bina)

[Kalesse]

There was almost no point. The sand that had burned the already blistered soles of her feet now felt cool against her cheek; Kalesse lay there, sprawled on her stomach, in the sands where her legs had finally given out. She could feel him there, watching her. Even the swish of of his beautiful tail as he stood, waiting, triggered the pores in her fingers. It tickled. Night was falling, she knew, as her sensitive fingers dug, burying themselves in the sand.

Even though it would soon be to her detriment, Kalesse basked in the cooling sand, wriggling her body down until the loose grit began to slide back and fill the spaces where her weary body had displaced it. She couldn't stay for long. The chill that crept in on night's heels could easily end this all.

It was hard to tell how long she laid there for without glancing at the rapidly descending sun, but Kalesse knew she had to move. The intense, deep-body aches and pains only intensified as she lounged; it felt as if he spine had been fused into a single, unyielding rod of metal.

Hair and sand both were brushed from her cheeks as she pushed herself upright, biting down on one sun dried and cracked lip as a yelp threatened to escape. All the while, she could still feel him there, watching.

"Pleased, are you?" Kalesse spoke in a soft, gritty voice, as if she had swallowed a couple mouthfuls of sand throughout the day. Her eyes were red, her skin was far past burned, and her hair gave a rats nest a bad name. Nevertheless, she picked herself up and stared down the beast she sought with as much dignity as she could muster.

The stallion tossed his head, snorted and eyed her contemptuously. He whirled suddenly and kicked, the wind catching the sand that flew from beneath his hooves and splattered into Kalesse's face. The girl cried out, an arm lifted to shield her eyes until the wind died.

When it did, the young Chaktawe found herself alone in the sand, the sky rapidly darkening around her. Only the slight turning of her head marked the frantic scanning of those fathomless eyes as she searched for the beast. He couldn't have gone far!

Oh, but he had. A speck moved over the top of the far dune, a whinny shredding the silence that had hung over the sands. Barely visible now, the call was clearly a taunt...or a challenge. It was not over yet.

"Why are you doing this to me!" Tears of exhaustion and frustration cut rivers through the grime that caked her cheeks. Kalesse knew nothing of a woman's frustration, having gotten what she wanted her entire life, and the concept flitted right over her head. The struggle she had endured that day was unmatched in her life thus far.

It was her pride that got her going once more, unable to leave the Stallions challenge unanswered. Tired feet and legs that felt more like stone than flesh carried her down the far side of her dune, tripping and stumbling all the way. Kalesse made it half way up the next before she fell and was forced to pull herself along on hands and knees. Her ebony tormenter still dominated the top of the dune, waiting.. If only she could get there.

"I hate you" The yell echoed around the empty sands as Kalesse stumbled into the space where, just moments before, the stallion had been. He flowed over the sand like the wind, quickly out of her reach. Again, he waited atop the next dune. Taunting her. Slowly leading her forward.

Again Kalesse crawled, her pride being slowly worn away. Halfway up the next dune, she paused. Still on hands and knees, she whispered "Please. Don't run..." a few crawled steps forward, black eyes turned pleadingly upward. "..Please..."

The stallion snorted, tossing his head and pranced in place. Another few yards closer...another... She was closer than she'd ever been. She could almost hear the rapid pounding of his heart; it took only a few moments to realize that the beat was her own heart trying to leap out of her chest. A grunt of effort brought her from her hands and knees to a stand. The pair held their gaze, neither moving.

Stretching out a hand, Kalesse moved to pat the beautiful beasts muzzle. It was too much. As the stallion tossed his head and danced away a few steps, Kalesse bit back a cry. Frustration welled inside her again, and took a moment of closed eyes and controlled breaths to beat it back down. The beast wouldn't respond well to her yelling at it, that she now understood.

"What do you want of me." Though spoken aloud, it wasn't really a question. Falling quiet, Kalesse stood her ground and the pair entered another staring match. There was a determination that welled deep within, taking control of her from the inside out. Despite all of her aches and pains, her frustrations and wounded pride, Kalesse had been consumed by her conviction.

It wasn't until she stopped fighting that it came to her; she had needed to let go of her adolescent embarrassment, her childish reactions to being scored and repeatedly mocked to be able to see clearly. Kalesse knew what she had to do.

And that was anything she could to reach the Stallion, to get a leg across his massive back. Only then would she stand a chance.

Another snort brought the young girl back to reality. The stallion was still there, eyeing her distrustfully as he pawed at the sand, clearly anxious, clearly ready to run again. Doubt began to creep in, whispers of failure trickling down her neck, tainting her new found determination. A shiver shook her shoulders, which had begun to hunch in on themselves as the weariness began to set back in now that she was no longer moving.

No.

Shoulders snapped square, gooseflesh rippling down the exposed flesh of her arms, reddened by the sun and now chilled by the night wind; her hair would have whipped dramatically in the wind had it not been a tangle of snarls. The pain was shoved away, locked in a box somewhere in her mind. The aches remained, though they fueled her now rather than inhibited. A rush of adrenaline brought her heart rate back up, the sound of her own blood drumming in her ears.

The stallion knew. His ears, alert and swiveling every which was suddenly stopped and perked towards the girl for a moment before laying flat against his head. He lowered his neck, his hoof pawing once more at the sane. He was ready. It was now or never.

Energy that Kalesse didn't even know she had left poured into her muscles in the half-second between when she readied herself and when she sprang. The pain-box in her head sprang open, everything rushing back out as she broke into a dead sprint. The stallion, ready for such a movement, lunged away from the little Chaktawe.

"NO!" The yell ripped from her throat as the stallion turned, pivoting on his hindquarters in order to dash away in the other direction. Step, step, push, and Kalesse launched herself into the air, arms outstreched, every fiber of her being propelling herself forward. The horse was impossibly fast. She would never catch him.

Coarse black fibers connected with her fingers. Shock almost lost it all for the girl, but instinct curled her hand into a fist as her lower body slammed into the sand. Pain jolted through her, but Kalesse didn't even have time to pick herself up.

A scream rent the air, a human sound from a wholly inhuman throat. The weight of the Chaketawe girl that clung to his mane pulled his neck down, throwing his balance and bringing him to his front knees. The scream was of protest rather than pain; Kalesse couldn't have weighed enough soaking wet to hurt the creature.

Hope surged, and the answering adrenaline helped Kalesse find her feet. She stumbled against the massive black shoulder that was now chest level. This was her only chance...

His back was smooth and slippery, the jump Kalesse used to hoist herself up onto his back almost sending her right over the other side. A cry of surprise and a desprate scrabbling found the girl with both hands securely twisted in that long, black mane.

Blackness tainted the edge of her vision, and Kalesse knew she was spent. The beast beneath her, however, was just getting started. As the stallion found his feet, Kalesse put all the strength she had into her fingers, into the grip she held on his mane.. If she could only stay on...

The Stallion lunged and took off into the night, the small girl on his back holding on for her life.

[Colombina]

Kalesse saw only shades, her vision reduced to animal simplicity. Beneath her the sand rushed by in hills of pale blue, beside her streamed the starry banner of sky and before her was the head of the horse, seemingly pointed towards the hereafter. It moved with such terrible purpose and speed, enough to inspire mortal dread. Her wish had been granted, but at what price? This creature might have pulled Dira's chariot, relentless as it was. As the bell passed it only grew wilder and more intent on carrying Kalesses further from where she had begun. The usually steady heavens granted no solace. When she looked upward there was no peace in them, only a dizzying tangle of silver. The animal lacked the comforting substance of Haizea and the familiar lope. It was cold under her fingers and devoid of breath. Kalesse had the awful understanding that if she should betray weakness, it would fling her pitilessly to the ground. She clung to the horse, while straddling desperation. The need for sleep hung on her bones and made her eyes dry. Her body begged and cajoled her to give in. End the journey, it pleaded, she had ridden far enough to satisfy a lifetime. Yet, the Chaktawe remained awake, perpetually shaken from slumber by the cruel speed of the thing beneath her. One day lurched into another. The sky was just as black as bells before, but Kalesse could feel a new hollowness. Delirium was making cobwebs of her mind, pulling it into barely perceptible gossamer. And when her head was ready to bow, the world shuddered under her. The horse had stopped and the scape it had brought her too seemed strange. Sand stretched into infinity without variation. How would she ever find her tribe again? The horse had not even left hoof prints in the dust. They could have fallen from the sky for all she could discern. She was utterly alone with this terrible creature and the world was standing tall before her, striking her with its immensity and indifference. What was in her hands dissipated quick as water and quiet as smoke. The horse was no more. Kalesse slammed to the ground, the air slapped from her lungs. Then she heard a seductive, masculine voice answer a question that felt ages old: "I want you to reach the end of yourself." The beast had materialized again; its hoof dangerously close to Kalesse's skull.

[Kalesse]

Muscle memory was the only thing keeping the young girl on the raging stallion’s back; her legs had long since lost their ability to hold on, so perhaps it was sheer force of will that kept Kalesse from simply being flung away like a broken ragdoll.

Though the sweet embrace of unconsciousness was denied her, Kalesse found herself slipping into a blissful state of unawareness. The scenery did nothing for the girls senses, the passage of the days or the fact that the sky stayed as inky as her own eyes meaning nothing, her whole world consumed by the rapid pounding of the hooves that carried her further and further towards nowhere and the unusually cold air that whipped by, just as fleeting now as any thought she was able to conjure. There was really nothing left, the ordeal slowly breaking the young Chaktawe into smaller and smaller pieces.

When the stallion dematerialized, and Kalesse was left to plummet and her face met the sand with a loud hello; even the cry of pain strangled and died in her throat, lungs screaming their defiance at the air having been stolen from them. She lay there a moment, the voice of the beast but a dreamy whisper carried quickly past on a breeze to her sleep and oxygen starved brain.

A loud gasp and those onyx eyes snapped open, a sharp stabbing in her chest as she was finally able to breathe. In the few ticks that followed, it was that deadly, yet insubstantial, hoof that was entire world. It was too close, much too close, and yet her arms and legs stoutly refused to respond as every cell in her body screamed for her to move.

On the verge of accepting defeat, deciding that it would be so much easier should she just close her eyes and let the thing crush her skull, those words floated back to her once more.

“The end of myself?!” Rage flared anew, uninhibited by the filters naturally put into place by the mind, the intuitive ones that gently guided an individual one way or another through the course of any social interaction or choice. It burned hot and heavy through the young girls veins, almost burning away the fatigue that had sunk it’s hooks deep into her very being. “What the PETCH does that even mean?”

Twisting so that her fathomless eyes followed the line of the beasts leg up to its chest, neck and finally head in search of the stallions own gaze, Kalesse prepared herself to move. The massive hoof was no longer a concern now that the anger rode her harder than ever before. “I don’t know where I am. I don’t know how long I’m going to be here.” It took more effort than she ever thought possible, but the young Chaktawe manage to push herself into a sitting position, her bottom lip clamped stubbornly between her teeth as she refused to make a sound for the effort. “There is no why to survive. I’ll die, and quickly. You know that.” The stallion was given a more solid glare as Kalesse readied herself to try and stand. “I just don’t get it.” The white hot emotion continued to sear, dissolving the remnants of Kalesse’s patience as it slowly began to gather as tension in her neck and shoulders, the muscles there already stiff and sore from the entire ordeal.

“THIS IS SO STUPID!” The shout exploded from the girls lips before she could stop herself, the surge of emotion giving her what she needed to push herself to her feet. She stood wobbling for a moment before closing the small gap between girl and beast, a finger extended to poke accusation at the stallion’s muzzle. “Why would you do this to me? Do you want me to fail?”

As quickly as the anger came, the crushing heel of defeat, a weight settling between her shoulders and driving her back down to her knees, replaced it. Until that point, it had been the beasts fault; he had taken her to this place, ran for gods know how long and given her an impossible task. Now she saw her own failure looming bright and dancing throughout the magnificent creatures mane, taunting her. It was her fault.

This new realization didn’t completely assuage the anger that boiled the young girls blood. Instead she used it to, once more, push back to her feet. With knees knocking and her body shuddering from absolutely crippling fatigue, Kalesse faced the proud stallion once more, lifting her chin and puffing out her chest as best she could. The tears that coursed her cheeks and the warble in her voice was sharp contrast to this defiant pose.

“This is what I am. Not perfect, nor a quitter. You expect me to find the end of myself. Well, I’ve found it and if I’m not good enough…” A single shoulder rose and fell in a shrug that Kalesse tried just a little too hard to make look nonchalant. A final long, hard look at the stallion’s big eye and Kalesse turned and started to hobble away.

[Colombina]

"Have you ever watched one of you brothers or sisters make a pot, Kalesse?" A strange question delivered calmly as the spectral horse rounded the Chaktawe. The sand it kicked up glowed like sparks cast by a smith's hammer. The stallion now stood before her, blocking the way she chose. "They will work the clay forming the vessel almost to completion, but if they find the smallest pebble within it..." A thunderous sound as his hoof stamped a mound of sand, destroying the shape in a scatter of red embers "...They will crumple the clay and begin anew." As the horse's eyes raised to Kalesse's worn face. She might have wished they stayed cast down. They burned like a brand and her whole body felt like dried Keerdash leaves. "You are the clay Kalesse. You must be worked and destroyed until you reach both beauty and use." He gave her respite from his searching eyes, lowering his massive head, so he could nudge the Chaktawe with it. The gesture was almost paternal. "I will challenge you, Kalesse, so you may know the borders of yourself. And each time you meet them, you will be forced to cast about for others to help you push them further out." He withdrew a space and his flesh faded to transparency so the morning stars could inhabit it. "You are full of Kalesse, but the world is not just you. You must diminish so more wondrous things can inhabit you. Not to erase you, but to make you the highest version of yourself." The stallion grew perfectly still, a feat impossible for any living thing. "These are lofty words for one so young. I wonder if you can swallow them, Kalesse?" It was more question than accusation. He knew it was a heavy word he carried, and there was some pity in the line of his bent neck. "They are meat when you may still need milk."

[Kalesse]

The shuffled steps through the sand slid to a halt when the magnificent horse began to speak again, the question hanging heavy in the air between them. “Yes.” Turning just as the sand blazed, the girl instinctively flinched away, stumbling back a few steps with a little gasp. She made no other sound, though, her brows still furrowed with an air of petulant anger and bone-deep weariness.

Was she a malformed clay pot? A weak object to simply be used? The insult sung as the weight of the stallon’s gaze rested upon her, forcing the young girls eyes up to meet his. The look stilled her, the cracks in her façade that the entire ordeal had created began to spiderweb out from the original. Kalesse felt her guard completely crumble, her pride shattering like the very clay object she had been likened to, even as the horse spoke the words that confirmed it.

Before she had ridden across the endless desert on the back of a translucent horse, Kalesse would have simply bristled at the insult before really thinking it through. Now, however, she gave pause and the answer sprang out at her with hardly any thought at all. She was the clay, not the brittle vessel. She was yet to be molded, young and virile and full of more strenth and passion than most of the children her age. The ghost of a smile passed across the girls dry and cracked lips, a hand lifting towards the massive head that nudged her; an instinctive motion now, after all the time she’d spent with Haizea.

“I accepted this challenge. I can accept anything that you throw at me.” Lifting her chin, Kalesse almost leveled her gaze to meet the Stallion’s once more, but her eyes flickered to the side at the last second, the memory of his last stare still weighing heavily on her shoulders. Opening her mouth to boast further about her ability to survive, the teen was quickly silenced as the horse continued. Full of herself? Wasn’t that the point?

But he spoke of milk and meat, of clay vessels and casting oneself out. It wasn’t until the great speech was finished that the picture the beast was trying to get her to grasp clicked into place. Immediately, the image of a rough clay jug, covered with a myrad of cracks, tipped over and spilled out the milk within, leaving the container with only a smattering of milk at the very bottom. No longer was it completely full, unable to take any more of the liquid without it spilling over the brim. Instead, it was ready to accept more, to refill itself… perhaps with something better.

Envisioning herself as the jug, Kalesse felt the smile reawaken on her lips, her ebony eyes flickering to meet the stallions full on this time, bracing herself for the impact of his own gaze. “I have no taste for milk. It doesn't grow my body like it needs to grow. Milk is for the children.” A pause and that proud flicker re-entered the girls eyes, subdued now though she knew she had finally understood, the words that spilled from between her lips far more mature sounding than the girl had formally been able to produce. “And I am not a child. I need meat if I am to step away from the only guidance I have known, to awaken within the world as only a partially filled Kalesse.”

[Colombina]

His gaze did not waver to spare her when Kalesse dared take it. Its intensity was enough to make her eyes water and sting as if filled with smoke. "So be it," the phantom rumbled, and the ground trembled. A promise had been made. Its terms were shadowy, but its weight was felt in the curve of Kalesse's guts. There was the ominous knowledge that her understanding would have to grow before she could fully fathom the word she bound herself to. Under this vow, the horse's spectral body began to reweave itself, braiding thicker black flesh over the starry skin. It was like watching a gem wrap itself in hide. When the last lash of black coiled around the beast's leg, it shook its head. There was a tactile soundness to him now, more earth than flame. Riding him would be a wonder instead of a terror, if any rider could reach his back. "I am Sunajiah," the sounds for deep night and fire welded together. "And I am your guardian, Kalesse." Here he bowed to the girl he had tormented for times unknown. "If you will have me."

[Kalesse]

Blinking rapidly to assuage tears that threatened to spill over onto her cheeks, Kaleese turned her face from the intense gaze. Whether she was tearing up from the pain the look caused or from the three heavy words he spoke soon after she made her declaration, the young Chaktawe had little pride left to her; she did not want him to see her cry.

A great sniff and a quick swipe of her hand across her eyes as her eyes followed the ripples in the sand, strung out across the golden expanse with the wind whipping them ever forward. It was a slow realization, but when it finally hit home, Kalesse gasped. Even in all this nothingness, she had found something. Not just anything, either, but something she hadn’t even known she was looking for. Kalesse had found herself, and then gone a step further to promise the betterment of that self to the magnificent beast beside her.

The memories of her petulant behavior not even bells ago burned on her cheeks. How had she been so foolish? She could see now what the stallion had been trying to show her; but like every important lesson, Kalesse had to figure it out for herself. It was no wonder he had run so far and so long. They had to leave that child behind.

Able now to look the beast in the eye without shame, the young woman turned her face back towards him. What she expected what not what she saw, a gasp escaping from her lips and a hand raising to her mouth in shock. She watched as he transformed, his erethreal quality disappearing beneath onyx hide. It didn’t replace the beauty that was, but instead seemed to accentuate it, giving the horse a mysterious quality, as if it was hard to put ones finger on exactly what was so intriguing about him.

“I am K-Kalesse.” Though she stated the obvious, it seemed as if it were the right thing to do; at this point, Kalesse was simply following her instinct. Those black eyes widened further when that majestic head bowed, the girl almost taking a step backwards before she caught herself. The choice was hers? If she’d have him? With her mouth opening and closing with no sound to escape, the young Chaktawe held up a finger while she took the moment to compose herself. How far she had already come; the Kalesse pre-searching would have held her head up high and declared that well, of course such a beast would choose her.

But instead she managed to squeak “Of-of course I’ll have you, Sunajiah.” And then a deep blush as she rushed to correct her speech, still standing apart from the horse as if she didn’t quite know what to do with herself. They had come a long way and for quite a bit of their journey Kalesse was less than nice to the Stallion, silently preparing herself should she have to pay some kind of reparation for her actions. “ I mean, I would be honored.”

[Colombina]

"Then come with me, Kalesse of the potter's wheel. And I will take you to your tribe." Though it exceeded her strength, Kalesse was allowed to mount Sunajiah should she choose. He was still without heartbeat, but his substance was not so rigid. Had he grown softer or had her spirit gained the resiliency to touch him without pain? When the morning star faded into the gauzy dawn light, Kalesse could see the blue wisps of the Tatsuwaat's fires. The women were cooking flatbread on hot stones and peeling cactus fruit, while the children slept and men returned from evening watches. If Kalesse were among them, her mother might have sent her to capture locusts for roasting. It was a dawn no different from the thousands before, but she felt changed, like a wind had passed through her. Sunajiah led them into the camp without pause. He would always know where the red tribe wandered, and from now on, where his charge roamed as well.

[Kalesse]

It did take everything she had, but it was by sure exertion of will that Kalesse managed to pull herself up onto Sunajiah’s back; the stallion hadn’t given her any indication that she had been allowed to mount, but the girl followed her instinct once more and it was telling her that’s what she should do. Plus, how were they ever going to get back home with her on foot? She barely had the energy to pull breath into her lungs.

Still, though the feel of a horse beneath her was a familiar one it was also different, alien from the beast she had clung to for bells and definitely not the soft comfortable perch that she found Haziea to be. Despite all that, Kalesse felt at home upon Sunajiah and the realization took her completely by surprise. A smile went so far as to slowly curl the corners of her lips, a hesitant hand reaching down to gently stroke the beautiful hairs of his mane. Though she had grown used to leaning down and murmuring soft, unintelligible sounds and words into Haizea’s ears, the young Chaktawe found herself unable to do so to this creature she had traded words with. Was it his intelligence that held her back, or was it still had for the girl to think of him in such a soft and loving manner?

Sunajiah turned and started off of his own accord, his rolling canter unbelievably easy to sit and as fluid as fine silk drifting along with the breeze. Perhaps it had been her anger clouding her judgement before, but Kalesse did not remember their first ride together being this pleasant. “You will spoil me, Sir.” The honorific slipped out before Kalesse could stop it, flame instantly erupting into her cheeks. Instead of backtracking, however, Kalesse simply plowed forward.

"You have a beautiful gate.” It seemed she felt the need to fill the silence though she had no idea what to say to this creature; her head still reeled from the events and her own personal discoveries. Everything that Kalesse was sure she knew about herself and the world was scattered about and taken by the wind like the sand they kicked up behind them. But the Chaktawe was not a quitter, even for mundane chatter.

It was a surprise when the fires of her people stained the horizon; Kalesse hadn’t really noticed the lightening of the sky. It had been dark for so long that she had just simply begun to ignore her surroundings. “They’re still waiting?” This was whispered in awe, as if the young girl had never attended a searching herself. Of course the tribe stayed until their youngster returned. “How long have we been gone?” It seemed as if it was only dawn… an entire day? It had felt like a fortnight.

When the pair finally reached the camp, everyone had gathered back around having seen their joined silhouette appear on the horizon. The camp was hushed when Kalesse and Sunajiah walked into their midst, her guardian finally urging her forward when Kalesse lingered upon his back, unsure of what was to happen next.

Sliding down, the ground met her before she expected it too, causing her to stumble the dismount and almost topple completely over as the strength in her legs failed to catch her. The fall should have threatened the teenager’s pride prior to the searching, but there was no sign of shame as the girl calmly picked herself up to stand next to the beautiful black beast she brought back with her. The pride was still there, shining in her eyes, but the need to prove herself had diminished.

Kalesse was surprised by the firmness of the ground after an extended amount of time upon Sunajiah, who had carried her like the wind itself, bouncing a bit on the balls of her feet as she tested the sands. She was caught off guard when her parents came rushing forward, tired of waiting for their daughter to come to them. A cheer erupted around her as her mother and father slung their arms around her shoulders and enveloped her in love.

Laughing and hugging them back with equal feriocity, Kalesse glanced through the gap between their arms and caught her guardians eye. His gaze sent a sense of security washing over her, the first grin gods-knows-how-long lighting her features. Turning back to her parents, Kalesse gave them the same grin, a new confidence in her posture. “I did it.”

[Colombina]

She heard the words when no other did: "Give to your people, Kalesse," he said, "I will be seen when you require." Sunajiah slipped out from under her touch, and turned toward the sea of pale gold. His hooves began to break into ash with each strike against the earth. The stallion's black body lightened and broke into a thousand pieces. The gray motes floated like down until there was nothing left. He had returned to the sky where he could mingle with the stars once again. The End

The XP Wand Is Waved! Thank you for a wonderful story, Kalesse. You put a great deal of thought and enthusiasm into its crafting. Your writing was fantastic. I am pleased you are the first Chaktawe to successfully acquire a guardian through an IC thread. Your PC's guardian is Sunajiah, a sometimes black stallion. He often absorbs the traits of the evening sky. He is intimidating at times and can seem a little merciless, but he is also surprisingly affectionate when the moment calls for it. He will push your PC towards nobler and difficult things to increase her personal growth. There is very little about him that is tame. You just hold on and hope for the best. Kalesse's Loot 1 XP Leadership 2 XP Wilderness Survival (Desert) 3 XP Dancing 4 XP Riding Lore of Guardians Lore of Tatsuwaat Searchings Colombina is pleased.