[flashback][WMLibrary] Truth Is Stranger Than Fact (Hadrien)

[Zarius Shine]

The look of intense interest on the younger boy’s face fell a bit as the student went from talk of Avanthal and Syliras to the gruesome description of the fate of the surrogates of Kalinor. His brow furrowed, though he had no intent to mount any argument in favor of his grandmother’s race, and their murderous practices. That’s why she had left Kalinor, and never returned, and she had impressed upon him that she and more than a few others thought that the harvest was a vile and immoral strategy for survival. But before Zip could formulate a coherent response, Hadrian put a long, slim finger up to his lips, and Zip’s frown deepened with perplexion. He opened his mouth, but just in time he stopped himself from asking what was up – for was that not exactly what one was not supposed to do when another signaled for silence? So instead he clamped his lips together, looking a question at Hadrian. The older student, however, was already taking Zip by the arm and urging him to come with, as he moved away. Zip, totally confounded, wouldn’t have dreamed of protesting or offering any resistance – not to this young man who was honestly an untapped font of knowledge and experience, and who had also graced him by allowing him to carry his book, and thereby enter the second floor. Looking over his shoulder briefly, but seeing nothing, Zip allowed himself to be led in a winding way through the stacks, though he had no idea where they were going, or why. In less than a chime, though, they were in the far corner of the massive room, and heading – right for the wall? Zip, who had tossed an occasional glance backwards, or sideways, now regarded Hadrian with a very pointed look, which clearly screamed, where the hell are we going?. But Hadrian wasn’t looking at him, and he reached for the edge of a long, heavy curtain, which Zip assumed led to some passage. He let out one sibilant shhh noise and tugged on Zip, bringing them both behind the curtain. And indeed, they had reached – the wall. Zip’s frown was swallowed up in darkness, as his guide let the curtain fall back in place, and pulled Zip close. There was little enough room, that was certainly true. Their bodies were pressed together chest to chest, hip to hip, the toes of their boots touching, and Zip felt Hadrian’s hand slip to his waist. OK, so they had stealthily crossed the room and were now clearly in hiding. But from what? And this was really not a good idea, Zip thought, feeling the blood rising to his face even though it wouldn’t be visible. He felt the warmth of Hadrian’s breath on his neck and already hot cheek, felt those long fingers curved slightly about the dip of his waist, where it blended down into the hard jutting bone of his hip, and he tried very, very hard not to think. Just not to think, about anything. Except for maybe swimming in the sea – the nice, cold sea, that brought goose bumps to your flesh and made your teeth chatter, it was so cold. Like, when you dove into it and that first shock of chill hit your entire body at once… Where once he had seen these two guys and… no not that! That wouldn’t help a bit! But for some reason that image from a few summers ago, brief though it had been, just would not politely and cooperatively recede back into the space where he kept it and only brought it out for those times when… Oh gods, this really, really was not good, and he only hoped that….oh petch no! Zip shifted, or tried to, desperate to get that part of himself away from that corresponding part of Hadrian, because if this lasted like two seconds longer… But Hadrian’s hand willed him to be still and then, he heard it too. The library staffers, moving about, scooting chairs under tables, a dropped book, a quiet murmur between the two who were straightening things up and getting ready…to close the room! For the night! For the entire, blessed night, Zip thought with silent exhilaration, the pressing embarrassment forgotten for a moment. He strained his ears to hear them, and they were coming closer. And he was hiding from them. Hadrian had brought him here, to hide, so that they could… In the darkness, even though he could see nothing, Zip turned his head slightly, as if he could see Hadrian, such was the rush of excitement and gratitude he felt for the student. Their faces were already so close, the movement resulted in his nose brushing over Hadrian’s chin. At least he was pretty sure that was his chin, and those were his lips right above… Squeezing his eyes shut tight in the darkness, Zip willed himself to think of ice cubes, and really cold rain, sliding down the collar of his shirt, and really ugly old women…

[Hadrian]

Hadrian, of course, was entirely unaware of Zarius' emotional journey, the ups and downs -- apparently mostly the ups -- as he was entirely fixated on the sounds beyond the heavy velvet curtains that kept out little but the light. Normally he was awkward around people, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and so they were huddled together in that slender space he called a hiding place, and because he was four inches taller than the boy, the nose hit his chin. But he didn't notice. As the noises of the librarians receded, he leaned in ever so slowly to whisper, "Another ten or fifteen chimes and the library will be hours." They could talk a bit more, he assumed, and then Zarius would want to peruse the shelves, read some books he hadn't access to in his normal life, and they would both get some studying done. If the boy had any other thoughts, they didn't occur to Hadrian.

[Zarius Shine]

His efforts to force his mind to someplace other than here, squeezed into this dark corner tight up against this other boy, were not proving to be especially effective. Zip had swallowed hard when his nose had brushed against Hadrian’s skin, and he shifted about a little, as best he could. But that actually made things worse, for his traitorous body was quick to respond with even more eagerness to the feel of trousers brushing against trousers. So he determined to remain as still as possible and hope that his… problem…went away. Of course, it didn’t. If the circumstances had been different, this little tableau would have been the stuff that adolescent boy fantasies were made of – at least his. And he had…plenty of those. But the actual reality of being squished up against another, fairly attractive guy, in the dark, hiding out, was far from how those dreams would have been in his head, as he lay in his bed, conjuring up just how it all would feel…In that other world, where he had complete control over how things went, he’d be moving his face up to…while his hands would….and Hadrian would be… Yep – all efforts at halting the racing thought processes and their concomitant effects on his body were totally petching useless. How relieved Zip would have been to know that the other person involved in the ridiculous scene was totally oblivious to his misery, and the turgid cause of it, which was really beginning to be uncomfortable as well, because he couldn’t really move about and adjust…Of course, had Zip been privy somehow to Hadrian’s complete nonreaction to their forced intimacy, he might also have been a bit disappointed, and perhaps even a little insulted. Zip wasn’t an idiot, and he knew full well that just because he liked guys didn’t mean other men did too. In fact, most didn’t – in this way, at least. But he always felt just a wee bit let down when he found out that, definitely, this guy or that…wasn’t interested. As for being insulted, well, even if Hadrian wasn’t so inclined, Zip would have thought that the (in his mind) very prominent bulge in his trousers would have been at least noticeable. As in, gods it wasn’t that…slight, was it? But, for good or bad, Zip could not read Hadrian’s mind and thus, in his own mind, this was a terribly awkward situation. One that could not be over too soon, as far as he was concerned, even though, as said, under other curcumstances it might have been the fulfillment of many a wicked daydream to be crushed up against Hadrian and feeling….that way, about him. When Hadrian moved, Zip froze, even more, if that was possible, and he thought for a horrible moment that Hadrian had at last tumbled to his guilty not-so-very secret. But when he actually whispered in Zip's ear, the boy almost leapt out of his skin, he was so on edge. His hands, which he had stoically kept glued to his own thighs, moved of their own accord, to grab Hadrian by the hips, or else risk both of them falling right out of their hiding spot. He tilted dangerously, but fortuitously in the direction of the student, thereby resulting in the two now being in almost a lovers’ embrace of closeness. His face ended up pressed into Hadrian’s collar and in the slight movement of his foot to keep his balance, he ended up stepping on Hadrian’s foot. In the second or so it took to regain his balance and composure, such as it was, Zip hadn’t really thought about what it was that Hadrian had whispered to him. But finally it registered. Ten or fifteen chimes?! What the… He couldn’t help it. The thought of spending that much more time pressed this close to another male was unbearable. Zip pulled himself straight and released Hadrian’s hips and put a hand to the curtain. With a swift glance outwards, he saw that there were no staffers left down here in this far corner. Like a man just dug out of a mine cave-in, he stumbled from behind the curtain and gasped, thought he was quiet about it. Bending forward, he put his hands on his knees and took many deep breaths. Careful to keep turned away from the curtain, he whispered in the softest voice, “I’m sorry. I- I couldn’t…breathe.”

[Hadrian]

It wasn't until Zarius grabbed him in their hidey hole that Hadrian finally felt what was most definitely not possible to write off as a hip bone poking into his leg, and by then the younger lad seemed to be having some kind of panic attack. This hardly inspired a similar passion in Hadrian; certainly nobody had ever been inspired to such by Hadrian. The excitement of the library must have triggered it, a cooler, more detached part of his mind decided. Hadrian's own body had often rebelled to his embarrassment at inopportune times. He decided to say nothing of it to spare Zarius the embarrassment. His own exit from behind the arras was slightly more elegant, more like a stork side-stepping than a fall, anyway. "No, I'm sorry," he said. "I thought... you might want to stay the night. I promise you won't get into any trouble. We can sneak you out a window or something and if anyone gets caught, it will be me." This was why he avoided socializing, really. He always misread the cues and made a mess of things, inevitably disappointing people.

[Zarius Shine]

Hadrian had followed him out from behind the curtain, though with a thousand times more aplomb than Zip’s own almost tumble. In reply to Zip’s gasping apology, the student offered one of his own, and in it he stated what Zip had already guessed at, and hoped for, before the…the…problem had arisen. Zip was so thankful that Hadrian didn’t try to come over and pat him on the back or try to look at him in any way, to see if he was OK. He would have rather passed out on the floor (stomach first anyway) than have Hadrian hovering over him, and then perhaps seeing … But no, the student kept a respectful distance, and Zip, seeing his dream come true quickly getting ready to fly right out the same window Hadrian seemed prepared to toss him out, straightened up anxiously. Only daring to do a one quarter turn towards Hadrian, Zip said in a whispered but strident voice, “Oh, please! No! Don’t make me leave! I’d love to stay – I’d die to stay here with you – I mean, with you here, in this room. I…I…” Shoving his embarrassment aside, realizing what was at stake here, he turned fully and stepped over to Hadrian, his violet-blue eyes almost tearing up. “I do want to stay! I just got a little claustrophobic. But I’m fine now! Please, Hadrian – thank you so much for thinking of this, for helping me.” He nodded towards the curtain, clearly indicating the business of hiding. “That was brilliant. I’m sorry – I almost messed it up. But…please. Let me stay with you.” If ever a face held a pitiful mix of hope and fear and pleading and anticipation, Zip’s, at that moment, could have matched it measure for measure.

[Hadrian]

Zarius' obvious distress only served to distress Hadrian too. His eyebrows shot up with concern and confusion; where normally they were easily mistaken for cruel lines, now they were just expressive. Chlorine blue eyes considered the younger boy, as if to be sure he wasn't missing some subtle clue. It wasn't Zarius' fault if his body translated the excitement of hiding in the library against the rules into another sign of excitement. He just nodded, letting it go. But he put his finger to his lips; those whispers were nearing a stagy quality that might betray their presence to the librarians and the night guard, who would likely remain without once things were locked down. He didn't look at Zarius' pants, but leaned in slightly to lessen the need for volume. "It really shouldn't be long now," he whispered. "You will hear the locks turning and then we can talk normally, and move around. It will be nice..." He offered an awkward smile, but sincere. Truth be told, when he had moments of clarity, he realized he was lonely. "It will be nice to have you here with me."

[Zarius Shine]

Zip accepted Hadrian’s words to mean that the older boy wasn’t going to insist that he go home now – now that he had acted like such a tit. His anxiety, and the break from the intimate proximity they had been in, was having its own affect on reducing Zip’s perturbation, and the boy breathed a bit easier and his expression relaxed, though he was still mighty embarrassed by all of it. Still, he nodded in acknowledgement and was actually grateful that Hadrian was cautioning him to less noise. He took that as an opportunity to move a few feet to the nearest shelf of books and begin a studious scrutiny of the books thereon – those wonderful books that had been the source of all this in the first place. Funny how in the end it seemed the body would have its way no matter the critical importance of what the brain desired even more. Or at least, what it had desired more. Even with his back turned to the older student, Zip’s mind seemed now to be covertly acting in concert with his treacherous glands, and as he stared at the books his mind kept sending him images of Hadrian. What had Hadrian said – it would be nice to have Zip there, in the library? Zip almost snorted out loud. Hadrian was only being polite. After all, he was older, much more mature, and he was nice enough to have pity on a little twat like Zip, who was acting like a complete loony. So that was all it was – good manners, and an effort to not embarrass Zip further – after all, Zip had done a spectacular job of that all on his own, right? He was trying not to think about where Hadrian was standing, what he was doing – what he no doubt was thinking, about this really ridiculous kid – but after a few moments, he couldn’t resist turning his head back over his shoulder, just to take a peek.

[Hadrian]

As bad luck and spectacular cock up would have it, Zarius had been so wrapped up in the titles of books and his own thoughts, he hadn't seemed to notice Hadrian's stealthy footsteps coming up behind him -- they didn't want the tired librarians to hear them -- until he turned around and his nose brushed Hadrian's cheek as the taller boy stood up on his toes to reach a book off the top shelf, his other hand falling to Zarius' shoulder to steady him after the unexpected contact. He came down on his heels as softly as he could, book held high, hand on Zarius, though there came that frozen, listening look to his face as he verified that he hadn't made enough noise to alert anyone. Then his face eased into a crooked sort of smile. Intense blue eyes turned on Zarius with mild amusement. He patted the shoulder and took the book in both hands. "See?" he whispered. "You keep coming in handy. Do you want me to point you toward a particular section?" The title in his hands was clearly visible: Magical Creatures of Legend and Fact.

[Zarius Shine]

Timing, they say, is everything. And Hadrian and Zip seemed to have their timing down to the split second, like some well choreographed dance. Just as Zip turned his head, Hadrian was right there, in the act of rising to get a book, and with cheek bumping gently against Zip's nose, Hadrian’s hand settled easily on Zip’s shoulder. It was all Zip could do to not jump out of his agitated skin! Just as he had hoped (with self-delusion maybe) that things were settling down, in the oh-damn-why-am-I-finding-this-guy-so-petching-doable department, it was clear that he was in fact fooling himself. Zip froze, and so did Hadrian, though for entirely different reasons. Zip was paralyzed with confusion – consternation – mortification. He tried not to think about what part of Hadrian was also just minimally brushing against his hip, though with absolutely no success. He struggled to draw a breath and then Hadrian was smilng and patting him and…stepping back. Thank the gods he was stepping back a bit – just enough to break off all physical contact. Though at the same moment of feeling as if he has escaped before things got unbearably awkward again, Zip felt some regret too. In another universe, he could have totally wallowed in the feeling of Hadrian behind him, that close, touching him, smiling at him… With a tremendous effort, Zip dragged his attention to the book in Hadrian’s long, slender fingers, riveting his eyes on the title and trying to force his brain to read the words. Hadrian was saying something and he was still close enough that Zip almost felt a shiver run down his back, but he managed at last to read and digest the words that almost bounced before his eyes. He gave a very nervous chuckle at Hadrian’s claim that he was in any way useful – yeah, being a prop that was just about as bright as a wooden pole was about right, he thought. And the wooden pole analogy was apt in more than just one way. Feeling the sudden dryness of his own mouth, he whispered back, “That – that would be…great. Yeah. Please. Maybe….some, er, pre-Valterrian history?” His eyes were slowly returning back to normal, as was his brain, sort of, and he took another breath, then asked curiously, “Magical creatures? That sounds interesting. Is that part of your anthropology course?”

[Hadrian]

"Pre-Valterrian history is over there," he whispered, pointing down the stacks toward the railing at the end of the mezzanine. "Ancient history is in the 930s. Just wait a few chimes before you go..." He nodded his head meaningfully toward the exit, through which the people needed to go before they could get naked and dance around a bonfire. Or, you know, read. "Are you cold?" he asked, concerned at the shiver. It was Winter, after all. "Once you find a book, I have a blanket stashed... We can find the warmest corner and camp out. It'll actually be nice to have you there. I can't stay warm by myself." If Hadrian had known he was torturing the kid, he would have been appalled, but he was not good with people, took most things at face value when it came to interpersonal relationships, unless he had some reason not to. And so he thought all was copacetic, and waited for the sound of the doors closing and locking so he could help him find whatever books he wanted. Chances were, Hadrian had read enough of the section to give him some recommendations. He was a helpful fellow, was Hadrian.