[Fallacy's Scrapbook] Between Reality and Misconception

[Fallacy]

Still Searching Personal Rant... Again. Today I had an interesting conversation with the Head of the Department of Psychology. Every Thursday we have a scheduled meeting. Thursday at 8:00 AM Sharp. Our conversations don’t last very long, usually like fifteen maybe twenty minutes. I talk about how my classes are treating me and whatnot and he listens, but today was different. After the usual one-sided conversation he asks me if I have always been “Socially Awkward”. At first I laughed, but then I realized that he was serious about the question. I didn’t know how to respond. I’ve never thought about it much really, but my entire life I’ve been shy and quiet, a true introvert if you will. I took a minute to think about it and then I agreed with him, yes, I have always been a little “Socially Awkward” but instead of that term I used the word ‘shy’. We then talked about the consequences of being ‘shy’ in the profession which Ive chosen and he phrased it like “If I asked you to help heal some children you cannot just look at them”. Now, Im awkwardly shy sometimes, but I believe when the time comes that I can step up to the plate and show them the way. Of course, I did not say that. I let him continue to make his point. He brought up facts like I haven’t made a single friend since coming here, and that I keep to myself, that the thought of even trying something new socially makes me nervous, and he basically told me that this field is not for me. Of course I see in a much different light. I did not come to college to make friends; I came here to get a degree, not to socialize. I attend class, I do my work, I get great grades, and I go home. I keep on telling myself that I can do this, but now I am unsure. There is this little voice in my head saying “You can be anything you put your mind to” and then there is the voice saying “The Head doesn’t want you in his department. He basically told you that today. Maybe you should take his advice and go into computers”. Now, that second voice has always been there, it has always been saying “perhaps you should change your major to a little less ‘people-oriented’.” But only today, only now, and I finally hearing it loud and clear and it is now overshadowing the little voice that tells me I can. Im conflicted, and a little bit confused. I thought I had everything worked out, everything was planned, and now it doesn’t seem that good anymore. So perhaps a change is good? It is a time like that where I wish I had some of the traits of my PC. That would be totally helpful right now. So Ive slowly was spiraling down, but now Im falling. I wonder where I will pick myself up at. Yep, so that is what is happening in Fallacy's emotional world right now: Turmoil.

[Eridanus]

Fally bro if you need someone to talk to prod me on AIM alright? All i have to say out right here is this:

Check out eminem's life story. Simply put, if he allowed himself to get put down, we'd never be able to hear one of the best rappers ever.

[Victor Lark]

I had a similar thought like that last semester. I had been working on a degree that I had wanted since high school, something that would have meant a lot of time and stress and debt, but something I definitely thought I wanted. A couple of things happened that lead me to realize that no matter how much I thought I wanted that life, there were far more factors that made it a bad decision for me. I ended that path, started fresh and, even though I'm graduating this semester without much of a plan, I don't regret it. Some people wanted me to keep at it, others supported me through it no matter what, and some others even agreed that that path was wrong for me. Their input was helpful, but it ultimately, it was my choice to make.

You have to evaluate your life and figure out what's right for you. Make what you want of his opinion. Don't let it change your life, but choose to either let it be a step in the right direction or a minor hurdle in the road to what you really want. It's true that some people just aren't fit for some things, and I had to learn that a little late. That doesn't mean you aren't fit for this. If it's what you love, don't let people say you can't do it. But if it doesn't make you happy, don't let yourself say you should. That said, you can certainly do research in psychology for the rest of your life and be 'socially awkward' or whatever it is you actually are. There are desk jobs and studies that aren't related to social cognition or behavior, but you must already know that.

Dreams are dreams; goals have real setbacks and real consequences and real rewards. I'm sure that he's only trying to help you and that, if you decided to stay, he would support you doing whatever you want.

[Xelhes]

I agree with Victor on this, if it a job you enjoy doing and what you want to do I would stick with it, regardless of what the department head thinks. My situation is rather similar since I am with out a doubt socially awkward, and it goes beyond just being shy, but I have done some stuff in my field before and stepped up/shed my awkwardness when the situation required it, simply because I found more than enough joy in the work to not care about being awkward. I am not sure what you are going for since you said 'heal' children, but for the job I want I know I need to be in constant conversation with children and their parents/guardians and they apparently did not think I was shy at all. So yah, even if you are apparently 'awkward' and shy, if you love the job and work you might find that it outweighs being 'socially awkward' or even helps you stop being awkward. In the end I still think that if it is something you really want to be in the future and that you will enjoy, go for it. The other guy may be the head of your Psychology Department but that doesn't mean they can just assume and tell you that you should go to another department. They may know a lot about 'Psychology' but they can't predict that you are going to have an unsuccessful career just because you may act a little awkward; prediction is my power, not their's.

[Fallacy]

Thank You! Everything will be just fine... EDIT: Editing in a youtube video Before I get into this scrapbook I would like to thank everyone who replied to my last one. The advice was just what I needed to hear and this semester Im continuing my study into the field of Human Services despite the recommendation of the Head to move onto a new field. Its too early in the game to really know if I would be good or not, and as much as I respect his 20+ years of experience as a Clinical Psychologist Im going against what he says following my passion. In that light I signed up for even more psych classes. Another general psych class along with another Family Abuse and Neglect class. Both of these are supposed to help further my understanding of the various subjects discussed and give me a better foundation. In fact, today I was quite proud of myself as a 'psychologist in training' as I identified correctly a whole list of problems Neglect and Abused children might develop as they grow. Classes are going great. Some of the stuff we talk about is disturbing and kind of sickening, but its all oddly interesting to me. I love it. So, I would like to thank everyone who encouraged me I was going to give up too easily. I still have a lot of growing to do, uh? Communication Just a few thoughts We as people have a long way to go. No one is perfect and everyone has a skeleton or two in their closet, but that isnt to say that the world is inherently evil. No, in fact I have found quite the opposite true. The world is mostly good most of the time. We just tend to focus on the negative events that happen around us and are never ever thankful for the good in our lives. Maybe this is because we take the good for granted? Or perhaps it is that we remember sad, tragic, horrible things in more detail? I havent quite come up with an answer yet. Anyways, I wanted to talk about Interpersonal Communication today. The act of sending a message to one another. A person talking to a person. One on one. Man to man. Now, the process is actually quite simple. There is the Sender, who sends the message, and then there is the Receiver, who tries to take the message the Sender sent and make sense of it. Simple, but it gets much more complex. There is context to worry about, noise, the channel, and many other factors such as tone of voice and body language to interpret when receiving a message. Communication is hard and most of us do not have the understanding or capability to EFFECTIVELY communicate, especially when technology is involved. Things tend to lead to misunderstandings because we dont have all the clues about the message that we do when we are talking face to face. We dont even have the voice to help us, and so things like sarcasm, for example, is hard to pick up. Taking this into account we must be careful what we say or put up online as for the lack of 'cues' can easily come up as misunderstandings. One must choose each word carefully and be as clear as possible, dont be afraid to describe things such as your feelings if its necessary to further add to the overall meaning of the message. We MUST adjust accordingly, especially when a misunderstanding has occurred and one or more person is put-off or distressed with the message you tried to send. There is no way to take back what was said, or even clear up the initial miscommunication, but you can work to make sure such things do not happen in the future by being even more clear with the messages you are trying to send the next time. Remember, its a good idea to look over everything you are sending as a message before you send it. If you dont a message might come across that you didnt intend. This can lead to conflict. Conflict is something that no one likes. It causes stress, and even seems to have the power to sap the fun out of something that you once enjoyed. Conflict can lead to feelings of anxiety and even more negative feeling, to the extreme of Depression and more! People over think and put unnecessary powers on conflict allowing it to effect them in dramatic and bad ways. The reality is conflict is natural! It happens all the time, and if dealt with appropriately it can be used to overcome future conflict. When we think of conflict as bad a weird cycle is observed: We think of conflict as bad > We get nervous > Avoid conflict as long as possible > Conflict gets out of control and must be confronted > We handle it badly Then it start all over again. We handle it badly, then we think of conflict as bad because of how we handled the situation. Its quite sad. Though Im not here to judge, for who am I to judge? Im just here to try to explain things and help people who might be experiencing conflict. There are many ways of dealing with conflict, but the ones Im going to outline are some that will really help 'deal with it': Use specific behaviors to describe another persons annoying habits rather than general statements about their personality. An example of this would be one Ive used recently when I had a conflict with my brother. Instead of saying "Oh my god, you are such an annoying, lazy asshole" I said "Please put your laundry in the hamper." Avoid 'loaded' words. Loaded words are simple. They are words that are meant to create a negative emotional response to those who hear them. Use grace Grace is easy, simple, and effective. Grace is putting aside your own needs in favor of the needs of others. Also could be recognized as acts of kindness. This avoids conflict, as the act isnt expected to be paid back and the person who uses grace shouldnt talk about it. Use a positive approach. This one is quite obvious, but the least used of them all. Instead of spinning things in a negative light one simply finds the positive. Cooking for example. Instead of saying "You never help with dinner." you can say "I love it when we cook dinner together". Easy. Simple. Use it! Limit complaints to recent behavior and to current situations. When in a conflict it is best to let the recent past die. Dont bring up things like the lack of performance such as "You never do your fair share..." or "You dont do the dishes" ect, ect. These kinds of responses lead to defensiveness, which only helps fuel the conflict because if you play those cards so can the other. Assume RESPONSIBILITY for your own feelings "You make me mad" No! That is not how it goes. Acknowledge your feelings and instead change that voice in your head and say "I am mad" Be assertive Not aggressive! There is a fine line between assertiveness and aggression. Assertiveness is acting in your best interest by expressing your thoughts and feeling directly and honestly. Vs. Aggression focuses on saying and getting what one wants at the expense of others feelings and rights. Similar, no? The difference between Assertiveness and Aggression is that when someone is being assertive they are not doing it at the expense of others. Period. During my time on Miza there seems to be a lot of aggression going on. Ive seen tones of passive-aggressive scrapbook posts (Ive been guilty of doing that) and a lot of indirect conflict. Im trying to better myself, and so I think if we all work on being assertive rather than being aggressive then we can make this place a little bit better. Calling someone a bitch or other harsh names, pointing out that he has completed nothing along with other things is unacceptable. Especially on a site like this. Its childish, its immature, its aggressive, it does not belong here, and frankly it is bad leadership. As a mod I recognize that Im a leader in this community. I have the fantastic opportunity allowed to me to run my own city, and as a leader I want to take steps in the right direction and treat people how they should be treated. Happy people = happy site = good roleplay. If so desired I can describe the keys to assertive communication and how to act assertively more in depth and clarity later. Right now my mind is tired

[Wrenmae]

I rather enjoyed this scrap, Fallacy. Ordinarily I don't respond on scrapbooks for fear it will turn an eye perilously close to my rather bare scrap...but this struck a chord with me and I couldn't resist letting you know that.

I feel as though Mizahar sometimes falls into that darker realm of aggressive competition. We compete for friends, for points, for mod attentions, and sometimes for popularity...usually without realizing it. Feelings seem easily hurt on Miza at times and an 'acceptable' response is to write a non name specific passive aggressive rant about the situation on ones scrap. I find that it can be counterproductive because it's a non specific way to rally others into disparaging the unnamed individual who oft times is completely aware of who the scrap is about. What we sometimes forget is that this is a story, a collaborative story. We are ALL important here. The Founders created the world we play in, the Storytellers and Founders create the plots we so enjoy, and the players, the Founders, and the Storytellers all play in the same framework. We're all here to roleplay...I think that's a safe assumption to make. Not all of us stay and sometimes elitism or bruised feelings divide us. It's hard to find a site that doesn't duke it out with drama once in awhile...but it helps to read your words and realize that we can take a step back from all of it and try to frame the situation in other light.

Rather than indulge in anger, it would be easier to simply log out of the chat, take a deep breath, go for a walk, or do something more pleasing while the feeling dissipates. We make decisions when we're angry, sudden and sometimes irrevocable decisions. Without the kind of forethought calm logic offers, how can we be trusted to make the RIGHT choice? Emotions are fickle...they rarely stay for very long and the person who may have accidentally slighted you one day won't have the same emotional resonance a week or so later. Better to keep things light, diplomatic, and friendly. Put on your best face if you're going to communicate in the chat...and if you can't, simply don't. Chat is not mandatory. Scraps are not mandatory. I joined Mizahar because I regretted not doing it several months before...and I wanted to join then because of what an amazing world this is. The Founders have put fantastic amounts of work into it and I am in a perpetual state of amazement with what the players choose to DO in the world. Such grand plots! Such relationships! Such characters! Some fade into history as the real world consumes us, but there's usually always a place to return to when one gets time for it.

I stay because of the friends I've made here. I like a lot of the writers on Mizahar and cannot help but be inspired by their work. It's fantastically fun to plot out something with another player, build a relationship, forge a history...etc. I can't get enough. I may have messed up a relationship with someone I didn't intend to, perhaps even alienated myself from a few others unintentionally...but I stay because I believe that misunderstandings can be re-explained. I am here because I want to write and have found nowhere else as enjoyable as here.

So, I agree with Fallacy. Just be an assertive and positive communicator. There's so much fantastic plots to plan, things to do, stuff to help with. Eliminating OOC drama is a difficult task, but one that I think is completely within our realm of possibility. Most of us are adults, after all, and a fair number of us know how to communicate fairly well. Let's just apply it.

I've let go of my misgivings with others. Really, it was childish. Especially online where words can be so easily misinterpreted...it just isn't worth it to stay mad...I cut off an entire line of plotting by letting OOC misgivings (especially small ones) gum up the works.

Thanks for this scrap, Fallacy. I've enjoyed what you've had to say and will try to adopt a more positive approach to things.

[Fallacy]

Changes and Things It happens no matter what Have you ever tried to change? Perhaps its specific behavior about yourself that you dont like, or maybe it is simply achieving smaller goals such as 'writing everyday' or including an exercise routine into your life. Whatever it is, if you are consciously trying to form a habit or change something about yourself doing the action for twenty-one days wont be long enough. In fact, it takes much longer to form a habit. Studies show that it actually takes around three months to form a habit, about 66 days, and there are multiple factors that go into how long it might take for a person to achieve the automatism of a habit. Such factors include: How complicated the action trying to be formed into a habit is The person Woo, article source <--- Really a good read. If interested in more detail, read more! Another interesting article. This one is about some methods to boost creativity that one might not have thought of. Why people fear creative ideas The Dark Side of Creativity- Gosh this blog is so much fun! The Creative Power of Thinking Outside Yourself 7 more psychological techniques to being creative 6 ways to kill creativity Creativity for the cautious Well, I was going to rant about how change happens and there is nothing we can really do about it and so I guess this is a fitting (me spamming you with interesting articles of one of my favorite blogs) change of pace. This is what happens when I go to type something and then I go read blogs. They suck away my morning life! Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy the links as much as I do. If you want, we can discuss a particular topic (I dont 100% agree with some of the studies referenced )

[Fallacy]

Holiday Season? No... Its Baking Season! Just got done with some goodies for tomorrows thanksgiving feast. I made 2 different kinds of cheesecake and 2 loafs of cranberry bread (one with nuts, the other without). Strawberry Cheesecake (untopped) : Strawberry Cheesecake Topped : Reeses Cheesecake : Now you can see it pretty clearly in the strawberry cheesecake that there are berries actually swirled into it. Though in the peanut butter cup one you cant really see that there are actually cut up reeses cups folded into the cake itself. Yes, that is real milk chocolate melted down and drizzled on top of that deliciousness. Ah the holidays, every year I just bake more and more goodies.

[Invictus]

You are like some sorcerer of baked/unbaked goods (Seriously cheesecake make up your mind.) Teach me your ways so that I might get a holiday paunch. P.S. Totally kicks Jules holiday baking butt. P.P.S. May these words start a baking war the likes of which Mizahar has never seen!

[Phoenix]

It's on.

I'll dominate Christmas.

edit: I'll even officially put up the December Bakeoff