Nearby...
Two Myrians had cornered a seemingly harmless inventor guy from the city of Syliras. How he got there one could only guess, but he seemed unperturbed by his predicament, showing the cannibal pair all sorts of gadgets to distract them from killing him. He was also spouting off geometry terms and mathematical equations that left the two locals baffled. It was an impressive display of his Mathematics skill.
“What's he saying? Can you understand anything at all?” one of the Myrians asked in their native tongue, a woman with a glaring scar on her face.
“What kind of creature is it anyway?”Her partner, a bald man who used crosswbows as weapons of all things, shrugged.
“I dunno. I think he's one of those annoying door to door salesmen from Syliras. He sounds like he's demon-possessed though.”“Indeed, lady and gentleman, this cane here has a hidden blade. By tapping it like so, the blade springs forth, and viola! You have a weapon perfect for ambushing unwary constrictors! I've calculated the curve of the blade by multiplying the parabola of the...” Blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda, the man went on, not caring if the thinking-impaired locals understood him or not. His ploy seemed to be working!
It was this noise that our hero thunder (or Thunder if you want to make capitalization such a big issue, sheesh) chanced upon. Seeing the three, the non-pacifist Charoda felt confident he could take them on. A singe slice of his Infinity +1 Knife on their throughts would easily end their pitiful lives. The inventor guy saw his approach however, for he did not use his Superfast, Blink-of-an-Eye, Dragonball-like Teleport-Anywhere-in-the-World Skill to ambush them.
“What is that horror?!” Inventor Dude asked in, well, horror.
The two Myrians turned around quickly, stunned that a Charoda could so easily sneak up on them – they who have honed their senses over years of traversing the dangerous Falyndar jungles. Both bristled, hefting their massive weapons.
“Wait, wait,” the woman with the scar said, switching to Common.
“I'm the only one with the massive weapon around here. He has crossbows.”Oh that's right, forgive me. After the author apologized, the Myrians hefted their weapons once more, the bald man pointing his
massive crossbows at the Charoda, the woman pulling up her greatsword in a defensive stance.
“Who the hell are you, crashing our party, you a-” The bald Myrian could not continue, for he found his partner's hand covering his mouth.
“Watch your mouth! Look at his stance, and that knife dripping with Myrian blood! He's obviously a practitioner of that deadliest of martial arts!”“You mean...?”“Thunder-fu!” they said in unison.
They drew back in alarm, suddenly afraid of this antagonists who, with a flick of his wrist, could easily end their lives, and the life of the poor, still-unmarried-as-of-this-time-frame inventor guy. But who will protect the fifteen thousand defenseless Myrians still in Taloba if they do not make a stand against this Charoda now?
“You! Inventor guy! Do you have anything you can use to help us get out of this dire situation?”The Sylirian shook his (not balding, as some were led to believe initially) head.
“I'm afraid not. This cane with the hidden blade in it as the only means I have to defend myself.”“Da – I mean, curses! What use are you?!” the woman asked angrily.
“Can you make my crossbows shoot faster?” Bald Myrian interjected.
“By the way Si – I mean, Braid Girl, how did you know that's Myrian blood on the dude's knife? It could just be gimmick blood.”“You sir, ask the most inane questions. But yes. But you'll have to go to Syliras with me, my shop is there. But do you realize that that Charoda has just been standing there the whole time we're having this conversation?”“Let him wait! It's not like this is being written on his scrapbook. Right, Mr. Narrator?”Actually, it's thunder's turn to speak. And speak he did, misspellings and absent punctuation marks and all.
“you all talk too much!” he shouted at them.
“i am thunder and i've come here as Populatioon control! im here to end the lives of you pcs by slitting your throughts!” The three PCs cowered, thinking their time in Mizahar has come to an end.
“What did he just say?” Braid Girl whispered to her companions.
Bald Dude shrugged.
“I dunno, sounded like a dialect of Gibberish to me.”“This creature is obviously an avatar of Chaos himself! There is only one way to defeat him. Fortunately, I am quite equipped to deliver the...”“The...?”Inventor Guy cleared his throat, trying to appear modest.
“The LOGIC BOMB.”The two Myrians were stunned. Of course! Only a
nerd one skilled in Mathematics could set off such a thing. The two began to rethink the use of their existing skills while they let the outside deal with the hero (?) thunder. The Inventor Guy began to ask a series of questions that totally confounded the Charoda, things like
“How long does a fish have before the hot and humid atmosphere dries up his skin?” and
“How can you manipulate a knife so well with webbed fingers?” He threw in a couple of high level equations as well just for kicks.
thunder began to panic and he began to sweat
bullets catapult ammo like a fish dude who could sweat, and began to mutter.
“you cant do this to me! ill have you know i have a dissability that prevents me from following rules of forums like this! do you even know the number of inappropriate threads ive posted?????? im suppose to b EPIIIICCCC!!!!”At the mention of 'inappropriate threads' the clouds began to darken and the apparition of the goddes Big Boss Woman appeared in the sky. The deity stared down at the offender and, calling upon the powers of the heavens, smote him down with the BanHammer. The deity vanished as soon as the deed was done.
The three remaining PCs stared at the gigantic, still-smoldering hammer. And then they shrugged. It had to happen some time.
“That weapon is just epic.” Braid Girl said.
“I want one just like it.”“Too bad I can't craft you one. I only deal with gears and pulleys and machinery and stuff like that....I can't believe I said 'stuff'. How uncharacteristic of me.”“Can you make my crossbows shoot faster?” Bald Dude asked.
“Of course, my good man, come this way.” And Inventor Dude led him to the direction of Syliras.
“Perfect time to miss threads with your fellow Falyndarians. I hear several hot females will be making their way over there in the next couple of months...”The man's voice faded in the background as he drew Braid Girl's partner towards the
glittering lights of New York fortress city of Syliras. Braid Girl was now sad but looked forward to the future. Who knows, she might meet a hot Kelvic whose hobbies included stripping, ending her lonesome existence in the region. One could only hope.
Moral of the story: Rules are meant to be observed. Beware, for this could happen to you!
Disclaimer: Similarities of characters here to existing PCs is purely coincidental.
Morse and MikaPeace guys!
