Completed Feathers in Chaos

[Kanri]

Timestamp: 75th of Summer, 512 AV
Time: Noon
Location: (Starts in the Glass Reverie but quickly changes)
Courtyard of the Sky

Kanri had decided to try to make a cat-shaped paperweight. The other day, she had seen a beautiful colored-cat the other day in the Crafts Gallery and, though she had very little idea of how, she thought she she try. After blowing a potato-shaped tube that was to be the body, she tried to pinch off one side and twist it, forming the head. It looked awful. She was not prepared for this type of work in the slightest. She kept remelting the glass the whole morning and, while she learned about how the glass would twist depending on the length of time she waited, she still was no closer to her cat. She wanted to express something about herself, something other than paperweight orders. She wanted to do something for herself for a change. Instead, she just wasted glass. Noon rolled around and her hands slippery and grimy from sweat, grew sore. She sighed and formed a nice, round paperweight with the glass she had been working all morning. Even though it was a little burnt from all her reheatings, set it to cool, and headed out to lunch.

In a certain way, that simple paperweight that failed to become anything else was an accurate representation of herself. And she hated it. She wanted so much more. She wanted to be admired and respected by people and she wanted to see the world and help people... there was just so much she wanted to do. Yet, she was never able to go anywhere. She was scared and lazy. So, she stayed here in her cage. Maybe it was just her heart that was her prison and not Wind Reach itself.

She drifted into the rather empty Courtyard of the Sky with a small roll of fish she had gotten from the Communal Kitchen. She remembered the misadventures at the party, as though it had been yesterday... Was it a month now? Yes, a month already. She stood and tapped an imaginary table, remembering the boy who had kindly given her a green scarf. Then she turned and heard the bang and clatter of a serving tray. But in her mind, the crashing was not all as scary or startling, not as terrifying or threatening, and certainly not tolling her furneral bell. But the boy's smile, while just as radiant and heart warming, faded into the anonymous smile of a stranger. She had begun to forget the mysterious "nice" assassin that day and, every day after, it seemed like less and less of a threat. Time healed all wounds, it seemed. But it also faded the good memories too. And even as the feathers of the city seemed to ruffle into further chaos, Kanri found her inner chaos smoothing over.

"Ah ha! Kanri! Thank goodness I found you!" A boisture voice exclaimed.

She turned. There stood a man with spiky, dark-sunset-red hair filled with little, colored beads on tassles. He had four piercings in each ear with more glass beads and black tattoos of stylized feathers twisted around his arms. She had seen him much more when she was younger and he had been very kind. He was a rash, spicy man but had moments when he was cool and sweet. And she had to love him, to a certain extent. He was her father.

His beautiful bird sat on his left Sontav, a Red-Shouldered Hawk with light brown, dappled wings, yellow-striped gray beak, and keen golden eyes. It sat there duitifully, watching Kanri with only mild interest, but finding more interesting things to watch. Sheja, the hawk, had never particularly taken to Kanri, even if she had never tried to harm Kanri.

"Why did you need to find me?" Kanri asked calmly but suspiciously, wondering why her father was even talking to her. He had not spoken to her since a few months back and that had been in passing. He was a falconer but, as Winter was setting in and he found it harder to leave Wind Reach, he showed off his bird to the Yasi.

"I have a class today and I need you to take Sheja there. You know her basic commands so I am sure you can just show the Yasi a thing or two," he offered.

"Why do I have to? Do it yourself," Kanri answered bluntly.

"But I got in a fight with You-Know-Who and so I need to be at the Pits right now!" he explained anxiously.

Kanri actually didn't know who "You-Know-Who" was at all. She did not know her father well enough. And she wasn't going to do his job for him. "So? Your job comes first. I'm not your Better to tell you what to do. I'm going to do it anyway though; Don't slack off."

"I would do it for you, if I were in your shoes!" he whined. Kanri had read a few books when she was younger, some of them about children in the outside world. If those books her accurate, her father was a strange one.

"You'll notice you aren't me. I want my lunch so I'll see you later," Kanri announced, turning to leave.

He ran to catch up to her and continued, throwing an arm around her shoulder. "C'mon, Kanri! Be nice!" Kanri kept walking, grinning at his teasing tone. "You would be nothing without me. You don't really deserve to be an Avora but thanks to your mother and I, we pulled you up. But you're fairly unskilled at everything and we can point out your flaws to the Valintar if we want. You'll be a Dek within the bell!"

It hurt hearing someone voice her own fears. Worthless. Unskilled. Undeserving. She hated the words that described her too well. Her father noticed the look on her face and shut up.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that..." he apologized quickly. He hadn't. He just wanted her to take Sheja to the Yasi. That's what she told herself, anyway, but Kanri wasn't entirely sure.

"I'll take Sheja," Kanri said. Her tone was resentful and almost spitting. She hadn't meant that either. She wasn't so different from her father.

He chuckled. "I'm so sorry. I'll pay you, I promise! Sheja, there you go girl."

The bird hopped over to Kanri's arm at his beckoning. She almost seem to roll her eyes at her master. Do I have to listen to the girl?

"You won't pay me and I don't expect you to. Win your fight and make my troubles worthwhile. That's enough for me," Kanri told him. They had come to a truce.

With a wave, he took off towards the Pits.

[Kanri]

Kanri sighed, knowing she would also have to stay up late tonight fulfilling orders she had not gotten around to this morning. She was also skipping lunch, it appeared. She did not really owe her father a favor. He rarely spoke to her, let alone helped her better her life. Admittedly, she rode on her parents’ ranks a little... but just a little. And she was starting to come to serve the city better on her own.

Kanri eyed the bird carefully. Sheja looked skeptical of this whole deal, glaring at Kanri with a warning not to ask anything ridiculous of her. Kanri did not want to ask anything special of the bird. She would go to the training center, get this done, and watch the bird until her father returned. She began to walk slowly towards the learning center, the resting bird a heavy weight on her arm. She hoped the bird would have the sense to switch arms if Kanri asked. Holding a perching bird was tiring! The bird seemed to roll its eyes. Could you walk any slower? It seemed to say sarcastically. Kanri picked up her pace to a trot.

As she was walking to the learning gallery, she came across a bit of crowd. She could not navigate it holding the bird. But she was not familiar enough with the bird to really direct it anywhere. She tried anyway.

"Sheja, fly over the crowd and wait for me to move to the other side. Then come back," Kanri explained. She wondered how well the bird understood her.

Sheja picked up on the "fly" bit, at least, and took off from Kanri's arm. Kanri began to move through the crowd as best she could. They all seemed to be worried about something and agitated as Kanri shoved through. She heard something about "another Dek incident" and "what to do now?". It did not apply to her but these "Dek incidents" were getting to be unnervingly common. The Dek shouldn't act up so much and then the upper-castes would treat them better.

When she was younger, she remembered being able to slip through crowds. Right now was one of those times when she still wished she was smaller. She made it to the wall, where the crowd was a little thinner. There was someone in her way once again, leaning against the wall. Kanri had to grab their arm and yank them out of her way.

"What's your petching problem?" the Inarta protested, shouldering away from Kanri's grip. It was a man.

"You're in my way!" Kanri answered. Wasn't it obvious?

Without warning, he slapped her. Kanri stumbled back and grimaced. The left side of her face stung and Kanri instinctively put her hands up to defend herself.

"Oh! You want a fight, eh?" the man shouted mercilessly at her.

This was ridiculous! She was just trying to walk through the crowd! "Shut up and let me past!" Kanri demanded.

The rest of the crowd had noticed them by now. Their grumblings reached Kanri's ears easily. "Stupid kids. Can't wait for one conflict to be over before starting another!"

Kanri relaxed her fighting stance but remained on her guard. She was not going to win a fistfight with a man who was taller and stronger and older than she was. She skidded around the man nervously, and continued to make her way through the crowd.

She finally broke out on the other side, still unsure why the crowd had gathered. Perhaps there was really only five people involved and then all these onlookers came and crowded the hall. None of them seemed to have any real purpose. She sighed. The Inarta were too spontaneous at times and standing around in a crowd was not going to solve any of their problems.

"Sheja! Sheja, come!" Kanri called, being unable to whistle. There was no response. She did not see any sign of the bird either. Kanri felt a little worried. The bird might hate her but she would still be obedient. "Sheja! Come here! Sheja, come now!"

Kanri continued nervously down the hall. Her worry grew with each step she took. But the bird clearly had no intention of coming to Kanri.

[Kanri]

"Petch!" Kanri shouted, her voice ringing down the halls. A small group of people looked over at her but when she looked relatively okay, they went back to their conversation. She didn't care. Kanri couldn't believe it! Nothing like that ever happened her before or to anyone else! Maybe non-Inartas lost their birds to poorly explained commands. But never the Inarta! They had a special connections to the birds. The birds were their kin!

It was another slap in the face. Because if she was this incompetent, she probably did not deserve to be in the Avora Caste. She was good at Glass working, but not the best. She was bright, but not the most intelligent. And until then, other birds had responded fine to her voice and signals. She pushed back those fears immediately. She was here because people had deemed her worthy of being here. She might not be the best, but she was good enough to be an Avora. If someone thought otherwise, they would move her. That was that. Enough of the self doubt! She shook her head determinedly, shoving those pointless worries away.

Kanri walked quickly down the hall, looking for any sign of the bird. These were hallways, after all. However, with her luck, the bird had just flown out the nearest window. What would she tell her father? She hardly cared what he thought but... it would be nice he if he thought highly of her, if he could be proud to say "that's my girl" or something like that.

What if the bird had just flown back to her father? That was possible! But if Sheja had not returned to her handler and Kanri talked to him, then she would be in trouble. She could not count on the bird conveniently flying back. Life was never that fair. Kanri kept on moving down the hall until she came to fork in the hallways.

Kanri growled under her breath. Where to now? She looked down one stony path and looked down another. One way would get them to the Yasi part of the city. The other would continue towards the Crafts Gallery. Frankly, they looked much the same. What would a bird do? What would Sheja do? She closed her eyes and felt a very slight draft floating towards her right, towards the Learning Gallery. Maybe the bird had gone off by herself to educate the Yasi. Unlikely but Kanri had no other ideas. She opened her eyes and continued down the dim path.

[Kanri]

Kanri entered into the Learning Gallery, memories of her ever recent childhood drifting through her head. She remembered playing pretend among the couches and floors of the enclaves. She remembered looking at the books and wondering if she would get to read all of them. She remembered leaving the Learning Gallery when she turned thirteen to join her parents in their work, to become their apprentice.

She looked into the various the classes. Some were napping, some were in session, but most of the upperclassmen had left for their secondary skill practice. Kanri did not see Sheja in the room or any of the adjoining rooms. A few students peered at her curiously but returned to their work after some confused glances in her direction. Kanri carefully controlled her breathing to keep from panicking and started to exit the room, figuring she would just search the next corridor.

Then, there was a rapid patter of wings behind her. She whirled with a startled cry and a flurry of feathers exploded in her face, squawking and shrieking for all to hear. She instinctively held up her arms to protect her face and stumbled back. The bird eventually found purchase of her arms and both girl and bird calmed down enough to recognize each other. It was Sheja. She had come back! Kanri sighed in relief and smiled at the golden-eyed bird, running the back of her hand down its feathers.

"You came back, Sheja, thank you," Kanri said, glowing with pride inside. The bird had just gotten lost while trying to find her. Kanri wasn't a failure after all.

"Kanri, what are you doing here?" a woman addressed her.

Kanri looked up slowly to meet the gleaming, emerald green eyes of her mother. Another family member in such short amount of time. She did see her mom on a regular basis, as she often worked with her in the Glass Reverie and the Crafts Gallery, but she had not spoken with her yet as of today. She knew her mother better and worse than her father. Her mom was distant, even though Kanri met her regularly, and seemed more sophisticated, more complex. Though she was quiet and calm on Inartan standards, there were certain topics that set her into a fiery passion. Kanri always thought her mother had a commanding presence, an aura of power than even some of the Wind Eagles and Endal lacked.

"Well, Dad asked me to bring Sheja here," Kanri explained. She went on to tell her mom what had transpired, the fight her father had gotten into, meeting a crowd, loosing the bird, and arriving here. "And look, Sheja came back!"

Her mother frowned. That was never good. "Kanri, Sheja 'came back' because I told her to go back. Since she was flying free of command, I sent her to who she is supposed to be obeying." Kanri grew still as her mind filled with dread. "Sheja might have flown off by herself, Kanri. Your father would have lost his job on account of you. Admittedly, he should not be slacking off on his duties for a planned brawl. However, Kanri, he entrusted you with the safety of his bird."

Kanri's heart sunk. Her mother offered no sympathy for her situation.

"Kanri, your father and I, unlike most parents of Wind Reach, want you to succeed. But we can only do so much. We try to trust you with a bird and you lose it. Your unimpressive glasswork ability combined with your lack of ambition makes it hardly worth the effort to train you. I think I'll take over your father's teaching duty. Sheja come! Kanri, go back to the Glass Reverie where you have at least a little competence and get those vases done for me."

Kanri glared fiercely at the ground, opposed to looking into the eyes of her mother. Sheja flew from her hands and her mother began to walk towards one of the side caves where classes were held.

"Some mother you are..." Kanri mumbled and ran out, not even waiting to see her mom's reaction.

She charged into the Glass Reverie and buried herself in a corner out of people's way. Some people glowered at her for walking too quickly through an area with hot glass but Kanri didn't care. Safely tucked away between two shelves and out of the view of a majority of the room, Kanri drew out the Talon sword and stared out it, keeping the stining tears from spilling over. Her mother and father were both right, to a point. But couldn't they be like normal parents and ignore her instead of insult her? Or maybe try to be encouraging?

She stared at the beautifully crafted sword, a gift for the other half of her that had died. Pretending her deceased twin brother was a kind spirit who was in her sword, ready to listen to all her pains and joys... well, it made her happy. It made her feel warm inside. Yet, her mother's words stung and Sheja abandoning her so easily looked like proof she did not deserve to be in Wind Reach.

"Why? Why don't I ever amount to anything? It's not like people don't give me chances. They do! And maybe I try to take on too much or expect too much or don't push hard enough. But I'm trying! Can't they tell I'm trying? Can't the Gods tell I'm trying? Can't they see that I want to help? That I'm not content to be just 'another person'? Because that's me! I'm just another face in the crowd, a single feather on a bird, another paperweight on the shelf that might have been an elaborate vase or window pane. That's ALL I am! Can't anyone tell I want so much more? Can't anyone see that I'm special? That I'm not just anyone, that I am ME and no one else?"

Kanri ran a finger along the flat side of the sharpened blade, the Talon sword which never went to use except during her few practice sections. Her brother was the only one who really understand her predicament.

Then a small voice spoke up in her mind. "Kanri, listen." Even though she knew they were her thoughts, it was almost as though he answered her from wherever his spirit was now.

"Kanri, I understand you feel neglected and unloved and unimportant. I am sorry for that and I wish everything could be better at the snap of a finger. But, you know nothing will change if you sit and whine to me. If you want your glasswork to improve, you have to do your job instead of slacking off. You have to practice and push yourself. If you want to be recognized, then you have to start making accomplishments that are worthy of being recognized. If you ever want to achieve such accomplishments, then you need to work up to them. If you want to be free of your cage, then stop letting you hold yourself captive. The door to your prison is unlocked, Kanri. But you have to be willing to stretch before you fly. And you must be willing to fly before you soar."

Kanri took one more look at the sword, wondering if it might be more than her overactive imagination that led her to that conclusion, if there might actually be something in the sword. She shook her head, smiled, and sheathed the blade. Then, she got up, stopped mopping, and promised herself after she finished the vase, she would try making that elegant glass cat figurine once again.

[Whimsy]

.
.

Experience Award

.

Kanri

Exp
+1 Glassworking
+1 Tracking
+2 Falconry

Lores
Glassworking: How to Make a Paperweight
Favours for Father
Self-Doubt

Comments
A lovely little thread of growth and self-understanding. The ending was heartfelt and lovely. If you have any question or concerns, please don't hesitate to PM me. Keep writing!