Well this is it, all things being absolute serious now I figured Id share this for all to read. As I'm not really good with the mushy touchy subjects this can be considered one of those, why I dunno seeing as how I consider it ancient history. Maybe its because I'm honestly afraid the person will read this, even though its highly unlikely that he will it still makes me...nervous. To convince myself that I have moved on though I have to open up, and share my secrets to those I know won't judge me. :deep breath: Here goes...
Believe or not I wasn't always as open and zany as I was, thinking back to my sophomore year in highschool that was the time I actually made an awesome new friend. He became a favorite of mine soon after because I idolized him, thinking of him as the coolest guy in the world. I was a naive idiot at the time and tended to be needy when it came to friends, a hard mistake that I had learned a year later. I pretty much drove him crazy without even recognizing it due to being so naive, yet he would never tell me he needed space or time. Finally he decided to turn his back on me, and pretty much ignore the fact that we were good friends. I was pretty much torn up, my ego and pride both smashed as I had no other way to solve this issue. He was practically a hero to me and I ruined a valued friendship.
Shortly after I did the worst thing I could do, I drew back away from everyone period. I basically created a vault of antisociality, withdrawing in a shell of depression that lasted for months. I never told anybody about it, though it was clear everybody knew and saw past my fake smiles. I hated being in that point of a hollowed existence yet the pain was unbearable, and the dreams I kept having were all similiars one involving him. That's how devastated I was honestly... I had lost myself before I could even put everything together. Overtime I finally shut off all the emotions I felt, living an empty life until my early senior year. Oh and the timespan for all that pain and what not was my junior year. My senior year was when I finally opened up once more, hoping to find friends I could feel the same way again to in due time. Except my new perspective of things questioned the friends I already had before the "life altering event" I guess you can say. The year that followed was one filled with many experiences that are not related to the story.
So there it is really. The major critical point in my life so far, the one that made me change dramatically. I look upon the memories of before and after fondly, as I have yet to find people I can feel such a close friendship to. It was hard to recover from this experience, mostly because I was to naive to accept it. Now that its far in the past though, I'm not afraid to share it anymore; and those who wish to judge me. Cast your best stones I say, for you may hurt me but you will never insult me. ~Zach~ |