Solo Whats the Point of Living With Nothing to Live For?

[Thundiirn]

OOCWasn't sure if this was close enough to Sunberth to go in the Sunberth forum, or if it belonged in Wildlands. Sorry if I guessed wrong I'll know next time 1st of Winter, 512 AV, 6th Bell Thundiirn awoke beneath a tree, far enough off the road to not be seen, though close enough to not lose sight of his route to civilization. That is, if Sunberth could be called that. He didn't particularly want to go getting lost in the wilderness now, not while he was so close to the city. Making a quick judgement of the remaining distance, he figured he'd make it there with the sun high in the sky if he so chose, but didn't intend to. Today was a day for rest and remembrance, he had already missed his goal of getting there before the Watchtowers changed colors. There was no longer any reason to rush things. He was coming in from the south and west, Zeltiva to be more specific. Looking over his right shoulder, he saw the road weaving lazily though the hills that he had finally left yesterday evening. They look like giant toes... he thought to himself, pondering which god may lay there in slumber. He walked, groggily, to the start of the nearest foothill and kicked it, just to be sure. It didn't move. Not a toe then. How disappointing. He walked back to his tree and sat down, plotting his next move now that he was certain he wasn't actually staring at a giant foot.

[Thundiirn]

Just what was he doing back here anyway? What did he seek to accomplish? As he asked himself this and more, he quickly discovered that despite all his soul searching and "mind straightening" he'd done the past few seasons while travelling, he still had no idea why he was back in Sunberth. This place held plenty of memories, and plenty of connections. He had options, couldn't argue with that one. Did he want revenge? For Ondilo? For his family? Did he want answers? Did he want to start over? Start clean, as his father had, or start up in the streets, like Ondilo? Make his life in Sunberth, or merely stop by on his way to greater and better things? The world was his plaything. He had lost everything, and in the process gained the ability to do anything. The only limits he had were those self imposed, and right now he felt as if he could ascend the steps to Godhood. He was not ready to die for what he'd lost anymore, he was ready to live for it. Now just back to the original question, of what that IT is? Thundiirn sat back against his tree and began doodling idly in the dirt, poking thoughtfully with a small stick at an ant hill.

[Thundiirn]

As he played with the ants, reveling in their individual insignificance and collective power, he began to wonder if that was how the gods viewed humanity and him. Were humans (and the other civilized races, of course) just useless individuals to play with, throwing tiny pebbles that to them were huge hurdles and smiting at will? Probably. And just as the ants were incapable of reasoning with him to spare them, so too was he incapable of reasoning with the gods. What happened would happen, perhaps when they came to him they would feel a little pang of sympathy and let him go about his life. But he didn't expect it. There was a certain thrill to smiting those weaker than you. Something behind him hissed, pulling him out of these odd thoughts. He stood bolt upright, instinctively grabbing a handful of dirt to blind the possible enemy, drawing up djed to try and cast a spell of hypnosis, and stomping the ant hill under his heel, all in the same moment. Whoops... he thought, briefly. He briefly wondered if that was what the gods had thought after the Volterran. Oops. Oh well. Luckily it was just a squirrel. Thundiirn laughed in amusement, it gave him slight hope that a mere squirrel could put such a fright in him. Perhaps he could do the same to the gods on occasion. It was a comforting thought. It was also comforting to think of himself as a god of this tree rat, and he casually began wrapping his djed around the creature's mind for fun, blurring its reality. He had never tried it on an animal before, and wondered how often gods did to humans what he was about to do. To his surprise, the squirrel mind was incredibly different than a human mind. Simpler, no doubt, but very very unfamiliar. Perhaps such an act would actually be more difficult than he thought. Did the gods have such trouble understanding him? The creature's was very...jumpy. Skittish. Not prone to higher thought, relying mainly on instincts. In fact, it was hard to even catch the thing's mind long enough to capture its eye contact, which would have significantly increased the novice hypnotist's chances of success. He would get better with time, he knew, and released the creature, letting his djed flow back into him. The failure had put him in a mood. What was the point? Life was empty, sooner or later all things came to an end, and he seriously doubted his ability to make any long lasting influence on this world, in this lifetime at least. For now, he'd simply be plodding on, doing what he could to improve his lot, and trying to stay happy. It was quite hard these days, the crushing loneliness had taken quite a toll on him since he had first left Sunberth. Unwanted memories began to surface at this. Memories of how his purpose in life, his love, had been taken from him by some wicked murderous street thug. A flash of anger coursed through him, as had happened quite often recently. Sitting down, he closed his eyes and began deep breathing, waiting for the feeling to subside. It would do no good at the moment. Perhaps now he was back, he'd get his chance at revenge. He'd need friends though, he couldn't stand to go it alone any longer. The gods' help would be nice of course, but as before, he wasn't expecting anything. He was merely an ant to them.

[Thundiirn]

He was sitting beneath the tree, enjoying his complete lack of anything to do having forgotten his earlier anger, when the first person passed by on the road headed towards Sunberth. It was the first person he'd seen in several days, after a brief excursion from the road a while back down the road. She carried a small basket, probably filled with what little food she could harvest at this point in the season to sell in the city. He found himself wondering what that woman's purpose was, what drove her to walk all the way to Sunberth and back with so little, to make such little gain. She was going to die anyway, didn't she know that? And when she did, no one would remember her name. How was it that everyone else seemed able to assign value to their life where none existed? Perhaps he had just been away from people too long, and needed to warm back up to society. Putting one foot in front of the other, the distance between him and the road quickly shrank, as his tree faded off into the distance.

[Thundiirn]

He only had to stop a few times to summon the willpower to keep his own two feet moving. Soon enough though, he was at the road. A ways away, just before the hill crested, he could see another walking down it and so he waited there for them to pass. Mornin', sir he began. Copp'r for your thoughts?. The man gave him a whithering glare, but stopped and held out his hand. Thundiirn dropped a dulled and dirtied miza into the open palm, also grimy and stained by travel and time. Whaddya wanna know? What do you live for? The man's eyes widened slightly, but besides that he gave no indication that he was surprised by this question. Dis' a trick question? Nope, what makes living worthwhile for ya? The man still seemed incredulous to be making such easy money just by talking. I dunno, man... Money, I guess? Some happiness? Food on the table. Nothin' better than a full stomach after a long days work Thundiirn thanked the man, who continued on his way to Sunberth. Money had never meant much to Thundiirn, aside from the minimum needed in society to get by. Same with food. It was all about the nutrients, not about the quantity or taste. He supposed he had just lost a miza. Throughout the day, he would try this on two others. None gave an answer that satisfied him, though he was quite intrigued by the last man. He was rather short, dark-skinned, and short, light hair. Thin faced, light eyed, he had reminded the lost young man of his old Sunberthian friend Ondilo, with his declaration that drugs make life worth living It had been a long, long while since Thundiirn had used any such things, and so when the man offered to sell some pulp to him, he couldn't refuse. Ten gold for it, and it's yers he said with a toothy grin. Thundiirn had fiddled with his ring, and hesitantly handed over the money. He was pretty certain he had just been heavily ripped off, but didn't much care. The best way to re-enter such a world, should he choose to, was to throw money at those already in it. Didn't matter, he had gotten what he wanted, and Ondilo's spirit was appeased. Now back at his tree once more, Thundiirn began the process of preparing the leaves to maximize their hallucinogenic effects.

[Thundiirn]

In went the leaves, into his waterskin. Generally he'd have heated it first to speed the process, but his body heat alone on it should be enough for success. And sure enough, looking down, he could see the toxins leaking out. The chemical was colorless, but tended to mix with the water somewhat weird so that one could see tiny ripples underneath the surface of the water, radiating out from the leaves. They'd have to soak there for a while, so that the water could suck out all the ripply goodness from them. A thrill of excitement went through him, as it had been quite some time since he had last been able to get a hold of any fresh Sunberth pulp. Swirling the water about, he dipped in his finger to crush up the leaves a bit more and feel them. Everything seemed to be at about the right stage in the process, and so he fished the leaves out, dropped their now-useless corpses to the ground, threw back his head, and swallowed the little remaining water. He felt slightly nervous, though he quickly pushed those thoughts away with memories of wonderful times he'd had doing this in the past. To date he'd never had any bad experiences with the drug, though good or bad times tended to depend on your state of mind going into it. It wouldn't do to be nervous right now. Wouldn't do at all. Quite a bit of time had passed. Pulp always had tended to need some time to take effect on him, and he always started thinking it hadn't worked right before it started working. He knew this, but still couldn't shake the feeling that he had just lost ten gold for nothing. Foolish! That had been such a fool move on his part. What had he been thinking? Perhaps there was still time to track the man down and demand his money back. Deciding on this as the best plan, he stood up to go back towards the road. And promptly found himself on the ground again. Odd. Then the nerves in his rear end fired. Finally understanding he had fallen over, just as any drunken fool in the bar might do, he began to giggle. He just couldn't control himself, it was so amusing, and he continued long after it was no longer funny just because laughing felt so good. Oh yes, it had definitely just hit him. But he was only coming up right now, he knew it would get much stronger in the next bell or two. Back against the tree, he prepared himself to enjoy the ride as reality began to twist and bend.

[Thundiirn]

Mizahar was alive, he could almost hear it speak to him, a greater God that all the other gods and mortals could affect and influence, but never be equal with. He looked up at his tree, and wondered for how long it had stood there. What if he learned to talk to it? Imagine all the secrets it could tell him, all the things it had seen when people thought no one was around. He felt connected to the world, for the first time in a long time. He hadn't even realized he had missed it, but now he felt it again his mind ached to stay there forever. But it wouldn't last, and with that thought this reality bubble collapsed. The entire world changed. He was alone. So alone. There was no point to this existence. But why should that mean he do nothing? If there is no point, and it doesn't matter where anything ends up, he could do anything without ultimate consequence. He cackled to the world. Thanks for the advice, Mr Tree. This world was a playground, constantly changing and developing, and him with it. Those that changed the best, moved on. Those that didn't, disappeared. He could change to live, he knew he could. He just didn't know how yet exactly. Drooping lower than should have been physically possible, the tree's branches began to move down towards him and wrap about him. And who was there with him but his squirrel friend? "You tried to hold me, Thundiirn. You tried to take my freedom." It spoke! He had forgotten for a moment that he wasn't in his normal mind state. The tree branches quickly melted away and evaporated into the night, as if to remind him. The squirrel's eyes briefly grew red and angry, before it evaporated too with the branches. Poor guy. Reality exploded. And was replaced by two, or possibly three. Two or three what, who knows? But he could tell it was two. Realities tended to do such things, though Thundiirn rarely paid attention to the events when Pulp wasn't involved. He was pretty sure he was peaking, and it was getting pretty intense on him. He tried to ride it out, it wasn't getting any stronger but he could feel his own ability to handle it diminishing. He began to shake, as did the tree. The world hurt, though he knew this was just a phase and continued to wait out. A minute later, energy volted through him and out into the world, and everything was peaceful. Balance was restored. Looking back, he was now certain those were toes. He had merely not been looking at them in the right way while sober. He walked, or stumbled as the case may be, back to them, and felt life within them. Everything around him had life in it, but the toes had their own distinctive life. It wasn't just the background presence. "Pssssst!! Are you awake?" he called to the toes. "I am indeed, Thundiirn." "Well, who are you?" "Why, I'm you! Or rather, I make you. You are me, but I'm not you. It's all rather complicated and rather hard to explain." "Oh.... Well, are you a god?" "Not in the sense you're thinking. But I have more power than you can possibly imagine. I could kill you where you stand now without the slightest expense of energy. But I won't, I have plans for you. And no, I won't tell you what they are. You'll know soon enough." Thundiirn tried to get more out of the toes, but they had stopped speaking. He sat down once more at his tree. The old reality was beginning to return. He could feel himself slipping out of his state, and as he looked up at the moon he saw four halos of light around it, extending down to the ground almost close enough to seemingly reach up and grab. It was the most obvious sign of coming down, and he knew it would all be over soon. He was content with the world again. He knew he had just been hallucinating, having a set of giant toes tell him he had purpose in this world, but deep down he knew that all that had happened was real in some sense. There was some frost on the ground as he laid back to sleep, but he didn't much care. A bit of frost wouldn't kill him tonight, and tomorrow he'd be safe and sound at home. Hopefully.

[Limey]

Skill and Lore Rewards Skills Lore Observation 2 Toes Of The Gods Hypnosis 1 Many Options, Few Plans Philosophy 1 Freedom Out Of Loss Socialization 1 Why? Because I Can We Are All Ants... And Just As Meaningful A Squirrel's Mind Ondilo: Old Friend Why Do You Live? Lore: Pulp Preparing Pulp For A "Trip" Talking To Trees Me, Myself And My Toes Additional Notes : Yay, my first drug-related thread! Nice start, dude, I hope we see more of you in Sunberth. I liked the philosophical ramblings, too, see if you can develop them further. Any questions or queries, please PM me.