[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon I

by **Gossamer** on February 12th, 2013, 5:51 pm

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There's Something In The Air
I can't quite put my finger on it though.

A good friend once pointed out, while were were walking across a parking lot in Coalinga, California that in order for you to smell something, you had to actually take in micro particles of that substance and have them merge with your mucus membranes in your nose. We were smelling the stockyards there. The entire city reeks. It reeks so bad that your eyes water and you cough and there's simply no ability to breath. I'm sure its better in the winter and spring and fall, but in the heart of summer - August to be exact - in 121 degree weather it was not pleasant. What made this even more unpleasant was that we stopped to eat at a great little restaurant there.

I mean, I get the fact that we have neurons in our nose that have hairs attached to them that capture these molecules and then read them. We can distinguish esters (like the smell of bananas and fruits) and all kinds of things. There's something like 10,000 or more smells we understand and we have killer genes that control smelling each smell. That's why some people can smell things and others can't smell other things. We all don't have the same genes. My set is different than your set. And I'm glad... I like that difference and celebrate it.

But on the site lately we have had a smell. I don't know if you've sensed it or had the genes to pick up the molecules. Something stinks. And I'm getting really really tired of people's entitled attitudes that generate that stink I'm currently having to smell. I don't really think Miza is the place for you if you just want an outlet to bitch, whine, complain, and be a general idiot. We have a ton of people that work really hard to make this place pleasant, friendly, and have busted their asses to build it up from nothing. I won't let individuals ruin that. I won't let a general attitude prevail that its fine to chew people new ones in public without talking to them first. We have to deal with unpleasant people in life all the time. At work, at school, even our own family members can be rather trying. And in general we adapt and learn to deal with this sort of thing. But fortunately we don't have to do that here. No one pays to play. No one has any sort of god given right to be here. There are hundreds if not thousands of RPG sites all over the web. Some of them are better than others. But they all promote different things. I equate them to the genes that work on smelling. Some of them like the negativity - the snarky attitudes. They are 'receptive' to them far more than I feel we are here.

The point of this scrap really is if your a molecule of feces, get the hell out of our mucus membranes. Seriously. It is totally not necessary for us to have to smell you.

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by **Gossamer** on February 13th, 2013, 8:13 pm

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Blowing Off Steam
I wonder why Photoshop is so therapeutic?

So I got into a nasty fight with Gillar last night. I still don't think it was my fault, but it wasn't his fault either. His favorite grandmother passed away and its really bothering him. I know us squabbling isn't anything other than his grief and having no outlet to deal with it because they have nothing but a gathering planned in the spring/summer when more folks can come and gather in his grandmother's honor.

When I lost my one grandmother I was incredibly close too I was in Montana. I didn't get to come home for the funeral. I was in finals week and I just couldn't. But it still screwed up my life for a while. I missed her dearly and remembered when they transferred her from the hospital to the nursing home where she passed away. I didn't cry for two weeks, but when the tears finally came it was like a bible level flood.

I feel so bad I can't help him.

I feel so bad I can't really offer any comfort.

I'm trying, but between work being so busy and having zero comforting skills other than being a good listener (which he might dispute at times) there's not much someone can do but say "I'm sorry." He's not been to work since last friday and I know he won't go back to work this week except for maybe friday and then he gets his weekend off. I know I'll have to work Saturday and get one weekend day off since Friday is a huge party for the million mile club at my work and those guys drink all day friday and call in sick saturday. Plus we have three people on vacation. That means Jen will be heading north or south with a set Saturday after a grueling week with trainees and hellish freight volume. I try to be understanding. I know hes hurting. But in a way I'm hellishly jealous too because it always seems like hes home, with time off - usually paid - and I'm always at work. I smile, laugh, try to understand it but I secretly hate it a lot. Its not that I want him to work more. I am really glad he has time off. It's just that i want to work less. And I always think what I'd do if I had all that time off and how much I'd get done around the house, in the barn, and outside.

I know what he gets done.

And I shouldn't be like that. The fight last night started because he had an idea about something on the game and said I wrote up the idea. I was baffled because it seemed to come straight out of a popular movie. I asked him to show me where it was in the wiki. He read the article I'd wrote, which was one of the earliest I'd done and wasn't complete at all... and I said I didn't mean it at all like the way he was describing. He said I should have said that. But I didn't. I was very general and left it open to development because again this was back in 09 and we didn't have much in the wiki. Then I felt like he accused me of not expanding the article and felt I should totally now that there was more info out there on the topic. I was floored and lost my temper in a very unfair way. I seriously screamed. "When? I'm sorry I don't have all my articles in the wiki expanded and updated all the time." I started ticking off all the things I did do on MIzahar daily and how much time it took and how I never get to post for my two primary pcs and my tertiary one.. and how I can't believe people even put up with playing with my pcs because they are so slow to post sometimes..... you get the drift. And I finished with I wanted him to help more. I needed him to help more instead of demand I just expand things he wants expanded.

I'm still mad about it. I shouldn't be. I was just as much to blame. I should have remained calm. I shouldn't have yelled. He hates yelling. But I was tired from work, feeling attacked, and then feeling like he was putting me down and calling me out for being lazy in my development or something. But the thing is, those are feelings I assigned to the situation, not the reality of what he was feeling. Don't you hate it when other people do that to you? Why would I do that to someone else? Its hard having a relationship. It's hard being fair and feeling loved and being equal all the time. Life doesn't equate equality. And just because I'm frustrated or feeling cornered doesn't mean I need to kick my way out. Sometimes its just fine to be there.

Oh, and the article we argued about? The Ukalas.

But its interesting how when you try to shut emotions down to stop a fight and get things fixed, those emotions just don't go away. You can't bury them deep enough for them to just vanish or evaporate. They need to go somewhere. And for me they go into photoshop almost immediately. So I made myself some style codes. If I would have found some images that reminded me of others - like I did for poison - I would have made some folks some style codes too.

Thank you Photoshop. You are my sanity sometimes.

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by **Jester** on February 13th, 2013, 8:48 pm

Personally when I get into a fight of that sort with someone I'm incredibly close to, I always hate it not because we were fighting (that's totally natural on occassion), but because I can never assign blame. I know them so well that I can see, but more importantly UNDERSTAND their side of it, and so I find myself with no choice but to throw my hands up and say "its both our faults, and neither one of ours", apologize, and move on, never really getting that feeling of resolution from knowing that I was either right or wrong. It's so easy to fight with acquaintances, or people online, because you never have to truly live in the other side of the argument and so you can easily decide you were right or not.

I feel like as long as the love is there within all the fighting then it's okay, and even easy after a short time, to let an argument fade away without ever having resolved it.

I realize I don't know you all that well, nor do I know next to anything about your relationship with Gillar, so I hope this doesn't seem imposing. Just throwing in my two cents

Side note- here's a picture of a cat that's entirely too happy to be underneath this dog's ear. I smiled at it, maybe you will too.

by **Sira** on February 13th, 2013, 9:25 pm

Yeah.. Kelsey and I fight sometimes, usually over stupid stuff. At least you have something to blow off your steam with, it would suck if you didn't. I hope you get some time off soon, and I'm sorry about Gillar's grandmother. I've never lost anyone close to me, so I don't know how that feels, but I can imagine how much it must suck. I hope things get better for the both of you very soon. You guys deserve a break from the bs of life.

by **Elysium** on February 14th, 2013, 9:19 pm

RANDOM GIFT!

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Code: Select all: [style=width:600px; padding:0px; margin:auto;color:black][img]http://www.mizahar.com/forums/gallery/pic.php?mode=large&pic_id=16501[/img] [style2=width:600px; padding:0px; background-color: #296ff4; margin:auto;color:black][indent][color=#296ff4]e[/color] Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum. [color=#296ff4]e[/color][/indent][/style2][/style]

Saw this and thought of you.

by **Gossamer** on February 15th, 2013, 7:29 pm

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Buried Alive
Yup. It's true. And its getting deeper and deeper.

Hey Everyone -

Quick update. I'm BURIED ALIVE in work this week. It's insane between training new folks, putting in long hours, and having to work saturday. I've had almost zero time for MIza these last two weeks. We've got crazy insane things going on at work - like we're all on high alert today because some crazy got fired and threatened to 'do something destructive' today ominously. I'm not sure if hes bombing or shooting or just running off his mouth. Fun times. So its pretty crazy all around. And I'm working tomorrow because all the senior drivers are out partying or on vacation (why does my boss keep giving everyone vacation at the same time to cause saturdays to fail utterly?) at a company sanctioned event for a million mile club... so its insane.... totally insane.

I haven't had a chance to log on let alone post or catch up the HD. I got my pm's updated but that's about it. No promises I'll be back sunday either. I have a feeling that will be a relax and sleep day for me... before doing it all over again next week.

PS thanks for the style code Kate.

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by **Sira** on February 15th, 2013, 7:35 pm

And let's not forget the fact that you still haven't given me my tassels. >.<

Just kidding, of course (not really), but seriously, be safe. I forbid you from being exploded, or shot, or anything else ominous that might happen to you. And have a relaxing day Sunday, you need it. Miz can survive without you for a little while.

by **Accolade** on February 15th, 2013, 8:22 pm

Seriously? Someone should lock that guy up. That's a real issue and should be considered more than just a threat. Be safe Jen and we'll get back to fun times as soon as you're better.

by **Elysium** on February 15th, 2013, 10:51 pm

Of course. Just take care of yourself. Your health is the most important.

I bet you could take that guy, anyway.

by **Paragon** on February 16th, 2013, 6:19 am

You work damned hard for this site. No one will begrudge you being busy. Hell, I'm swamped too at the moment. Stay safe, and I'll catch up with you soon