15 Spring, 513
Real Reflections
Alea stepped into the meditative petal's garden for the second time, the grapey scent almost overpowering her, though unlike the first time nobody was requiring her to be here. It had been some time since Kinu's meditation "lesson", and some of what she'd learned there had managed to sink past her stubbornness, and a few days ago, she'd heard about the Rebirthing (though she hadn't attended), and there was something to that that she'd wanted to mull over. She definitely did not want anyone she knew to see her here. She wasn't even sure why she'd come really. Odds were she'd get bored and restless, and leave immediately.
She still wasn't really comfortable going beyond the entry area, still worried that she'd accidentally walk in on someone else, and either disturb them, or worse, be noticed. The prospect of running into someone else made her so nervous... She couldn't relax her arms, she noticed. Probably it was true of all her muscles, but for some reason she noticed it in her arms. In an attempt to do what she came for, she found a defensive position at the very edge of the vines around the entry area, and sat on the floor, her back to the vines.
She still was not at ALL comfortable eating the grapes, which were supposed to help relax and aid meditation. But Alea could not, would not relax. She did not feel safe relaxing just yet. Besides, for all she knew, someone could come walking by at any moment. She pulled her cloak over her head and remained very still, partly hoping no one would notice her if she stayed low and didn't move, and partly expecting motionlessness to be part of meditating.
She stared into the space in front of her, letting her mind race in circles as her body remained frozen. She did not think about anything in particular, which in a way was maddening, but somehow trying to direct her thoughts was even worse. It was like something about the thoughts she wanted to address was dangerous and terrifying, and she did not feel ready to face it; not like this. Still, something about the tranquil atmosphere and the smell of grapes let her mind sink into an unfamiliar level of non-thought. As time went by with no disturbance, Alea was able to marginally relax, not mentally, but enough that she was not waiting to spring into action at a moment's notice. Eventually, her eyes slide shut, and she fell into a light doze.