With a Little Help from My Friends [Tinnok]

[Ayatah]

|| 86th Spring, 512AV. ||

There were few guilty pleasures that Ayatah could enjoy as of late. Time had stretched to nearly a season since the storm, but the wounds were still raw. There were still people dying, still others that were blind. It was an incredibly rare thing for a fang to leave the city and return without any fatalities or causalities.

And for the best part of that last season, Ayatah had dedicated her time and energy to fixing the broken Myrians that returned. Men and women would come to the infirmary crippled or dying. Most of them met with Dira eventually, but a lucky few were salvaged. For the half-Eypharian, her recent dedication at the infirmary served as denial, displacement and a distraction from her own pains.

She had lost a child in the storm. But she could say those words in her own thoughts now, admitting the fact silently to herself and her empty womb.

But saying them to anyone else was proving a far greater challenge.

Her cousin was blinded, countless comrades and acquaintances dead or damaged. There was so much hurt, so much anger and remorse amongst her people -- including the people she loved the most. Myri, especially in the man she loved the most of all. How could she take it upon herself to add to their pain? His pain.

So she had simply kept quiet… but her silence had transferred to her family too, as well as the few friends she had that lived in the Sacred City. Ayatah had become almost completely internalised, living in her own suffering and caging that in to protect the ones around her. In some ways, it was a valiant act; in others, it was cowardly and even childish. More importantly though, it was unhealthy. I cannot live like this forever. Too big a wedge had been driven between herself and the people around her.

But there was one other person Ayatah could seek companionship and comfort from. Tinnok. The two half-breeds had initially bonded over their mutual dual heritages, but as they had aged their friendship became deeper. In some ways, they were one and the same. In others, they differed substantially. But they’d had one another’s backs as girls, supporting each other throughout the turbulence of being bought up in society as permanent outsiders. Their lives had taken different routes, for sure, but Aya could only pray that the storm had not damaged their friendship has it had so many other things.

Change was everywhere. Even as she walked the short distance from her home to that belonging to friend, Ayatah could see how the jungle was so overgrown, expanded. All unnatural growth, she knew. So many things had been taken, destroyed in this place she had once called ‘home’. The half-Eypharian could only hope that not everything crumbled down so easily.

|| Ayatah's speech || Ayatah's thoughts || Others' speech ||

[Tinnok]

She had been looking forward to this day for sometime, a time when her and her friend could simply relax, kick back, and enjoy. It was hard with so much happening, when so much had happened. Something had hit Aya hard in that storm, and Tinnok was unsure what it was...if it was the Eagle, he'd petching pay if he had hurt her friend...despite her affection for him as one of her only other friends.

But somehow she doubted it. Razkar perhaps treated Ayatah even more preciously than her fellow half breed. So what then? She knew a clan mate..a close one had been one of the warriors blinded by the storm. Tinnok wondered herself what it would have been like seeing that great light. Blindness perhaps was preferable to disappearing completely, like their comrades...but perhaps not.

The speculation didn't matter, she would learn it soon. There were very few things indeed the two kept from each other, and Tinnok doubted the storm had changed that either.

She woke up with Syna and slunk into the forest. She didn't want to make the trip to Taloba. Dealing with haughty pure bloods would just ruin her mood. Instead she took her bow and the dog, and went out for a refreshing morning hunt. She envied her four legged friend's ability to remain so silent in the brush, and bare footed, sought to emulate the canine. Both of them moved rapidly, and though it was not Tinnok's most pristine sneaking, she stuck to the early morning shadows and slunk low to the ground, traveling with just her bow, a dagger and a satchel for her potential catch. She focused on her stance and posture as she moved, and the dog did the tracking, picking up a scent and pointing with her long snout towards the direction from whence it came. Not liking to rely solely on the dog, however, Tinnok paused her motions to check the ground, tanned fingers pressing into damp soil as she crouched and assessed the forest floor.

Small tracks, mammal in shape with four little toes instead of splayed feet like a bird. Tinnok smiled, realizing them for what they were: An Agouti. Like big squirrels without the tail or climbing capabilities, they were tasty to eat, but skittish and hard to catch. Tinnok reached for the dog and made sure to stress the necessity for quiet before both hunter and canine moved on through the forest undergrowth.

There was a group of four, and Tinnok nearly stumbled atop them, pleased with her own silence. The dog looked ready to charge, but eye contact solidified the need for patience. Slowly...so slowly it hurt, Tinnok notched and drew her long bow, pulling the string back as far as she dared to make sure the wood didn't creak and give away their position. She took aim at the haunch of the closest one, made sure the dog knew her plan, then let fire to her bow. Just as the twang of her arrow echoed into the trees, the Deepwoods dog leapt through the brush, a snarl in her throat.

And that was how the two hunters returned to Tinnok's ramshackle home with their two Agouti. On the return the half breed collected a series of large purple berries with seeds peppering the outside, and some wild lettuce. At the prospect of making her friend a nice meal the abomination became nearly euphoric. It wasn't often she could simply enjoy these moments, and the half-Eypharian was one of the only people with whom she could relax so easily.

Ayatah had been to Tinnok's strange camp before, a semi-permanent structure made from bleached wood and woven ferns that lay against a massive fallen tree. Just big enough to stand up within, and a soft floor created from mossy undergrowth, it was a primitive, but comfortable abode for the witch of Caiyha, and just big enough for two, or one and a canine, as the case sometimes was. As the childhood companion approached her encampment she would smell the sizzling meat wafting out over the jungle, a wisp of smoke streaming up into the sky, just in time for lunch.

[Ayatah]

Soon Ayatah did not have to guide herself to her friend’s home; the smells of their dinner lead her. She could have walked with her eyes closed and a happy smile on her face. It was a well-seasoned joke within her clan that Ayatah had the uncanny ability to drop by just in time for food, without ever having to contribute to the cooking process (just as well really, as she tended to burn even boiling water). But she was not visiting her friend empty handed; she carried with her a bottle of dark red syrup. The recipe was one the Scattered Bones used in family ceremonies and festivals, made from a variety of berries and enough sugar to rot the teeth of a Tskanna. The drink was mildly alcohol, though not enough to change its sweet fruity taste.

Yes, this would be an evening to leave behind the pain from the past season, though of course it would be a hot topic of conversation. She had not see her friend since that business in Zinrah, and she was still a little unsure as to what happened in those dark shadows. Razkar had told her briefly… with about as much detail as a he would have shared with a stranger. That was how they seemed to communicate nowadays, it seemed. Before she could tumble into pity and sadness, Ayatah brushed such thoughts away.

She finally emerged from the jungle, standing at the edge of her friend’s own little compound. There were times when Ayatah envied Tinnok for her privacy and quiet home, but then again those bustling and loud clan encampments were all part of being Myrian. She knew her friend’s relationship with her own family was far from simple, let alone affectionate. It was a sad thought, really… But then again Tinnok seemed better off on her own, living amongst flower and fauna. And she deserved such happiness.

”I never knew you were such a talented cook,” Ayatah called out as she approached her friend beside the smoking bonfire. Myri, how good it felt to be away from the city, away from her family and with her fellow half-breed. She embraced her friend, regardless of whether Tinnok approved of such blatant affection or not. Things could change in the blink of an eye, she’d learnt recently, and people could disappear and things could be stolen. So she’d be damned if she wasn’t allowed to appreciate that her friend was still alive and well. Then she broke off the hug and chuckled, ”then again perhaps I’ll regret those words later.”

|| Ayatah's speech || Ayatah's thoughts || Others' speech ||

[Tinnok]

Tinnok beamed as Ayatah made her way through the foliage that let one into the little clearing Tinnok had to herself out in the jungle. One hand was holding the scruff of the Iganu Deepwoods dog's neck, making sure the eager canine didn't leap upon Aya and make her drop the wonderful liquid she carried.

Tinnok rose, surprised by the hug. She wasn't much for physical contact, since very little she had received over her life had been the positive kind, but it was a simple gesture, and one given by her friend, so she returned the warm embrace, chuckling at Aya's words. "Well, not much of one, but don't worry, I'll eat the burnt one."

She took the bottle of ruby red liquid with a word of thanks and made her way to the fire pit. Two smoking meaty bodies lay over the coals, wrapped in leaves, and one did smell a bit too crisp. Tinnok cursed good naturedly as she lifted up the rubbery substances and dashed a few crushed herbs onto both f the creatures, dousing them with some sort of oil or fat to make sure the seasoning stuck. She brought out a couple wooden plates and set them by the fire, and then got a bowl which she had been mixing the lettuce and berries within. The purple fruit had been sliced into thin sections, and Tinnok grinned, holding up the drink Aya had brought. "I was hoping you'd come with this, it's the perfect topper."

To demonstrate she poured a small glass of the liquid into a leather flask, then filled the rest up with the same oil she had used on the Agouti. Closing the cap she shook the flask vigorously, then uncapped it and took a whiff, eyes closing. She then poured the new and much thicker substance on top of the salad, the perfect sweet ingredient to go over the lettuce and with the already sweet fruit.

"Ta-daah!"

She deposited the bowl in between the two plates and took a seat upon the ground, taking down the charred animals from their perches over the fire, and unwrapping them from crisped leaves. She sliced up several sections of meat and deposited them on the plates, along with the sweet salad. Remembering the need for cups the half breed leapt up and grabbed a hollowed out horn and a wooden mug giving the more useable of the two to Aya. "There." She looked quite pleased with her efforts, and it was quite the fine meal for someone so far from the city in such a strange location. But as Tinnok liked to say...the jungle provided all that she needed, and she could always rely on friends for the alcohol.

So the two friends began eating. Tinnok knew their conversation was going to have to go down more serious roads, but it seemed like this was not a good time for that...not yet. She chewed on a bit of lettuce, and contemplated. Then she grinned. "So did you know, I learned you were with the Eagle- I mean Razkar when he showed me that creepy tattoo of his? With you and a tiger or summin. Did you like..approve him getting that?" She chuckled. She couldn't imagine her friend being in support of a many tattooing her image upon their body...but who knew. The half breed leaned forward, eyes wide with sarcastic curiosity. "You don't have his naked body stamped on your back, do ya?"

[Ayatah]

Ayatah watched half-fascinated, half-entertained as her friend thrashed about, putting together their meal. She busied herself as well: pouring drinks, sitting about, playing with that great slobbering dog -- and of course getting started on the alcohol. Given her disastrous culinary history (and the strange coincidence that anyone she cooked for fell ill within the next two days), Aya kept her distance.

But her friend’s culinary skills were far more impressive, especially when Tinnok turned that sweet red liquid into a sticky glaze. ”Good thing there’s more where that came from,” Aya said with a smirk and twitch of her eyebrows. She dipped into her leather satchel, bringing out a second - albeit smaller - bottle of the same red tipple. ”My cooking can kill of an entire race but I can provide plenty of drink.”

When Tinnok laid down the food between them, Ayatah gave a round of applause. The food deserved it, really -- or rather, Tinnok did. They tucked into the meal, and for a while, the two women were quiet. There was an old Myrian saying, the general meaning of it was: ‘there are only two types of silence. The first is before a great battle, and the other is during a great meal.’ And as she enjoyed her food, Ayatah agreed with the statement whole-heartedly.

The silence was broken, but thankfully with a question that did not require either of them to dig deep into any emotions. After nearly choking on her food with laughter, Ayatah answered, ”I didn’t ‘approve’ of that, no. It was a surprise… to say the least.” She shrugged her shoulders; tilting her head to one side as she recalled the moment she’d first seen the tattoo of which they spoke about. It was a romantic gesture, she knew, but had been completely unexpected at the time. ”The worse thing is, I panicked and felt guilty that he’d gone ahead and done that, so I got a tattoo too.” She grinned sheepishly, then shook her head furiously as she saw her friend’s eyes widen and her mouth drop into an open grin, ”no, no! It’s not his face or cock or anything. Myri, that would just be… disturbing!” Then she gave up, slapped her palm to her forehead and just laughed.

She felt almost embarrassed talking about Razkar to Tinnok, the latter of whom she’d talked about boys with throughout their adolescence, as girl friends do. First kisses, amongst other firsts, had typically been a hot topic between the two friends whilst they grew up. It was Tinnok that she had shared her steamiest stories with, especially during those late adolescent years where Ayatah had spread more than her fair share of love amongst their male peers. But now she was with a steady partner, a man that she loved. It was still strange to admit a man could bring her such happiness, and in a way different to any others before him. Taking a sip of her drink, she turned the question on its head, though she expected that she knew the answer after all… ”Any male special to you, old friend?” It was worded carefully, but cheerfully all the same. For reasons she couldn't fathom herself, Ayatah knew that her friend had never had a romantic relationship before. But there's a first for everything...

|| Ayatah's speech || Ayatah's thoughts || Others' speech ||

[Tinnok]

"Well, lemme see!" Tinnok leaned forward, ready to inspect the tattoo. She put out the remaining bottle of ruby liquid, licking the sticky substance off of her finger tips. Her behavior reminded her of their days as children, when they got their first inked markings, or were showing off prizes from fights or hunts. She could always rely on her friend for tasteful markings upon her skin, perhaps a more refined sense of aesthetics based on her Eypharian lineage.

At the other question, Tinnok frowned, though in thought, not out of any desire to hide the truth. She was a strange beast. Even if she had been a full blood she suspected her relationships would have been distant and removed...but with her taint...no male deigned touch her. Tinnok smirked a little and glanced up at Aya. "Don't take this the wrong way...but the only male that I could classify as special...is probably the Eagle."

She held up a hand. "Not like that, right... but Goddess, you know my reputation with males...neither of us want to put up with the other."

She leaned back upon the ground, a burp erupting from her chest, hands behind her head. "You picked a good one though, clever, after the first day we met...he's never once brought up what I am...its nice, you know?" Of course the fellow half breed knew, but Tinnok wanted to know her friend that it wasn't like that...and to her knowledge hadn't even been considered.

She glanced over at Aya and smirked. Though they were getting into more serious territory, she wanted to keep the overall mood as light as possible. "So...what's up with you two anyway?" This was eventually going to lead down the road of a more focused approach...but for now...best to learn all she could.

[Ayatah]

After an embarrassed eye roll, Ayatah leaned back, propping herself up on her elbows and tugging down the top of her leather shorts. In the very centre of her pelvis, and pointing outwards back towards her hipbone, was a small image of a gladius. ”Not to… sappy?” She hoped not, anyway.

It would have been a lie to say that Tinnok’s initial words did not make Ayatah frown, or feel a stab of… jealously, defensiveness… Something like that. But as soon as the thought came, it went. This was her closest and oldest friend; if trust could not exist in this relationship, where could it? The words were a compliment, not necessarily to Ayatah, but to her choice of men, and of course to Razkar himself. ”He is… something, for certain.” Myri, why did she feel so gushy all of a sudden, and why was that stupid grin on her face?

She nodded along with her friend’s words. For her own reasons, it was obviously important that her lover was accepting of half-breeds, but it was more than that. ”I like that about him. Not just that he accepts me - he kind of has doesn’t have a choice about that now - but that he cares for you as well.” It was bad enough being a half-breed in the Myrian culture, Ayatah knew from experience, but sharing the blood of their oldest rivals was sure to make it even more challenging to find any pureblood that was willing to give a single shyke about you. ”I’m lucky.” She shrugged, as if to conclude some argument.

But Tinnok’s question stimulated a different response. For a brief second, Ayatah’s eyes were downcast, and she was frowning. What was up with them? Both were hurting, but silently. It was a rare thing for them to have a conversation anymore, at least one that went beyond the typical ‘how was your day?’. ”We are…” She trailed off, trying to find the right word. Struggling? Well yes, but they weren’t exactly putting in enough effort to be classed as ‘struggling’ against something.

Aya knew how she felt; she loved Razkar. It was the whole reason she didn’t want to share that all important secret with him: I was pregnant and lost our child the day of the storm. Since then, I’ve been wondering whether it was the storm, or myself, that made me lose our child. How could she share that piece of devastating news to her lover, who was already hurting so much? She was the one who was meant to protect him, not add to his suffering.

But they had both become withdrawn, so now she didn’t know how he felt about her. Those doubts alone were causing concern, making Ayatah even more withdrawn so the whole cycle began once again. Where it ended… She wouldn’t have liked to say. Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair before restarting, ”I love him. Myri, even you know how much I do. But something has changed between us. We don’t talk; we just kind of… exist next to each other.” Frowning, she licked her lips before beginning. ”But we’re both in so much… pain right now, from what happened.”

She stopped there. Should Tinnok ask the right questions, Ayatah would tell her of what was lost in the storm, but only then. In telling her friend and Razkar, Aya knew that she was, in a way, betraying her lover. What he doesn’t know, can’t hurt him…

|| Ayatah's speech || Ayatah's thoughts || Others' speech ||

[Tinnok]

It was times like these, when she had to recall dark times like those she and the Eagle had faced that Tinnok could appreciate her cold view of the world. Her fang had been massacred...she had paid the price for being the sole survivor, but her heart did not hurt with regret when she thought of them. For her it was a sweet sort of justice, and part of her mind wondered if she had Siku to thank for that...but soon brushed this thought aside. Clearly it had been Caiyha's hand that had guided her to seek balance in those dark caverns, and not the Goddess of Serpents.

She puzzled over Aya's words about the Eagle, trying to imagine what it felt like. She had been loved...not often, but she knew the tendrils of feeling that creeped through a being and held one tight. She would throw herself upon her own blade before she let Aya, Rarik...or the Eagle, come to any harm, and the same could be said for the flora and fauna of the Jungle Wilds. Just because love was a complex emotion did not mean the witch didn't feel a wonderful connectivity and sense of peace that was like the love of a mother she never had when in Caiyha's realm. But it was not the same as the visceral and emotional upheaval that mortal and sentient beings went through...that Aya was going through. She did not understand it, just as an ignorant child did not understand something they had never experienced.

This did not mean she did not understand the problem, however.

She sat up then, for she did not want her next words to sound flippant or dismissive, making sure her golden eyes connected with Aya's brilliant dark ones. "The Storm put insult to injury I feel...he lost a lot, more than I in those caves, and then in that....weather." It was such an inadequate description for what had transpired, but it would have to do. "I do not know if he told you what happened to us...but if you'd like to know anything, I can relieve a bit of that mystery..."

Now a finger ran across Tinnok's lips. "But I know more of what the Eagle Lost than you friend..." There was a twinkle of amusement in her eye when she said those words, but it was laced with regret and sadness, that these years their meetings were so infrequent, they did not get to share their complaints and sordid tales on such a regular basis. With the addition of Razkar into both of their friendships, this had increased their time apart, and the half breed did not fault her friend for this. If she cared so deeply for a being she would not wish to have that time disrupted too often neither.

She did not ask any question, but she had little need of it. The unsaid half of her statement said all that was needed. She knew why one half of the equation was lost and forlorn, but why this one that sat before her?

[Ayatah]

”He told me some,” she said, shrugging helplessly. Ayatah knew, as well as anyone, that sometimes retelling an event was just as painful as actually experiencing it. So when her lover’s face had crumpled and creased as he described what had happened, Ayatah had - rather too quickly - been happy to leave the discussion at what little information he had shared. People needed to talk about things, she knew, but some things were just… hard. ”I know that several went down there, but only you two came out. Is that right?”

It disgusted her that she didn’t know any better, and her face said as much. Perhaps she was blame for this strange new distance between herself and Razkar? Maybe she needed to ask more questions, show that she still cared instead of assuming that he knew? But then again, surely he would speak to her if he needed to? Unless he simply doesn’t… want to talk to me. It was a heart-wrenching thought, so Ayatah put it to the back of her mind.

Her voice, and even her body language, was now a mere shadow to the excited and joyful tone it had taken earlier. She was scared, in truth; of hurting the ones she loved, of the deafening silence that existed between she them - and not just Razkar. It had been her own Great-Grandmother, and clan matriarch, that had first been aware of Ayatah’s pregnancy. No other Scattered Bones had known, and it had remained that way. How could she tell her mother and cousins without telling the man who would have been the father?

You need to tell someone, for your own sanity.

Was there ever a more selfish reason to share a secret with a friend? Most likely not, but as Ayatah shifted her position to tuck a leg under herself, she knew the words were coming regardless. Taking a final breath, Ayatah spilt her secret. ”I was pregnant.” She hid behind closed eyes, not daring to open them to see her friend’s reaction. ”The day of the storm, that is. And now -- I’m not.”

That was all she could say, for now at least. Finally, Ayatah’s eyelids fluttered open.

|| Ayatah's speech || Ayatah's thoughts || Others' speech ||

[Tinnok]

Tinnok's mind drifted back, and she nodded at Aya's words. "We went to investigate a cave...there was natural corruption of Caiyha's land and it emanated from this cavern that reeked of death and evil." Tinnok still shuddered to think of it, and how much of that quality it had retained when she returned to it's dark innards. But that was then, and this was a story of before. She cleared her throat. There was no need for the whole story...yet some details were needed.

"We went into the tunnels, merely for reconnaissance, but we were ambushed by...a cult of Siku. They were cold and lifeless as the cave they inhabited, led by an almost milk white priestess. By the time we woke from the gas they drugged us with...half of our numbers were already decimated." Tinnok rubbed her chin. "It is hard to say what happened...but...we shouldn't have lived, yet we held out in time for reinforcements, the Darkwater clan slaughtered the Dhani, but then attempted to kill us...for we learned of how they were working with the vermin, in order to spare them some fate..." Tinnok's eyes hardened then. "So we killed them too. Erama...she was cut down by their knives, when we could have gotten away...and Rekhuna was taken in the torturing, the Eagle lost much...I...I lost my fang, but I cared very little for them, even Ioxera." Tinnok finished lamely. Her eyes narrowed. "And yet...he allowed the clan to repay their debts and treacherous deeds, and did not report their actions to the military council. I could not have cared what he did...I simply wanted to aid Caiyha."

Fang leader dead, the male had returned a strangely hollow hero, a pseudo leader of his fang, but Tinnok had heard the rumors of the female replacement. Why could they not see? The female sighed, story told without all the grisly details. She still woke in the night with images of her own hand drawing that alarmingly sharp dagger of obsidian across Razkar's chest, dagger in hand and pupils thin slits. But the one she had cared for survived, and that was what had mattered.

As she focused back in on Ayatah she noticed the woman's attitude had turned entirely upon its head. Her body seemed huddled and cold, even in the tropical temperatures, and her eyes seemed of a similar hollow quality.

So then she said those three simple words, and then the sentence that followed. It all clicked into place like puzzle pieces. Aya and the Eagle were broken and damaged, neither of which was the others fault, yet their injuries, physical and mental made them unable to comfort the other one, creating this divide that created a chasm between them. It was like a bolt of lightning sent down from the Gods above, so simple Tinnok could have smiled except that the news Aya had given her was so heart wrenching she couldn't of summoned the expression even if she had tried.

So instead she decided to not offer words. They were not her forte, not in the slightest. So rather than offer up something inadequate and useless to her suffering friend, the half breed rose and sat next to Aya, sliding an arm around her friend's shoulder and bringing her close. Tinnok was not a physical creature...well not physically intimate anyway, but there were certain times where contact was far more expressive. She gave a warm long hug to her friend, one that allowed her to give up whatever facade she was carrying upon her back with the emptiness in her womb. No questions or apologies, just silence and acceptance. Tinnok could not imagine what losing such a life would feel like, but it must have been so painful...so much.