She listened to Khal'iah's words intently, her eyes pooling with tears that she struggled hard to hold back. She breathed in and out slowly, deeply, keeping her eyelids still as she absorbed the man's words of advice, feeling the weight in her chest increasing in pressure. She knew. She knew what she had to do, what she should've been doing all this time, and what she shouldn't have done in the first place. She understood the consequences of her actions, and even though on occasions, as she drank herself to sleep, she felt the fear of death hit her like a knife to the stomach, she continued on past all the moments of hesitation. She did the wrong thing willingly, because while she knew it wasn't the answer, it was all she was willing to do. "You have four lives that were stolen from you...but you should not rob yourself of life because they are gone." "Stolen," she thought, her eyes scanning the carpet, "Stolen." She repeated the words again and again in her mind, until it no longer sounded like an actual word, but instead a mix of letters, of vowels and consonants. "It should've been me," she thought, as she remembered Sigmund slowly losing his breath as his sickness choked the life out of his lungs. "It shouldn't have happened," she furrowed her brows, tears finally flowing down her cheeks as she recalled the way the light left her mother's eyes when her brother was born, and how the same thing happened to her father's. The only thing left of Philipp Dominic after the death of his wife was a hollow husk of a body that moved more like a puppet rather than a person. He became a stranger in their home, and once he'd realized that, he fled. "He should've stayed," she whispered almost inaudibly, wistfully, referring to Francis, who'd disappeared after a brief fight between them. He was her one and only friend, and with him gone she had to carry the burden of caring for her younger brother alone. "You have to live in their stead." "I have to live," she repeated, as her vigor and will to survive made a sudden comeback. She needed to live for Sigmund, most of all, as he had the most potential; he had the brightest future. It was put out by a horrible, debilitating ailment. "I have to live." She said it softly, distantly as she stared into space. She took Khal'iah's hand and rose from the bed, her eyes still fixated on something past the violet-skinned man's form. "And maybe I can talk some sense into you." She remained silent for a moment, her eyes glazed over, although she was no longer crying. She remembered the first time Sigmund had learned how to speak, and how she felt as if she could feel her own mother around whenever she looked into his bright blue eyes, which were the same color as hers. She remembered the time she spent with her mother and father when she was much younger, and how much in love they'd been and how she had inspired to have a romance as passionate as theirs. All hope of a happy life dwindled after each precious person disappeared. It felt almost impossible to rise up from the floor on an emotional level, but as she turned to Khal'iah and looked into his eyes, she decided that it wouldn't hurt to depend on someone again, after such a long time. "Alright," she said, smiling softly, "let's go. My head is pounding." |