The 2,000 Post Ramble
I have no regrets.
I know that sounds strange, but when we embarked on this endeavor called Mizahar we never were really sure it would be successful. Heck, we weren't even sure what our definition of successful would entail. Did we start with low expectations? I think so. We truthfully just wanted a place to play that made sense. And after combing the internet, we couldn't find anything that remotely appealed to us. Why? Awkward rules. Hitler-like dictator Admins. Or, the worst sin of all - very unappealing writers who tended to post one or two lines. We wanted to WRITE! We wanted to storytell in an environment of our own creation that had some appeal to us. We aren't fan fiction types. You'll never catch me writing fan fiction for Twilight or Star Trek, though I forgive you if you are the type that wants too.
We were tired of elves and fae and dragons and demons and vampires... God I cannot tell you how tired of Vampires we were. Together - GP, Liminal, and myself talked each other into giving it a go. Gillar has always been involved too. But he never gets excited. He just has this quiet confidence that always firmly reassures me that hes supporting us and that its not in his mindset for us to even remotely fail. And because in order to do so we had to withdraw from other projects elsewhere, I eventually - a few months down the line - told Cayenne and Columbina about our secret project and they jumped on board. It was nice to have the help and with them they brought their unique flairs and unusual twists to their own regions. Cayenne always had a thing for jungles, birds, and the cultural architypes she works with. I think Colombina has had a similar bent.
But what did I specifically want?
I wanted shape shifting that made sense with a backstory as to how it came about. I wanted magic that could be playable and yet flexible enough that creativity could come shining through. I wanted interactions with Gods - gods that were all to human in their wants and desires, that could be contacted and talked with and interacted with. I wanted a realistic environment where you could have complex character interactions, both simplistic and highly mature, and no one would freak out. I wanted dark mixed with light. I wanted to tell tragic beautiful stories of people overcoming or falling to insurmountable odds. I like that sort of thing. And it was interesting how the others went absolutely wild on their own interests as well. I like the Nuit. They are sorta mummy meets body snatcher invasion. Tragic and twisted, their stories are as epic as anyone elses. I love horses and wanted a world full of them. And perhaps equally I love raptors, and am thrilled i finally have a city that is completely devoted.
And secretly deep inside, I wanted others to like it enough to come play. Right now, as we speak, I have 504,535 words written on this site. And, I think I can safely say that I've done a large share of the wiki lore articles and writeups - which would double that word count at the very least - probably more. I'll keep creating more stuff, building, developing, and adding layers onto the site. I enjoy them.
I recently went back to the old site that inspired me to come here along with my friends to create our own place. I thought there'd be a certain sadness in the visit there, because the people who felt in competition with me have done just about everything humanly possible to erase my presence there, including rewriting my articles and placing their names on my work - plus reversing some of the things we did to open up their previously narrow minded attitudes. I can't say they really have done much but fool new people though. When you have pettiness in your heart, it tends to shine forth in a way that's hard to conceal. The same goes for their writing - same recycled book plots - same stolen material. Same website cut and paste writeups. Writing should be for the joy of creating - the beauty of something newly discovered - it should always be fresh and interesting in a way that leaves you hanging on the edge of your seat demanding more.
I think thats why I pour so much of myself into my characters. I tend to play strong, self-reliant individuals that can carry on alone. My current character obsession is just about the perfect blend of what myself lacks - and I would think she's the opposite of an author avatar - and for that I admire her. She truly cares about what others think and feel. She's a healer. She's considerate to their feelings and their needs. And shes deeply wounded. I don't think she understands (though she is realizing it) how deeply she needs others. She tries to take care of everyone and everything to the total expense of her own agenda. Jen in real life isn't like that. I take care of me first - as bad as that sounds - and hardly stop to consider what people might think of what I say or do. Its hard admitting a flaw like that, but I had a rough childhood, and when you go through something like that, you tend to make sure nothing or no one can ever really let you down or bug you in how they think or react ever again. Why? Because your tough as nails and don't need anyone. My current pc isn't. She's desperately needy whether she knows it or not.
Its a refreshing change, an interesting twist, and causes me to think in new ways that I myself might have never gotten around to doing. Yes, my PC is her own person. Just like my writing is my own. Just like my plot ideas, while they might not be original (stuff gets lost all the time, people go on trips all the time, gods get angry, spirits get angry, etc etc)... they are written from the heart and not taken verbatim from a book.
That's what being a storyteller is all about, I think... unleashing your inner tales.
And I might hit bumps in the road occasionally - like that thread I NEVER want to touch again because the PC sent me a bitchy PM once upon a time about how the thread wasn't going THEIR way.... but I'll eventually get over them and get moving again. I have a tendency to NEVER forget certain things. And since I'm not an ass patter or a cheerleader, it tends to make me probably one of the people that are considered 'least approachable' when it comes to frank discussion... which is sad. I'd like to be considered totally approachable. But.. too many people are too sensitive for that to exactly work out. Face it. Not everyone thinks your work is SUPERDUPER. Not everyone thinks mine is. I can take it though, when someone points out all the reasons why its not. I like hearing that stuff so I can improve on round two or three. Or ten... But it routinely baffles me when people refuse to take advice in the light it was given - not to tear them down but to make what they are already investing time and energy in... worthwhile.
The World Development forum is a great example of this. I seriously have this philosophy that no article is unusable. But, the author needs to be willing to FIX it for us to use it. Most aren't. Unfortunately, we do get a lot of unhelpful narrow category lists or creatures that are not completely thought out. There's only so many times and ways we can say 'No more intelligent races - creatures - etc'. Then, someone posts one up, and seems absolutely shocked when we reject it or ask for improvements before it's passed through. If one of us Founders makes a comment about what we think needs to be done to improve it... guess what? You need to do that to get it passed. Seriously. That's the whole reason there's a Founder's Review. If you want to argue the point, that's all well and good, but your article still isn't going to get passed and your time could be used better in a rewrite. Why? Is this unfair? No, not really... we created Mizahar. We have creative control over Mizahar. If I don't want flying ten foot tall giraffes that eat people's brains as part of our Canon, they not going in - regardless of how many people the author rallies to petition for it. The only hard thing about that is breaking it to the author in a gentle way that their idea isn't suitable for our game world.
We want Mizahar to be a collaborative storytelling environment. We want it to be a group effort. But unfortunately in the parameters of group and collaborative, we want originality and suitability to be a priority. If neither fit, then the project gets declined. I don't know about you people, but I'd rather someone be honest than gush at how great something is and then have it try to be forced with a crowbar into the setting and mysteriously appear out of thin air in a heavily populated area. If that causes someone to depart in a fit of rage, there's very little I can do about it. I can wish them well and hope that they eventually find a place where their giraffes will be welcomed and fit intot he setting.
It reminds me of another friend - Zac - who spent countless hours writing up alchemy because he thought it was a needed skill. Zac isn't familiar with the other founders. I played with him ages ago on another game and had a blast! Anyhow, when he put up this article, I just cringed because I knew alchemy was Tarot's pet project and he was hard at work on it. Zac did a tremendous amount of work for his writeup, but when Tarot told him we couldn't use it because Alchemy was going a totally different direction - what did he do? He shrugged, said he'd had fun giving it a shot, and went on to write other things. He still plays. He still has a blast. I have a thousand times more respect for the Zacs of Mizahar than I do the people that put up writeups, find its in conflict with something one of us are doing, and then delete it in a fit and are rarely heard again on the game. I think, sometimes, this makes the World Development forum an entity generates more hard feelings than goodwill. Why? Because there's no easy way to say certain things when there's no will to compromise on quality. As it stands, the World Development forum has a dubious uncertain future - one I definitely see change forthcoming in regards too.
So, that being said...
What is the in store for the future? Can we do more? We're coming up on our year anniversary and that amazes me to the core. What projects do I want to finish? Wind Reach for certain, and I think in the next year its not unreasonable to have all the gnosis' finished for all the deities in my care (I cant speak for others of course). I want to keep growing the playerbase with quality writers and interesting friendly folks. I'd like to grow the storyteller base too, adding new ones at least monthly in terms of assistants that can eventually gain enough experience to move into Domain positions. Storytelling for a domain is incredibly rewarding, and once people get a taste of it, there's should be no holding them back.
And as for all the friends I've made in the last year. Thank you for the offers of friendship and all the hours of writing together. I would do the tacky thing and list you all, but then I'd forget someone for sure and really have to grovel to apologize. So, to all of you - thanks for putting up with me, indulging my beliefs and feelings, and hopefully I'll keep indulging yours as well. Here's to another two thousand quick posts of fun.
*raises glass* |
by Alice on June 21st, 2010, 7:16 pm 
His response "I'm sure it wasn't deliberate." It still amuses me today.
