[Stardust's Scrapbook] Comic Sans.

[Stardust]

Alright, Heads up! Sera talk! The Rengar/ Banshee/ Leila thing! Honesty. My worries! Okay, this will be a loooooong one.

This week will be crazy busy for me.I have a class for four hours every afternoon and then I'm being trained for work right afterwards until close! This means the only real free time I have, I'll probably be sleeping. My poor dog is going to be so upset and hell, I'm going to be so upset. So I'll be sure to check my PMs every morning and night(hopefully) but posting will be... well probably none. After Friday they better not schedule work like that again. That's all I can say. But luckily my class will be over in two weeks so maybe everything will be okay. But to everyone that is waiting on me because of this: I'm sorry!

This affects Stardust, Eilea, and Sera.

Speaking of Sera! So I haven't posted a response as her in a VERY long time because I just don't feel it. I'm not sure what to do. It's so hard to connect with her anymore and I keep throwing the idea around to retire her because I feel bad for not responding to anything. I just don't know what to do. ANy suggestions would be much appreciated.

Now I must say something about the Banshee/Rengar/Leila situation. First off, I'm not surprised that this happened. And I don't mean to be rude by this, but I had a really bad feeling about her/him when I first started chatting on chat. I really tried to push it away. I really tried to be friendly and become friends with her/him. I went out of my way to be nice and try... I mean really try. Now I just feel like all that effort was put out for no reason. I don't want to get into this any further, but I do want to say: Lying only hurts yourself in the long run. Regret always comes. And regrets never truly leave.

But, in light of this, people need to know and remember how truly amazing REAL friends are. I don't just mean your friends in RL. I know I could pretty much talk to Noblesse and Phoenix about anything, though they may not be so happy about it. xD

I guess what I'm trying to say, is something to everyone that's been affected by this whole ordeal. Whatshisface was a jerk. S/he was a bad example of a friend on many different degrees, but this does not mean that everyone on the internet, or even on this site is like that. You just have to remember the people of which you've seen their "bad" side and still care for them. Still want to be around them. Still want to talk and write with.

Maybe I'm naive, but I don't think I am. Part of me is really lucky to have my best friend to also be on this site.

Now, onto honesty. It's the internet. People are going to lie about various things. People are going to want to keep things secret. People are going to do some stupid things, especially if they don't have someone to keep them in check or so on. But at the same time... it's the internet. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FOUND OUT. It could be because of Facebook. It could be because of your itunes account. It could be through amazon or any other site you purchase something from.

Or hell, in my case with a friend that I had when I was on Padshogwarts... It could be a simple as running into art that they had showed me was theirs and finding out that they were never who they said they were. But that's a whole different story.

But I don't keep much stuff secret on here because I DO have a facebook account. I have a deviantart account. My name is probably on a ton of websites. Not to forget, I go to a public university in which case means my name and picture can be found on their website or anything that hosts the school at any time. It's 2013. Computers come in cell phones now.

And when it comes down to it, the people I associate with, I want them to know me.

Le sigh, I need to stop with that rant.

As of right now, I am incredibly worried for tomorrow at 4. That is when my class is over. That is when I head to training. Because of a lot of stuff that took place in the last few weeks, I am terribly nervous and worried. And when I get anxious it usually doesn't go away until I get a day to myself... So... I don't even know when that'll be.

But there's something else I must add here: HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

As some of you know, my dad is my BIGGEST hero. He's supported me through school and drama. He stayed strong for my whole family when everything seemed to be falling apart. He held onto me and sang to me the night that my first boyfriend yelled such horrible things to me. He went on road trips back and forth from Texas to Minnesota so I could see both places while in school. He gives me the best advice and I know he'll always love me no matter what. I'm so proud to say that he is my father and that he does so much good for so many people.

God this was long, and I had been thinking about writing a lot of this for at least a day now. Anyways, to my friends that I love and care about: You guys are amazing and are one of the reasons I'm happy and able to do the things I need to do!

[Jabari Dreamchaser]

I hope that school and work are going alright. Make plans to watch this movie once your training is over.

[Eilea]

Sometimes Sometimes I feel so small Small, yet spread so thin Sometimes I feel so lost Lost, yet everywhere I know Sometimes I feel so weak Weak, yet unyielding ever so Sometimes I feel so small Small and lost and weak and dead Well that was a poem. I'm so depressed about everything right now. And well, that's how I'm feeling. I'm alone, cheated, and in tears. And this keeps happening so often. I'm so worried about graduation come December. I just don't know how to handle everything. What I'm doing is just so different than my parents, my sister, anyone I know. Money. Job. Relationships. How does it all go together? Work is just a ball of stress and anxiety.. School is just proving to be a count down. I don't have anyone to really turn to. It hurts. It really really hurts. I know this is pathetic and probably just an emotional like journal entry post in here. And I don't know if anyone reads this, who has gone through the whole graduating college thing, but if anyone has that's reading this, Please just give me some advice, some hope, or something I just need a new perspective.

[Phoenix]

Hello, Lovely.

I don't really know what is going on, but I have some words anyway.

Just like high school seems like it is going to dictate the rest of your life, so does college. Yes, the latter is far more life changing than the former but that doesn't mean it really holds any more sway.

We all have our "moments" and for all different reasons. I have had my fair share of them and while they are happening, it seems really hard to keep your head above water. Any words that I can really provide for you won't make it all that much easier, because guess what? It's all in your hands.

You can make the choice of letting it overwhelm you or you can make the choice to realize that whatever is happening, it's not permanent. It really isn't, even if it seems like everything is collapsing around you. Perspective is a massive modifier to our feelings; the wrong perspective, and we can send ourselves spiraling off into an oblivion of sad.

I think you're awesome, even in the little time that I have known you, you have impressed me with your wit and pure imagination, as well as your kindness. Those things are quite hard to fake, because they come from a very personal space. So if whatever is going on is making you doubt YOU, then think of it that way. You've touched someone (that sounds dirty) so you can't be all that bad, right?

On that same note, and not to sound like a broken record, but everything is fixable. College is not the end of your life. If you get a degree, and it doesnt work out- get another, if that's what it takes. Get your Masters in something more specific. Or, if you don't graduate when you planned- so what? I've been in college for a long time. Way longer than I should have because of some of the decisions that I made that turned out to be the wrong ones.

But I'm still here. I survived it. Decisions we make are just that- decisions. They aren't something to be regretted or feared because at some point, for some reason, you thought it was the right choice even if retrospect shows you that it wasn't.

As for relationships- they come and go. A relationship (friendship or otherwise) should never define who you are. If it does, than you're just setting yourself up to be hurt. Relationships are trial and error and just a whole bunch of pain sometimes. But that is just part of life. You live, you love, you learn.

I've been in places like what yours seems to be, and it ends. You just have to TRY and look for the positives, the bright sides. It's hard, and it sounds cliche, but it works. You have to actually, actively try. I'm not talking about readin this and going "Ah, yes. I should try" and doing nothing further. I mean, making an attempt to cull a rising frustration or intentionally derailing a potential crying fit. It's hard to change your emotions around, but once you can... they're in your control and they no longer run your life or ruin your days

I still struggle with the advice I give you, but there is really something freeing about knowing what your limitations are and accepting them.

If you need to talk, you know where I am.

x

[Jabari Dreamchaser]

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

I'm really sorry you are in a bad place right now. I hope things get better for you soon.

I have only hung out with you for a short while, but I already feel comfortable calling you exceptional. In our chats alone it is obvious you are sharp, and sweet. Those two qualities alone should see you far in life I'd imagine.

On the collge graduation front, I personally don't have any words of wisdom, but there are a lot of really good commencement speeches on youtube. I don't know who all you admire and look up to, but hopefully someone you are fond of will be on there. I'm watching one with Peter Dinklage right now.

[Stardust]

Thanks to a wonderful conversation with Jules, I really am trying to overcome the job situation. It's so challenging and I honestly don't know how long it'll last but... One foot in front of the other, right?



And Jabari, I miss talking to you! Thanks for your support! And thank you for thinking I'm "exceptional". It means so much!

x

[Noblesse]

I want to give you a big hug so much right now, but since we're a thousand miles apart a virtual one will have to suffice *HUG* *HUG* *HUG*

MIsh, I want you to know that I share your pain. Sorry I'm not able to talk to you much lately (and Beth too). Everything's a whirlwind right now, and things are happening so fast it feels like all of it are going to spiral downwards to some unknown abyss soon. But that's life, right? Even though we don't know where to go right now and we've lost our sense of direction, we still have to keep on pushing forward.

Although I may not understand everything that's going on in your life right now, I'm always here for you. Watching. Waiting in the shadows. Waiting for that 1 new message. Reply's very sluggish though (since UP is eating me alive 1st week into classes) but I'll answer no matter what. You're a friend and you are precious. So just throw your hands into the air and shout "FIGHTING!" like a true blue K-popper.

[Stardust]

I have problems.

[Noblesse]

I had such a weird dream last night. You and Beth were there, as well as Cookie and Prince. In that dream, Beth has this awesome ability to talk to our dogs, much like a dog whisperer but better.

So Prince and Cookie were saying something and Beth translates them for us two. She said that the two cuties have decided to marry because they love each other. They also wanted to leave us so that they can start their own family. I remember that my dream self was very livid about it because I don't want to let little bratty Prince go, and you didn't want to see Cookie go too.

And then Prince barked in a totally bishounen way (with all the sparkles and flowers in the background), which Beth was kind to translate, that he's a man now and he wants to decide for his future from then on. And to us human girls' shock, Cookie said that he was pregnant with six puppies, which I still don't understand how it could have happened because they're both male. We congratulated them anyway. Then I woke up.

That is all.

b

[Stardust]

Oh my god. That made my morning.

And for the record: I ship that.

*nods*

I also forced Beth to look at this, as well as her mom. lol