Completed Dark Thoughts within a Troubled Mind (Litani)

[Dasreide]

Summer 3 513AV, 23rd Bell

Thunder. It echoed in the darkened sky and rattled the windows and shook the door. Lightning followed and lit the room of Litani's apartment, dark shadows being lit for a mere moment before the room went dark again. The small cones of light shed from the windows barely illuminated the bedroom. Rain began to filter out most of the hollow light from outside as it fell hard against the window. Litani slept in the bed, probably feeling secure within her own confined housing, and probably just as naive about her visitor.

Another flash of lightning followed and the room lit up again, this time framing Dasreide's form beside the bedroom door in a soft blue glow. The light faded again, but Dasreide did not disappear. He walked forward slowly, garbed in a deep blue pair of leather pants with bare feet that padded quietly against the wooden floor. His golden-rimmed eyes seemed to glow in the darkness as he leaned over the bed, leaning over the slumbering girl.

She looks similar, but she seems... older. He thought, not feeling awkward for having broken into her house. After all, a woman who leaves her door unlocked was simply inviting others in. She sleeps without problems. Strange. He silently pulled a chair beside the bed and sat, not even flinching when a bolt of lightning struck not even a mile away, the thunder that followed rattling the windows as if a fire mage had just set off an explosion next door. He watched her, his black locks of hair falling over his face as he set his head on the back of his hands, propping his arms up on his knees.

"It is time to awaken." His voice split the night air as loudly as the thunder that followed in the wake. His eyes were hard and his voice solid, but there was a soft, almost inaudible, kindness to the words as if he did not wish to wake such a peaceful person. But he had already spoken and all that he could do to follow that was wait and see how she reacted.

[Litani]

The storm which had heralded her coming to Riverfall broke shortly after Litani made the city gates. In a dash, the young Konti had made arrangements for her Gildling and then herself before the both of them were drenched through – she asked for The Pearl House, the place which her mentor had suggested, and a few friendly offerings of direction soon brought her there. The image she’d created in her mind on the trip here – presenting herself with dignity and decorum to the proprietor, politely inquiring after the possibilities of renting a room short term - was not at all how it had turned out. Standing in the doorway all but soaked had given a rather less than pristine image, yet her smile and openness had ascertained that no haggling would be necessary. She was too polite to cross the threshhold uninvited, especially dripping wet as she was, yet she had been graciously beckoned within and all her needs seen to with no more than a small exchange of coin and without any further questions. Exhausted from many days of travel and lonely from the road, Litani found the welcoming smile and warm meal more heavenly than she had words for. By far the most sweet, however, was the bath that she was allowed to lavish herself with – in the privacy of her own room! There was some feral freedom to bathing in rivers, true enough, but nothing compared to the intimate relaxation of letting her shields drop and the water consume her skin. It did not take long after that for sleep to claim her. In fact, she was forced to admit that her bath may well drown her if she did not cut it short enough to take herself to bed. Languidly and without hurry, Litani glanced out her small window as she dried herself off and slipped on a light linen shift to cover her lean frame. Shaking her hair free of the garment, she curled onto one side of the bed – a bed! – and combed out the strands. They fell well past her mid back, here in waves and there in half-curls, and times like this left her very tempted to cut the whole mess short… impatiently, she sighed and forced her fingers to gently work free the tangles, the last vestiges of self-imposed savagery that her journey had left with her. She dreamt. She dreamt, but only lightly. Weather notwithstanding, the young medic had long ago acquired the ability to shut down her mind and sleep when she could. Her work left her never knowing when she might get another chance, after all, and made her a light sleeper besides… At least, in some regards. The lightning, the thunder, all this could be safely ignored. There was nothing to be done for it anyway, no sense being semi-conscious for it. Voices, however, were another matter. Deep within the formless repose that was slowly healing and refreshing her, Litani heard a voice calling to her. She was sure it was meant for her and none other. Instinct tugged at her and she stubbornly fought it, but only for a moment. If she heard a voice, it would mean she was needed. It would mean… “Alder, what is it… what…?” And just like that, she was awake. Her eyes snapped to the source of the voice and widened immediately. “YOU.” For a few seconds, she seemed not to know where she was. This was a strange room, she’d only half a night’s sleep, and the owner of the face was not at all who she’d expected. Oh, she recognized him, but shouldn’t the voice have been…? And then the truth of it all occurred to her and, dimly, it all made sense. She was in Riverfall and this was the Akalak who had taken his blade to her on the road. Dasreide. Unbidden, a soft Sylirian curse slipped past her lips and she rolled away from him, dropping her feet lightly on the floor on the other side of the bed. A Suvai appeared in her right hand, likely fetched from the floor or the bedside table somehow, but she did not move to attack him nor to defend herself. She simply watched, eyes narrowed. Catching her breath and calming her heart were not priorities just then. She wanted to know why he was here and, out of reflex, she reached across the distance in attempt to ascertain without asking. In the dark and twice frightened by the man, she found him hard to read at best, and without the physical connection… She was too distracted, too tired, and he was too new to her. She relented. “Why?”

[Dasreide]

Her fright was expected after what had happened earlier today. Dasreide's lips curved upwards on one side in a slight smirk. He stood and looked at the suvai she had in her hand, circling around the bed and closing the distance between them. He reaches his hand out and grabbed the suvai swiftly from her hand, now standing less than a foot from the woman. "Do not bear a weapon if you do not plan to use it." He states calmly to her, setting the suvai on the bedside table, turning to face the girl.

"I did not come here to harm you. That is not the purpose of this visit. I came to warn you about something." He states, sitting on the bed. "All Akalaks have two souls contained within a single body. He yawns tiredly, "That means you should trust no one here but those who've shown you both sides. One could be kind, while the other is murderous. Most of the younger Akalaks have no control over their subjugated side, thinking their soul to be Dominant. You are new here so you should be warned." He states. Leaning back, yawning and leaning back a bit before waiting for her reply.

[Litani]

At her sides, long-fingered hands curled into fists so tight that her nails bit into her flesh. She barely felt it. Her eyes bored holes into the intruder and she stared at him straight on, wishing not for the first time that her 'Gift' flowed in reverse, wishing she could push her anger into him as easily as his emotions played across her awareness. He seemed to have a genuine intent in coming here but... no. No. Not now. She pushed it away, refusing to feel him, refusing to let him in. He didn't know it, but he'd insulted her twice and asked her to thank him for the privilege. Insults left unanswered turned into habit. She took a breath as if to say something, stopped, shifted her jaw and pursed her lips in a sarcastic smile. She stepped back away from him then - him, sitting on her bed, in her room, in the middle of the night, uninvited - and she laughed. The sound was rich, deep, incredulous, and powerful. She laughed. And she shook her head. "The younger Akalak," she repeated. "The YOUNGER Akalak have no control." The Konti's arms crossed beneath her breasts and she settled her weight on her back foot, raising her head with a stubborn ferocity that could not be denied. For a moment, she was silent, but her body screamed fury even though she stood still. And when she spoke, her voice was cut from iron. "You turn a handshake into a death threat." Her head lowered lowered then, giving her eyes a glare straight into him. "You leer at me, cut me, DEIGN to release me and tell me to thank my lucky stars." And with this, she laughs again. "You tell me what a senior Akalak you are and THEY have no control...?" Suddenly, she stopped. Her eyes found the floor as she debated what to say next. A fit of lightning rattled its way through the sky outside, illuminating her body in the darkness beneath her linen shift. The outline of her form was lean, curved, and all too feminine. She raised her right hand to rub at the bridge of her nose. If she was beautiful in that moment, she certainly did not feel it. She was tired, she was frustrated, and she was quite near to losing her cool. "You have no idea," she said softly, after a moment, "who, or what, I am." A deep breath snuck its way into her lungs and she turned away from him, not opposite but just no longer facing. She needed him out of her immediate line of sight. She needed to center. Her eyes stared at the wall across the room and her voice was hollow. "My father was Akalak," she said softly. "I know exactly what your kind is capable of...and what they think they can do. And what they cannot do." Thinly, a smile forced her eyes to return to him and she watched him sidelong. "Please do not tread any further upon his memory by treating me like a child. Whatever you think of yourself, whatever you think of me, I knew exactly what I was doing in coming here. I knew the risks. I decided to take them. And I have been making my own decisions - alone - for quite some time now." She turned to look at him again then and her eyes softened. Her head tilted slightly to one side and she almost seemed to look... into him. "I know more about you than you think... and you know nothing of me." Somehow, the knowledge seemed to please her just a little. If a startled Konti, exhausted from riding for days and awakened in the middle of the night by the same man who'd threatened her life earlier in the day could look pleased. "But if you're going to come here and help yourself to the hospitality of my chambers, why don't you apologize by telling me why you let your other side through this afternoon?" She clicked her tongue softly, catching him with his own words. "You said I shouldn't trust an Akalak unless he's shown me both sides... and you have. So. I trust you'll be honest with me now."

[Dasreide]

His frown darkened at her words, but his tone was as soft as ever. "You are correct, Litani. I do not know you. Nor do I know your father." He states with a frown, taking a step towards her, "But that is Irrelevant. My thoughts on you are irrelevant." He let a slow exhale of his breath escape his lips as he slid his hand over his face exaggeratedly.

"You want the truth? Fine." He said, his tone beginning to get a defensive edge to it, "My other side slipped past because you reminded me of another Konti, one who was placed under my care by her mother, also of Konti blood. Her name was Ruby. You have the same look, the same attitude and everything, just with age added onto that." He frowns, "And I began to worry about her. I had to leave her in order to return here. When an Akalak's mind is on another topic, our other sides can slip through. I had feelings of worry for Ruby and feelings of lust towards you and my other side took that to his own advantage." He grumbled.

He took another step towards her, "I may be senior to the others, but I am not without flaws." He slipped the Lakan on his hip out off its holder and held it out to her, blade between his fingers and hilt held out towards her so she could take it. "And since my other side drew blood of your own, I am honor-bound to let you draw blood in return for the blood you lost, if you so choose."

He motioned with a nod of his hand towards the blade in his hand, "If you'd take revenge, I would not stop you. I will not counter nor revolt. You've every right to be angry about what happened. Your father raised you well, so you should know what the right choice would be. Choose it." He said, holding the blade out to her still, eyes fierce. I would gladly take a blow to restore my own honor and recover hers. He thought to himself.

[Litani]

She stood in the darkness, staring silently at the blade that he offered her. The storms outside, as the storms within, continued in their passionate dance across the sky and lit up the steel in his hand, making it seem even more alive than she already knew it to be. Litani looked first to it, then to him. As he explained, she realized that he was still trying to teach her, but part of her wondered if this was a test as well. A test of her reaction, perhaps, to see what she was capable of. For several seconds, she let her eyes wander over him but did her best to keep her countenance unreadable - she might be thinking anything behind those pale blue eyes. Finding a likely place to scar, maybe. Or appreciating what she sees. Difficult to tell... Finally, she extended her right hand and slid it slowly along the hilt of the dagger, moving as if to take it. But the movement did not quite stop until her hand was touching his - only lightly, but skin to skin, and that's all she needed. Exhaling a slow breath, she opened herself up to feel him more clearly, uncertain what she might observe of -this- half, particularly since his other was so strong. ...there, behind the anxiety of the moment, she saw him. His desire. His protectiveness. His honor, and his need for that now. His years of experience lending confidence and wisdom, but not perfectly... And his complete lack of certainty as to what she would do in the next moment. Having done, in silence and with little more than a flicker of a tiny smile at the edge of her lips, she slowly took the weight of the sacred weapon into her hand and let the touch fall away. Turning it over in the half-light, half-bright provided by the storm, she momentarily admired the feral beauty of the steel-forged part of him. Her eyes snapped back up to look at him. "Blood for blood," she said softly, confirming his wish. "This is truly what you want?"

[Dasreide]

He nodded, his eyes intensely focused on her, as if he was trying to steel his body for the wound she might inflict. It was interesting to watch her slide her hand to his and then see her reaction as... something happened. "I can think of no other way for you to gain a meaningful revenge against my other side. He drew your blood and my honor requires me to allow you to return the favor if you want." He stated, waiting for her to take the blade, "But remember... Pain can act as a trigger if I cannot handle it, so only draw as much blood as you need to fulfill your need."

And then he went quiet, flipping his hand over hers and dropping the hilt into her hand before closing her fingers around it. His eyes closed and his hands went off to their respective sides, stretched out as if he was inviting the pain. His face remained as stoic as he could allow. "Ruby would kill me if she saw what I am allowing, but it is something I must do. All he could do was wait for the pain.

[Litani]

With a solemn nod, Litani left her eyes to linger on his for a long, tense moment. When he did not move, when his words did not deny and seek escape, when he waited with passive strength for the inflicting of harm that his honor demanded... she nodded once more. And then she turned. And she walked the few feet to her bedside table - the table where, when he woke her, he had taken her Suvai from her hand and set it down. The weapons made a strange pair in the darkness. In a smooth movement, she turned back to face him and returned to where she'd stood the second before. Her intent was clear. She had not plunged the weapon into its owner, not scratched his skin or so much as threatened to do so. Nor had she forcefully locked it away out of his reach. He had made quite plain already that he could, and would, do as he wished when it came to blades. She simply... placed it on a table. Her table. Beside her bed. Her eyes watched his with a certain light now, a faintly arched eyebrow, a tiny smile playing at the corners of her lips... as if to say, without words, 'What now?'

[Dasreide]

He waited for her movement to come as a swift strike from behind, but it did not. She simply set the blade aside. Dasreide turned to look at her with a far more than confused glance, his golden eyes perplexed in the dark of the night. A bolt of lightning arced down from the sky nearby, the thunder shaking the windows again.

"I... don't get it." He states, looking at her and tilting his head off to the side. "Why do you not seek to restore our honor?"

His mind returned to Ruby, wondering if she would have done the same thing. His honor was something he would gladly die to keep, but with it tarnished and the Konti before him not wanting to return him his honor, he felt numb. His mind whirled, thinking about what could be the cause. Perhaps she was tricking him? Maybe she didn't strike because she was awaiting him to drop his guard? Maybe she couldn't bring herself to harm him, but if that was the case, why wouldn't she be able to? He did not know and could only look to the Konti for an explaination.

[Litani]

She did not merely set the weapon aside. It now sat on her table with the pale of her Suvai sat beside it, the braided horns of a Mura sea creature gracing the Lakan with their reflection. She had taken the blade into her keeping, and now she was between it and him. "Blood for blood," she said softly, "that is what you said you desired." A glance back over her shoulder was a gesture toward the sacred dagger, formed of blood and djed. "Nothing could be more a part of you... certainly no harm I could inflict would be more precious." She smiled softly then, almost sadly. It was time. And why not..? What she intended had consequences far beyond this conversation anyway and, while she had her reasons, there were also risks. There were always risks. If he knew, he could use it against her, but he'd already proven himself both dangerous and honorable. This revelation might cost, but chances are he would not fully grasp the power of it... she could hope. And what do you tell him? That being in the same room with strong emotion overclouds your own and makes you a fool? That you climbed into his head when he held you by the throat and felt exactly what he wanted in that moment? That you've been ignored for years by the one you wanted because of honor, duty, and that the raw, unapologetic savagery of the 'other' was intoxicating?! He's right. You're a fool, and your trust is going to get you killed. Maybe by him! Fool..!! She decided to do it anyway. "Would you have me cut myself, draw my own blood, to assuage this?" Her voice was soft, low, entreating. "That is what it would be. That is how it would feel to me." Quietly, blinking with a slow measure that bespoke her lingering exhaustion, she moved closer. She looked up at him, though it was not a great distance for how tall she was in her own right, and she tilted her head slightly to one side as she continued, "That is my Gift, Dasreide. I can feel your body as if it were my own." Go ahead, idiot, put the nail in your coffin, she inwardly muttered at herself, already cursing herself for her weakness. "Especially... with touch." Her throat moved tightly with a swallow of nerves and she sighed, looking down. Avoiding his eyes. At least she could center a little, even as she revealed her reasons. "Shedding your blood would only hurt, and I've no reason to do that. To either of us." She smiled then, perhaps at him, perhaps at her feet. In the darkness, it was difficult to tell, but her skin flushed slightly and her breath wasn't quite as even as before. "You... didn't have to tell me why the other slipped through," she said then, almost a whisper. "I knew. I knew and..." For a moment, she trailed off, leaving an uncertainty as to whether she would finish her thought. But then her eyes leapt up to his and she smiled, very soft, but deeply genuine. "It felt good. To be wanted." The next words came almost in a rush, as if she felt some sort of guilt or need to explain her response, "But because of that, I couldn't be sure if it was me or you so I... I wanted... to hear it." Clearing her throat delicately, she forced her voice to be more even, her tone to be more clear and less fraught with the chaotic things she felt just then. "It is yours. I cannot take it from you. If you wish it back, take it... but I will not deliberately hurt you. I... can't." She shifted, then, from one foot to the other, hoping she'd made the right decision. A hurt to heal is not a foreign concept - wounds sometimes must be burned to prevent corruption - but she found herself desperately hoping that this was not one of those times. Hoping, but at the same time, conflicted. Was that him, that conflicted feeling? Impossible to tell. She closed her eyes and shook her head minutely and prayed in silence to Rak'keli for sanity while she waited for his response.