Timestamp: Night of the 25th day of Summer season, 513 I am here, now. The mantra whispered across her mind as her body tried to melt into the bed beneath her. It wasn't helping. For long hours, the Konti lay awake in the darkness. There was no storm, there were no words nor footsteps, there was only the quiet of the Pearl House in silent repose. There were also no answers, and no response. She had never known there could be such quiet - so quiet, such silence in totality, she felt at times that its weight could crush her. Syliras was never so quiet, nor Zeltiva. On nights like this, in the scant few weeks that she'd been in Riverfall, she'd sometimes gone out to the Suvan and walked the shore. She'd talked to Laviku. She'd prayed to Rak'keli. She'd talked to her father. Silence. Restless in the shadows, she turned over in a near-thrashing movement and sighed her frustration against her pillow. At least I don't have anywhere pressing to be tomorrow, she thought to herself bitterly. I don't have anywhere pressing to be... ever. The thought seemed to truncate itself. I don't have anywhere. As final as the thought was, it was true. She'd left a promising, if tense, apprenticeship with one of the few people to ever show her kindness. She told herself - and him - that she was Called to leave. She thought she was. She honestly did. Or did I tell myself to think that? Petching hells, I don't know! I'm such a fool... All she'd known was that her father was dead and she wanted, more than words were capable of expressing, to see him again. But that was not possible. Never possible. In exchange, she'd contented herself with the idea of seeking his ghost in Riverfall, walking the streets where he'd walked, hoping to meet a slice of family or friend that she had not previously known... Anything, really. Anything to feel close to him again. But it had been, thus far, for nothing. Instead, all she'd found was threat and frustration, a paradise of a city with nothing but hollow echoes. She'd wanted so much for it to be home...! Alone in the darkness, she found solace in solitude at last and the heated sting of furious emotion started to bite at the backs of her eyes. In that moment, she hated herself absolutely - for her stupidity, for her stubbornness, for her refusal to believe anything but the best of others... even though it had cost her so much. Fool! Her inner monologue, never a kind voice, took the opportunity to go on an absolute tirade and before she knew it, she was crying herself to sleep. There was no help for it, it simply was. I am mourning, she told herself, trying to console the aching part of her that would be forever empty. It is a natural part of mourning, it will always hurt and it will never get better... what did Rask say? 'It never gets better, you only get used to it.' ...I don't want to get used to it!! Knowing that none would come for her, knowing that she could not be heard and would trouble no other soul, Litani wept deep and passionately, letting everything she'd felt for weeks before come crashing into her mind all at once... It did not take long to exhaust her. ----- She heard... something. Some voice. Some words. Something, calling for her. Blackness and formlessness swirled around her, half-dreams and images fading in and out of consciousness as grief turned to fitful sleep, turned to the vivid worldscape within. Alder! It was Alder's voice. ...or was it? She felt pulled, restless and groundless, pulled back to Syliras, pulled across the Sea of Grass and across the impossible distance. Back 'home'. And then, in an instant, she felt the rough grass beneath her feet, the wind on her skin and in her hair, the sun boring down into her mind. The Sea...? The Sea of Grass, certainly, for no comforting lull of Laviku met her senses, only the unmoving steadiness of ground which did not shift. Litani glanced around, uncertain, yet in the dream she felt... calm. Sort of. There were others with her - travelers. Tents. Horses. A painted wagon. And there was her Gildling, Ansem, at graze. They had stopped for the dying day to pass. Sunset bled through her eyes in tones of scarlet and gold, painting the sky and reckless throwing shadows across the ground. She stood at the edge of their make-shift campsite, looking out across the vastness. There were horseclans here, she knew. Glassbeaks and Ziths and gods only knew what else. And the Drykas. The sound of moving water caught her attention. A river nearby, perhaps. And then, as dreams will do, the scene shifted to find her standing at the bank of a small river, Ansem at her side, both Konti and Gildling drinking from the same stream. She knelt, he standing gracefully, as horses do. And then there was a sound. Startled, Ansem looked up, followed closely in attentiveness by his mistress. The horse stamped and backed off slightly and Litani's hand snapped up to his reins, holding him close but rising to her feet. |