Stringin' the Bow [Kellan]

[Kovac]

Kovac caught the sympathetic pout starting to cover Kellan's face. Pity, great. He was no longer intimidating and aggravating, he was pitiful. The teen's monologue continued as the archer mulled the encounter over in his mind. Kellan got more than most people out of Kovac. Few ever heard mention of the major factors that rendered him incompetent to socialize among his fellow residents of Wind Reach. They say the barking dog finally get's its bone, so Kovac had thrown the persistent man a bone. Kellan jumped from one topic to the next, barely giving his reluctant partner in the conversation a space to speak, even if he wanted to. The Endal's attitude was annoying and his outlook idealistic at best. Kovac began to tire of resisting the gregarious Kellan, the young man's immunity to belligerence and sarcasm foiling Kovac's attempts to discourage him. "Kellan, you talk too much." Kovac finally retorted off-hand. "I am sure you feel your particular brand of optimism and sunny disposition can turn even the most soured frown upside down. But, you see, I don't want to be smiley. I want to hold onto my grudges and cynicism like an old friend. They make me feel self-righteous, like the world owes me something. They feed my bruised ego and sooth my injured pride." The Avora let fly another arrow, this one landing dead center. He turned back to Kellan. "I can appreciate your attempt to engage me, it is admirable. But I have to ask you, with all that has happened to you, did you find no pleasure, even for a moment, in wallowing in self-pity and remorse?"

[Kellan Lucia]

Kellan was taken aback by Kovac's retort. He knew that he talked to much but no one had ever pointed it out to him. It would be a lie if he said that Kovac's words did not hurt but he needed to hear them. He really thought about what Kovac had said to him. He had just been living in two extremes. After Toran died he was exactly like Kovac. He wouldn't talk to people and when they did talk to him he treated them like eagle droppings until they left him alone. He wanted nothing to do with anyone. He wanted to just lock everyone out so he would not get hurt again. To him, it was better to keep everyone away than to lose another person he loved. At one point he had even held a guy a few years younger than him at knife point because he wouldn't leave him alone. He was a total emotional mess without Toran. He would have killed the boy but he looked at Kellan and said "You can kill me Endal but what will that prove? All the darkness in you will never bring your twin back. You will never feel better until you let down that wall and let people in". Kellan just ended up punching him across the face and leaving him with nothing worse than a black eye. It did get to him though. He truly wanted to be better but instead he just became the polar opposite of how he truly was. If who he was knew him now he knew that he would have just been another guy shoved against a wall threatened with their life. Thinking about it opened up some old scars that Kellan had truly wanted to keep closed. He could not look at Kovac because he knew that he could read him like a book. "Yeah, I need to work on that..." he said trailing off. What could he say to Kovac? He doubted Kovac wanted to hear any of the millions of thoughts rushing around his mind. Everything was rushing to the surface and bubbling over. It was crazy how one's mind could suppress so much. He had been living like Toran never existed but he was still acting like he was honoring his memory. The truth was after all these years of sunny optimism he was still not over his brother's death. He just needed a grumpy archer to make him notice that. Kovac took his silence as an opening and shot an arrow at the target. Kellan was surprised to see it sink dead center into the target. Kovac seemed to take advantage of his silence and started to talk again. He asked him if he ever took pleasure in his self-pity. Kellan looked right at Kovac and for the first time since they had met he was being one hundred percent serious. "Everyday. Nothing has ever felt as good as wallowing in my self pity. It was all I did for the longest time. I'm sure you know this but even though it hurts so bad to sit there and think about my brother, without it life does not seem complete you know? Within my self pity for not helping him more I felt secure. I guess I just wanted to be a better person but walking around like I have sun shining out my rear doesn’t really make up for anything. He is still gone and I haven’t dealt with it. I guess I just needed someone like you to point it out to me.” he said. He bit down on his lip; he was not going to get emotional here. This was not the place or time. He gripped the sleeve and let out a long breath. ”I guess I just need to find some middle ground between who I was and who I am because neither person is dealing with this correctly.” he said quietly. He bit down on his lip again which was a sure sign that he was trying to hold back tears and ran his fingers through his thick red hair. ”Thanks man, I needed to wake up from this dreamland. I’m gonna try to be less…, sun-shiny but no promises. Old habits die hard.” he said forcing out a small pained smile. It was the first time in a while he had to force it. He wanted to find some way to tone down his puppy-like personality while still being happy-go-lucky Kellan. Maybe it would be easy or he might even fail and slip back into one of his two extremes, deep depression or crazy happiness but he had to try. He would have to grow up someday, he just didn’t know when.

[Kovac]

The young man had made himself an open book. Kellan was the type of person Kovac didn't understand. It was not a judgment as much as it was a true inability to grasp the desire to reveal all of oneself to whomever came by. And now, these confessions of self-pity and the admission that his sunny disposition was only a cover for his pain. Kellan was taking the fun out of snubbing him. Kovac did not want to relate to the Endal, to find any common ground that would suggest they were anything alike, and he certainly had no intention of helping him. But even if the Endal did deal with his own heartache by showering joy on unsuspecting strangers, it was not Kovac's intention to change anyone, just as he resisted other's attempts to "fix" him. Kovac spoke as he tweaked with his bow, not looking up at Kellan. "Endal, you give in too easily. If being sunshine and happiness is your thing, then be it. I guess someone has to. Someone has to be that peppy little ray of light that can cheer up the pitiful sad sacks around here....me excluded of course, I am immune to it." Kovac's eyes lifted to Kellan. no sign of mirth crossed his straight lips, but Kellan could almost catch a twinkle in the soured archer's gaze. Kellan wasn't like the Riders, yet. Maybe the power hadn't gone to his head yet. Any arrogance this man exhibited was unintentional, and he certainly had no qualms about sharing the less glorious aspects of his life. The guy was not that bad after all. "Don't thank me, and cut out your self-deprecation. Be who you are. Just tone down on the bubbles around me, alright?" He pointed to the man's bow. "Now, you'd better practice more if you think you are going to be shooting from the back of a Wind Eagle."

[Kellan Lucia]

Kellan gave Kovac a small smile. He was glad that Kovac was encouraging him to be himself. He hoped that meant that he was making progress with him. Of course, Kovac seemed to be the complete opposite of him. While Kellan was a open book Kovac was tightly shut and locked. "I guess I resorted to happiness because I wanted to stop giving up. Anyone can be sad and let the pain sting but it takes strength to be able to smile even when you are hurting more than anything. Not to say that you are not strong. It takes time." he said. Kellan took Kovac's advice and pulled out an arrow. He lined it up and shot. It hit dead center. His golden eyes grew wide and he looked over a Kovac. His sunny personality was telling him to gush over how happy he was that he made a bullseye but he stopped himself. He just smiled at Kovac and then looked back over at the target and shot another arrow which landed slightly below the other arrow and slightly to the left. "I always remember this one line that I heard once. It is 'Sadness is easy because it is surrender. Happiness is harder to obtain because you have to work for it'. I think about that a lot when I think of Toran. I don't think he wants me to mourn anymore. He wants me to live a happy life for the two of us." he said. Kellan looked up at the sky at the churning clouds and he felt like Toran agreed. Kellan was always one to be a small bit spiritual ever since Toran died. He had to be because who ever was up there in the sky was watching over Toran. He mostly worshiped Zulrav, the god of storms, wind, and air. He also worshiped Ewyaat, the demi-god of birds. He looked to them when he was missing Toran. "Zulrav never gives his people more than they can handle. At least that is what I feel. I don't expect everyone to feel the same way I do." he said. Kellan did not like to stay on the topic of religion to long. It was not that he had anything against it, it was just that he liked to keep the spiritual side of him to himself. "I really hope that we will keep talking after this training. Even though it was kind of a bad start and I got emotional I would hope that we could be friends. If you are comfortable with that of course." he said. He was not sure if the reserved archer would accept his offer but he wanted to put it out there just in case. Everyone needed someone but if Kovac did not want anyone then it could not be forced.

[Kovac]

The conversation with Kellan had grown more personal than Kovac preferred, hence his subtle suggestion that the man focus more on shooting arrows, anticipating a decrease in words. No such luck. The Endal seemed to make another jab at him, unintentionally. Sure, Kovac chose to deal with his circumstances the easy way, by wallowing in the pain and resentment. He was so thankful that Kellan had pointed that out....again. Kellan went on, quoting some catchy little phrase that seemed to encapsulate the difference between the two men. Surrender. The implication was that Kovac surrendered, gave up. The Avora had never really seen it like that. He thought he had a plan to deal with the anger and regret. His tactic was to constantly memorialize the betrayals and unfairness life had dished out, so he could walk in a constant state of self-righteous pity. It gave him the power to say, 'Look what life did to me, I have the right to be this way.' Thinking further upon it, Kovac realized it wasn't much of a plan. Looking over at Kellan, Kovac conceded. "I don't know, or care, much about what the gods do. They seem to do whatever they want, and we have to deal with it." Kovac was not a spiritual man, by any means. He took up another arrow, sending it to join the others in a small grouping. He turned again to the Endal, playing with the black and red glass bead in his earring. "Listen, Kellan, maybe you haven't noticed, I don't really have friends. perhaps you have overlooked the fact that I am not particularly good company. Why, may I ask, would you want to be my friend?" It was an honest question.

[Kellan Lucia]

Kellan looked foward and pulled out an arrow. He thought about what Kovac said. He really did not have some huge reason for wanting to be friends with Kovac. He was just trying to put himself in Kovac's place. If he was going through as much pain as him he would not want to be alone. Of course, Kovac was not anything like Kellan. He had made that very clear. Kellan sighed and then looked Kovac in the eyes. "I don't know Kovac. I guess I was just trying to be nice." he said with a slight edge to his voice. Kellan usually did not get snippy with people so he was surprised to see how his words came out a little more harsh than he expected. He lined up his arrow and shot the arrow into the center of the target. "It's all I can do. If you want to live with no company other than your misery then turn down my offer. I'm not forcing myself on you. You can say no. It's just that I know how it feels to feel like you have no one but your misery to turn to. It's clear to see you want to keep it that way though. It's fine, we all have vices." he said. He felt bad after he said it. Since when did he get so blunt? He usually sugarcoated stuff like this but now it was just the harsh words. Maybe Kovac was having an effect on him, causing him to finally see the darkness again. It some ways it was sort of refreshing. It made him feel more real and legitiment. It was important to have a balance if light and darkness in life, even if it hurt. Kellan looked at Kovac and bit his lip. "Sorry if I am being harsh. Don't talk to me again if you don't want to. Just know that if you do want to talk I'm here for you. No one deserves to be alone but it doesn't mean you can't choose to be right?" he said. He lined up another arrow and shot it. It landed higher than the others. He wondered if he had chose the right words. He had a history of not saying things the right way. He knew that this conversation could now go one of two ways. Kovac would either get really upset or he wouldn't. Kellan hoped for the latter.

[Kovac]

Kovac noticed the slightly irritated edge in Kellan's response. It gave him a sense of satisfaction to see the Endal flare a bit, that there was more to him than the jovial exterior. But the young man seemed to tire of the archer's standoffish attitude, deflating Kovac's desire to goad him. The Avora watched Kellan sink another arrow into his target. Turning to his own, he set another arrow to his shortbow and pulled it back. He paused, feeling the tenseness of the muscles in his arms, upper back and shoulders, holding the taut bowstring until they began to burn. Kovac grumbled thinking about Kellan's words. He had chosen, in a sense to be alone. If he was honest with himself, he would admit he did not want to be alone. In fact, he longed for company, often remembering what it was like to be with Kalle. But that only brought him back to the betrayal, and the fact that, if he kept everyone at a distance, he would not have to suffer that humiliation and pain again. The archer's strained muscles began to quiver as he finally aimed down the shaft and shot the arrow, watching it clip the edge of the center ring. He rotated each shoulder to stretch them out. Kellan was a bit too bent on making people happy, but Kovac applauded his perception. "Kellan, I have chosen to be...lonely. I have my reasons. I will grant you, they are not good reasons, but as you said, it is my right to decide to be alone." He swiped the sontav on his left arm across his sweaty brow. "I have been in love, and have been betrayed. I don't know how that compares to what you have gone through, but it leaves a sting that I am not ready to forgive yet. I know all the advice one would offer, that forgiveness frees you, that it is only hurting you while the one you don't forgive moves on with their life, blah blah blah. For now, I am content to be discontent." He gave the Endal the faintest grin. It was a small allowance, a flicker to indicate the boy's efforts had not been totally in vain. "But I will remember what you said. Obviously there is not a long line of people waiting to befriend me."

[Kellan Lucia]

Kellan felt a small surge of happiness bolt through him when he saw Kovac smile. That was something he did not expect to see. He was happy that he get Kovac to smile. It was a small win but a win none the less. "As long as you are content with yourself I guess that is all that matters Kovac." he said sincerely. Everyone had their own issues to deal with and Kellan could not expect to be the ray of sunshine that scared away everyones darkness. Some people felt safe in the dark and now he was learning that. Kellan was just a nocturnal man of sorts. Just like one could not expect a raccoon or a mole to just accept the sun, Kellan could not expect Kovac to just light up after a few sentences. It was an odd way of putting it but Kellan was in some ways an odd person. Kellan lined up his bow and shot his arrow slightly above the center. He stuck his tongue out slightly and then pulled out another arrow. "I was wrong to try to make you feel like you needed to cheer up. My mom used to do that to me all the time and it pissed me off. I snapped at her a good number of times before I just left home. Everyone just needs to find the sun on their own. Sorry for pushing it on you." he said giving him a small smile. Even though Kovac and Kellan had their differences Kellan was glad he met him. He showed him that at times one really needed to just let themselves feel all the nasty feelings that lurked inside of them. Maybe it was finally time to see his parents again. It would be embarrassing after how he left them. He always averted their looks in the tunnels if they ever passed each other. Toran was gone and he was not coming back. They had already lost one son, they did not need to lose the other one. It would be hard to talk to them again. He was so different than he was when he left. They were his parents though. If they truly loved him, all this time would not matter. Kellan knew his father was a strict man though. He had been gone for two years. He was not sure if he would be welcome. He had to try though. As long as there is life there is hope.

[Kovac]

Pulling the last practice arrow from the ground, Kovac laid it to his bowstring and drew it back. Released and sent on its way, the iron head sunk home just outside the center ring. A good show of practice despite the conversation. "You should have shown more respect for your mother. There are those in Wind Reach who have not had the joy of knowing their mothers." The Avora's words were softer, but spoken with admonishment. He strode down the range to his target and began plucking the shafts from it. "And stop apologizing." Removing the last arrow, Kovac turned to walk back towards Kellan. "Endal, you are not such a bad guy, but you need to be more confident." The archer sighed, somehow finding himself giving advice on how to succeed, the irony was obvious. "I have watched the Riders, if they are anything, they are confident, to a fault if you ask me. I can only guess that if you want to earn the eye of a Wind Eagle, you can't apologize every time you think you may have chosen an opinion that is contrary to his. Nice shooting with you." He clapped the young man on the back firmly before shoving the fistfulf of arrows into his quiver, grabbing his bow and striding off towards home.

[Dreamcatcher]

. Character: Kovac Experience: +4 Archery Lore: Being Equivalent of Emotional Granite Character: Kellan Experience: +4 Archery Lore: Finding Friends and Accepting Their Quirks Additional Note: Well done on the character development and training. I know it can be boring doing skill threads. I didn’t see a Fin or End to this post so if either one of you wish to keep posting just PM me and I will delete this. .