Three Is Certainly A Crowd (Jorin Ertihan)

by **Rinya** on August 21st, 2013, 3:37 pm

Rinya frowned as Jorin decided to abandon his poetry if even for a moment. It was part of who he was and she couldn’t help but feel a little guilty that she had such trouble understanding him at time. But hearing that he did indeed want to find someone nagged under her skin, leaving her feeling a little cold, which was ridiculous because she was the one that brought the subject up anyways.

She had to keep her eyes glued to the ground in front of them as he described the woman he had already found apparently. And she wanted time? What she wouldn’t give to have the time like everyone else. She was tempted to interrupt him with the urgent need to get back home and bury herself under the covers and pretend the whole day hadn’t happened in the first place, but Jorin grinned at her and she felt rooted to the spot. He deserved his happiness, who was she to take it away… unless he said that it was her of course.

Rinya winced but he kept going. Describing her in a way she would have certainly never herself. While she would never deny that she had spark, she just couldn’t see it the same way he did. But then maybe that’s why they were so drawn to the other. They made each other see their worth. But this time wasn’t about her worth. And Jorin looked so tired now himself… like the admission drained him.

”Jorin… you are right. This is about time… but it’s—it’s not about needing time to think about anything. If I could give you this I would, I really would.” Sighing softly, she reached out and grabbed his hands. She examined them almost as if there were answers in them. ”I cannot give it not because of how I see myself… or even how anyone else sees me. And I love how you see me. I will be lucky to have another seven to ten years of life.” The words tasted a little bitter, if there was one thing she could change it would be only this. She could live with being a pet, and even living beside Jorin if he did find someone else. But a short lifespan… it was pain she couldn’t avoid for him.

”It would hard now on you if something happened to me. But it would be so much worse later. I mean I wouldn’t leave your side just because I cannot give you this. There are much better options though than someone who will be gone in a blink of an eye. I am not like Dust—she finds it easy to live in the moment. I spend too much time thinking about all the things that could go wrong. My father’s influence I’m sure.”

Tugging on his hands she gave him a small but heartfelt smile.

”I cannot cause you that much pain Jorin. It is… something you should think about yourself. While bonding was much easier than we—well we didn’t really think about that. But this is truly a choice you can make. That’s all Rhys really said. Take what little time I have and make use of it, but it’s not just my time is it? It’s yours too. Even without a bond, there is no way to avoid it. He just… shocked me with how well he could see through it. All his comments… not meant to insult me. Or even you really. He was trying to make sure you could handle it. But you shouldn't have to.”

by **Jorin Ertihan** on August 21st, 2013, 4:14 pm

Season of Summer, Day 73, 513 AV

She wasn't getting it. Jorin realized that even though he thought he'd been clear, she still wasn't getting it. Jorin chuckled quietly. "Jorin, you are in poor form today," he muttered, mostly to himself. Then he turned to Rinya. She was finally smiling ... there was that at least. But she seemed so sad, as though she didn't want to hurt him by leaving him. So that was what she was worried about? That she couldn't give him more time with her?

"Rinya, I think you still misunderstand. The woman I was talking about before, the one I had already found, she's standing right here, in front of me. It was you, Rinya. It was always you."

Jorin figured the pronouncement would shock her. Or perhaps it wouldn't. To give her a moment to process what he'd just said, he looked back up at the stars. "They're beautiful, aren't they?" he mused, as he continued to look for a few more moments. Then he looked back down.

Off Rinya's confused look, he explained. "The stars. Nobody really looks anymore... you know, they say that even the stars can fade. Rinya all things that live can die. You and I, we are not a Konti, we cannot predict the future. Nor can we change the past. But this, right here, tonight, at this very moment, this we can control. Who's to say what will happen? I may die tomorrow, I may outlive you."

Jorin decided to take another risk, and drew in close to Rinya, capturing her in an embrace like he did at the Amphitheater. Hopefully, it would comfort her as much as it did then.

"Rinya, we humans don't live nearly as long as Konti or Akalak do. Tanora ... time, is never on anyone's side. Two years, ten years, a hundred, what matters isn't how long you live, but how well. And with whom."

Releasing Rinya, Jorin gave her a warm smile and brought out something from his shirt. It was difficult to see, so Jorin dragged Rinya over to one of the flickering lamps on the street. In the dim light, it was visible ... a single blue feather.

"Remember this, Rinya? It was the first gift you ever gave me. I keep it close to me at all times, to remind me of that day. And I still remember the poem I wrote for you, even though the book is gone."

Jorin tapped his forehead. "It's still here. You're still here. Don't you see? As long as one person still remembers, you never die. You are immortal..."

Jorin sighed as he sat down on a nearby bench. Grinning tiredly back up at Rinya, his voice sounded as exhausted as he felt.

"I've already chosen, Rinya. For better or for worse. I would treasure whatever time we have, and live each day to its fullest. And love comes with pain, Rinya, it's part of the package. Petch, half the plays we did in the troupe talked about nothing else. But those plays also inevitably insisted that true love is worth any pain."

Jorin grinned mischievously. "Now you're not going to say seven of the greatest playwrights to ever grace Mizahar are wrong, are you?" he asked teasingly.

by **Rinya** on August 21st, 2013, 5:37 pm

"Jorin, you are in poor form today,"

The smile on Rinya’s face shifted slightly. Not quite a frown, but most certainly confused. Apparently they both couldn’t get across their points. Or rather neither of them was willing to accept the others? Cocking her head to the side, she did her best to ignore the heat of her face. There was something that came with ease when it came to Jorin, but she couldn’t quite name the feeling. Made her stomach turn, but most certainly not in bad way—part of it she knew was nerves. The rest however it was as foggy as some of his words to her.

Luckily this time it wasn’t enough fog for her to only catch part of his words. The stars, choices, and time… when he spoke like he did it was hard to argue with him. Another trait she would just have to tack onto his qualities. Stubborn and overly optimistic… nearly opposite of her stubborn and pessimistic views; they really could probably just go in circles arguing with the other. Resting her hands on her hips after he dragged her over to the light, she watched as he pulled a familiar feather into the light. He still had that?

He took such thought into a gift she hadn’t put much into herself. She had just been looking for a way to approach him. The draw to him even then, when like most other days she would have flown away—the feather was just a tool, but Jorin saw it for so much more. But didn’t he always? Rinya only really understood need of physical items for survival. Jorin took joy in little things that normally shouldn’t matter.

But it seemed a little much for him. She didn’t move from her spot as he sat on the bench and somehow managed a grin for her. He sounded as tired as she was now. Honesty flowed through her being and she couldn’t help but shrug helplessly at him at his question.

”I… don’t know. I’ve never really had anything like it. I never got to have parents that felt that way about each other one way or another. Never… had anyone consider me for such a feeling before… I have only seen specks of it from afar. Someone else’s feelings and the prices they pay for it in flashes.” Her father’s loneliness… and then there was the bad hobby of hers. She enjoyed sitting atop masts of ships and watch lovers fight, break, love, and make up. Almost the same way Jorin acted them on stage… someone else, but never them.

Tapping her fingers against her hips, she looked up at the stars that Jorin held so dear. He was right, people didn’t pay much attention to them… her especially. She ached to sit next to him; but she remained where she was.

”You have felt it before?” For some reason it was the question was what kept her standing. Rinya did at least shift so she could look at him, only a few steps away. Too far and that confused her. It was starting to feel like a permanent feeling. If Jorin was picking up on it however she wasn't sure. He could probably feel it all, and that made her even more nervous for some reason.

by **Jorin Ertihan** on August 21st, 2013, 6:28 pm

Season of Summer, Day 73, 513 AV

"I… don’t know. I’ve never really had anything like it. I never got to have parents that felt that way about each other one way or another. Never… had anyone consider me for such a feeling before… I have only seen specks of it from afar. Someone else’s feelings and the prices they pay for it in flashes."

Jorin did not know what to say to this. His parents ... they loved each other. If nothing else, of that he was certain. They couldn't be more different, but still it was like they were two sides of the same coin. They couldn't have married anyone else, he felt. They belonged. So he couldn't truly understand. All he could do was feel Rinya's loneliness, always watching from afar, seeing joy but not experiencing it. She'd clearly convinced herself that she didn't deserve it.

"You have felt it before?" she asked him. Jorin just looked at her. He wondered if he should tell her ... he could feel the distance between them, like it was a tangible thing. Rinya did not seem to like that distance, but he realized he could not close it for her. If she approached him it would have to be of her own accord. He realized; that was the difference. He could not make her choices for her. He decided that he would tell her. Maybe it might convince her to make a choice.

"Yes," Jorin admitted simply. "It was ... nearly four and a half years ago. I'd just joined the Traveling Thespians, and was into my second season of training. Her name was Farline ... she didn't taunt me like the others. Helped me with my memorization, taught me how to close my eyes and see the stage, to visualize how I should project myself so as to enrapture the audience. She laughed at all my stupid jokes, even though they were pretty stupid. And when we went out on to the town, she was always willing for a joke or a prank."

Jorin smiled as he remembered those days. It was when the troupe most felt like a family. "I don't remember the first time I had those feelings, I think they probably grew from getting to know her. But I do remember that one night. It was four years ago. I'd asked her whether she had any interest in seeing the stars with me. We were in Syliras at the time. I had found this one place in the city where, if you go there at night, you can see the whole sky ... she knew. Farline always knew. She took me by the hand, looked me in the eye, and told me that I was sweet, but she was not interested."

Jorin couldn't help the bitterness that welled up in his heart, like a hot coal had settled in his gut. He knew Rinya probably felt it too, but it just wouldn't stay down. His memory vividly showed him flashes of it: how he'd walked home alone. How for the first time, the stars had dimmed.

"It didn't change the way I felt about her. But I discovered, just feeling it for someone else, doesn't change how they feel about you. I do love you, Rinya. But ... but if you don't love me, then I shall simply have to accept it." He smiled sadly.

"I suppose you could say I've had practice getting rejected."

by **Rinya** on August 21st, 2013, 7:34 pm

For some reason hearing Jorin had loved before didn’t bother her like she thought. In fact it had the opposite reaction. If he felt this way about her now, then surely someone in the future could make him feel that way too. His evaluation of time had been accurate, but regardless of what could happen between them there was always hope for his future. Jorin was resilient where most people were not.

His admission of feelings for her wasn’t ignored either, but it sent her spiraling in another direction. Instead of feeling depressed, everything just seemed heightened. Her breathing, her heart rate, her whole body buzzed with sudden energy. She certainly didn’t feel tired anymore… and she wasn’t even sure how to respond. Well that wasn’t entirely true. She had a list of ways she could behave over all of this, and there were many endings that she couldn’t stand to see. Rinya’s stance moved from statue to fidgety. She wondered just how much bravery she had before it actually failed her.

"I suppose you could say I've had practice getting rejected."

With everything she feared over time and her lifespan, for some reason she couldn’t actually tell him no. Instinctually she still stood the same, but he had been right. Rhys was right. She never actually denied that either, it was just so hard for her to accept. Stepping up to Jorin, she realized that with him sitting and her standing this might actually be harder to pull off than she thought. But if nothing else she was blunt, and he needed to hear it, especially if the feelings coming from him told her anything. In some ways when she could get the words out, she was little better at it than Jorin. The thought made her grin a little. Reaching out she placed her hands on each side of his face again, tugging gently to make sure he was looking at her.

”I am not rejecting you. Like all else with us, we only move forward when we’re both sure of something. You know, some would think us a little foolish. Technically we still barely know the other. We both just go with what feels right. We will let it take us where it will.” Her grin widened a little before she took a deep breath. Before she could lose her nerve she leaned and pressed her lips to his. It was quick, but there was no mistaking her intention. Pulling back a little she reached down and grabbed his hands, pulling him to stand up.

Not half bad for her first kiss if she said so herself... but she was still feeling a full out blush across her face, even down her neck a little. Jorin was always making a first move, if it was too fast for him then she had little doubt he’d tell her. Rinya supposed it paid off watching the teenagers of Sylira make out by the docks.

”I... have strong feelings for you. I’m sure you can feel that right now... I just—I don’t know what they mean. It is a first for me, like a lot of things. Perhaps I will learn what they mean in time. But even if I don’t, can you live with just that? Feeling my feelings instead of words?”

by **Jorin Ertihan** on August 21st, 2013, 8:19 pm

Season of Summer, Day 73, 513 AV

Jorin had been sure she'd reject him. Even though he could feel surges of what Rinya was feeling, he thought that she'd close him off. Did he come on too strong? But what else was he supposed to do? It wasn't like he could hide much from her anyway, so he just figured that honesty was the best policy here. And he was being honest. What he'd told her was true, but what he had forgotten to mention was that what he felt for Farline was not the same as what he felt for Rinya.

With Farline it had been butterflies. Like his gut went a-flutter whenever she was near. He'd been struck with how graceful she was, how easily she moved across the stage, and he was entranced by her gentleness and kindness. But with Rinya, it was electricity. When she was near, the world was brighter, and when they touched it was like a jolt of lightning through his body. She truly was like a star in the sky. No two loves were ever the same; that was what one of the plays Jorin had played in had said. Jorin mused; that playwright was one smart man.

Rinya had closed the distance, putting her hands on his face so that he was looking at her. Jorin could swear he could feel his heart skip a beat.

"I am not rejecting you. Like all else with us, we only move forward when we’re both sure of something. You know, some would think us a little foolish. Technically we still barely know the other. We both just go with what feels right. We will let it take us where it will."

Jorin just nodded. Yes, that was true. And of course some would say they were foolish. But love should be foolish. Love was wonderful and beautiful and all sorts of crazy, but it never followed the precepts of logic. If there was one thing that the plays he'd performed him taught him it was that love never made sense. And it didn't have to. That was what made it so beautiful.

But Jorin's musings were cut short when Rinya leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. And it was like that moment, back during the storm, when he'd been struck by lightning. Except where that event had been traumatic and painful, this one was pleasant and wonderful. For the brief moment their lips had touched, nothing else in Mizahar existed. And then it was over. He couldn't help smile. He couldn't have been the only one to feel that. Then, Rinya gently pulled him to his feet.

"I... have strong feelings for you. I’m sure you can feel that right now... I just—I don’t know what they mean. It is a first for me, like a lot of things. Perhaps I will learn what they mean in time. But even if I don’t, can you live with just that? Feeling my feelings instead of words?"

Jorin just leaned in, and kissed her again, pressing his lips against hers and holding on tight. And just like before, it was like a surge of electricity throughout his body. When he finished, he looked her in the eyes and replied, "Of course. I said I would wait as long as it took. I never expected a definitive answer tonight, but at least we've taken one more step. You take your time, learn what the feelings mean. And if you don't I'll still be here." Jorin place one hand over Rinya's heart as he said it. "I'll always be here. But for tonight, let's just get you home."

Suddenly, Jorin's face morphed into a sheepish, embarrassed look. He smiled apologetically at Rinya, realizing he might have just ruined their moment.

"Actually, Rinya ... were do you live?" he asked, laughing at his own ignorance. All this time and he didn't even know that. "If you prefer, we're pretty close to Atri's Place. I have a room there ... only one bed but I have a bedspread I can put on the floor." Jorin's cheeks flushed as he realized how the offer could be interpreted. "You don't have to if you don't want to!" he hurried to add.

by **Rinya** on August 21st, 2013, 11:31 pm

Rinya hadn’t realized until Jorin pressed his lips against hers for a second time, that she had been so nervous about kissing him, that she really hadn’t let herself enjoy it. The energy that had been humming through her body seemed to crawl across her skin and settle low in her stomach. A kind of feeling she only had in small doses before, but it seemed to flair to life the closer she got to him. It actually took quite the effort not to follow his lips when he pulled away. Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, she exhaled through her nose in an attempt to calm herself.

”Time worth taking.” She still wasn’t sure if this was a good idea. But it seemed pointless to dance around the idea. They both felt it, and it would only be a matter of time before they would probably give in anyways. She would much rather spend her time making him happy, than pretending the feelings didn’t exist at all.

"If you prefer, we're pretty close to Atri's Place. I have a room there ... only one bed but I have a bedspread I can put on the floor."

Tilting her head, Rinya seriously considered just hooking herself under his arm and trailing him back to his room. The intense feeling across her skin was starting to fade and her exhaustion was really starting to rear its’ head again. Instead she leaned up and pressed a kiss to his check softly before backing away a little. Pointing to a tall building at the top of the hill behind the Labor office that was visible even against the dark sky, she smirked.

”I live in the refuge right now. I’d invite you to come, but it’s female only.” In a childish moment she didn’t have often, she stuck out her tongue at him. Giggling she wiggled her fingers at him as she turned away and started towards the hill.

”Goodnight Jorin!” She shouted in a sing song like voice as she started up the stairs.

by **Jorin Ertihan** on August 22nd, 2013, 3:10 am

Season of Summer, Day 73, 513 AV

Jorin smiled as Rinya bounded off to the refuge. It was nice to see her get her energy back. He absolutely hated to see her depressed or upset. The day did have the best of beginnings, but Jorin felt that, perhaps, it ended on quite a positive note. Smiling as he remembered the feel of Rinya's lips, he turned and headed back to Atri's Place.

Tomorrow would be a new day. And as promised, he would go back to the Employment Office. Every single day. Sooner or later, they'd let him in the Amphitheater. He'd prove to the stage master, the troupe, Rinya, his father, everyone. He could make it. He would make it. With renewed determination, Jorin tossed one last, quick smile at Rinya's retreating back over his shoulder, before walking off into the darkness.

Fin

by **Magpie** on September 20th, 2013, 5:25 pm

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Rinya :

Jorin :

Notes :

If you have any questions or concerns about what was awarded, please don't hesitate to PM me.
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Completed Three Is Certainly A Crowd (Jorin Ertihan)