Kavala met Hatot's gaze, holding it for a long long moment before she looked away, glancing off into the distance. She held the look a lot longer than he might have guessed she would, but her progress in her self confidence had come slowly. He could tell she sometimes just waited for bad things to happen - almost like she invited them because if they came it would be a relief from the waiting and vigilance. Kavala didn't expect anything good to come of life perhaps because what he'd known of her life thus far lent her to believe that tragedy was inevitable. It was thought process and a self-destructive pattern he'd been working to actively overcome.
Sometimes he succeeded beautifully.
Sometimes her past was too close and he couldn't break through. In those times the more she smiled, the more she woke up screaming at night even though everyone pretended it never happened in the morning. It was only the quiet woman, the one with no emotion in her eyes that seemed the stablest most able to handle the troubles in life. Kavala was so many people at once at times - especially recently - as if her life was in flux. It was, in fact, almost a joke between the two sisters that Kavala was so much in transition that Akela didn't know exactly what Kavala's desire was at any given moment.
Mostly, the Konti had been attempting to keep out of everyone's way while getting all her regular work done on top of the exercise and training she'd added to her own routine. And, she'd started taking naps in the afternoon - just brief ones - but still enough to regain some energy to make it through the evening.
She seemed to be lighter today, less moody, as if she'd made a decision and planned to stick by it even though it was a weighty one.
The konti smiled at the Akalak and laughed lightly at him.
"Hatot... I'll teach you what I know. Don't worry. But be patient with me. I'm not like you. I've never taught anyone anything. But just ask and I'll show you. Philtering, medicine... I'll answer your questions. Just ask good ones, because honestly I am no teacher. I won't think what to tell you until we really work on things together. Learning about plants isn't hard. But its easier to learn them one at a time, like you explain meditation to me. You take the day to soak in the plant, learn its uses, where it grows, what it means to the world. One a day only. I'll start you on a study if you'd like." She said smiling slightly.
They already had very full plates. But somehow, they seemed to be at a place in life where they could take it, and even more, if what was weighing on her mind got shared with him.
Then he prompted her to tell him what was on her mind, and just as easily as that she did. A different woman might have set up the situation a bit or dropped a few hints so he was more prepared for what she had to say. Instead, she simply took a breath, told him, and kept going as if she hadn't said a word at all. When Hatot's big Zavian stallion cut off her smaller swifter buckskin, Kavala met the Akalak's gaze, alarmed and confused. She hadn't expected him to cut off the strider and force them both to halt or collide. The Konti brought her horse to a stop without seemingly moving on his back. Wearing no headstall or saddle, the horse responded to her change in body position rather than any artificial aid or spoken word.
She started to speak then closed her mouth as Hatot moved. Hatot had Kavala off her horse and pulled up against him before she could react. The Konti wasn't sure what he was going to say or do. In a way she was scared, worried that it would change their dynamic, one that she'd grown very accustomed too. Kavala didn't want Hatot to treat her differently, and she certainly didn't want Radris to start handling her with kid gloves. But other than that she had no expectations, no idea, if Hatot was ready for everything her words implied.
But he gathered her to him and drew her attention, forcing her to look at him and truly see the men behind the bright intelligent eyes. A rough thumb trailed down her cheek and another hand displaced her usual comforting shield of hair. He always made her look at him. And when she looked she always saw both of them. Normally though only one was looking back a time. In this instance though she oddly saw both. And that sight froze her long enough for Hatot to bend her back and kiss her gently. Truthfully they didn't kiss much, not like others did, for their kisses tended to erupt into other things rather quickly and uncontrollably. Kavala liked to taste him, nuzzling his bare chest when he drew her close to him in his sleep or when she shifted and used one of his thighs for a pillow. They were kisses of a sort, but not the type he gifted her with in that instant. It was a sweet soft kiss of innocent love untainted by duty or debt.
She smiled into his kiss, returning it gently even as she lost her ability to breath and brought her hands up to wrap firmly around his waist. He started speaking, but it took her a moment to realize what he was saying. When she understood, the words flowed over her and soothed any last doubt in her mind about what she'd just said.
Kavala hadn't wanted Hatot or Radris to tell her they loved her. Especially not then, not when she'd told him so openly, because she didn't want it to add urgency to him or pressure him into feeling something he might not want or have the ability to feel. She closed her eyes under the words letting them echo across her form. Love. He'd said it. No, they'd both said it to her. Both. Kavala opened her eyes again seeing the truth of it in his gaze. One of them, she suspected she knew which one, suddenly hoisted her up, drawing her even closer and she wrapped her arms around his neck suddenly. She should have laughed but she was still too stunned to do so. Being held like that reinforced the difference in their size, but Kavala didn't care. She'd swore a long time ago that she'd make up for her slight size in strength and agility so he'd never have a complaint about her not being able to keep up or hold up her end of the burdens life threw at them.
And then, finally, their eyes melded together and they both swore they'd come back. There could be no clearer message, no more determination in the world than what they showed her in that instant. She smiled then, softly, though he could see her lips tremble. Kavala drew in a breath, leaned in and rubbed her scaled forehead against his deep blue brow gathering her thoughts and calming herself enough to be able to speak.
The healer didn't want to make a speech. She truthfully was rather bad at sharing her feelings. Hatot made it easier verbally while Radris had helped her break through barriers physically. But still, for her it wasn't the easiest thing in the world. Gently she wiggled, squirming until he firmly set her down and she took a slight step back so she could look at all of him at once.
Her hands slid from his neck and down his arms to grasp at his hands, drawing them up and gathering them to her heart. She bowed her head over them, gently kissing the top of the artificial fist she'd made of his digits.
"Thank you." She started out, her eyes not releasing his for a single instant. It was such a heartfelt sincere phrase that it hung between them as if it were a tangible thing. Azure pupils were blue flames, like the hottest part of a fire just below the flickering orange.
"There.. there were so many times I wished my own death. I wanted the pain to end. I cannot tell you how debilitating it is to want to get away from something so bad that death looks like you're touching the Ukalas on a direct invite from the gods. I.. I prayed to Rak'keli to end my life. I tried to end it myself." There were scars on her wrists, wounds he'd probably thought were from the same man who'd carved up the rest of her bare flesh. But it hadn't been.
Some of it she'd done to herself. Most of it had been others though. And those others had broke her so thoroughly that there was barely anything left to put back together. But somehow, someway, Hatot and Radris had managed just that. She blinked back tears that had no place and opened her mouth to finish speaking.
"I was so mad when Rak'keli didn't answer my prayers that I couldn't help but turn away from her for a little while. I wandered around Riverfall like a ghost until I saw Sanctuary's property and knew what I could do with it. I knew what I wanted from it like a sudden inspiration or a dream experienced awake. It was the first thing I thought to want in three months when I hadn't even wanted food, water, or rest." She admitted.
"Slowly, my faith came back but deeply shaken. I had a silver wristband on my wrist that denoted I was free to be a plaything of any of your kind that wanted me. That's a really hard thing, you two. It was... yet another thing I questioned. I didn't want one slavery to turn into another. But I was... so wrong about it. I was wrong about a lot of things. And I cannot tell you how grateful I am that She didn't let me just die or end my imprisonment through the release of death. I... no We have a purpose now. We have goals and dreams and ... there's so much promise in the future. It's never going to be easy. But I am so glad I am not missing this life with you. And I'm so completely grateful to be the mother of your child, you two." She said softly, releasing his hands to reach out and touch his face.
"I know you will come home. I have every confidence in your ability. I always have had. But I'll wait every day on the cliffs of Riverfall while you are gone until you return home safely. You'll do well. And you need to go because you have a lot to prove to everyone in your life. You need to prove to everyone you are as good as I know you are... and you need to prove it to each other. We'll be here waiting... both of us. And all your friends, for I know you might not see it now but you have a great many of them. And you have a purpose and a place here - both of you - that Riverfall cannot be without. And... I'm just honored... so honored to be alongside you in this life. I've done nothing to deserve it thus far, but everything here on out will definitely be to prove I am good enough to keep it." She said softly, fiercely, reaching up to drag his head down for yet another kiss.
She didn't miss the blending of the two. Nor did she miss the camas they were standing on. But it could wait, her men could not. And so she kissed them with all the force she could muster to tell them how much she loved them.
