Closed [Scholar's Asylum]Am I Sane?[Eldritch]

[Clyde Sullins]

63 Fall 513 The Scholar's Asylum was not a pleasant place, especially for a mage. It was a constant reminder of what lay just beyond, what was possible should they slip up or fall, or given into the sultry call of djed and Magics. Clyde had been a mage for most of his life, and so had experience with fighting these urges. Magic was far more addictive than any drug. Whereas drugs could make you feel like anything was possible, Magics could in reality twist the very djed of the world around you to your own end. Clyde had not overgiven often, and when he had been as a last resort. Thankfully, none had been to intense or had given any permanent damage. But seeing these people, with their minds or bodies shattered by Magics... It was not easy for a wizard even as skilled as Clyde to see. With his paper in hand, he headed over to whomever was in charge, a clerk or secretary or whatever, and showed her his appointment. "Hello, I have a appointment for a psychological evaluation. Where do I need to go for that?"

[Eldritch]

The Asylum possessed an artificial clean to it that seemed almost wrong, considering the state of the minds for those incarcerated. The reimancer would find himself surrounded by a world of grey, the walls, the floor, even the ceiling seemed to be tiled in the same manner with the same tile patterns. The place was illuminated very well with candle placed at regular intervals, and an iron cast chandelier dangling above the main reception area.

The clerk at the front desk took Clyde's slip of appointment, gazing over it momentarily before nodding to himself and smiling up at the Reimancer. It looked rather artificial, much like everything in the Asylum, a façade to hide the ugliness it held.

"Ah, Clyde Sullins. Yes, we were told to expect you. Your appointment is with Miss Loris, our resident expert on Wizard Psychology. Please follow me." The man said, getting up from his seat and starting up a nearby flight of stairs.

The young blonde haired man led Clyde down a rather long hallway once they reached the top, candles still placed at controlled and regular intervals. The Reimancer would notice that they passed by a number of rather strong looking doors, each one prepared with rather complex sigils of power that seemed to take the shape of standard Wards. He would also feel something more, a faint trace of personal magic upon the doors but unless he touched one he wouldn't know what exactly it was.

Occasionally yelling could be heard from behind the doors, other time there were faint chants that were likely incantations being repeated over and over again. Truly this was a place for those of shattered mind and broken soul, those who had reached for the sun and burned up in the process. Finally the pair would arrive at another door, this one similarly reinforced and the man would carefully take out a wrought iron key. It looked like a simple thing, however on closer inspection Clyde might very well notice etchings on the key that fit more sigils of power.

The man placed the key in the lock and turned, pushing it open with the handle and making very certain not to touch the door. He beckoned Clyde inside wordlessly. The room was small and grey, completely barren except for a simple wooden table in the center with two chairs on either side. Opposite him Clyde would see a younger looking red haired woman, perhaps no older than him, sitting patiently. Her green eyes seemed to light up as he entered and a beaming smile came over her face.

The clerk quietly left the room, closing the door behind him. Clyde might very well notice the sharp click coming from the lock signaling that the lock was being put back in place. The woman stood and extended her hand out, still smiling.

"You must be Clyde Sullins, its a pleasure to meet you. I am Bethany Loris, but please just call me Bethany. Miss Loris makes me sound old." She greeted, her tone light and perky.

"Why don't you take a seat and then we can get started." The woman invited, sitting back down herself and shuffling a few papers nearby, getting the ready for use no doubt.

[Clyde Sullins]

The clerk led Clyde onward, deeper into the Asylum, a place no wizard wanted to delve into. At least Clyde was not going here to be locked up. He still had a hold on his mentality, unlike many of these mages. Loris was to be her evaluator, though he did wonder what it took to be a "expert on wizard psychology." Seeing a lot of crazy people. However, he was wary of whomever it was, since Stonemiller had told him it would likely be influenced by people wishing him ill, wishing him to not be appointed, and wanting to twist the words he said. So he had to be extra careful. It was not long before they were passing doors, solid strong ones that could take a beating. Not only that, they were Glyphed. The intent was clear enough, however he could not tell if they were meant to keep magic inside, or to keep it out. He supposed they could serve either function, but they likely mainly kept those with it inside. Still, even such warding would not be to hard for him, such things he could do in a trice. As he walked he felt a tingle down his spine, djed thick upon the air, the signs of some kind of magic nearby. But without further inspection he could not tell from where. His magical senses were being bombarded, and Clyde was fairly sure activating ones Auristical vision in here would be a bad idea. Finally they stopped, and the man took out a key. He was not sure why, but even this tool had Glyphs on it. The only reason he could think of for this would be... Some kind of a something... Clearly if you tried simply the key alone, though it might unlock the door, it would likely set something off. However, perhaps these Glyphs completed some circuit, or blocked some effect from going off. He was interested to know how it worked, and if he got the chance he would ask. He also wondered who had made all these. Glyphs. As the door opened, Clyde hesitantly walked in, finding nothing but a table, some chairs, and a woman. Once he was in, the door was shut and relocked. Though he was uncertain if that was for him, or for this woman. Clyde took the offered hand and shook it, and then took the offered seat. The whole situation seemed a bit... Odd... But he could not put his finger on why. "Yes, I am Clyde Sullins. So, you are to evaluate me? How does this work then?"

[Eldritch]

The woman nodded at Clyde's question of if she was the evaluator, her beaming smile lowering a few watts to a simple friendly grin. As she grinned Clyde would feel ease and comforting feelings wash over him, as well as another tingle indicating magic in close proximity. Given the feelings from earlier it would be difficult to pinpoint the source. The magical emanations from all around served as a mute for his detection abilities. The woman crossed her legs and leaned back in her chair slightly, making very certain to keep eye contact with her subject.

"Ah, its nothing too stressful. I simply need to ensure that you are mentally sound for the position you'll be holding. Its standard procedure for new faculty for the College of Djed, as well as students of a number of personal magic disciplines. I'm just going to ask you some questions, all you have to do is answer as honestly as possible." Bethany replied.

"Once I'm confident I have enough information I'll give my diagnosis to the Board of Regents for review. Don't be afraid, I assure you that I don't bite Mr. Sullins." She said, giggling slightly.

A thought would worm its way into Clyde's mind, a small little judgment that could have well crawled from the corner of his mind. The woman was a fool, the thought told him. A giggling ditz. It would stay for a moment before fading back into his mind. The woman gave him no time to question the content of the thought, clearing her throat and leaning forward. She put her elbows on the table and supported her head in her hands, still staring intently at Clyde.

"In my experience its always best to start with why a person's here. I understand you hail from Syliras, what brought you to Zeltiva then? The City of Peace is renown as a relatively safe place. Why leave?" She asked, her expression still warm and very friendly.

[Clyde Sullins]

As Clyde felt another tingle of magic, he also felt a wave of calming emotions. He felt at ease in the presence of this woman, comfortable. However after reflecting on this for a few ticks, it dawned on him this was a bit... Odd. He was suspicious, bordering on paranoid at times when dealing with other mages. And yet he so easily trusted this woman, who dealt with crazy mages on a daily basis? As he thought on it, he realized she must be a mage also. Otherwise she would have no defense should a mage go nuts and attack her. A thought crept in. Who watched the watcher? She checked others to see if they had gone crazy from magic... But who did so for her... He still oddly enough trusted her, but he did not completely trust the fact that he trusted her. Her explanation of how things worked, simply asking him questions, and letting him go if or when she was satisfied, seemed simple enough. Not overly time consuming, and nothing suspicious yet. However, the words of Stonemiller were still in his head, and he could not help thinking something might be up, or that it might become so. From the woman's actions and mannerisms, she seemed like an airhead, foolish even. It was prominent in his awareness for a few moments, before fading away with other things falling to the forefront anew. This sudden thought did not raise the awareness of Clyde, not like the prior sudden fact of trusting her had. After all, it seemed more like a thought he might have, than him trusting a random newly met mage. But even if he had been suspicious of it, he would not have had time to puzzle over it, as she then asked her first question, in a very offhand fashion. "Syliras? Yes, physically it is a very safe place. However, unlike Zeltiva with its more open feeling in regards to magic, Syliras is very openly against magic. I left, so that I could study magic, where it would be allowed. Also, I wanted a place where my magic would be valued, and could earn me a living. So I left."

[Eldritch]

Bethany quirked an eyebrow at Clyde's explanation, as though something about it had seemed off or confusing to her. She didn't comment though, not until the reimancer was finished speaking at the very least. Once he did finish the young woman idly plucked one of the parchments set to the side and started scribbling a few notes. Where Clyde to try and decipher what she was writing he would find his efforts rather foiled, her handwriting was legible but the sequence of words seemed to be utter gibberish. The were common words but they possess seemingly no rhyme or reason to them.

After a half chime she gave Clyde her full attention again, looking as though she were musing over something.

"Interesting. You must value your magic a great deal then. To leave behind the place of your birth, your friends and family is a difficult thing I understand." She commented.

"Speaking of your family, what about them? What did they think about your taking up of the Arcane arts? Did they support it? Are they part of the reason you left?" She asked.

A feeling would stir in Clyde's chest at this question, irritation. It wasn't so much outright anger, just annoyance directed towards the question in general. The question was rather probing, digging into places in his past most wizards were not fond of revealing. Who was this woman to inquire of such things? Unlike the earlier thought this one would linger for a little bit, stewing in the wizard's mind.

The woman simply waited for a response, looking no different from before with her same smile plastered on her face. Nothing about her seemed amiss whatsoever.

OOCApologies for the short post. Building up for the next one.

[Clyde Sullins]

"Interesting. You must value your magic a great deal then. To leave behind the place of your birth, your friends and family is a difficult thing I understand." "Speaking of your family, what about them? What did they think about your taking up of the Arcane arts? Did they support it? Are they part of the reason you left?" The next feeling Clyde had, that of the woman being rude and digging into things he did not like speaking of, synched well with his current feelings. He did not even notice a tingle of djed this time. If nothing else, the woman did understand psychology, and was adept at sliding her affects in unobtrusively. Which was a necessity of any mage trying to secretly bespell another mage. Clyde paused for a moment more than he had before, as he thought out how to answer this question. Honestly though, he thought to himself, even he was not quite sure of the answer to this. It was all a bit of a blur, having happened so long ago. He was not even the same person as he had been back then, when he left the city. "My family? Well, my mother was not against them, though neither was she for them. I could see her understanding my choices, now that I have made good as a mage. My father... Not so much. He is a smithy, he does not see a need for magic. How could he understand them? So perhaps he played a part in my choosing to leave." As Clyde thought on this, a image came to his mind, that of his initiation... Five years old, alone but for the man whose face was hidden, chained to the stone floor as he was initiated into Reimancy... He was not quite sure why thinking of his parents, made him think of this event.

[Eldritch]

The woman nodded as Clyde spoke, jotting down some scribbled notes in the same almost gibberish wording. She shot the reimancer a look of sympathy, carefully crafted to not appear pitying but certainly empathetic to the young wizard's relationship with his father. She looked back down to her notes and finished whatever information she was recording on them. She then leaned back and uncrossed her legs, nodding to herself slowly.

"I understand how difficult it can be when one's family doesn't accept you. If I can tell you a secret I myself have studied the arcane, no more than dabbling mind you but my family was... less than supportive." The woman said, sounding a little reluctant to admit it.

A feeling of suspicion would rise in Clyde for a moment, just as she admitted to having studied magic of some form. Admitted that she was indeed a mage, confirming his initial suspicions that she had to possess some form of protection here in this place. It would soon fade, to be replaced by a slightly sympathetic cord in him. Her voice possessed the right inflection to indicate a rather unpleasant relationship with her family, the right amount of reluctant hesitation.

The feeling would fade after a couple of ticks, the woman taking a deep breath and placing that same plastered smile on her face. She indicated around her with her hand, gesturing to the vacant room.

"Naturally that makes working here all the more unnerving, to see what could happen if I'm not careful. Its such a pity what kind of suffering these poor people have to go through isn't it?" She asked.

The woman paused to leave room for Clyde to respond to the question.

"In any event, magic comes with trials and tribulations. To attain that kind of power is never easy or pleasant I understand. Have you ever had experience with overgiving before in the course of your time as a wizard?" She asked, the question spoken innocently enough.

[Clyde Sullins]

"I understand how difficult it can be when one's family doesn't accept you. If I can tell you a secret I myself have studied the arcane, no more than dabbling mind you but my family was... less than supportive." Her words were admittance to his suspicion, that she was a mage. As his logic had come to the conclusion, it would be foolish and dangerous for her to be amongst mages without some kind of magical protection. he had a short moment of triumph, as he was proven correct. But as he truly listened to her words, he felt... A bit of a connection to her. A common understanding amongst comrades. She had after all gone through some of the same things as him. Or at least she said she had, a small part of his mind said. But either way, they were brothers in djed, both likely having faced many of the same trials and choices. It was a small wonder more did not choose poorly, and end before their time. Clyde was the epitome of this, he was hardly 2 decades old, and yet in many ways he had lived and experienced as much as a much older person. Magic tended to do that. Or perhaps simply the trouble it tended to call down. "Naturally that makes working here all the more unnerving, to see what could happen if I'm not careful. Its such a pity what kind of suffering these poor people have to go through isn't it?" "Yes. If only something could be done to help them... I suppose none but the Konti could aid someone once such an this has occurred. Have you ever tried to have some of their more skilled healers come to try their hand at them?" Clyde knew from experience the things some of the healers of the Konti Isle could do. His problems had been bodily, not mental, but still they had been able to heal his ailments. Perhaps they could do likewise for ailments of the mind? "In any event, magic comes with trials and tribulations. To attain that kind of power is never easy or pleasant I understand. Have you ever had experience with overgiving before in the course of your time as a wizard?" With this question, Clyde once more paused, a bit uncertain, more so of his memory than how to answer. Had he overgiven? Define overgiving... "I think by its nature, that is not an easy question to answer. Perhaps some of the lesser kind has occurred, I doubt a mage alive has not at least experienced some of those. It's not really possible to practice magic without at least at some point approaching ones limits, even with the safer magics. But nothing of the bigger worse variety. But then if I had experienced those, I would be like those people whose minds have been so affected and damaged." Clyde paused, and let out a deep breath. Then he asked a question, spurred on by the last one he had received. "My mind is still my own. But then, overgiving is not the worst thing that can happen to a mage. No, choice is. Have you ever had to make a hard choice Miss Loris, where if you chose poorly, someone dies? Possibility, is the burden of a mage. Have you ever put yourself first, kept yourself safe and from approaching your limits, at the cost of another? Have you ever wondered if you had pushed a bit harder, you would have saved them, and nothing ill would have happened to you... Or perhaps something ill would have happened, and by saving them you would have cursed yourself... Choices... Possibility... Those are the true burden of the mage, of a magic user. Overgiving pales in comparison when compared to those two." Clyde recalled death, recalled destruction. Recalled his past apprentice barely recognizable as a lump of destroyed and torn flesh, after the Yukmen had gotten at him, even though he had killed scores and scores of the monsters himself. It had not been enough. He recalled burnt flesh, the smell in his nostrils, the look of horror and glazed eyes as someone realized they were dead, by his hand. By his magics. Clyde paused for a moment, looking down at the table, and then suddenly flicked his eyes back to the woman, a forced smile on his face. "What of you Miss Loris, have you ever overgiven, especially in your time as a mage amongst damaged mages? Have you ever had to make a choice between yourself and another?"

[Eldritch]

Bethany had actually paused to consider Clyde's question regarding the Konti being asked to attempt their healing upon the overgiven patients. She seemed be thinking of an appropriate response, yet her expression seemed a little caught off guard. The expression vanished, quickly replaced by a well natured smile.

"In my time on the Asylum staff? I've never seen such a thing. However it is possible it was attempted at some point in the past, it merits looking into if nothing else." She seemed to actually be musing over the idea seriously.

The young woman reclined back further in her chair, crossing her legs again and listening to Clyde as he spoke. Her eyebrows were rather high upon her brow at the rather philosophical questions the reimancer asked, as well as the places his mind wandered to. She was obviously not expecting insight into the nature of wizards themselves to come from the man, let alone questions regarding morality and choices. Again, Clyde had caught her rather off her guard.

She recovered quickly enough, listening to the rest of Clyde's answer with new found interest. It was as though she was actually learning something from the reimancer, something beyond just his mental state. His question to her didn't catch her off her guard, rather she seemed to have an answer ready as though predicting were the conversation would go.

"Hmm... an interesting question. I would counter your statement first, if you will indulge me. Choice is indeed a crushing thing however temptation seems far more pertinent in a mage's life. In my time in the Asylum I have heard stories from shattered minds, stories of curiosity, of desire, of violence. Each of them boils down to a force that is always there, temptation." She said.

"Magic itself is temptation, the thought of wielding power greater than the majority of mortals can possibly imagine. To shape facets of reality to your whims, really its endemic to wizards. However it only gets stronger and stronger the more its used, like an addiction you can't possibly escape. Like all addictions it has its consequences though they are simply far more serious." She continued.

"Can I do this? Can I do that? How long can I keep going until I burn out? Eventually limits become blurry as the temptation, the urge so strongly felt, is no longer ignored but openly embraced. The majority of cases I've spoken to and examined had a choice indeed, a choice whether or not to indulge a little more than their limits permitted because they wanted to experience more." The woman finished, shrugging slightly.

"In any event, to answer your original question I have indeed overgiven once before which is the very reason I chose to be here. I want to remind myself every single day what could happen if I give in to temptation, if I surrender myself to the powers I command. As for choice, I have indeed made such a choice though I suspect mine was not as unpleasant as any you have faced." Bethany said, dismissing her own choices and redirecting the topic back onto Clyde.

She started scribbling on her papers, allotting Clyde plenty of time to respond if he so desired. The notes were much longer than previously, she needed to pick a fresh sheet of parchment to record them all. Her attention was still very much upon the reimancer however. When she finished she would give the wizard her full attention and ask her next question.

"Your words seem to denote much experience, and certainly much hardship. You mentioned earlier of choices made, so I'll ask you what choices have you made? What choices have you made that so drastically effected not you but those around you?" She asked.