Solo [Ivory Aerie] Writing and reflections

[Lavira]

Vira was laying in bed, her back against the wall and a pillow tucked behind her and to the right. Her face was strained and her breaths often paused for long moments as she leaned away from the right side. Her right hand would often press into the marring on her body in an attempt to ease the pain but it did not really help.

In her lap, Vira had a pile of papers and a pen, some of them already with her rough hand writing on them. She appeared to be writing a journal of some sort.

Date: Fall 35, 513

So I took this class at the Enclave last season where they offered various caste members the chance to learn to read or write better. I knew how to read well enough for what I do, but my writing was terrible. I couldn't even read my own notes when I was studying half the time! I'd considered starting a journal then to help me get my thoughts on track after what happened mid-Summer, but...I guess I was afraid to.

So many things have happened since those three days that reflecting on them seems like such a waste of time. Besides, I'm Endal now. I need to focus on my training and job requirements. I can't afford to be constantly looking back. But...maybe it'll help right now. Because truth be told, today's a bad day. Like really bad. Kovac and I were supposed to do some hunting in the pines by the Bay but I can barely get out of bed I hurt so much.

Admitting that the pain is there is supposed to be the first step towards healing, but I'm afraid if I admitted just how much and how often I am in pain...

But if I never say anything, it might get worse.

I fell on Summer 53rd. Well...no, that's not right. I didn't fall; I was knocked out of the aerie I'd been working in by one of the mother birds I took care of. She hadn't meant to, even I know that; but there'd been an earthquake and lots of confusion and I wasn't able to get to a safe location in time before she came flying out and took me with her. To say that I was terrified would have been an understatement!

The more time that passes, though, the more I've begun to remember things I'd forgotten about during the trauma of it all. Like, I remember hitting the dump-ledge and getting covered in bird shyke. I remember sliding off of it and then falling even more. There'd been a chasm or a canyon or a crack or something with lots of sharp edges and then the drop into the cave I'd been caught in before Iosha showed up.

I remember trying to assess my injuries after regaining consciousness. They'd been really bad at the time and I was positive I was going to die from an infection or blood loss or something. It was hell, I tell you!

The teen paused in her script, leaning her head back and closing her eyes tight as the nerves fired over and over again up and down her right side. It was intense enough that she almost cried, groaning and biting the inside of her cheek hard enough to make it bleed. It took chimes for it to ease up enough for her to continue writing.

[Lavira]

But the pain was worse. I thought if an infection or blood loss didn't get me, the pain would. Unbearable it was...I was miserable for bells before this healer showed up. She was an Avora, some Konti outsider named Iosha. Very pretty. She worked so hard to get me out of there I'm sad to know that she left Wind Reach. I would have loved to get to know her better. She was so nice.

So she found me at the bottom of the pit/cave/crack/chasm whatever you want to call it, battered and bruised and miserable. I was still going in and out of consciousness at that point in time and can hardly remember what she was doing. I kept hearing her praying, but I can't be sure to who. Maybe the same god she called upon when I visited her late last season again, who knows.

Then the storm came and I was certain we were going to drown. The cave started filling up with water and Iosha couldn't move me very much . It was just...

The young woman stopped there, staring at the page with grit teeth. The memory was too much and she pushed it away, choosing to move on before it overcame her and she broke down.

We did finally get out of there, of course, and I spent a while in the infirmary. They reset the breaks in my legs and spent some time every few hours doing their magics to mend the bones. I begged them not to stop, knowing that when I did finally get back to work, it likely would never be the same. And so they persevered, almost exhausting themselves sometimes. I don't understand why they DID go along with the urgings of nothing but a Chiet. They were Avora, and I wasn't anyone special...maybe they sympathized; I don't know, I'm just grateful for their help and maybe in time I can repay them. I mean, if they hadn't devoted so much time to me, I probably would be nothing but a Dek. I never would have bonded with Mohya; I never would have gone with Kovac to the Inclement...we never would have fallen in love.

I would just be a battered nobody at the bottom of the ladder who probably WOULD have jumped at the first opportunity.

She stopped again, wiping her eyes a little as she stared at the last line. She had been so depressed when Summer ended, wearing this fake mask for everyone she encountered, even Kovac. It had taken all of her will to just get back onto her feet and move on; had Mohya not approached her that evening and had Kovac not opened the door that next morning...she might still have. Just another lost soul. Part of her wondered if Dira would have taken her away or if she would have been rejected to unlive on as a ghost. That would have been even worse than living depressed! An immaterial essence whose only ability to interact with others was to haunt or possess them!

[Lavira]

But that was summer and this is fall and I am not that person anymore. I've almost found what I've been looking for, I'm sure of it. I'm getting close to letting go to what happened with that petching Akalak, Garren, so maybe come winter things will get better.

Kovac's been instrumental in my improvement, though. Were it not for him...so much of me would have been lost. But he went out of his way to aid me. He makes me happy and he even moved in with me! I love him more than I could ever proclaim. He's been helping me with my archery, too, and I am getting better slowly. I want to do some solo training for a while, though, see if I will be able to accomplish what he's been teaching without him standing over my shoulder looking all sexy and desirable...

Vira laughed a little as she read that line again, her smile broad and happy. She knew it wasn't his looks that attracted her to him, of course; they were just a perk of the relationship.

He is, though. He is very sexy. When he's been out hunting all day and comes home, his hair all tussled...Mm mm mm. Even the purple bi-soul couldn't compare to that. No, I love him for more than his body. I don't see appearances the way others do. I mean, how can I possibly judge another's look when I myself am a tattered fledgling too! It would be horribly hypocritical of me to do that.

See, so many look at Kovac and see the smart ass, mongrel hunter. He is devastatingly seductive and drew many a fine lass to his bed because of it. But me? I see compassion. He cares, he truly truly cares. He would even admit that he didn't use to. Kovac had been so self-destructive in his behavior, so...loathing of the world. But all I saw was a man hiding behind a facade. Like I was. He let his lusts and desires get the better of him and it resulted in a very...troubling...reputation. Something I know he is trying to make up for. He is a good man who simply found himself the root of bad experiences. It's funny how he and I came together as a result.

I think he just needed someone to truly love him. I hope I am giving him that.

The teen laughed as she read over this last bit, shaking her head. "Wow, Vira, that's very philosophical of you. Didn't think I was that much of a deep thinker." She continued writing.

[Lavira]

I think I'm getting too philosophical in all of this. Still, it's very relaxing being able to sit back and write; I didn't think it would be, but I suppose people can change their interests.

You know, it used to be the birds who helped me to relax, but Tulaj's so sporadic and unpredictable being able to truly work with the crazy raptor is virtually impossible.

What's even more surprising, however, is the number of people being directed to me to TEACH them about falconry. Is Meera so overwhelmed that she cannot offer them assistance? Perhaps I'm just reading more into it, but it feels like I'm being groomed for a teaching position for the Yasi. I never really saw myself as a teacher, though, so I wonder why others are wanting me to teach them.

I must be thinking into this more than I should be. Kovac teaches, too, and he's a great teacher. He really knows how to get the lesson to sink in! But me? A teacher? I don't know...

Here, the teen paused, fingering the corners of the page and staring at what she'd written so far. It felt odd still writing like this but she couldn't deny that it was relaxing. Wincing and groaning, however, the young woman decided to set the journal aside for now and get some rest. She air-dried the ink the rest of the way and then put the sheet over the pages to protect them, stacked them neatly, and slid them under her pillow before wriggling back into her covers and rolling onto her left side. Time to get some rest.

[Caelum]

Thread Award

Lavira

Skills
Meditation +2
Writing +5

Lores
Therapeutic Writing

Notes

Nice to get a glimpse inside of her mind. You know the drill. Edit your post in the grade request thread and please don't hesitate to contact me with any questions or concerns.