[Jilitse's Scrapbook] Ichor for sale

[Jilitse]

Sometimes people like to help people, but most of the time it would help better if they stop helping, because they're giving all the wrong advices and they only end up sore ranters when some bitch kick their butts into their proper places.

Also, it's annoying when people think they are overlords of universes.

I'm a bitch and a lover and I do not feel ashamed.

[Jilitse]

I had a bad case of hangover when I wrote this. I'm sorry. I had a bad case of hangover when I wrote this. I'm really really sorry. I had a bad case of hangover when I wrote this. I'm really really sorry. I had a bad case of hangover when I wrote this. I'm really really sorry. I had a bad case of hangover when I wrote this. I'm really really sorry. I had a bad case of hangover when I wrote this. I'm really really sorry. I had a bad case of hangover when I wrote this. I'm really really sorry. I had a bad case of hangover when I wrote this. I'm really really sorry. I had a bad case of hangover when I wrote this. I'm really really sorry. I had a bad case of hangover when I wrote this. I'm really really sorry. I had a bad case of hangover when I wrote this. I'm really really sorry. I had a bad case of hangover when I wrote this. I'm really really sorry. I had a bad case of hangover when I wrote this. I'm really really sorry. I had a bad case of hangover when I wrote this. I'm really really sorry. I had a bad case of hangover when I wrote this. I'm really really sorry. I had a bad case of hangover when I wrote this. I'm really really sorry.

[Jilitse]

That aside, what do I have for fall:

I don't have anything for Fall. It all crumbled down as I finally saw my thread with Tarot and Stitch. This was supposed to be my entry into the Order of Radiance, and instead we have a possible continuation/result/aftermath of The Game - which Stitch was part of - the Welcome Home is burning. Jil's main problem will be whether she will save her books first or save the children or save Stitch. Also, a little bit of sleuthing might be involved, Jil never knew about The Game. I expect some awesome interaction with Jil and Stitch. With Tarot in the equation, I know, just know, that my Nuit will be on her toes.

A Nuit is supposed to be emotionless, uncaring and logical. The logical thing to do would be to salvage the important possessions of Jili and save her ass. Conveniently, I can excuse myself to act the heroine by saying that I have a pact with Stitch where I promised to "pay him back one way or another" for letting me stay in the Home.

"This one will likely think of something, milady Jilitse. Mizas are not required, but perhaps you could laugh at one of this one's jokes sometime?" Chuckling, he shook his head, eventually assuming a more serious tone. "No, really. This one will think of something, if you demand a way to repay what you seem to assume is a debt. Do not worry about it, milady."

And I said Cosette trying to act human was ridiculous. Here Jili is being smothered with moral conflict.

I still have my Summer threads to finish, so for the next few weeks I'll have to wrap all those up before I do my fall threads. This will give me time to focus in the Orphanage thread. Come to think of it, I've got one thread that I'm doing some relationship building with the kids at the Home(Tsun tsun dere dere). That will probably help me in fleshing out my Nuit's disposition towards the little children she had been *ehem* babysitting and Stitch who, in Jesus fashion, prevented people from throwing stones at my Nuit, even let Jil stay in his Home, accepted her for who she is.

Stitch and I will fight with the power of love. Goodness, I feel like crying.

[Jilitse]

Hi gais. You know, these two posts above this post was posted at a time when I had anger and alcohol flowing through my veins. It was, to say the very least, a very bad mix of depression, disappointment, and odium mixed together. I said some really nasty stuff that involved really mundane things. I'm gonna sound retarded from now on to some of you, so I'm just going to hide under a boulder and stay there until I'm crushed.

I still feel the need to give public apology and explanation why I wrote what I did. For some time now I've been getting to know a new, clingy friend who have just survived through some wild times in her life. This new-found friend had a friend who was named just like me. Note, this is genuine friendship and is not a subtle hint at romance. This person who was named just like me, apparently had attitudes and mannerisms and likes and dislikes just like me. So, I guess it was some really fcuked up case of someone mistaking me for someone else. Cue violin. So we drink a lot and she tells me fcuked up stories. I felt a little bit used and angry. You know how you're half coherent just about halfway through inebriation? Yeah, that's what happened.

To clear things up, I don't really mind people calling me Anna. I did have an issue with Morsel crying out my real name in chat, and I know I've said I don't like being called by my name in more than ten ways, but it was never - and believe me when I tell you I was horrified with what I wrote and how it sounded - that important. Now I know how douchebags feel.

*goes off to live together with Patrick the Starfish*

[Mao]

I liked how you ranted here, Jili, it's what you should do. Let it out, do what you need to do to feel better about yourself and get through it. I love reading your posts, regardless of if it's a bitch-fest or not (I know mine are), so just want you to know I love you no matter what you do. Keep being the Jili I love best. <3

[Jilitse]

For days now I just feel so uninspired. I dream about failing and falling short of expectations; helplessness, however, is a state of mind. My real life is pretty much a garbage, but I have accepted that long ago and am content with it. Thing is, I just can't seem to get things straight, no matter how much I want to. I'm gonna be quite busy for the next few weeks because I'm supposed to graduate this October, and no later than that. I've got people waiting in on my last stretch in college. But, I'm a really big procrastinator, and sometimes I get overwhelmed by the feeling of dread - of having accomplished too little and having the direction of a loose cannonball - it just, well, eats me up. Then I feel helpless, then I don't do anything about it anymore.

It's an attitude I'm really disgusted at, so I try my best to be Miss Sunshine as much as I can. Being positive in life actually helps, and there is no greater motivator than my own self. Basically, I don't want to be such a stagnant person. So like the smart girl I am, I'm gonna do something about it.

I'm gonna start now.

Anytime now.

I can be really lazy but I know if I want I can become really productive.

-=_=-*-=_=-*-=_=-*-=_=-*-=_=-*-=_=-

A lot of people I come across say that Mizahar is really awesome, but you know, that's just paying lip service if you've only gone through the lore. The challenging thing about Mizahar is that it has its own originality and complexity that you can squeeze yourself into. But, you can't really say it's awesome until you're knee-deep into it. Lately I've been having trouble channeling my PC because of some technical issues with being a Nuit and being a sociable Nuit. It's hard, it's f* hard, I tell you. Try playing a Nuit, imagine having no emotion. What else do you have left to bank on? Your opinion, thoughts, - but those can only take you to a good length, and then you run out of things to do.

It's boring, dreadful, and you need to have really good guts to push yourself and not suicide. But I digress. When I came to Mizahar I was totally unsuspecting, and I loved playing Warcraft back then (had time on my hands like I was a free man) so I easily chose the undead class. Cosette, who has retired, was also a Nuit. I thought we could just come together and play happily back then. But then I created something even I am amazed of. You guys may have known me and my writing style as Jili, but damn before this I was your next young adult anime-sucker-fan. The kind of characters I wrote about are characters present in your beloved RPGs and highschool shoujo or shonen anime. If you haven't noticed, there's a certain disconnect to my "typical character" to the one I currently have. It's that big of a deal for me. If you need examples, I do maidRPGs and StrikeWitches. I roleplay moe characters. Not to boast, but I'm pretty good at it.

I roleplay moe-moe-kun characters like this.

Which is why I'm really thankful for Mizahar. It has helped me change the way I write, and forced me to think out of the box. But you can't of course, always think outside of a box. I write as a hobby, and I'm not really big on spamming plots on the fly. I require thinking and planning and panicking. As I said, it's not easy being a Nuit, I'm twice on a handicap if you think about my play-safe character stereotype, and playing as Jili makes me darn proud of myself and Mizahar. Sometimes though it just doesn't happen. The challenge becomes too great to bear and I slink away to play other things, like Roiworld, where all you have to do is dress up dollies.

I'm thankful for the lucky times I catch GP on chat, because he is a good source of inspiration and ideas for my Nuit(plus he created the race after all.)

He described Nuits/Jil as obsessive, socially inept, and driven.

The insight was a really big help, because I'm at a point in time where my human-society exposed Sahovan Nuit is searching for life's meaning. So, I'm once again using this scrapbook to recollect what I have with this PC so far.

1. In a thread, the Voider Aelobius told Jilitse that she did not deserve to join Project Sahova. Sagallius hand picked the members who joined, and despite being a volunteer, she got accepted somehow. Jilitse was Mashaen's apprentice, and she followed him out of love and loyalty. Pretty interesting combination if you ask me.
2. She learned from her father, who was a world mage. Her mother was a Voider, who died/disappeared. Although I never meant it to be that way, it seems that I could somehow connect her "half-baked" "one-sidedness" by saying that she only learned world magic from her father; personal magic which she could have learned from her mother; incomplete childhood, incomplete magic.
I never really saw Jil more than an apprentice - that old witch who never really got far, doesn't have it in her to excel, doesn't really aspire for greater things in life.
3. Jilitse knew what Drainira was to Mashaen. The golem's betrayal ignited a sense of fury in her. Connecting Qiao's usurping of power from the Archwizard as an effect of Drainira's betrayal, she got slammed with reality. The Archwizard was no longer the life infused man she knew (and loved), and she could not bear to see Qiao lead Sahova - her ineptitude as a mage would probably not be tolerated. "This is all Drainira's fault" is actually "Her rebellion made me realize what we've been doing wrong".
4. Jilitse offered Mashaen redemption. In doing so, Mashaen gave her the "opportunity" to liberate them both - He from his grand oath and Her from her eternal servitude.
5. My Nuit draws strength and inspiration from her loyalty to Mashaen - the one thing that never changed. The mission he gave her is her "purpose in life". Find the Supervisors, find and defeat Drainira, defeat Sagallius - possibly in that order. Which also entails being the best animator since Mashaen - and that speaks a lot.
6. It would be nice if the quest was something that could be done within four corners of the room. Jilitse, however, needs to interact with other people. And here is where it becomes terrible. So terrible that I had to devote one whole season meeting and talking with other PCs just to figure out how my Nuit is supposed to behave. My Nuit has the emotional measure of about a teaspoon.
7. My Nuit is honest and sincere, does not lie (but circumnavigates around the truth sometimes) or cheat. For all intents and purposes, she does not seem to exude these qualities outwardly.
8. Curiosity killed the cat, not Jilitse. She asks and asks and asks questions. She is thirsty for knowledge, loves books, loves researching. She is v. curious about the organic society of humans, their relationships with deities. She interrogates when she can. Thing is, she's lived for too long to be able to "relate" to life. She finds humans interesting in that aspect - the fact that they live in such a short span of time. She lived in Sahova without any need for any deity. She knows the gods, acknowledges them, but is otherwise uncaring except for Priskil, whose help she need, and Sagallius, who must be killed.
9. Studying humans became a deterrent to her quest. She's getting attached to the kids at the Welcome Home, she's talking to strangers, she's trying her best to socialize with people. This was not exactly productive, and nothing she had done caused her to find anything noteworthy to her quest. Waste of time! Sheesh...
10. She is scared of dying before accomplishing her quest. Once her quest is over, she will probably lose "her life's meaning" and finally agree to meet Lhex.

I get really fired up fleshing Jilitse sometimes.

Anyway, the list is tl;dr now, but I've got the jive back. I can't say I'll start posting faster now, I'm still quite busy with life and school at the moment - so expect sporadic activity from me

[Gossamer]

A lot of people I come across say that Mizahar is really awesome, but you know, that's just paying lip service if you've only gone through the lore. The challenging thing about Mizahar is that it has its own originality and complexity that you can squeeze yourself into. But, you can't really say it's awesome until you're knee-deep into it.

This really rang true for me. Thank you for pointing this out. I really enjoy your blog, Jil. Thank you for always sharing your ideas.

[Tarot]

That was a great entry, and I'm glad I managed to inspire you. It's not so much that a Nuit has no emotions (if so, Jilitse wouldn't be so fiercely loyal to Mashaen despite any notion of common sense), but their emotions span quietly over long times instead of spiking high for a second or a day like the living (that excludes instant emotions such as surprise and shock, which are borne of survival instinct and are not easily negated). They become sort of a constant or slowly changing background noise that is a part of them (and so, they might not even notice it's there). The Nuits don't feel the emotion, they are the emotion. Maybe with a sepia filter slapped on it.

Sometimes, when I was developing stuff for the game before it opened, I found myself wondering on my self-doubting days if anyone would even read or use it. I can't express how incredible it is to know that people did read it and made use of it in such a great way as you and Malia do.

[Malia]

Jil, I know how you feel. I can't help but feel some kind of synchronicity between us, because the last time you were uninspired and inactive I was as well. And my best friend as well. And now you and I are again. Way to relate.

Anyway, my graduation is not too far away as well, half a year and some months actually. I'm currently struggling with finding a theme for my thesis and wondering if I can keep up with my schedule. I'm also wondering whether registering for a dance course would be a good idea or a waste of time. I should start practicing the violin because lessons start in a week. And I want to start writing on my story again, because the NaNo novel should be something different. I don't know where to start. x.x

But I think you know the answer. It's good to be active, to get started somewhere and be optimistic. (I should do that too.) Besides, I really like reading your thoughts about Jilitse and playing a Nuit. I know I think a lot less about playing Malia which probably is because I have some experiences with playing/writing vampires and still believe that the Nuit race is somehow similar to them.

Go girl! We'll make it to graduation and beyond!


Tarot - This sounds so nice, coming from The Creator! I take it as a compliment and return an honest 'thank you'.

PS Jil: Now I'm curious. I'd like to read some of the moe character stuff you produce.

[Jilitse]

Thanks Jen, GP, Malia!

I think there would be no hurt in doing this:

I've got a couple of Strike Witches RPs I've been in, and here's one of the profiles (for Malia). Careful dear, it's anime stuff!

Rachel Archer :

MAGIC
At a very young age, Rachel had exhibited the ability of "seeing in the dark". This was later revealed to be an acoustic location magical ability similar to sonar which allowed her to precisely detect the number and location of objects in a wide area of space. Offensively, she could enhance her voice using her magic to deal powerful radiowaves that stun the enemy.

FLUFF
Personality
Despite her well-developed body, Rachel Archer exudes innocence and cuteness. Rachel is often unable to make eye-contact with another person. She is shy and hesistant to talk. She dislikes being the center of attention and is easily embarrassed(especially at the sight of two girls interacting affectionately with each other) and is easily startled when not on duty. She has a sweet and gentle voice which complements her well-refined, mild-mannered demeanor.

Rachel values physical fitness and stamina, and prefers swimming to keep her body in tip-top shape. She has good personal discipline both in training and combat. Lives the motto "Who dares wins."

Background
Hailing from Portadown, Rachel Archer was the only child of a Protestant couple who lived through subsistence farming. When the neuroi attacks started, they had to transfer to Belfast, where both her parents became involved in paramilitary activities. No longer able to go to school, Rachel soon found herself accompanying her parents in their night patrols, helping them with her "night vision". Rumors of her special ability soon spread. Due to the discovery of her magical ability and potential, she was enlisted into the elite Special Air Service Brigade at the young age of 10, and then brought to the Strike Witches' base in Britannia the year after that.

Attributes
Look Ma, no pants!: Candycane (Red, Green, White)
Cat girl: Rachel gains the ears, fangs, and tail of an orange tabby cat whenever her magic is activated.
It's the Luck of the Irish: Occasionally, nice things happen to her.
Call me Mrs. Phelps: Swims like a pro. Claims to have the ability to talk to dolphins.
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral: Has a singing voice that will make even the toughest villains cry.
Nocturnal: Sluggish in the morning.

Appearance
Rachel Archer has black hair, fair skin, solemn gray eyes. She lost many things in her last sortie, including, but not limited to: her high rubber boots, her cap, her trousers, and her gloves. When not wearing her trouserless sand-colored standard-issue uniform (which is still decorated with an SAS pin), she is usually seen in a red two piece bikini. The latter(being seen in her bikini, not wearing her bikini) causes her great embarrassment and stress.

My plans for Jili (what I really need to do)
1. Edit my CS. I'm proud to say Nimvahlis copied my Skill Tab Set as seen here. I still have to reorganize my stuff. I was also planning on a season-by-season synopsis of my PC. You know how it would be nice if you could get a summary of what a PC has been doing for the last season? Yeah, Mike thought it was really nice. Also, there might be another player or two interested in my story (hopeful, hopeful) so they can get a free taste of my delicious Nuit without going through all of my threads. I plan to put something like that in my CS, because I expect the people I thread with to read my CS, and they'll get to know my character better and I'll get to keep tabs on what I've been doing. I also plan to add my "friends" and "foes" into my CS, because we're all in Team Priskil together. Permanent friends for the win!
2. Learn new magic, practice magic for Fall. I'm pretty much done socializing. I mostly have Konti for threads in Fall, like Aselia and Satu, maybe even Kamalia. I'm thinking that I need to stretch out a little more, since I seem to stick with the people I met here when I first came to the site. There are a few newbies who I would consider having a thread with. But, once again, I feel so shy in asking them to play with my Nuit. Nobody likes Nuits. I wish they'd like mine once they hear her story
3. Since I'm probably taking up Summoning, I've been throwing ideas at Tarot for possible worlds (I want to be the first to try them out, ha!). I'm still trying to think up stuff for Embalming and Undertaking. Egads, the planning process is taking forever!!
4. Jilitse needs a new body. I'm not sure if I want a man or a woman this time. I want androgynous... but there seem to be a shortage of androgynous-not-gay photos online.
5. Finish Jilitse's summer threads. I still have so many! I've got one with Jaeden, one with Eris, another one with Hadrian, one with Callisto, an ongoing love affair with Alistair, another near-death-experience with GP and Stitch. I've got ones I haven't even started yet: One with Malia and Stitch, another one with Dusk, Hadrian and Alistair. Two on my own, a shopping thread and a babysitting thread. ZOMG. That's like 10. I promise to myself to get those numbers down to at least 5 before I even think about adding more!!! From now on, I'll stick with only a few threads maybe 3-5? Having a lot is a hassle especially if you've got other stuff to do, plans to make, and development to undertake *wink wink*
6. Not exactly Jili related: Decide whether to keep Britanna or not, play her or kill her? I really love my HOT Eypharian, but I can't foresee the future and I may be so busy I won't have time for a second character. I don't even have time for a second character, right now.

Pencils up! Pass your notes.