[Wrenmae's Scrap] Reanimated Affections

[Evalin]

"That which is, is. That which is not, is not. That is it, is it not? It is."

I really love this quote, because really it is so true when you stop to think about it. Something is or is not something, and no matter how we change it in our mind we cannot change its idea. Some people struggle years to try and change an idea because it does not work well for them, when in fact its not the idea that should change, but them.

I've read a lot of your work Wren, and I would like to think you and I have built a decent friendship (at least as decent as one can be through text). You've always reminded me of myself in a lot of ways. Maybe thats why I connected with you so well? *shrug*

Anyway I don't come bearing great advice, or view altering words. No nothing like that since really I'm not sure half the time myself if I'm doing the right thing in whatever. I do know that there is always going to be doubt, and there will always be uncertainty. Some days there will only be a little bit, other days it will be like you are invincible. I can't say just accept things as they are, but do not let something uncertain make you question what you know about yourself. There is only one person who knows you absolutely, and that is you.

So mumbo jumbo aside, and some failed attempts at wisdom later, I have a quote from a man in my life that has kept me going through the worst of it all, and the best of it all too in fact.

"Whats done is done and cannot be undone, but the future has yet to come. There's too many things in life that will get you down, so there's no point in giving them a helping hand in pushing your face into the dirt. You know what you gotta do, even if you don't realize it. It's there, somewhere deep in that heart of yours. Just trust yourself a bit, and it will all work out. Keep on keeping on."

I'm really no good at things like this, but Wren whatever you are thinking I guarantee you that person I know you are has already figured it out. I trust you, like I've said before, so maybe a bit of my trust can rub off on you.

Keep on Keeping on.

Eva

[Vanari]

I know it's your favorite saying and this may be blasphemous, but what if we flipped it?

"There's no do, only try."

Because life is one giant, open-ended question we keep throwing answers at, kinda like we do money. And time. And effort. In the end, the only thing you really need faith in is that things will be okay. No, not just saying it! Believing it. Okay for you, okay for Earth, for everybody.

Play your own soundtracks, write your own scripts, and if it's a shit movie this time around that's okay, you've got time to make more. Doing is trying, trying is doing--the only difference is how you look at it. You, my Poohey friend, always need things to be defined, answered, sorted out, and that's totally understandable because life is so much clearer that way. But you know that I know that you know that it's infinitely better to be surprised, so to your indecisions, I say figure out how to give the boot to the one that I know you know is a total no-no out of the question not a snowball's chance in the halls of Hades, and to the others..well, *starts singing Beatles*:

And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine until tomorrow,
Let it beeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I know it's what you do but try to beat yourself up a little less, eh? You don't gotta do that, I think we can all agree. Sometimes, things are foggy and that's okay! There are the problems that can be fixed right away, and there are the ones that can't, but will in time. So in the meantime, think about good stuff, have some ice cream, and believe in yourself. You, moreso than a lot of people, will be okay, because you got a big heart and a good head on your shoulders. I mean, just imagine how much more terrible your life would be if you lived in the slums of India or...had to unleash a gallon of blood every month from your pee pee hole. I mean, how awful would that be?

Petch, thank the gods you ain't gotta deal with none of that.

[Taylani]

Happy Birthday Wrenmae

[Wrenmae]

Look! A DISTRACTION! And if I could gather the stain-glass shatter of every thought I think, could I build the still-life of a complete thought? Or scatter it around, and excuse it as abstract. I struggle with attention. When I was a child I was the last person in the class to learn how to read...by an entire grade. It took a lot of dedication from a tutor of mine to get me caught up...and when that happened I immediately used my new ability to read to become a book hermit. But what I'm getting at is that I have a lot of trouble staying on task and focusing. My work suffers for it, my posts suffer for it...I'm late to engagements a bit and I forget things pretty easily. Scattered...scattered. Diagnosed with ADD and too stubborn to medicate for it. So...starting this last November and now into December, I've been slower than I should be. I'm trying to start a big plot, trying to work on new projects...but it's so damned hard to stay focused on anything. Seriously. I WISH ADD was a made up thing so I could stop blanking out in a conversation if a song with lyrics is playing at the same time or the tv is on. I feel like I could do a lot more...BE a lot more if I could only kick this attention thing in the head and make it my bitch. Yes...I cursed. I feel strongly about this. So those who also struggle with attention, I hear you and I understand you. This little rant has no point...at least it doesn't seem to as I near what I think is the end and I don't get that 'complete' feeling in the middle of my sternum that I do when I normally finish posts. But hey. Getting distracted and doing something else is all I can do...according to some very hurtful near and dear folks. So that's what I'm gonna do. *Leaves this mess incomplete and philosophically crippled to find some lunch*

[Taylani]

You sound a lot like me Wren, I was recently diagnosed with adult ADHD but they figure I had it my entire life. However since I learned how to self-cope with it I don't medicate.

What helps me is to have as many projects going as I can handle. My Mind is constantly working on 3 or 4 different things at once (5 is stretching my limit and will result in a headache). This helps because when my attention starts to drift on one I jump to another, and so on and so forth. I know it seems counterintuitive, if you can't focus on one thing and finish one thing how are yyou going to do 2 or 3 things? But it helps.

Mizahar has really helped in giving me something to always be focused on. IF I didn't do multiple things then nothing would get done. I woudl literally start doing dishes, see that the counters needed wiping, go wipe the counters butthen realize there was something spilled on the floor so put down the sponge, go sweep, instead of sweeping it up I would realize that the windows were foggy....

Now I go into the kitchen with a set goal, I am going to do Dishes, wipe counters, sweep floor, clean windows. Not int hat order. I will run my dishwater, while I do that I am wiping counters. Then I go to turnoff the water, wash a few dishes. then go to finish the counters, then .. so on and forht. All this time I am keeping my mind focused by plotting for my characters.

It takes practice, I can't tell you when I started being this enormous multitasker, but I do know that I remember it coming to fruitition in High school and suddenly I went from a C and D student to a straight A with 1 C (in math, I hate math) literally. Middle school I passed by the skin of my teeth, High school was a breeze with the exception of Maths. And apparently its a common coping method for undiagnosed ADHD people.

[Caelum]

I got this for you. Wrenmae reminded me of it, or it reminds me of him. -k. The Road and the End I shall foot it Down the roadway in the dusk, Where shapes of hunger wander And the fugitives of pain go by. I shall foot it In the silence of the morning, See the night slur into dawn, Hear the slow great winds arise Where tall trees flank the way And shoulder toward the sky. The broken boulders by the road Shall not commemorate my ruin. Regret shall be the gravel under foot. I shall watch for Slim birds swift of wing That go where wind and ranks of thunder Drive the wild processionals of rain. The dust of the traveled road Shall touch my hands and face. - Carl Sandburg.

[Wrenmae]

Ooooo.

I love it.

Well chosen.

[Wrenmae]

Hello. I am not dead. On the contrary, I am very much alive. I want to apologize to my thread partners for my absence. I was away in LA for a week and when I returned there were some issues with my job and transitions (As companies often have) Due to that and some interior Mizahar 'things', I found it hard to return to the site. I have roleplayed on Mizahar for about three years now. I've really enjoyed the atmosphere, the people, and the story...but there has been friction from a long time ago that I've tried my best to ignore. Recently it has been made clear to me that I shouldn't expect to advance much farther in ambitions or character story so I feel as though Wren has perhaps reached the end of his journey. Man he was fun to play. I truly want to express how much I have enjoyed playing with everyone. You are all fantastic writers, really a crazy amount of talent. No, I won't discuss the specifics of my own complaints with Mizahar because really, that's all personal. What everyone experiences in Mizahar is different, which is why it's so magical and fun. I've really enjoyed plotting with everyone and I'm going to at least make an effort to not leave Wren's story at a dumb cliff and at least play him out with a bit more dignity. Ultimately, I haven't made a hard decision yet...but I feel like some folks would be waaaaaaaay happier with me not around. I respect everyone's opinion to have an opinion about me. I know I've been flaky before on posting, and that's my rep to have...I earned it. I hope that those of you I've posted with have had fun with me as I have with you, and I want you all to know that I really do enjoy Mizahar for all that it is. It's a fantastic place. Just maybe not the best for me right now. I may return with another character, give the whole thing another go...but right now, I want to focus on playing a little more with the folk that have made Mizahar so enjoyable. I may not be able to see Wren's ascent into Poisony-plaguey-championyness anymore, but that's all good...if it wasn't a fit, it wasn't a fit. I don't begrudge anyone on the site. I really, super don't. If that sounds sarcastic than it's because sometimes text is hard to translate into feelings. I really don't hold any ill will against anyone on the site. I've truly enjoyed my time here. Thank you all, for letting me write in your stories and be pals in the chat. *Holds up a pen triumphantly* I shall continue writing! And anyone interested in maintaining contact (I'll be avoiding chat as best I can to try to keep on task while here ) my skype is jack.shade (The one from Indiana) and my aim is wrenmae.sek Best wishes to you all. Happy Writing. And Long Live Mizahar. I honestly mean it. Thanks.

[Trente]

Sounds like an opportunity to me.

If you want a companion to run into the ground together with I'd love plot with you and figure up a fitting end.

Best to you, bud.

And, btw, you didn't come off as upset to me. Just a little tired, but very thankful.

I can dig it.