Someone once gifted her a nugget of wisdom Oriah hadn't quite understood at the time it was offered. The giver was an old drummer of the Benshira style, all leather and hard angles from so many years spent under Syna's scorching reign, though his fingers still retained their quicksilver nimbleness as they danced across the clay head of his doumek.
"You dance with passion," he complimented after Oriah's impromptu performance on the bustling streets of Yahebah. It was during the same visit a particular ring of considerable worth had been stolen from the markets. The same day Priah had died. Neither sibling had been a season older than twelve.
"But," the old man continued, drawing a slight pout from his young performer, "you are all passion, little one. Ceaseless energy. You are a good dancer now, yes. But if you learned how to stop from time to time, to respect stillness, you would be a great dancer. Do you understand what I'm saying, girl?"
Oriah hadn't understood. Not in the slightest. Moving was what she did, what dancing was all about! The drummer was clearly addled from old age. But the girl's upbringing was too ingrained in her and she politely humored him, in spite of any objections she had to his claims.
As she thanked him for his advice and bowed out to search for her twin, the man merely shook his head and smiled, baring his near toothless mouth with unabashed good will.
"Hear the silence in the music, child," he imparted at the last moment, eyes glazing over with a far-off look. The last thing Oriah remembered seeing was how his gnarled hands hovered lovingly over the drum head, fingers trembling from bone rot. Young as she may be, the girl was not inexperienced. She'd danced with enough drummers thus far to know some were completely unable to resist showing off whenever the opportunity arose.
But this old man was different. He held his doumek to his body like a parent would his child and touched it only to caress, or when he felt the sincere intention to play. As if he was just enjoying the existence he and his drum shared. Nothing more and nothing less. Oriah respected him for that.
"Appreciate the pauses in between, and you will understand." That was his final statement before he shooed her away. She hadn't forgotten, even after all this time.
Now, in the presence of Marrick in this quiet, unspoiled moment, Oriah could finally understand.
The pauses in between, the Benshira echoed in her own head every time she felt her fellow squire's breath catch or body shift after she spoke. Heard him sigh and attempted desperately to guess the motives behind it. Or when her own air supply evaporated as she felt the warmth of his palm rest against her stomach, heating skin right through leather armor and coarse fabric. Doubly so when it moved to her hip.
At some point she closed her eyes, afraid of something she couldn't quite put a finger to. Perhaps it was the fear of losing control? Or embarrassing herself in front of Marrick? No, that couldn't be it. Neither seemed dire enough.
It baffled the squire to no end. She'd never felt this way before, had no inkling of where these sudden emotions erupted from like one of Ivak's volcanic upheavals. And though the comparison felt apt in ferocity, it did poorly to describe the impossible, beautiful calmness she experienced at the same time. Her feelings became like a rushing torrent of water, steady in its course but teaming with life and motion beneath. She could control it no more than her need to breathe or desire to eat. It just was.
Blessed Yahal, maybe I'm going insane.
It certainly wasn't the first time she'd assumed this. Not since that fateful night the two of them had hobbled out of an alleyway with three dead bodies in their wake. But what else could it be, if not madness that planted the bizarre desire to turn around in Kiter's saddle and bury herself in the man seated behind her at the mere sound of his voice? That produced the wild urge to throw her arms around him, as if he was the last solid thing she could hold onto before a tidal wave crashed down on them both. The only solid thing she cared to hold.
And perhaps...maybe...do more than just hold...
Oriah mentally slapped herself.
So engrossed had she been in the jarring disruption of her almost meditative state that the Benshira failed to notice Marrick's strange reaction to her dream. Later on, she would attribute his nervousness to her rather bold admittance of just how often her fellow squire occupied her thoughts. But for now there was only mental self-slapping and paralyzing anxiety.
When the time came to dismount Kiter's towering frame, Oriah forcibly drew her thoughts away from distraction and tried to focus on not falling to her death. It was always a bit of a harrowing experience, getting herself out of a saddle, but it was made infinitely less daunting with Marrick's hand guiding hers.
Less daunting indeed, she found, but his presence did nothing to remedy her own clumsiness. He'd made it look so easy, the way he dropped onto the ground with effortless grace. For some reason Oriah began entertaining the idea that she, too, could land with similar ease, and tried with a bit more gusto than usual to extract herself from Kiter's gear. Half a tick later she realized it was a foolhardy attempt to impress the other squire. But by then, it was too late.
Broken legs was the first image that came unbidden to mind. Broken arms next, or even broken ne--
One moment she was careening dangerously from atop Kiter's saddle. The next, she found herself firmly within Marrick's arms, wide eyes glued to his as she slid down onto the ground without so much as a bruise. There was a ridiculous amount of armor between the two of them, but some delusional part of her was convinced their unexpected contact was the best thing she'd ever felt.
She watched him watching her, surroundings and dreaded horse saddles and chicken mushrooms utterly forgotten. There was something intense reflecting through the perfect pale of his eyes. And from the way he failed to let go, even after she was clearly in no sort of danger, Oriah could only assume her own gaze held a very similar look. Perhaps too similar, as her fingers had somehow woven themselves into the straps of his armor without her even knowing.
Some distant part of her suggested that this not exactly a normal reaction two people, bonded as they were through both friendship and squirehood, displayed in close contact. But she was strangely unafraid, compared to how she felt moments before. Even when Marrick's gaze seemed to trail down to her mouth, affording her a complete view of the gentle sweep of his elephant lashes, she experienced no alarm. A compulsion to kiss them was all consuming, though she fought against it on the grounds of its sheer absurdity.
Oriah wasn't entirely sure what kinds of compulsions were invading the other squire's senses right then. Or wasn't willing to believe she did know. But either way, whatever they were, and against all better judgment, she was starting to want them to manifest. Or to usurp them herself and do...something, anything. She could smell him, feel him, see him in every painstaking detail, but it still wasn't enough. And it was maddening.
Lost as she was in the stark intensity of the moment, it took a while before Oriah realized there were sounds coming out of Marrick's very close, very attractive mouth. Those sounds formed into words, and in turn the words broke whatever mystical spell that had bound them both to perplexing feelings and even more perplexing urgencies.
“Roight then. Mushrooms."
Oriah stifled a spasm of laughter at the state of his voice. It sounded like it'd been squeezed through a reed, and it was inexplicably, ridiculously funny.
Her mirth was cut short, however, once he finally let go and took a step back. The distance between them suddenly felt like an infinite gulf and it was all the Benshira could do not to dissolve into a helpless fit, being able neither to reach for him again nor protest the withdrawal of warmth and electric enticements.
"Aye, mushrooms," she echoed, the shaky disappointment also apparent in her speech, though the squire did her best not to show it. It was the sensible thing to do, she assured herself. To resist. Aside from their duties and priorities as squires, there was also the ever present possibility that Mora was lurking out there amongst the trees and shadows, watching. Always, watching. And even if she wasn't, the flowers would rat them out.
Stars and stones, how Oriah wished sometimes her life wasn't so complicated.
As paranoia crept itself into her consciousness, she noted how Marrick busied himself with a gentle, probing exploration of the forest life around them. After a while she began to forget her worries as she watched the other squire take in his surroundings. Touching, smelling, absorbing the woods in the most visceral way he could. Marrick had never seemed more at home in front of her softening gaze. Almost as if he were meant to be out here--belonged, even. Oriah thought of what it would be like if they could train together in these woods. Or, better yet, live here in total obscurity, blissfully ignorant of everything but each other. The very idea took her breath away.
Marrick spoke again, and in his wistful words Oriah found the possible traces of similar desires. It only further rendered her incapable of speech. So she just stood there and pined as Marrick basked in the comforts of forest life. Under any other circumstances, she might have not-so-jokingly suggested her patron kept her out here as a form of torture. But she'd rather be struck by lightning than mar the serenity blanketed across the young man's comely, guileless face.
"Ah...right. Right! Mushrooms," Oriah stumbled. This time it was her turn to clear her throat. "Well, Sera Mora said they grow on trees, and that we should take care to avoid those grown on eu...euookalyptus or cedars."
She'd always had difficulty pronouncing the particular tree, but the Benshira glossed over it with every intention of moving on. "They are also supposed to be very yellow and grow best this time of the year, so we may be in luck." At this, Kiter shifted her colossal head and bumped gently into Oriah's shoulder, as if to remind everyone hey, I'm still here!
Laughing, the squire lifted her hand to pet the beast's face with tender affection. "Thanks to you, Kiter, of course. "
Looking around, Oriah figured this was as good a place to start as any, and turned to address Marrick once more. Though she did so with a good deal of struggling to ignore the pink tinges that had snuck onto her face."We may as well begin searching here. With the two of us we can cover more ground." Realizing this might be construed as a suggestion to split up, she hastily added, "But we should stay close and look together. It's, um, easy to get lost out here."
As they paced side by side around the area, Kiter contentedly in tow, Oriah worked hard keeping her eyes peeled while simultaneously remaining hyper aware of Marrick's every move. She couldn't help it. It just seemed like the most important thing in the world right then, even though she knew well enough it wasn't. Not in a practical sense, at least.
"So I've been meaning to ask..." she awkwardly began, trying to fill up those pauses again with familiar noise. "Did you--how were the, ah, things that I sent you last season? I know my terrible Common must have been amusing to read."
It wasn't exactly the most pertinent of questions, she knew. The package had been sent an entire season ago after all. But for a long time Oriah had wondered everyday if Marrick made use of what she had sent him, or liked any of it to begin with. True enough that over time these questions faded into forgetfulness, but they were renewed easily once more in Marrick's presence and she could retrain herself no longer from asking.