8th of Spring, 511AV
It wasn’t right seeing Lacey like this. She was the colour of death, in pain, and unable to do anything more but lay in their bed and have the life slowly diminish. The cancer was making it hard for her to talk now, and hard for her to breathe normally though her failing lungs. Her bluish green eyes usually sparkled, but they looked duller now, and under them were ugly bruise-like dark lines. Was this the last image she was to see of her partner? If Billie was being honest with herself, she’d make herself stop imagining Lacey jumping up from her bed and jovially yelling “Just kiddin’!”
Instead, Billie should be preparing for the moment she suddenly stopped breathing, because it was clear that moment would be upon her soon. Billie was crying because it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that everyone in her life that she loved had been taken from her. “I love you, you petching asshole, so get up and snap out of it!” Billie cried, raking her hand through her coarse, un-brushed light brown hair. “You’re not allowed to leave me!” She continued, placing her head in her hands and collapsing onto the floor closest to the bed where Lacey was dying. The sound of coughing and wheezing made her quiet down and look at Lacey. It was probably supposed to be laughter. “You… don’t get to… tell me what to do… remember?” She said with an extraordinary amount of effort. “Don’t… petching… swear at me, you!” Despite herself, Billie chuckled. It was a weak sound, and it faded as soon as it had begun.
Billie’s eyes watered again as she moved to kneel beside her and take her hand. “L-Lee.” She wheezed “Don’t forget me when I’m gone. But… don’t be lonely forever… okay?” Billie blinked and shook her head “How can you say that!” She cried “How can you say ‘when I’m gone’ so easily?” It was as if she’d reverted back to a selfish, childlike state. She didn’t want to believe what was right in front of her eyes. Lacey frowned “Billie, love… I’m dying. Don’t deny it” Billie was silent but finally she spoke up “Lacey… I love you… You’re everything good in my life… and I’ll never forget you” Lacey laughed again, but it sounded more like a splutter “Don’t be S-such a petching sap. C’mere” She slurred, holding her arms up weakly.
Billie leaned in and rested her head softly against Laceys chest, wrapping her arms around her like a cocoon, as if just holding on to her was going to keep her there. “I… just need to rest for a bit… so just…. Stay here, wont you?” She whispered. Billie sniffed and nodded “Course.” She said, softly pecking her on the forehead and then laying down next to her on their bed. “Thank-you” Lacey muttered, voice barely audible “Love… you…” her eyes were closed now.
Billie stayed awake, unable to even close her eyes. She held onto Lacey and tried to keep her warm. At least this time she’d have a chance to say goodbye. She didn’t want to leave Lacey’s side, even to eat, for fear she would have already gone by the time she got back. Lacey kept her going, and she didn’t even know how to say everything she wanted to say. Lacey knew her better than she knew herself. They were planning to have a life together, they were going to belong to one another forever. She’d even planned, one day, to marry Lacey and wear cheva’s mark proudly upon her neck. But now all those dreams are forever crushed. It was hard to recall why she was always so determined to keep her head up in moments like this.
