Over a year and still counting
I had a realization when I posted up on a thread today, a little delayed perhaps but a realization nonetheless. I realized that it had been over a year since I started Anna up, which excited me at first really but then, me being me, I started drawing inwards and pondering everything I'd done with her, everything I as a player have done on the site, and my plans for the future. Maybe I'm just a little weird like that, after all I suppose a year isn't even that long of a time but I figured I might share what ran through my mind.
First on Anna, the means by which most of you know me by though I'm not sure what impressions that might have given you of me lol. I've oft looked back at my first threads as Anna and cringed a bit I guess, I mean it would be kind of hard for me to get in the mindset she was in at that point. Anna was fresh, newborn I suppose in someway and it showed. I looked at my writing then I got a sense that she as a character at first kind of lacked much substance. Her direction in particular was all over the place really, like she was adrift and didn't know what she wanted to be. A powerful wizard, a Chaon, a professor? All three seemed like they were clashing rather than melding, grinding against each other to fight for dominance.
However I do notice a point in time where her development started to move towards finding what she was and is today. I'll never forget this, it was when she started privately educating Tsaba, a young Sahovan Nuit Aurist. She was probably the first player she really clicked with, and when I threaded with Tsaba I could feel her coming alive at my fingertips. Suddenly each word flowed more naturally from the keys, a flare of passion was lit in her towards Tsaba. I guess you could say Tsaba was Anna's first and currently only Apprentice type character, the only one she ever initiated in reimancy to boot. She went inactive but I don't begrudge her for it, I had fun for those threads and she even gave Anna the direction to go somewhere.
You see Tsaba's connection to Sahova was important, it was the first real time Anna was introduced to the idea of 'Sahova' whatever that was for her at the time. Honestly, believe it or not, before Tsaba I NEVER would have imagined Anna ending up on Sahova. Like ever, to be honest looking at it as an outsider looking in it looked painfully under populated and while Mirage was nice enough to talk to in chat (lol, I think before going there I had talked to him like three times and all were in chat, now its like he can't get rid of me haha) it just didn't seem like where I envisioned Anna going.
But, through Tsaba I opted to give it a chance. I figured, if nothing else, she could just use the visitor policy recently implemented and leave if it was everything I feared. Nowadays I can't imagine Anna without Sahova, it was really the perfect domain in ever single possible way, from my experience at least. Mirage jumped at the chance to get Anna involved in the twisted realm of the Citadel, God every single thread felt just filled with character development. So she started down the twisted path of Sahova, the power there her lure and the trap of commitment to a centuries old cause closed in to ensnare her.
In her time there something happen, I'm not quite sure when it did but it did. Before that point I thought she was pretty inhuman, but Sahova ironically awakened some human elements in her. Ambition, fear, hatred, passion, faith, even some twisted form of love to some degree. At times when I wrote her here I could help but pity her, a twisted wretch of a human being, despicable in almost every sense of the word but there was something fundamentally broken about her on the inside. Like a piece of shattered pottery hastily glued back together, brittle, ugly looking, but bearing the shape of what it had once been and evoking some bit of sorrow. I consider her perhaps my most twisted piece of art, my darkest delving into the depths of a villainous character. She has most certainly helped me make writing my villains in my writing outside Miz much more interesting I think.
Now a quick bit on me, I look back on my year on Miz and I see a number of mistakes I made along the path. I don't exactly hate myself for the mistakes, I don't continuously beat myself over them. That is self defeating in and of itself. It is not the mistakes you make that define you, it is how you learn from those mistakes that define you. One of my favorite quotes of all time, something I firmly believe, comes from Confucius:
By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
Experience can be a bitter thing, you are going to have good experiences and you are going to have bad ones. Its part of life however if you learn from that experience then it was not wasted. I like to think a single year here has taught me that lesson better than most other things would have. I've enjoyed my time here, its been a wild ride. I hope to continue to be around for as long as I am able, telling the story of a character I've come to enjoy writing.
Back to Anna. I'm not sure what the future will bring, no one really can be sure of that. I hope to tell a good story with her at the end of the day, that's all I really want. I'm content to have her stay on Sahova for the foreseeable future, its where I feel she belongs in the grander scheme of things. Maybe Ravok might happen much later down the road, but it would feel odd to leave when Anna has just started to make ripples on the Island. I have found a number of wonderful partners I've enjoyed threading with, those who have helped mold Anna to what she is today. Tsaba, Celeste, Kouri, Edreina, Zandelia, Clyde and of course Mirage, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart even if some of you are inactive. Anna wouldn't be the same without you all throwing in your awesome creativity with me. I hope to have the same impact on your PC's that your PC's had upon mine.