Flashback Mother's Shame

[Caela Dorin]

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54th Winter 506AV

Caela was nervous. It had been too long since she'd seen her mother last, more than a year before. She understood what her mother was now, what her occupation was. Some of the local boys had made that clear enough to her, rather gleefully. Since she'd found out, she'd been afraid to see her mother or rather ashamed to see her. Opportunities to visit had presented themselves but the girl had made every excuse that she could think of until there was no reason for her to avoid the woman anymore. There was no way for her to avoid her anymore.

Her mother was a whore.

When she'd been told, Caela hadn't even known what it meant. She'd known that it was something offensive connected with the scantily dressed, painted women in the streets but she had never connected such a thing with her mother. She'd been innocent, sheltered enough that she hadn't known what it entailed. Once an explanation had been rudely forced upon her, the teen had been left in no doubt what a prostitute was. The girl had put past signs together and she hadn't liked what she came up with. She would have preferred to never have to see the woman again but there was no way to get out of it so she just had to stomach her mother's presence. Not to mention that she'd have to temporarily forget that such a woman had given birth to her.

So now she had to face the woman herself, her views of her mother changed by the knowledge of what she was. Nerves were to be expected. The sight of her was sure to make Caela feel even worse about the woman, more ashamed of her. The idea that she was going to see to see the woman during one of her days off didn't do much to help matters. Just because there were no clients on the agenda today didn't mean that the girl wouldn't be thinking about all the ones that her mother had had the previous day, or the day before that one.

The rich, perfumed interior of the place where the woman worked was a stark reminder of prostitution. Caela had been there once before and had thought it pleasant. Her views had changed. All she could see were lecherous men and alluring women and it sickened her. She wouldn't have even had to be here if her mother wasn't receiving her payment for her... labour. It was not a comfortable place to have to wait, what with men eyeing her as if she was on sale too. The girl had matured considerably since she was last here and she wished that she hadn't. It wasn't a comfortable situation to be in at all.

"Hello Caela, sweetheart."

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[Caela Dorin]

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She didn't answer the woman at first, not trusting her mouth. The chance that the wrong thing would come out was a high one. It'd be just like her to blurt out, "You're a whore!" and ruin everything. Maybe her mother already thought that Caela knew, maybe she really was supposed to know at her age but she hadn't. She was what she was so perhaps it wouldn't offend her if her daughter just came right out and said it. Still the teen chose her words carefully, although she couldn't prevent her tone from being anything but cool as she turned to look at her.

"Hello... Nira." She couldn't call her Mother. She would have, had been calling her that in her head but yet face to face, the word died on her lips. The reminder that she was this woman's daughter was too much for her right now so she went for detachment. Nira laughed, a soft, musical sound that seemed fake to Caela's ears. She hadn't always laughed like that, had she? "Oh it's Nira now, is it? Not Mother anymore. Yes, I went through a phase like that when I started to think that I was becoming a woman," the woman replied, chuckling. She gave her daughter an appraising look. "I was older than you are but I can understand where you got the idea that you're a woman now. You've certainly filled out since the last time that I saw you." The girl's cheeks flushed and she glared back at her, her words a snarl.

"Do you even think of work when you look at your own daughter? Trying to work out if I'll make a nice whore when I'm older." Her mother's smile became glassy and she suddenly realised how old the woman had begun to look. She was wearing make-up, yes but it was thicker than she remembered, more like an older woman trying to hide the signs of her fading youth. Through it, she could make out the new wrinkles that had popped up, old ones that she'd never really noticed were there before. She looked tired. It was the first time that the girl felt sympathy towards her since she'd found out. This sort of work was taking its toll. The woman was still attractive, not exactly pretty as the teen remembered her being a long time ago in fuzzy memories but she would still draw men. There were far more haggard and ugly women that men would slaver over. She'd noticed everything since she'd discovered who her mother really was.

"That wasn't very nice. I was just saying how lovely and grown up you've gotten. How womanly. It was a compliment, Caela. I'm allowed to appreciate beauty every now and again, even if I don't have much of it now myself," Nira murmured. Her smile had become pained as if she was still trying to pretend that everything was all right. Her eyes told a different story though. They were curiously dead as if she couldn't even bring herself to care. The girl didn't like the idea of spending the next few bells with this unfeeling woman. She didn't know how to treat a daughter, she never had. She'd always managed to do the wrong thing. The teenager wondered if the story that she'd been dumped on someone so that her mother could enjoy herself as a prostitute was true. Perhaps she'd never been maternal.

A wide smile suddenly spread across the woman's face to a point where it looked like her face would crack. Her fingers wrapped around her daughter's arm so tightly that her nails dug in painfully as she started to drag her away. "We must be going. A busy day ahead of us and time's a'wasting. I think that we should go shopping!" Nira's voice was so full of enthusiasm that Caela wondered where it had come from after her emotionless response to her outburst. The girl tried to free herself, complaining, "You're hurting me!" The woman just made a tsking noise and continued dragging her towards the door, saying simply, "Don't be silly, sweetheart."

This was going to be a long day.

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[Caela Dorin]

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Nothing could be worse than having her mother pull her into the street when the woman was so conspicuous. Caela's whining about her grip didn't help either. Heads turned when they were out on the street and she was sure that people could see the connection between them just by looking. Her mother couldn't hold onto her forever though and the teen was going to make her life hard until she had the sense to let go. The girl tried to plant her feet and not allow herself to be dragged but her feet didn't grip the surface too well and the woman was surprisingly strong. She had to start again almost immediately or her legs would have gone from under her and she would have been kneeling in the street. There was no guarantee that that would stop the prostitute. She might have continued to drag her along, probably face first in the dirt.

The teen twisted and turned in the woman's grip but still she held on until finally her daughter had to ram into her and then pull away. The hold on her broke instantly and the woman was left on the ground. She hadn't intended to knock her down but she'd had to do what she could to get free. Still a twinge of guilt went through her as she looked down at the woman who was staring back at her in shock. She was still her mother and her behaviour didn't really reflect that but she'd had good reason for reacting how she had even if the consequences had been unexpected.

She held out her hand to the woman to help her up. "I'm sorry, Mother. I did say you were hurting me but-" She didn't get a chance to finish the sentence as Nira slapped her hand aside and snapped at her. "Don't you dare even try to apologise! How could I have such a hateful girl as a child? One with no manners either. Didn't anyone smack you to make you behave?" the harlot asked, getting herself to her feet and dusting her skirts off. Once she was cleaner, she crossed her arms and plastered on an expression that Caela could only describe as one of authority. "Well? Haven't you got anything to say for yourself?"

The girl didn't, at least not yet but she wasn't sure that there was anything she could say to appease this woman. She wasn't even sure that she wanted to clear the air between them. This seemed to be the real her though rather than that sunny person who had appeared from nowhere after an angry out burst. Nira was disapproving and angry which matched up with what she'd seen of her when she'd first arrived. Was the woman really surprised by how Caela was acting? She'd never been there when she was growing up. There'd be the occasional visit a few times a year maybe but those numbers had dropped more recently. Presumably the woman got more time off than that but she obviously had better things to do rather than visiting her own flesh and blood.

"That's all I am to you, you know. A child. I'm only your daughter in name because you didn't raise me and if I turned out differently than you would have liked then that's your own fault, isn't it?" she replied after a chime. She rubbed her arm absently, fingers running over where Nira had dug into her flesh while holding her. The woman was shocked and was obviously ready to start a loud and public argument in the street but Caela was having none of it. She held up a hand to stop her. "Can we please just go shopping or whatever it is you wanted to do so that I can go home?"

The teen had no idea where her mother had intended to go shopping, probably the market near the Docks rather than any of the little shops that abounded in the city. She set off in that direction anyway, not walking too fast so that Nira could catch up to her. Hopefully the woman would go back to the sunny persona (though minus the vice grip) and let her get this visit over with quickly. She just wanted to go home, back to her own room and her own things and one of the women who had always looked after her checking on her. It'd be nice to get back to normality and the sooner that happened, the better.

Word Count769 words

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[Caela Dorin]

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She heard the click of her mother's shoes on the cobbles behind her. A quick, staccato rhythm as she caught up with her daughter. When the woman arrived beside her, Caela matched her pace to her mother's. Neither of them said anything at first, the teen didn't even look in the woman's direction. She just concentrated on where she was supposed to be going, which did appear to be the Seaside Market because the woman beside her hadn't protested about the direction. Perhaps there were other shops of interest this way but Caela couldn't think of any. And she did try to think of them, distracting herself from the woman's presence beside her and what the rest of the day, or at least the next few bells, would entail.

As they grew closer to the market, a sigh escaped Nira. It was a mournful sound, full of sadness but it also sounded tired. Her mother's voice reflected it and as she spoke, Caela finally looked at her again. "I did raise you ,Caela. I may not have been there but I paid for everything you ever had, paid to have people look after you, worked so that you could be cared for. That's why I started the work that I did. I get a lot of money from it and you need a lot of money to raise a child. People can get by with less but their children aren't healthy, or happy," Nira explained. The girl pitied her. All her previous sense of authority was gone. She looked deflated, defeated, her gaze on the ground and her shoulders hunched. This was probably one of the few days that she could relax, perhaps not think about work and yet Caela kept making things difficult for her and bringing things up. She hadn't really thought about it before she'd said what she'd said.

"You're probably better off that I didn't raise you. I was never very good with children and I would have had to drag you up anyway with no money." The woman smiled faintly but it looked sad. Caela had done that. She'd upset her because she hadn't bothered to think about her mother's side of things. If she'd done that even before this visit then it could have been happier for both of them. Caela didn't even know how to fix it. She'd thought that she'd hated her mother but maybe she'd just chosen her as a target because information had been kept from her and that made her angry. What could she do about it now though? How could she fix things?

"I'm sorry, Mother. I shouldn't have said it. I was being stupid and-" She was accepting no apology this time either. The whore waved her words off and smiled a little more brightly. "Forget it, Caela. It's all right. What's done is done and talking about it won't change anything so we won't dwell on it anymore," Nira told her kindly. Her arm moved as if to link with Caela's own but she paused and went to put it down again, perhaps thinking that her daughter would shun the contact. As long as she didn't cut off the circulation in the limb then she didn't mind. She caught the woman's arm before it could retreat and linked them together. Her mother looked pleased.

As they continued walking arm in arm, Caela considered the situation. She hadn't expected to be in such close contact with her birth mother today. She hadn't expected that it would turn out all right between them after such a disastrous beginning, or even considering what had happened just a few chimes before. There was an understanding of sorts between them now. The teen understood why the woman had done what she'd done, beginning such work in the first place. There was a possible explanation for the infrequency of the time they spent together and she understood that it was entirely because of this woman that Caela lived such a good life compared to so many others. It had been a sacrifice for the woman really. Looking at her, it was obvious that she didn't enjoy her work, that it took more than it gave. And Caela had only been angry that she hadn't been told. It had been for her protection obviously but she hadn't seen that. She'd been too much of a whiney teenager, caught up in her own little dilemmas to realise it.

Today was important. They were beginning again, their previous relationship becoming a blank slate. From now on, they could perhaps be happier together and perhaps the teen could make an effort to come and visit her mother.

Word Count793 words

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[Caela Dorin]

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"What about this one, Caela? Or this one? Oh! This one would look just lovely on you, don't you think?"

Her mother turned out to be very enthusiastic about shopping, or rather enthusiastic about shopping for her. The last bell had been spent with the woman holding up items of clothing and jewellery that she thought that might look good on her daughter. Her daughter couldn't say that she agreed. Many of the pieces of jewellery that she chose were gaudy and the clothes that she chose for her were far too revealing for the teen. She hadn't quite worked up the nerve to tell her mother that though. Instead she was forced to endure a constant chatter from the woman and accompanying chatter from the woman who worked at the stall. Both of them obviously wished her to want everything that she was presented with but the girl had only made vague comments so far that Nira seemed to see as approval. As she showed her a particularly revealing top, Caela couldn't hold back anymore.

"Don't you think that that neckline is a bit low? It'll mean that there'll be a lot of... skin showing. I don't really dress like that," she told her, fidgeting uncomfortably. This shopping trip was not going the way that she'd hoped. The harlot laughed and held the garment against her upper half to see how it would look on her. "Don't be silly, love! There's no such thing as a woman showing too much skin. Besides you're a woman now and that means that you have to show off your assets. It would have looked ridiculous a little while ago but your breasts have come in now so this is just perfect for you." Caela thought she'd die of embarrassment. In fact, she wished that it was possible to die of embarrassment because this was a situation that she wanted to get out of as quickly as possible. Dropping dead seemed a fast exit. Her face was burning and she knew it. When she pressed her hands to her face to hide it, she could feel the heat in her cheeks.

"Don't say things like that, Mother! You're embarrassing me!" Her protests were only met with more laughter and to her horror, Nira bought the garment that had been the cause of humiliation. She groaned, hiding her face once more so as not to see it. Just because she owned it didn't mean that she had to wear it. She allowed her mother to hold it as she was holding many of the other items that she'd bought for her without her consent. Everything was going to be hidden under her bed or something. Or maybe she'd be lucky and the Sunset Quarters would go on fire and burn away all the evidence that the clothes had ever been in her possession. Burning them! There was an idea but no that would be a waste. Maybe she'd hand them to the first beggar woman she saw on the street on the way home. Hopefully the collection wouldn't grow much bigger or she'd never be able to carry it all. And yet her mother seemed intent on buying something else for her, something to make her hair look nicer or something. There was nothing wrong with her hair and she didn't want her to buy anything more but why couldn't the woman listen? Well, Caela hadn't exactly told her.

"Don't you think that I have enough things now, Mother. I don't think I'll ever get around to using them all if you buy anymore," the teen tried as she jogged to keep up with the woman. She could move amazingly fast when she wanted to. "No, Caela. What I've bought would hardly last you a few days. We'll just get some things for your hair and some make up and some..." The girl didn't listen to the rest of the list. It was pointless. She was destined to trail around behind the woman for gods knew how much longer an have things bought for her that she didn't want. This was indeed going to be a long day.

Word Count712 words

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