68th of Summer, 514 AV
Nothing comes close to this, Roland thought, sitting leisurely in the soft sand. The breeze tousled his hair playfully, blocking his eyes with shocks of dark brown. Absent-minded hands would brush the hair aside, but his attention was focused forward. The glittering Suvan Sea stretched out to meet the horizon before him. His gaze danced along the crests of rolling waves, dipping in and out of view. The clear sky was mirrored in the more distant sea, the water so far from reach that his eye could not detect the changes in current or flow. A part of him was deeply envious of the sea. To be a single drop of water, he imagined, would be so much simpler. Instantly a part of something great and powerful, yet so individually powerless that any mistake he made could not harm the greater whole.
A smile crossed his face at the thought. Leaning forward he let his fingers drag in the sand around him. The sand was the same, a microcosm of perfect life. Each grain was unique, some course and some smooth, but so small that the defects in one did not detract from the beach itself.
Out here, he felt a part of that world. Lying back on the sand he could almost let himself sink away into that grand meaningless existence. It was breathtakingly peaceful. The only thing that drew him back into the world was the nagging voice at the back of his mind that asked him: is that really what you want? Some part of him, deep and dangerous, that desired more. To be more than a drop in the sea or a grain in the sand. To think on it unsettled him, but lately Roland had found that this desire burned brighter every day; the longer he stayed in a land where magic was practiced rather than shunned, the more he yearned not to go along with the currents but to control them. To mold water and sand according to his whims, and aye, air and fire too.
Roland sat up, his reverie broken by the pounding of his heart. Sand stuck to his neck and trickled down the back of his sleeveless shirt. Tucking in his legs an resting his arms on he knees, he looked back out to sea. His brow furrowed in self-concern, he sucked in air between his teeth. It was scary, at times, how quickly his peace could be shattered. Around him the world was as it was before: the sea sparkling and calm, the sand soft, the sun warm. But his mind stormed now with conflict, churning in contrast with the mild ocean.
After pushing himself to his feet sand trickled from his hair and clothes. Damn my inconstant spirit, he thought bitterly, missing the previous serenity of the afternoon. It wasn't like him to philosophize and think such weighty thoughts. A grim smile lay upon his countenance. This place has begun to change me already.
Back in Sunberth he would never stand so freely, or bother to think about anything but how he would survive the next day. If the sun was out he would stick to the shadows, not laze about on the open sand. But the air in Sunberth stank of filth and ale, and here the air was all salt and kelp and he'd been here long enough now to tell the difference. If he had changed, then so much the better. It's what he had set out to do.
"Enough," he muttered to himself. It was the same endless mind-game he'd played since leaving Sunberth. To distract his busied mind he submerged his toes in the damp sand and searched the tide line for shells. He never took them from the beach, but the simple act of finding them sometimes calmed his troubled soul.
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