A Different Path ... (Pain)

[Aselia Timandre]

Aselia removed her clothing piece by piece just as Pain did. Then she left the pile of fabric where it was, not folding anything. Folding clothes was boring, in Aselia’s opinion, when there were so many more interesting places one could explore and things one could do.

Pain’s reply told her that the human hadn’t thought much about the involvement of the Gods and Goddesses with the material world. For her, they were names and distant principles that had nothing to do with her life. Aselia, however, liked to think of the Gods as parts of the world they roamed. Avalis was the mother of the Konti, the Divine Seer and Goddess of that special kind of “sixth sense”. Laviku was the ocean and everything residing in it. Aselia thought it was as simple as that. But worshiping might mean something different to different people, so she kept quiet about that.

“Well, yes, it can give them purpose”, she instead answered the last part. “It is not uncommon for a follower to go on a quest their God has asked them to fulfill. Would you like that?” Naturally, there were disadvantages.

Completely nude, there was no need for Aselia to avoid the sight of her companion anymore. When noticing the bruises and half-healed wounds all over Pain’s arms, the Konti was shocked. What did that woman do? Wasn’t she an artist by profession? She couldn’t be able to draw with her hands in such a condition. Aselia bit her lip. She didn’t know much about medicine, but she might still find something around the bath to help the natural healing process a bit.

“Seems like you need a healer too”, she commented briefly. With an inviting gesture, she led Pain through the next door which opened into the public bath: a large room with a tiled floor and a basin filling almost its entire space. Small swirls of steam danced over the water’s surface, indicating its temperature.

In one corner there was a mechanism that caused water to flow out of the wall, Aselia remembered. She didn’t grasp the concept, not even after Jaeden had explained it to her on her first day. Nevertheless she told Pain how to use it and took a brief shower before sinking into the hot water of the main basin.

When both were sitting comfortably in the water, Aselia continued the conversation. “You know, I have an idea related to the topic of religion. Every Konti has the gift of Divination, seeing the past, present and future. I can only see the past though … but even digging through one’s history can help one find new aspects and maybe a purpose.” It was clear what Aselia was hinting at, but she voiced it for the sake of releasing the words.

She longed to be near the All-Seeing Mother. “Let me divine your past?”

[Elhaym]

Pain's eyes squinted a bit upon hearing Aselia's question. Divine her past? What did that even mean? It was hard to concentrate anyhow, with the water seemingly melting away weeks, perhaps months of aches and pains. Pain had no idea how much it cost to come here, but she assumed at least for this trip, her new friend was picking up the bill. She seemed like she was probably doing a bit better financially than Pain was, anyhow. Pain leveled her gaze on Aselia's face, contemplating her words. "I'm not really sure what you mean, er... divine? Is that some sort of power from a god, then?" Pain asked, not really expecting an answer. She had a feeling her question was mundane and obvious to Aselia, so instead of allowing time for an answer, she picked back up the conversation quickly."If it's my past you want to know about, well... I mean, I guess I wouldn't say I'm the luckiest gal in the world, but i've met a few who've had it worse. So what do you need to know... everything? Or the short version?" Pain asked, pulling her arms from the water and draping them against the edge of the edge of the bath. If it was a comprehensive history Aseila wanted, Pain would oblige. She could tell her about her birth, and her mother's death resulting from it. Pain didn't often think of her mother because she never knew her, but had this knowledge affected her somehow? Her childhood, being raised by relatives and strangers and the only constant factor in her life being her older brother. She could talk about their desire to travel and become artists when they were older, and about her brother in general. Her father's return, her brother's training, and her subsequent interest in fighting. That's where it all began, the fighting. Watching her father and brother train, never being allowed to participate. Her brother's death, of course, and her father's stonewall when she tried to get the details of her brother's fate. She could tell her everything, even relating the story of a Bard named Xelin, who had aided her here in Syliras only weeks ago in dispatching three men who were hellbent on taking Pain's life. Confessing a murder in public? Well, no one really seemed to be listening anyhow. All these things, she would tell. As she awaited Aselia's response, she felt odd that she could talk freely. Aselia had spoken briefly about god's and serving them, and Pain wondered if a god's touch is what made her so comfortable around Aselia.

[Aselia Timandre]

When Pain asked, Aselia was happy to tell her a bit of her gnosis and what that gift meant. It made her connection with the Mother Goddess even more real. “Yes, it’s a gift from Avalis, the mother of all Konti. You know, such gifts are called gnosis. Gods mark the chosen with a sign, and that’s called a gnosis mark.” She refrained from showing Pain her own gnosis mark, though. That was too private to show anyone except her closest relatives. Her sister Kamalia knew where the mark was located.

As her opponent proceeded, Aselia opened her mouth to interfere, but then stopped. Pain continued talking, unveiling the story of her life before Aselia could even tell her that she could read every bit of it from her chavi. Well then, so be it. Aselia prepared for a few chimes of listening and sank deeper into the warm water. She could see that Pain relaxed too. The fact that she could talk about such a troubled past that easily certainly proved as much.

And what a past! Surviving her only, elder brother, running away from home, learning self-defense all by herself, and even killing a bunch of strangers … so she didn’t end up being killed instead indeed told of many, many hours full of searching and confusion. Aselia could tell from the way Pain displayed the various steps of her life journey that there was something her new acquaintance was craving. She wasn’t happy, not in the least. Once again Aselia wondered whether she was really able to help the other woman. The wish was strong.

After Pain’s voice had faded, Aselia smiled briefly. “To be honest, it wasn’t even necessary that you told me of your past. Thanks to Avalis, I can get a quick overview of your past or delve into the details and pick a certain event. It’s like thumbing through a book until you have found the part that’s interesting to you. As long as you’re near me, I can view your entire past.” That was the short and simplified version anyway. But when it came to mechanics, Aselia didn’t know much more. Her gift was based on instinct – as a Konti she was used to it, after all. “I will take a look now. Please relax as it will take a while.”

Finally left without any distractions, Aselia straightened and assumed the most comfortable posture with her legs folded and her hands resting on her knees. Then she closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing. Soon enough she found her consciousness ripped from the material world and entering the Chavena.

Pain’s personal Chavi was easy to find. Although it featured scars and dark spots, it was beautiful like every formation within the extensive Chavena realm. A moment later, Aselia found herself thrown into the past of the young human. Everything Pain had told her about she now experienced first-hand. The simple life of her childhood. The constant quarreling with Elhaym’s and Erik’s father. Then the sudden surprise of being left behind, alone. Pain. Pain. And more Pain. The black dust of the charcoal and the first signed drawing. Days and months full with emptiness.

At the bath, Aselia’s body trembled.

The return came more difficult and slower, as if the connection between her body and consciousness had gotten cranky during her absence. To Pain, it had only taken a few breaths, while Aselia had experienced a whole human lifetime. She dipped her face into the water, felt her gills working and surfaced. Her hand combed through her wet hair as she flashed Pain an apologetic smile. “I’ve seen everything, so you’re not alone anymore. A part of your past now belongs to me, doesn’t it?”

There she paused, taking a deep breath. At first mark level, there were no serious dangers, but with a past like Pain’s, it was difficult not to get overwhelmed by pain and sorrow. “You need something to believe in”, Aselia mused. Before even realizing that it was true.

[Elhaym]

"You saw everything?" Pain asked, her confusion managing to wrestle free the idea that someone could have a power such as this. She nodded her head at Aselia as she finished her statement, affirming that whether she liked it or not, her new Konti friend would forever know her darkest pains and greatest regrets. Pain's jaw was slack, her body motionless. "You need something to believe in." This was overwhelming. She knew everything about her? For some reason, it almost seemed like an intrusion. She had told her everything that was important a few moments ago, but the idea that someone could just... know. Everything. None of the private moments, none of the secrets she had kept were really secrets or private anymore. At least, thats how she thought of it. Had she taken Aselia's words too literally? She didn't know. Pain shot out of the tub, covering herself as best she could as she scrambled from the hot water. She left a trail of moisture to a nearby resting bench, where she snatched a forgotten linen towel and wrapped it around her body. That was better. Her past was exposed, but at least her body wasn't. Aselia probably knew the reason for every single one of the scars on her body, every bruise, every scratch... but this feeble gesture at least gave her the willpower to turn around and face her. "I do." Pain said, her voice flat and low. Whatever hardness Aselia had seen earlier was gone. The dirty, muscled girl on the street with the harsh tone and the fighter's fists was replaced by a dripping wet young woman, clenching a towel about her body and staring at the ground. "I do need something to believe in, but what does that mean? Really, what does it mean? I know nothing of gods. I can't just run to the temple and pick a god from a book and say I believe in them, can I? I can't just run to nearest Knight and tell them I wish to join their order because I believe in them, can I? What the petch does it mean?!" Pain yelled the last sentence, gripping the towel with one hand. Almost like a child, she lashed out, turning her body and throwing her free hand at the wall next to her. It was her right hand, the one Aselia had noticed before as injured. The impact was a slight thump that Aselia might not even hear, but the impact shuddered through Pain's body and reminded her that she was not in the condition for this type of tantrum. She sank to her knees, cradling her right arm into her stomach and maintaining her hold on the towel. Her dignity. "I'm strong, dammit! I'm don't sit around and weep because i'm unhappy. I've got a job, thats a purpose, right? I can fight too, I don't have to worry about someone hurting me. So what is it that I need to believe in? My life should be fine, shyke... it's fine by everyone else here in Syliras. So why the petch am I in need of something special? Tell me!" She was angry, yes. Not at Aselia for saying what she said, because that had only been a trigger. She was angry because her whole life, all she wanted was simplicity and when she had finally obtained it, it wasn't enough. Something was still missing. Roaming the city, creating her art, fighting when she felt like it and putting in honest work... she had come to Syliras thinking that was all she would have to do to be happy. She was no one special. Or maybe she was special. Or maybe she was just the stupid, weird girl who didn't eat meat and had too many muscles to be considered pretty. Maybe. What the hell about this strange, pale woman was it that made all these emotions flow from her mind unchecked? She looked at Aselia from her position on the ground, desperate for an answer.

[Aselia Timandre]

“Everything”, Aselia repeated and looked down when she saw emotions welling up in Pain’s face. She couldn’t help but compare her reaction to that of a Konti. One of her people would have taken it for granted that she knew things about her and would focus on improving her life circumstances. Of course, in Mura everyone knew what it meant to be blessed as well as cursed with sight. Humans didn’t know as much, so they needed time to adjust to a truth that was hurled into their face like Aselia had just done it to Pain.

Time.

When the girl exited the basin, almost fleeing from the confrontation that had already happened, Aselia didn’t move. She hoped that the other guests wouldn’t mind the abrupt movements and the loud voice, or she would have to cover for Pain’s behavior. After all, she had been the one to invite a dirty, poor girl in such an exquisite bath. Still, Aselia didn’t turn to check or raised her voice to explain. Her gaze was fixed on Pain, yet she avoided direct eye contact. Pain’s questions almost hurt in her ears, not for the volume, but for the emotions they conveyed. The Konti still suffered from the side effects of the trip into the Chavena. Emotions were unnaturally intense, because they came from someone she now completely understood. Perhaps she should work on narrowing her focus next time.

Perhaps she would be able to convey what she had learned in a more subdued and empathic way. Hopefully it wasn’t like that every time!

Thump. Aselia saw what Pain did, and inwardly cringed. She had used the injured hand. “Are you okay?” she dared to ask and knew in an instant that it was the wrong question, bracing herself for the next bunch of questions.

After Pain had ended, Aselia left the water as well, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her torso. Then she approached Pain and sat down in front of her, cross-legged on the ground. She hoped to instill a feeling of safety by forcing Pain to look down on her. It was basic instinct – looking down meant being stronger. Only then she spoke. “You are special. It is very important, the search for something one can believe in. Everyone needs that, be it a deity, a goal in life or something as simple as the feeling of love. You can’t live a meaningful life without it. You want to be happy, right?” She paused, gathering her thoughts. Perhaps she was rambling. “There’s nothing wrong about craving for happiness. And I’m sure you will find your way of being happy soon enough. You know, many people don’t even realize what they truly want. But you … the reward for everything that’s happened to you is that you can achieve happiness more easily. You already know what you’re looking for. That’s good.”

There she sat, locking her gaze with Pain’s once more. Although she was only another human, maybe a one-time acquaintance, it was important to help Pain. For Aselia, at least. Every part of her being wanted to help that girl. Somehow, she felt that Pain was more experienced in life than she.

[Elhaym]

Pain was listening to Aselia speak, but her the embarrassment from her outburst was sinking in. She had started yelling in a public place, and about what? She didn't even really know. She ought to be happy with her life, but she still felt something lacking. Aselia seemed to be doing okay, but the way she had spoken about gods made Pain think maybe that was what kept her going. The notion of how unfair it was that Aselia knew everything about her, and yet she knew nothing about Aselia swept through Pain's conscious. "You know, I know what it is that I want... I just want to live a good life. But somehow, just... living it, doesn't seem to work. So, I wonder... what is it that makes you go on, Aselia? Is it that... divination? Does it give you some sort of calling?" Pain cradled her hand, trying to ignore the throbbing and aching. Maybe if she could get Aselia to tell her what it was that drove her, she would gain insight to what it was exactly that she should look for. Be it a god, a purpose... or something much smaller, Pain did not know. The whole thing was confusing. She didn't really know what this Konti wanted from her, and she honestly didn't quite know what she wanted from Aselia. Her life had been a series of disappointments thus far. Not worthy of her father's attention. Not able to save her brother. Not good enough at art to make a living. Not smart enough to get a good job. Not able to make any real friends. Through it all, Pain thought she had done a good job at keeping her chin up and always moving forward. In many regards, she had. In keeping her life in order and trying to live right, maybe she had forgotten that despite her deepest desire to live the life she and her brother had always talked about, it would take more than that. Would that be dishonoring his memory to just... forget about art, to do something else? How had a few minutes caused her to rethink her entire future?

[Aselia Timandre]

Ah, that question was a tricky one.

Of course, Aselia saw the sense behind it. Pain wanted something to orient herself on, a person who had been there and done that and could help her by being a good example. Aselia didn’t like being an example … There were so many things she had done wrong, failed at or not even tried. So many people she had disappointed: her entire family, but mostly her mother and grandmother. They had tried to make an honorable and respected Timandre woman of her. And Aselia had refused. Perhaps she saw more clearly now because she was away from everything she knew and loved. That had helped her to realize what she truly loved.

She had been foolish, acted on a whim just because. That wasn’t right. In Mura, she had been a restless soul, never satisfied, never staying in one place for long. She had liked working with birds, she had sung sweet ballads about the past, and she still did. But somehow she had grown into something more. She was Aselia, and at the same time she was someone else. More mature, perhaps. Definitely with more of an idea regarding the direction she wanted to go into.

Knowing all that, she was sure that she’d leave Syliras soon.

Tilting her head, she thought about it. “I’m not sure, not yet. There is a restless nature in me, never satisfied, never ready to settle. That’s why I’ll leave the city soon, I think. Regarding your question, it might be divination, the connection with Avalis. Every Konti is born with that connection, but some strengthen it and choose to serve Her as a seer and councilor. I’ve never seen myself in that position … but who knows what the future brings?” she added and gave a melodious laugh. Really, everything one had to do was follow the call.

“I’m fairly sure, though, that one just has to follow … the call. You understand, what they like most, what they want to be, what is interesting to them. You want to live a good life”, she repeated and ran her index finger across her lower lip, thinking for a while. “What about trying to help others? Become a healer of some sorts? I’m suggesting a general direction, nothing specific here.”

There she stopped, eyeing Pain and waiting for a reaction. Aselia had found out what the encounter with the human girl had told her … now she wanted Pain to have the same kind of epiphany.

[Elhaym]

"The call, huh..." Pain said, her voice weary. She stalled, her head turning slowly and taking in the view of the bathhouse. Aside from her throbbing hand, she felt really good. Clean, for once. The harsh stares and hushed whispers had faded, the others returning to their own conversation and baths. Pain felt a little less in the spotlight now after her stupid outburst. She stood, ruffling her hair with her good hand and trying to swipe the moisture away to no avail. She had to resist the urge to shake her head like a dog. Public place Pain, public place. "I wanna help people, but y'know, not just anybody. I ain't a saint or nothin'. A healer, no way... too much studying, i'm just not that type. Never been good at that sort of stuff, sides'... too much pressure. I can't even watch when my boss operates on a dog, it's just too stressful. Not the blood or anything, just knowing if she messes up it's over." She was rambling, trying to come up with something as she spoke, but nothing came. She felt stupid. Aselia was trying to help her, Pain had begged her to help her... but what could she really say? Aselia could read her past, but she couldn't tell her the future. The steam became thick and overbearing to Pain, and her eyes darted around seeking retreat. She motioned to Aselia and began walking to what she thought was an exit to another area. Hell, she didn't know, but she assumed Aselia would correct her if she was going somewhere she shouldn't. "I think the real problem may just be me. I feel like a child sometimes, y'know. Theres just so much about things that have affected my life that I don't know a damn thing about. My dad, why didn't he ever want me? How'd my brother die? ... Why the hell did I learn how to fight? I dunno, just silly stuff. Sometimes it feels like... err, damn..." Pain stopped short, mumbling under her breath trying to formulate the words. "Damn, I just feel like I cruised through my life with my eyes closed and never questioned anything, like I was retarded or something. I'm not joking, I look back... and I see this quiet girl who just... didn't do anything about anything. Maybe... what I need to do, is figure out why I became what I did, the way I am today in order to know what i'm supposed to do tomorrow. Is that stupid?" Pain looked back to Aselia, wondering what she would say. She'd never really thought about her past, and what all those holes could mean to her. Aselia knew as much about it as she did, she supposed. Maybe if Pain could get some answers, she would be able to continue forward and feel content. The only thing that made her uneasy was the one simple, unchangeable fact about this plan. She'd have to find her father. She'd have to talk to him. He'd have to talk to her. Her uncle had been in Syliras recently, that much she knew. Maybe he wasn't too far off.

[Aselia Timandre]

Aselia listened, despite the fact that it might sound like rambling to Pain and might not be interesting by average standards. To her, it definitely was interesting, since Pain had become an individual person for her! So she wasn’t the type for studying which kind of suited her. The corners of Aselia’s mouth twitched, but she only smiled to herself, not so her opponent would notice. Smiling about the girl’s situation didn’t seem appropriate, even for that lively Konti.

Then Pain spoke of her past once again, how many questions about the happenings penetrated her mind. Aselia could understand. For a brief moment, she thought back to her childhood and youth, to that particular person … Had she fully understood why that person had suddenly avoided her? Did she understand now? She didn’t know for sure, and bitterness filled her thoughts.

She rather concentrated on helping Pain for now. That was what she was good at, after all, or at least liked to think she was good at.

Following after Pain, Aselia realized that the girl just led her into the right direction. The door was shut, but led to one of many small rooms with medicinal equipment. Soothing Waters wasn’t only a bath house, but had its purpose in tending to the physical well-being of its customers in every regard. Cleaning and healing wounds was part of doing good to the customer’s body as well as other aspects … Aselia was almost sure that Pain didn’t want to engage in the activities she thought of though.

So she just opened the door and invited the human in with a friendly gesture. “I’ll try to give your wounds some basic treatment, if you’re all right with that? I’m not that well-versed in medicine”, she added cautiously, hoping Pain would trust her enough so she could practice a bit. Everything she knew Aselia had learned at the Animal Center in Mura, but she did have a bit of knowledge of treating human patients too.

While fetching a bucket of clean water from a corner and dumping a piece of cloth in it, she listened to Pain’s last question. “No, it’s not stupid! It’s more like common sense. Trying to understand where you have come from so you know where you must go … It’s a good strategy. I’m pretty sure you’ll find out what to do this way. Some relatives, you know, other Timandres travelled the mainland for some time and through being away from home they realized what it meant to be a Konti and a Timandre. That’s some kind of synthesis, but it seems to be an exciting experience.” After a short pause she added with a half-grin: “After all, I’m trying it out as well, being here in Syliras and all that.”

The rag was wet enough now, so Aselia carefully touched the wound on Pain’s shoulder with it and, after making sure that her patient accommodated to eventual pain, started with the cleaning process.

[Elhaym]

The sting of the wet cloth on her wounds was barely noticeable to Pain as the Konti began her work. For someone who was as physical as she, flesh wounds weren't uncommon... and the slight pain that accompanied treatment was no longer a bother. She graciously offered her arm, allowing Aselia full access to her battered shoulder, and her hideously bruised forearm. It was thick with bruising, a sickly mishmash of unnatural coloring. "Thanks for this. Y'know, I don't have many friends around here... I mean i'm not gonna' lie, it's kind of weird. I mean, i've seen a Konti before and all, but it's just... a bit odd, y'know. I feel like a wart sitting next to a lump of gold, or somethin'." Pain said, trying to keep the conversation alive instead of allowing a silence to pass over. She felt like she'd thrown enough of her baggage on Aselia's front door, so to speak. They barely knew each other... well, that wasn't so true anymore. Aselia knew Pain quite well. "So, you said somethin' bout other Konti discovering what it means to be a Timandre. What's that mean, exactly? Is that your, uh... family? You got any brothers or sisters runnin' around?" Pain asked, her other hand hovering near her face and a thoughtful fingertip poised on her lips. Of course, she had mucked up and mentioned brothers, which of course the Konti had none. As Pain had said, she wasn't much for retaining information... and though she wasn't exactly stupid, sometimes others might wonder... Really, what she wanted was to her Aselia talk a little about herself. She would listen graciously to anything Aselia had to say, and allowing her to work on her wounds. Pain's own method of dealing with her physical ailments was toughing it out, and letting time heal her. She watched Aselia's actions with interest, as she knew little to nothing about medicine. As Aselia's speech drew to a close, Pain hurriedly clawed at something in her mind to ask her, to keep her talking. Well, there was always the old stand by... the one men who'd had a few too many to drink would typically be heard spewing out their drunken traps. "Well, uh... So, aside from all that, what do you do around here? I mean, for fun. I guess you can tell, but I exercise a lot... or if i'm in a bad mood, i'll head to the Spinning Coin and beat some drunk senseless in the cage. Though, come to think of it... they've kind of figured out that I can fight, so i've been getting some pretty rough customers up there these days. May have to lay off that a little..." Pain said, sighing and looking at her battered body.