[Issues found by Nemesis] Rekekah

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Rekekah

Postby Rekekah on November 29th, 2014, 7:58 pm

Rekekah

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Appearance

Race: Dhani Mixed Blood (Dhani - Constrictor and Inarta)
Gender: Female
Age: 20
Birthday: 13th day, Winter, 494 AV
Birthplace: Zinrah

Appearance: Her hair is a very dark red, cascading down the middle of her back and she kept it up most of the time so that it would stay out of her face. She always wore a gray coat that hung over her shoulders so that she felt the breeze hitting her every time it picked up. Beneath it, she always wore a long sleeve shirt, covering her small stomach and then she wore loose pants, going all the way down to her ankles. Her skin was very pale, almost translucent.

Character Concept

She likes to read in her free time when she is not traveling around, visiting everyone. She is very graceful, being light on her feet. She like the colors red, black, blue, green, and orange the most. The colors are those of which she is used to, not seeing many other when she was younger. She is very energetic, bouncing around all the time around different people so that she may be noticed. She likes to annoy a few people by calling people different names so that she may get a laugh. Though in her past, she has gotten in trouble for it many times. The idea of it was always so funny and she could not help but call people by something similar to their actual names.


Character History

Rekekah was born in captivity in the city of Zinrah. Her mother, an Inarta, decided she wanted to run away from home and travel. Her mother became lost in The Unforgiving and stumbled upon the Falyndar border, being captured. She was taken into the city for slavery and during the time she was there, she fell in love with a Constrictor Dhani. His name was Jakobe. He was a very tough constrictor on the outside and had a very soft heart deep down inside. They had a small baby girl together, with small dark red curls and bright blue eyes like her mothers. Her mother stayed in capture throughout the pregnancy and as Rekekah was born, her mother died from the child birth. Jakobe took her in and raised her in his home and let everyone know that she was his daughter and did not let her go out much until she was grown enough.

Language

Fluent Language: Snaketongue
Basic Language: Common
Poor Language: Nari

Skills

Skill EXP Total Proficiency
Weapon : Longbow 10 SP 10 RB 20 Novice
Brawling 13 SP 13 Novice
Seduction 15 SP 15 Novice
Persuasion 12 SP 12 Novice


Lores

Helpful Lores:
Lore of Siku : Serpent Goddess
Lore of The Jungle: How to start a fire.


Possessions

1 Set of Clothing
-Simple Shirt
-Simple Pants
-Simple Undergarments
-Simple Cloak
-Simple Boots
1 Waterskin
1 Backpack which contains:
-Comb (Metal)
-Brush (Metal)
-Soap
-Razor
-Balanced Rations (1 Week’s Worth)
-1 eating knife
-Flint & Steel
1 Quiver
1 Crossbow
10 Bolts
544 GM

Heirloom: A small brooch the size of her thumb with a drawing of her mother in the center of it.
Housing

Location: Zinrah

House: In her fathers home.

Ledger

Purchase Cost Total
Starting +100 GM 100 GM
Quiver -20 GM 80 GM
Crossbow -35 GM 45 GM
Bolts (10) -1 GM 44 GM
Housing turned in +550 GM 594 GM
Last edited by Rekekah on December 7th, 2014, 6:12 pm, edited 16 times in total.
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User avatar
Rekekah
Mysterious Lady
 
Posts: 6
Words: 2243
Joined roleplay: November 28th, 2014, 9:30 pm
Location: Zinrah
Race: Mixed blood
Character sheet

Rekekah Mikaelson Character Sheet

Postby Nemesis on December 6th, 2014, 12:53 am

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Greetings! I'm Nemesis, the DS of Ravok. I've noticed a few problems with your Character Sheet that you should probably take a look at. Until these issues have been resolved, I'm afraid you cannot post IC in any of Mizahar's cities.

  • An Ethaefal's Racial Bonus (RB) cannot be in Longbow - it must be in Astronomy, Astrology or Leadership. Please change this.
  • Please list your "Longbow" skill as "Weapon: Longbow".
  • I suggest you reread the Ethaefal Lore page. Hair and horn colour changes with the seasons and, as you are starting in Winter, your description does not match Leth's or Syna's Eth.
  • Again, reread the Lore page - Ethaefal appear different dependant on whether it is day or night. When their patron leaves the skies, they revert to a mortal form.
  • Again, go over the Lore. Ethaefal are not born in the conventional sense. They fall.
  • Also, going from the Lore, I might suggest you rethink your Character Concept too, to make it more fitting to the nature of the race you have chosen.
  • You have given Rebekah zero points in Wilderness Survival. There is no way she would have survived in the Unforgiving, nor in the Jungle without such skills.
  • Furthermore, the terrain of the Unforgiving is... unforgiving. To quote Gossamer: "Travel is virtually impossible by horse or wagon through Kalea. Hikers must have mountaineering and mountain climbing skills to pass through the region though rumor has it that the Isur have secret underground roads that cross the region. These passageways, if they exist, would be heavily protected and jealously guarded by the Isur." Rebakah has none of these skills either. She could not have traversed the land from Mt Skyinarta all the way to the Falyndaran borders. Also it would take longer than "some time" for her to travel that distance. On foot. With no skills. But hey, she would not have survived.
  • If your character was born in Winter, 495 AV, she would be 19 years old.
  • Are you sure you don't want a third language?
  • How did Rebekah come to learn a Lore about Siku?
  • The ratio of money conversion is 1 bikka to 3 gold mizas. In cashing in your housing, you will not receive 550 Bikka.
  • If captured and enslaved, as a general rule, players forfeit all money, as is the more realistic outcome.

Long story short - you effectively have to rewrite the whole thing. It's pretty clear to me that you haven't bothered to actually read the Lore pages on your chosen race, nor have you taken the time to consider the nature of the word of Mizahar. Go and take the time read something, then come back and have a second attempt.

Once you have fixed what I have asked you to, send me a PM and I will remove this Intervention.

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Last edited by Nemesis on December 6th, 2014, 12:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Nemesis
Fortune and Retribution
 
Posts: 549
Words: 296717
Joined roleplay: March 30th, 2014, 8:36 pm
Location: DS of Ravok
Race: Staff account
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Rekekah Character Sheet

Postby Rekekah on December 6th, 2014, 5:21 am

Just forget about the name change. I changed it.
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User avatar
Rekekah
Mysterious Lady
 
Posts: 6
Words: 2243
Joined roleplay: November 28th, 2014, 9:30 pm
Location: Zinrah
Race: Mixed blood
Character sheet


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