Closed Where Oh Where Has That Captive Gone? (Seirei)

[Waisana]

5th Winter 514AV

The bells seemed to have leaked away like water as Waisana worked. When she took stock of things the day was already halfway gone, the bells of natural light fast fading. It had been busy as normal, the first few spates of winter related illnesses swelling the numbers of those newly injured and pregnant coming in for check ups. As usual the teen had had her hands full but something had been niggling at her thoughts all morning.

During the course of her work the Drykas girl had seen plenty of pregnant women at all stages and quite a number of captives. It had made her think of Seirei. She had failed to see the prospective mother on a two occasions that she had expected to do so. She'd only given her approximate times for her check ups and no doubt Waisana had been busy or elsewhere when the girl had shown up and at the the time she'd harboured a feeling of disappointment that she had missed her. There had been no time to pay the girl a visit outside of her work time and she had just had other things on her mind. She had assumed that the girl would come to her and when she hadn't Waisana had thought that Seirei just didn't want to see her. Maybe she had found another healer that she preferred and hadn't thought about the blonde again. So she had thought and so she hadn't pushed the issue. She was beginning to thing differently now.

The morning had presented her with too many terrified captive girls as they neared the end of their pregnancies and the desire to see Seirei had increased and she promised herself to find her after the day's work was done, no matter how exhausted she might feel.

Taking a brief noon break, she went to wash her hands and met an older healer that she had an acquaintance with. "Greetings, Amella," she murmured, adding a respectful gesture in reference to her seniority. A smile and a nod of greeting from the other.

"Waisana. Have you had a busy morning?" she asked politely.

An emphatic yes was signed back. "Plenty of patients. Sniffles, broken bones, pregnancy checks. A lot of pregnant women. It is good after the plague. More Drykas."

Agreement from Amella before she commented further, "The captives are serving their purpose. They breed well. Might be all they'll ever be if a Strider doesn't come along but doesn't matter. Their babies are good for us."

The Opal teen stiffened, an audible sniffing sound as she turned her head away from her elder to survey the sea of patients.

"You don't agree?" There was wonder in her tone, backed up by a gesture that Waisana only caught from the corner of her eye. "You know most will not end up Drykas but they do a good service for our people! You almost act as if they were Drykas but they are only foreigners!" The girl remained silent but it seemed to do little to deter Amella from taking what she would from the teen's lack of reaction. "You think they are better? You give them false hope? No wonder that captive thought you were her friend and only wanted to see you."

The teen perked up. "What captive? Seirei?" Her hands added an insistent tone to her words. The only captive she could think of who counted her as friend was Seirei and if the girl had come into contact with this woman who had such a negative view of captives... It wasn't something she wanted to think about.

"Do you expect me to know their names? I don't know who she was! Long black hair, blue eyes, looked very young. I only remember her because she actually tried to speak Pavi. She thought you were her friend, I told her otherwise," she replied with a shrug. Waisana gaped at her. It was Seirei, it had to be. She'd told her that the healer wasn't her friend? If that was the case then maybe she had believed her! Maybe that was why the captive hadn't come to see her!

"When did you tell her this?" she asked sharply. Any respect shown towards the older woman before was gone and it was clear that Amella noticed. Her head was held high, a look of displeasure aimed down her nose at the teen.

"I don't see why you have to be so rude! Her gestures were quick, conveying her disgust and indignation before she turned to go. Waisana wasn't naturally combative but that didn't mean that she didn't have a temper or would back down when a patient was in some way involved. A hand grasped Amella's arm roughly, pulling her to force her to turn back, nails digging in and a short tug given to emphasise her words as the other hand signed.

"You tell me! You had no right! She's a child! She's scared! She could have done anything! If she had killed herself, killed her child because she thought she was alone then it would have been your fault! If anything happens to her or the child it is your fault! You tell me now or I make you suffer for it! You deserve to be crushed under the hooves of your Strider! Poor excuse for Drykas!" She spat at the woman's feet. The other remained frozen in place, shock and horror set on her features. A few people stood watching nearby but her anger had gone unnoticed for the most part, mainly because it had been quiet rather than yelled. It seemed to make all the more impact.

The arm was at last wrenched from her grasp, the scratches that she had left rubbed as the other hissed at her. Her hands formed a number of derogatory names but the teen paid them no heed, glaring at the other woman and continuing to advance on her as she tried to retreat. She looked ready to run for it. "How dare you! How dare you treat me like that! How dare you-"

"Shut up!" Her command was met by a gasp as the woman's protests were choked into silence. "Tell me when you saw her and I'll leave you alone."

At first, it didn't seem as if Amella was going to answer and Waisana's expression darkened, her arms crossed over her chest as she stood regarding her. It was obvious that she wouldn't back down and so the other woman seemed willing to get rid of her the easiest way possible. "Fall. A day in the seventies. Don't know which day," she murmured, still holding her arm; she had drawn blood. A final glare was shot in the woman's direction before the teen went in search of one of the Ankals. When she found one free, Waisana explained the need to pay a visit one of the pavilions to visit a patient and was told she could go.

A brisk walk brought her to the multitude of blue tents that marked them as belonging to the Sapphire Clan. She knew Lian was a hunter and so his pavilion could be found among these ones but she had no idea which one his could be. A few inquiries brought her to what she hoped was the right one. It was a bit smaller than one of pavilions belonging to one of the bigger families but still sizeable. There was no sign of anyone outside and she assumed that Lian would be out hunting. Only Seirei should be here. She stuck her head in through the tent flap, gazing around the interior as she called loudly but uncertainly, "Seirei? Are you here?"

[Seirei Dawnwhisper]

Seirei rummaged through her belongings, taking stock of what she had, and what she would need once her child was born. There were so many things to consider. Would a cradle board, or a sling be better as a carrier for the baby? Should she buy one of each? The cradle board to be used to carry the baby while she was working, and the sling for the rest of the time? She would need fabric for diapers, of course. What kind of fabric would be best for that? Cotton? Linen? Was one type of fabric better than another for diapers, or would it be best just to buy the cheapest type she could since she would need a lot of it? And just how did one go about making a diaper, anyway? These were all things she was going to need to know. And there was so much more she was going to need to learn as well. Seirei had the sinking feeling that she didn't even know all of the questions to ask in order to learn what she needed to know. What did she know about taking care of a baby? Of being a mother? Nothing, that's what. Was there someone she could ask? Someone she could trust? Someone who would actually know the answers to what she needed to know? She and Lian were starting to get to know each other a little better. But that was a far cry from her actually trusting the man. And even if she did, Seirei doubted that her captor knew any more about raising children than she did. While Lian had had a younger sister, Seirei didn't think he had raised her in any capacity beyond being a good older brother to her. Or if he had, he hadn't said anything to Seirei about it. As Seirei went through her belongings, she found the kit that contained her precious carving tools. She took the time to carefully examine each one to make sure it was in perfect condition. Most of them were fine, but Seirei noticed that her saw would need sharpening soon. It would be okay for a while, but the serrated blade was slowly starting to lose its keen edge. When Seirei was done examining her carving tools, she carefully wrapped them up again, and replaced them in their kit. She also found the blank book she'd bought to use to practice her drawing skills. She flipped through the pages, looking over the things she had drawn. They looked horribly inept to her, but they were a reminder that she needed to improve. And as she studied the drawings critically, she could see that she had made a little progress in bettering her skills. Deciding that now was as good a time as any to get some more practice in, Seirei quickly found her charcoal sticks. With book, and charcoal in hand, Seirei stood carefully. She felt the now familiar wave of dizziness that often hit her when standing or sitting, and waited until it passed. Once it had, Seirei moved into one of the rooms within the tent that had better lighting than the one she and Lian slept in. The room she chose had little in the way of furniture. Lian didn't own much. He was out hunting much of the time, and he rarely had any visitors come by. He also only had one horse, and that was his strider. With no wagon, and horse to pull it, or even a second pack horse, Lian was severely limited in what he could carry with him. He had to ask a friend to pack anything he couldn't carry with him as he rode with their stuff. Most people he asked were usually agreeable about it from what Seirei could see. But Seirei thought that that would change pretty quickly if he had too many things he needed someone else to carry as the city moved. While the room she had chosen had no furniture, it did have a window that would let light in. As such, it would have to do. Sitting on the ground with nothing to offer support for her aching back was very uncomfortable. Her huge belly made things even worse. But wanting a table to draw on, and a chair to sit in wasn't going to make them appear out of thin air, so she made do as best she could. She propped her book against her legs, and opened it up to the first blank page. After staring at the page for several chimes, wondering what to draw, her hand began moving seemingly of its own accord. She drew a long, curved shape at the bottom of the page. It looked something like a crescent moon might if the moon was laying on its back. She eyed the curved line critically, then extended one end of the line, making it end in a circle. Babies had been on her mind when she's sat down to draw, and so the "drawing" was supposed to be a baby. The circle was meant to be the head. But as Seirei stared at the image, she realized that she had no idea what to do next. Seirei was startled out of her thoughts when she heard a familiar voice call her name. Waisana! But what was she doing here? Seirei had not been trying to avoid the healer, but she had not seen her since she had decided not to go back to the healing tent for any more exams. Equally confused, and curious, Seirei stood slowly, and made her way to the tent entrance. Her eyes were cautious and anxious as she regarded the healer, but they also showed hope. Perhaps a visit meant that Waisana really did want to be her friend? "Yes?" she asked hesitantly, in pavi. After a tick, she remembered her manners, and though she felt rather awkward inviting someone into someone else's home, she politely invited Waisana into Lian's tent. "Is there something I can do for you?" Seirei asked, still in pavi, partly out of a desire to practice the language, but also because she didn't want to inconvenience the healer if she didn't want to speak in Common.

[Waisana]

At first, the teen thought there was no one there. She listened for any sound of movement, for an answering call of some sort but was instead met with silence. She dallied at the entrance, not wanting to intrude and wander around the pavilion if there was nobody in. Should she call again? Might the captive be asleep and Waisana at risk of disturbing her? She certainly hoped not. Where could she be if she wasn't in the pavilion though? The future matron liked to work with wood so perhaps she'd gone off to get some. It seemed unlikely, especially given the way she was probably feeling and the fact that she was still nervous about the Drykas as a whole.

She was considering stepping out and returning another time when she heard a sound like a step and caught a glimpse of movement within. The healer peered in eagerly, a smile spreading across her features as the captive came into full view. Catching sight of her expression, the smile faltered. Was something the matter? Surely she could recognise her Drykas friend and know that she meant no harm. She was no Lian but after what Amella had said, how did Seirei view her now? The teen chewed her lip as the other used Pavi rather than the Common that the healer had been expecting. The improvement in the use of the language was noted somewhat, her attention more caught up in the other's features and her choice of words. She spoke far more formally than she ever had before and she wasn't sure if it was because of her use of a less familiar language or a cooled attitude towards Waisana.

The invitation to step in was accepted, albeit a little hesitantly as the teen tried to work out how to fix things. It was clear that things between them had taken a negative turn and she didn't know how difficult it would be to reverse the damage, if it was possible at all. She attempted another smile, aiming for making it seem reassuring rather than anxious, which would have been a better reflection of how she was currently feeling. Amella had said that Seirei had been told that the healer and captives were not friends. That much was clear but the Opal teen was worried what else the woman might have said to her. Squeezing information out of her had been extremely difficult so who was to say that she hadn't said something more, something even more poisonous? The girl hadn't been to see her and her current reaction didn't seem a good sign. The captive had been very well convinced and so some very strong arguments must have been used.

"I came to check on you," she explained, a gesture of concern before she continued, "You haven't been to see me and I thought something was wrong." She hoped that the other would understand. How good a grasp of Pavi she had was questionable and she was tempted to switch to Common to ensure that there was greater understanding between the two of them. It seemed the better way, especially as speaking in a language that the girl was more comfortable with might help to demonstrate that their relationship went beyond that of doctor and patient.

"Another told me that you came, that she saw you. She told you something and maybe that's why you kept away? That we were not friends?" The Drykas chewed at her lip, shaking her head to show that such a thing was untrue. "We are friends, aren't we? You think of me as your friend, Seirei?"

[Seirei Dawnwhisper]

Waisana's smile relieved Seirei a bit. Maybe that meant that the healer really did want to be her friend? If she didn't, wouldn't it be easy for Waisana just to assume that Seirei was seeing another healer now, and be done with her? When Waisana spoke, Seirei frowned. But it was a frown of concentration as she tried to translate what she had said rather than one of anger or upset. Some of the words were ones that Seirei knew. And she recognized the hand gesture for concern. Other words Seirei was less certain of, and there were a few that she didn't understand at all. But she thought she at least got the gist of what Waisana had said. The problem was that Seirei wasn't at all certain that she was willing to endure another exam no matter who wanted to examine her. She still had nightmares about the man who had examined her the first time Waisana had not been available. Ones where he had done more than simply suggest that he would be interested in using her if Lian ever tired of her. Or where Lian did give her to the man, and he turned out to be even worse than Lian was. Other versions of her nightmares included both of the men taking turns with her, or being punished when Lian found out that she had "allowed" the healer to take what was his. Her imagination had no problem coming up with all sorts of horrors that could have happened, likely or not. And the woman who had examined her the second time had driven home to her that she meant nothing to any of the Drykas beyond what any brood mare would. Because that's all she was to them, an animal to be bred to suit their needs. That was all she would ever be unless she managed to escape. So how could she blame Waisana for not wanting to be friends with her? At least, that's what the other woman had said. Waisana's appearance here made Seirei question that, but it was possible that Waisana was just being nice, and wanting to fulfill her duties as a healer. "No...nothing's wrong. I am fine." Seirei said softly, in pavi. Her hands betrayed her, though. Her reflexive hand signs suggested that "fine" might be something of an exaggeration. Waisana's next words were in Common, and Seirei was grateful for that even as she worried that it might annoy the healer to have to use that language. And the question was one that caught Seirei off guard. "Yes." she said slowly, in Common this time. "She said...said that you were just being nice to me. That...that captives like me can't claim friendship with real people. That captives don't have that right. She said that if I couldn't find you when I came in for an exam, it meant that you didn't want to deal with me that day, and made sure I wouldn't be able to find you because you were too kind to tell me that you didn't want to deal with me. The other healer implied some of the same things, but he wasn't as nice as the second healer I saw was. I didn't want to be a burden to you, so..." Seirei fell silent, not sure what else to say. But when Waisana asked if she thought of her as a friend, her eyes widened, and she nodded. "Yes, I do." she said softly, with a shy smile. "I just thought that you might not think of me that way. And if that was true, I didn't want to bother you."

[Waisana]

The healer couldn't understand why the other had chosen to speak Pavi. Her understanding of the tongue was limited and it was clearly an effort to try to comprehend it. Silly of the girl really given how Common would be a far more comfortable option for both of them. The thing was that her use of the Drykas tongue, or rather sign, told more than the girl wanted to tell. A frown of disapproval at the obvious contradiction and lie, Waisana knowing that the hand movements were the truth. Obviously, she was not fine. Something was wrong then?

The switch to Common would hopefully lead to more information, the teen more willing to open up perhaps if she seemed willing to better accommodate her.

An affirmative was put forward almost cautiously before the younger girl launched into an unsteady explanation of what the more senior healer had told her. The Drykas teen listened with a darkening expression. The nerve the woman had had to spout such lies! She didn't know Waisana as anything more than an underling, one who had exchanged civilities with her. Amella knew her father of course - everyone knew her father - but Waisana wasn't an extension of the man, not in personality at least. The man seemed pleased with the idea of captives provided that they were treated a certain way. On the contrary, the concept made the girl's skin crawl. Maybe Amella had no doubt assumed that the daughter of such an Ankal would not willingly form a friendship with one of the brood mares. The implication that Seirei was not a real person was also a disgusting one. Just because she wasn't Drykas didn't make her less than human. She had her own culture that was all. She was only a child. She didn't deserve to be told that she was inferior to other human beings.

She was livid and rightly so. It hadn't been only Amella but another colleague as well who had so successfully planted the seeds of doubt in the girl's mind. She had been made very certain of what her place ought to be and that it was nowhere near Waisana's own. A burden, she hadn't wanted to bother her. It broke the girl's heart to hear such a thing. Seirei sounded as if she hardly wanted to admit that she considered them friends. She'd been told after all that she didn't have the right to such a relationship with her. It was ridiculous and unnecessarily cruel. Was it not bad enough that she had been dragged into a society against her will, raped and then labelled as somehow subhuman. It was sickening.

The blonde found her lip trembling and tears came before she could stop them. Her head was shaken from side to side trying to communicate what she hadn't yet worked out how to say. Tears were wiped away before they could cascade down her cheeks, more appearing as she tried to keep her eyes clear.

"You are my friend! I do care! You shouldn't have listened to them, the-" She broke off, the head shaking returning again as she failed to come up with the many names she would have liked to call them. They were beyond any foul words in her vocabulary and she did know plenty of those, even if she didn't use them. She sniffled. "I had to check. See how you are. I couldn't believe that she had said that to you," she explained rapidly. "Are you really all right? The baby? How is it? How has it been for you? I'd like to check if you'd let me." Her lip was chewed as she waited anxiously to see if the girl would accept. See if the captive would believe her.

[Seirei Dawnwhisper]

Waisana's tears were more than a little alarming to the young captive. Had she angered or offended the healer to the point of tears? Or worse...had she hurt her somehow? Was she going to get in trouble for this? Seirei had nearly managed to work herself into a panic as her wildly fluctuating emotions got the better of her, before Waisana's strong words soothed her rising fears. Waisana did care. She did think of Seirei as a friend. She was wrong to have believed the words of those cruel healers. Part of Seirei wondered if this was a trap of some kind. Being betrayed by her brother, and the only family she had ever known had left scars on the young girl. So had her treatment at the hands of her captor. Seirei's desperate need for a friend had led to her trusting Waisana quickly. Perhaps quicker than she should have. Being forced to question whether Waisana truly thought of her as a friend had hurt her deeply. In some ways, it felt like a betrayal of her trust. So she was afraid to offer her trust to the other again so quickly. And yet...Waisana herself had done nothing to deserve her suspicion. It had been the words of others that had made Seirei doubt their friendship. Besides, if Waisana did think of her as a burden, why would she come here looking for her? What would she get out of trying to trick her into believing that they were friends. If the healer really didn't want anything to do with her, it would be far easier for her to simply let things stay as they were. Relief at that realization left Seirei feeling weak, but happy at the same time. Tears of relief filled her eyes, and she blushed in embarrassment at allowing her emotions to get out of control once again. But she was smiling shyly when she scrubbed at her eyes. "Thank you. I..." Seirei fell silent as words failed her. She shook her head, struggling to get control of her emotions. But then Waisaia was speaking again. Listening to what she had to say gave her something to distract herself from the intensity of her fluctuating emotions. "I..." Seirei hesitated. Her first instinct was to say that she was fine. But...was she? She hadn't felt "fine" in a very long time. And while some of it was due to her pregnancy, she wasn't entirely sure that all of it was. So she shook her head slowly. "I was going to say that I was fine. I didn't want you to worry. But I'm not. I ache all the time. Back aches, leg cramps, head aches, cramps in my abdomen...sometimes it feels like everything aches. I'm tired all the time, but I never seem to be able to get enough sleep. I'm never hungry. I know that I need to eat for the baby, and I do...but I get sick a lot. And that makes it even harder to force myself to eat. I feel...fuzzy a lot of the time. Like I'm in a daze. It's probably because I can't sleep much. And I keep forgetting things more than I ever used to. I can't even work with wood as much as I'd like to because I feel so...off sometimes that I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt myself, or ruin one of my projects. I get lightheaded every time I stand up or sit down, or if I stand up for too long. I feel so miserable most of the time that everything feels hopeless, but I know that it's normal for me to feel this uncomfortable because of the baby, and I get like this so often..." Tears filled Seirei's eyes, and she scrubbed them away angrily. "It doesn't help that I always lose my appetite when I'm feeling sick, or upset. Sometimes it feels like I'll never be "fine" again, and I know I shouldn't complain because all of this is normal for someone who is pregnant, but..." Seirei fell silent again as she struggled to calm herself. Her tone was filled with frustration, disgust at herself for being weak, and a tinge of hysteria. She closed her eyes for a few ticks, and took a deep breath. "Yes." she said after she had regained a small measure of calm for the moment. "I would appreciate it very much if you would check to make sure everything is okay." she finished softly. She was in control for the moment, but it was likely quite obvious that it wouldn't take much to set her off again.

[Waisana]

The girl's tearful reaction to Waisana's emotion had the teen stepping forward to embrace her friend. Her arms were outstretched before freezing in place as her professional position was remembered. The offer she had just made prevented her from embracing the girl, a tension created between her personal and professional feelings. Seirei's ability to compose herself put her elder to shame. Bringing her hands together and clasping them, the healer allowed them to drop back to her body at the level of her stomach. Her head bowed slightly, she appeared the image of humbleness as she swallowed down tears and steadied her breathing. When she looked up to meet the other's gaze, her face was blotchy and her eyes were red but she was in control of herself once more.

She needed to be professional. She needed to have Seirei's trust once more. If she wouldn't allow her to examine her now then she would most likely have a difficult job ahead of her to regain that trust. If the examination was allowed then it would be a good beginning, but it wouldn't guarantee a complete return to the way things had been before. If the right foundations were established now then she had a better chance. It was a friendship that she wanted to salvage, especially as it was still in its infancy.

As she waited anxiously for the girl's response, Seirei broke down before her, the stress of her pregnancy clearly having gotten to her. Guilt filled Waisana as she looked on, realising that she should have checked up on the girl soon, that she should have been there to support and reassure her. The permission to check the girl was her cue to step in and comfort her as she took it upon herself to place gentle hands upon her. One hand was placed under the captive's elbow the other resting on her back with the intention of guiding her to sit down.

"Calm. Be calm, Seirei. Think of the baby. Don't be upset. It's okay. I'm here. I'll help," she murmured soothingly. "Just sit and I'll check some things." She waited for the other to cooperate, eyeing the teen's swollen belly in the meantime. She looked so large! There could not be long left of her pregnancy now. She tried to count weeks in her head, coming to the conclusion that she shouldn't look quite so big.

She's young, she's slim. She just looks bigger than she is because of her body size. Besides I haven't seen her in so long, she'll seem very large to me, she reassured herself. She could always be wrong in her calculations anyway and the girl could be further along than she thought. Or it could be that she was going to have a very large baby. Waisana would have thought it unlikely given her youth but she'd known of stranger things to happen in the past.

"You've done well. You'll be fine soon. Not much longer. Then you will feel better. Tired still but not sick." The healer placed her hands over the young woman's belly, feeling for movement as well as feeling how much give their was in the fabric that covered it; there was no harm in checking if the girl's clothing was too restrictive.

"I must check between your legs. Have you had bleeding?" she asked, getting herself into a position to examine the other's genitals. Fingers probed lightly as she searched for anything out of the ordinary, checking for any signs of recent bleeding or other problems. "The pains are normal. Babies are heavy, they make body tired. It will not get better until after birth. You may get used to it. You must rest. Put feet up, find something to do that is not so... delicate. Something that will not cause you harm if you grow too faint. Have others come to visit, craft women who can work and talk. Someone with Common. Easier for you and would free their hands for work."

Waisana smiled, pleased at her idea. It sounded reasonable, better than reasonable in fact. Drykas women usually worked until late in pregnancy if their occupations weren't too taxing or they found something less vigorous to do. The very young often found themselves having to give up work much earlier, their bodies more fragile and less able to continue labouring as their bellies grew and grew. No one would look down on Seirei. She was adding to their race after all and she was still young enough and soft enough to justify needing such rest. As long as she didn't hinder the work of others, she would be doing no harm. If Waisana could find a crafter who could work in the pavilion then Seirei might be able to aid them in their work, or at the very least allow them to practice their Common. It would occupy the girl at least.

"Have you been very sick? Are you able to eat a little but often? Small meals are better than big if you are sick," she suggested, looking questioningly at the girl as she completed checking her over. "You seem healthy. Baby should be good."

[Seirei Dawnwhisper]

Waisana's reassuring words helped to calm Seirei a little more, but she still felt as through she was teetering on an edge of some kind. Part of that was because it was safe for Seirei to break down in the healer's presence. Seirei didn't feel safe enough to allow her badly frayed control to slip if Lian was around. She couldn't be certain what he would do if she lost control around him, and feared that he might punish her if she did. That fear and lack of trust forced her to control her unpredictable emotions as best she could. Sometimes it worked. Other times it didn't, but she mananged to control her outward expression of her emotional lapse enough that he didn't seem to notice. In either case, it cost her, leaving her feeling even more stressed, and out of sorts than before.

Seirei cooperated with Waisana, doing anything her friend asked of her to make the examination easier. To distract herself from what was happening, she paid close attention to each question the healer asked. When asked if she had had any bleeding, Seirei nodded.

"Some, yes. Spots. And sometimes there's cramps, too."

Waisana's idea to work with others was a good one in theory...but Seirei didn't have high hopes of finding someone willing to tolerate having her around. Most of the Drykas she had met so far saw her as little more than a brood mare. Something good enough to breed children on, but not good enough to help with the kind of tasks that Waisana was suggesting. Still, it seemed like it would be worth a try. Teisaia and Rytira might be willing to help her.

"I have veen very sick. Some days I can eat a few small meals. Most days I can eat at least one small meal. But others..."

Seirei shook her head.

"Some days even the thought of food makes me feel sick, and anything I try to eat doesn't stay down. On the worst days, I can't even keep water down all the time." she said softly.

.
.
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[Waisana]

Seirei gained better control of her emotions thanks to Waisana's soft words. The pregnant woman had an excuse for getting overemotional at least, whereas the healer had no excuse whatsoever. Everyone knew that when a woman was with child, her moods were strange and changeable, moving from one extreme to the next. In her present condition, it was to be expected, whereas the Drykas teen had behaved like a child. She was old enough to know better. If a hormonal young woman could get a grip on herself then Waisana should certainly be able to do so. Having her work to focus her was helping however, as the teen found herself thinking and acting in a calm manner. She knew what she was doing and it was familiar, something grounding. Once she was absorbed in the physical aspects of the examination, the verbal side came to her easily. It was easy to remain professional and ask the questions that needed to be asked, rather than the ones she wanted to know the answers too. There was no sense in bursting into tears once more, and bringing certain things to the surface would probably have a detrimental effect on healing their friendship. 

The talk of blood made the teen frown. Spotting was a definite possibility during pregnancy and not necessarily a bad sign. If it had been heavy then it would be a ill omen, but she had warned Seirei of what to do if such a thing occurred. Surely, if any symptom had appeared to arise her concern then the girl would have come to those of the Opal clan. The prospective mother would never allowed anything to jeopardise her own health or that of her unborn child, Waisana was certain of that. Therefore if she hadn't deemed it serious enough to come to the healers about then it probably wasn't anything to worry about. Not that the Drykas girl wouldn't keep an eye on her and pursue the matter further at a later stage but for the moment. By the size of her belly, she'd need far more regular checks now anyway so it was something she should easily be able to keep an eye on this time. This time she wasn't going to let anything stand in her way. There was nothing that would allow her to be neglectful of the girl's case as she had been. She'd decided that she would keep their friendship alive and that meant looking after the girl and it was a promise to herself that she would be sure to keep.

The talk of sickness had the doctor clicking her tongue softly. "It's unusual for women to still feel sick this late in their pregnancies. It doesn't happen often but it can happen. You're unlucky, I think. It might still pass but I don't have anything to help you. Well except for old wives' tales, they work for some and not for others. I don't put much faith in them but there's no harm in trying. They might help. You need to eat. You need to drink. Some people say you should take little sips of hot water. Boil it and drink it when you can. Some people say it works. Even if it only tricks you, try it," Waisana explained.

She racked her brain for more credible remedies or, at least, methods of dealing with it. It was frustrating but she couldn't think of a single herb that might help and she couldn't remember anyone else in the Healing tents making mention of such a herb either.

"There are some things that make you feel sick. Someone near you might eat something and it could make you sick. Work out if anything is making you feel sick and try to keep away from it if you can. Try to eat plain food. Even if you get sick, keep trying to eat, it may stay in your stomach."

The teen shook her head, sighing deeply.

"If we cannot find a way then it will be over soon. There isn't much time left. I'm sorry but it might be all that you can hold on to for now. I wish I could do more but I will check. I'll ask some of my..." She waved her hand as she searched for the word. It was colleagues in Pavi but she couldn't think of its equivalent in Common. "I'll ask some of the other healers if they know of anything," she finished unhappily, annoyed that she hadn't been able to get the word although the meaning was the same.

"Aside from sickness, how have you been?"

[Seirei Dawnwhisper]

Seirei listened intently to Waisana's advice. From time to time, she nodded thoughtfully, making special note of what her friend said. An old wives' tale about drinking sips of hot water. It didn't sound like it could work...but Seirei was desperate enough to be willing to try anything. And as her friend said...it couldn't hurt to try. Other things, like learning which foods made her sick, and avoiding them, she already knew about.

"Like onions." Seirei said softly.

"Even the smell of them coming from a distance away is enough to make me feel sick." she mused.

Seirei promised that she would continue to try to eat even if she did feel sick. But she couldn't help but hope it would end soon. If nothing else, her morning sickness would end when she gave birth...and as Waisana reminded her, that time wasn't all that far away now. What would it be like? Seirei both looked forward to the day the child was born...and dreaded it with equal intensity. Once it happened, it would all be over. The aches and pains, the morning sickness, the trouble sleeping, the seemingly random mood swings, they would all go away. But when the child was born...Lian would have his child. There was something else to consider as well. How soon after she gave birth would Lian decide to start raping her again? Would he be willing to wait for a while, and give her some time to recover? Or would he want to breed her again as soon as possible? Would he...

Waisana's question distracted Seirei from her increasingly depressing thoughts. She looked up at her friend with wide, uncertain eyes as she considered the question. How was she? How much was safe to say? She wanted to be honest with her friend. But at the same time, she didn't want to sound as though she was complaining. Nor did she want to hurt her friend. To give herself a few ticks to think, she focused on her friend's seeming trouble in finding the right word.

"Maybe you mean coworkers? Or colleagues?" she suggested, after trying to figure out what word her friend was looking for from the context she had used.

Then the moment passed, and Seirei still needed to answer Waisana's question. She frowned pensively, as she considered her words carefully.

"I'd like to say I was fine, Waisana...I really would. It would be the polite answer. The...the easy answer. In some ways, it would even be true. Lian leaves me alone now. That part is better. But...but it won't last. After the baby is born, he'll..."

Seirei shuddered, falling silent when her voice failed her. It was painful enough to think about the day he would start raping her again. She didn't think she had the strength to say it out loud. But she knew that that day would come. He had said as much. Unless she managed to find a way to escape first, and the means to do so...but that would take time. Time she didn't think she had.

"I'm...I'm a slave, Waisana. It hurts to say that. It hurts even to think about it. But it's true. As far as I can tell, you are one of the few people who think it is wrong for Lian to...to breed me the way he has. Like an animal. To many people here, that's all I am. And sometimes...sometimes it feels that way to me, too. I'm a woodcarver, and I like to think that I'm pretty good at what I do. But most Drykas won't even look at what I make, let alone buy it. To them, I am a captive. Good only for the children I bear. Lian allows me to keep any mizas I earn from my work, but the only chance I have of selling anything is by going to the traders that come to Endrykas. And that hurts, too. It reminds me that my own family, the traders I grew up with...abandoned me. I wouldn't be a captive if they hadn't left me in the Sea of Grass to die. They thought I was bad luck. And I learned later that their bad luck ended when they abandoned me. My brother, Jared still lives with them. I saw him last season when they came to Endrykas. So maybe they were right."

Seirei was crying now. She tried to stop, but she couldn't seem to regain control of herself this time.

"I can't allow myself to think of the future. When I do...when I think of a lifetime of this..."

She gestured at her swollen belly agitatedly with her hand, suggesting not only her pregnancy, but what had caused it, and the pain, both physical, and emotional, involved in how it had happened.

"I don't think I can handle it. How long will it be before I really am nothing more than the brood mare that they want me to be? Sometimes I think it would be easier to die...but I can't do that, either. Not while I'm pregnant, at least. This child doesn't deserve to die with me. Besides...if I choose death, they win. Oh, they'd lose me as a breeding animal, but they'd know that they'd succeeded in breaking me. And I don't want them to know that. Even if it's true. Or close to being true. It's only a matter of time. I don't want them to win...but I don't think I'm strong enough to stop them."

Seirei renewed her efforts to stop crying. But no matter how hard she tried, she failed. Everything seemed hopeless. It hurt to talk about it. It hurt to think about it. And it hurt that she was so helpless. Everything was made worse by the fact that she was tired. Physically exhausted from the lack of sleep she'd had over the past several months. But she was weary, as well. She had fought as hard as she could against Lian...only for him to win when he succeeded in breeding her. She fought to keep herself separate from it. Keep herself focused on her plans for escape...but they felt like an impossible far away dream. Like a story one tells a frightened child so they can sleep at night after a nightmare. She'd escape...some day. She just had to remain strong until then, and be ready when the chance arrived. Only...she didn't think that she had any strength left.

"I'm sorry." she muttered softly.

"I shouldn't have told you all that. It's just...I'm not fine. I want to be...but I'm not. And I don't think I ever will be again."

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