The moment right before Cheva pulled away, Torc felt the deep desire to pull the Goddess towards him and kiss her with passion. He wanted his hands to caress her back and slowly lower them feeling her curves. He wanted for the briefest of moments to hold the tiny frame she wore against his body, as he felt her soft warm lips upon his. Yet, he knew that it wasn’t his place, her heart belonged to all and to ask for more of it was selfish. She loved Glav, Ulric, Sham, Leo, and all the men and women on this ship. She would always return his love, yet he wanted her completely. Torc understood his wants and desires often didn’t fit in the real world. He couldn’t ask Cheva to be his, or if he did he knew that she would love others. It was hard struggle for him; he loved Cheva with his heart and mind. Her being made his soul ache to be better, yet he knew she loved him for himself. The way she stood, the way she spoke, Torc didn’t have to change one hair on his head and she would still love him. However, deep inside of Torc love made him want to become something so much more. It wanted him to lead men and women, it wanted him to create great things, and it wanted him to protect the world or die trying. However, he could not act on such impulse.
Torc knew that Cheva wouldn’t say no if he asked for a night or a kiss. Yet love wasn’t about stealing from your partner, and it wasn’t about giving up everything. Torc loved Cheva, and she loved all of mankind, he couldn’t ask for her heart because it belonged to everyone. So he didn’t, and as she stepped away, he knew that she loved him and that was enough. Torc would never ask her for more than any other man or woman, because her love was enough for all. He knew that he would love other women, and that was ok because it would never change the love he had for her.
As darkness engulfed them, Torc’s cloudily mind, filled with the fog of love, receded a little and doubt and fear came back to him. He felt different, like the world had come back to its proper place. Torc took a deep breath, and realized just how much love had clouded his mind. He wasn’t sorry about the feeling, nor was he upset. The Goddess had appeared to him and he had loved her… in fact he still did, but it was like drowning in love. Torc had instantly become a slave to Cheva, wishing to do everything without thought or fear. It was frightening in a way; Mola had caused the same wool headedness. Granted at least Cheva returned his love, but Torc felt like he had lifted up to the heavens and was placed back on the ground.
It was confusing at first, while Torc searched his emotions. He wasn’t upset or angry with Cheva, the bond and sharing of being was incredible. He wanted her, and the ache was an almost physical pain. He also wanted to be something so much more around her. What that meant was beyond Torc. He understood that he felt like a child held back by the world, but what was he going to become when love guided him? Torc realized that he was scared, for so long he had relied on thinking and crafting, yet when he saw Cheva, his mind such down. It was almost like he moved and acted out of goodness and right, which was an overpowering feeling. Torc realized that it was the lost of thought that scared him, he almost felt like a completely different man.
Just as Torc was organizing his thoughts, the darkness receded and he saw the long hair of Cheva. Before another thought could enter his mind, Torc was once again deeply in love. Torc changed his stance and his bearing, it was like the rough unfiled corners of Torc aligned and created a different man. Torc actually felt his soul shine through his face. Power coursed through his body wanting to work, to love, to honor those about him. As he looked at Keval and the dark moon mark on his face, Torc felt no anger or jealously as the man spoke. Torc understood Keval’s questions about service, but for a moment he wanted to place his hand into the man’s and say that though secrets separate us they do no harm. As Keval asked Torc if he was ready to go, Torc looked at Cheva. He wanted to stay with her, but knew that what he was about to do was important to all of them. “In case the forge has some of more complex tools, I will require my reference books.” Torc knew that admitting his lack of knowledge to Cheva hadn’t lessened her opinion of him. So Torc turned and headed to his sailor’s chest.
As Torc was coming back up to the deck, he gripped the advance blacksmithing/metalsmithing book tight. Cheva’s mind numbing aura had worn off, and self doubt had come back to him. Torc could have curse himself. He didn’t have any idea what he was forging; at what temperature would the metal melt or when it would heat up enough to hammer. Torc realized that he had almost no planning done, and now he once again he wondered if he had it in him to complete such a task. Torc saw Cheva and his soul once again took over, his mind was eased from worry and self doubt. His body relaxed the grip on the book, and for a bright moment his mind filled in some of the hazy details. Torc could experiment with the temperatures while working with beeswax, it was clear to Torc that anything that required detail was going to be a casting, not an actual forged item. Torc could setup up the sand casting frame or maybe even the clay. Torc’s thought about using clay for the casting and realized that it wouldn’t have enough time to dry in the kiln before he needed to cast it. No, a sand casting made sense, and to quickly polish it, acid could be used to create smooth lines and polished surfaces. Torc would just have to trust that they would find a forge with all the necessary equipment.
Torc felt strange as he stepped into the shadow on a ship and stepped out into Karjin. It was like a closing his eyes and opening them to find the whole world changing. Torc a moment to breathe in the city, then Keval spoke and rushed off, Torc shook his head and started heading along with Keval. Torc began to find his voice, “Keval, how do you know what I am looking for? I mean I have just realized that I will probably need a blast furnace or decent forge, with a sand casting setup and an acid bath, and that’s just what I can think of off the top of my head. I probably going to need a water stand to figure out how much volume the object will be in the end, along with wax carving tools.” Torc stopped for a moment and took a deep breath, it seemed to steady his mind, didn’t Cheva say that he would have to find the forge?