What Hirem glimpsed of Rosela made every suspicion of his seem justified. For years now, he had hidden the truth from the world around him, fearing their reaction to his story. Fearing what they might say to him, how they might treat him differently in light of the fact that he was a monster. Chance, a newfound sense of determination, a feeling of intimacy, and a little bit of ale had helped give him the confidence to tell Rosela of his past. He had thought that the earnest look in those emerald eyes could weather any storm he sent her way.
He was wrong. Looking at Rosela, he could see her shock as plain as day. He shuddered and tried to pretend it was for his sake.
He could see the tears in her eyes, running down her cheeks. His teeth chattered together in the cold.
He could see the fear driving her back, making her step away from the caged beast. Now he knew that he could not ignore the obvious any longer. There was no Eypharian look in her eyes now... now it was just a look of barely contained terror.
Beyond Rosela, the black waters of the Suvan roiled in the wintry night. His eyes glazing over, the Benshira stared out to he ocean, his mouth ajar and hands twitching at his sides. From this height, and with little light, it was impossible to spot the tides. A blanket of unblemished night spread out to the distant horizon... it seemed inviting to him, in that dark moment.
A hiss of air escaped his lips. Tearing his gaze away from Rosela, Hirem stared up at the roof of the patio and clenched his fists tightly together. His heart was racing, desperately clamouring for some kind of answer from the poor woman he had just regaled all his horrors to. He felt weak all over, feverish, ice cold and burning heat. It was all talk, he realized then, thinking on his brave words earlier. Offer your woes to Yahal in full, and he will pluck from them the road to your salvation... all lies. All I have gained tonight is more regret, more guilt, more of everything I have been trying to escape. He was glad that Rosela had not decided to let go of her secrets, for if they had been released, she would likely be as devastated as he felt. This was a mistake, he thought, closing his eyes. All of this was a mistake. I should have just let us talk of pleasantries, of sweeter things... I should never have decided to speak of our sins. Feeling a wave of frustration rise up within him, Hirem bit down hard on his lip and had to restrain himself from lashing out.
Finally, Rosela had something to say. "You...what you did to those people...I think...any sane, free man would have done the same." Hirem turned his head and stared at her in disbelief, eyes red with tears. She was not quick to meet his gaze, making him shake with despair. She cannot bear to look at me. She cannot bear to look at this criminal before her. It was amazing that Rosela was trying to continue talking with him, after hearing about what he had once done to her countrymen. "To fight for one's freedom is natural. It's...right. For their deaths, I think your regret is punishment enough." "Ha!" Hirem breathed, only just able to prevent himself from bursting into sobs. "If I had been acting naturally, I might have stopped with Suli... with Rajar and Efrans. There was no need to murder Shasti. There was no need to slaughter the others. I was not fighting to protect myself... I was fighting to kill." It was hard to speak in this way and thus break whatever last remnants of faith Rosela had in his good nature, but he could not keep the truth to himself. She had to know that there was no defence for what he had done.
"Hate is a terrible, painful thing, and if you let it lead you, it only brings you more of the same." She was right, so completely and awfully right, that Hirem could only nod his head up and down, gasping for words. He had spent so much time hating the Eypharians for the crimes of three prideful young men, that he had forgotten the truth of the world; there was good and bad in every sphere. To ignore that was to ignore the belief of Yahal that everyone could be redeemed so long as they had faith. The Benshira tried to maintain his calm in the face of Rosela's comforts... and couldn't. Closing his eyes, Hirem let out a quiet whimper and hung his head low, legs barely able to keep him supported. "Why...?" he whispered in Shiber, covering his eyes with trembling hands. "Why?"
Through the sound of his own erratic breathing, he heard Rosela continue to speak. "I said Riverfall is a place that lets you leave the past behind. I think you could do that, if you wanted." Hirem glanced over to her, feeling that familiar kindle of hope light in his heart. That's what I want. That's what I want more than anything. And he was almost there, wasn't he? Just a few more hurdles were left. Just a few more steps, and he could be a new man. "Maybe your god will want to have a few words with you over what's been done, but as one mortal to another...I think you're okay." He nearly broke out into more sobbing, wanting to believe in Rosela so much that it hurt. He wanted her to be right. He had no idea what she thought a 'good' man was, but he wanted very much to be 'okay' in her eyes. Wiping the tears from his cheeks, Hirem watched her approach warily, instinctually thinking that he might have to run for the door. What does she want now?
Then she hugged him.
Rosela re Ahnatep, seamstress of Red Diamond Fashions, hugged him.
Hirem could scarcely believe it. He stood, shocked, as her arms encircled him, wondering if she had just slipped and was using him to brace her fall. The touch of her hands upon his back, on his skin, made him feel nervous, confused, scared... and yet relieved, all at the same time. I can't believe that I've forgotten what it felt like, he remarked, thinking on how long it had been since someone had done something so significant as give him a hug. It's been... a very long time. He was only taken aback for a moment longer before surrendering to the hug, closing his eyes and wrapping both arms tight around Rosela. He breathed in her smell, felt her warmth, and enjoyed the heat of her breath. "I know you don't really care about my forgiveness, and I don't think I'm entitled to give it anyway, but I still think you're okay." Smiling into the woman, Hirem tenderly reached up and stroked his hand through her hair, allowing the tears in his eyes to dry up. "Thank you," he murmured mindlessly, repeating the words over and over again in barely-pronounced Common. "Thank you."
After what seemed like bells, Hirem finally let his arms fall to his sides, stepping away from Rosela with a dizzy smile on his face. He loathed to break the contact, but he felt ready to move on. To be reborn. Gently brushing aside the hair from her forehead, the Benshira leaned forward and placed a kiss on her brow. "Yahal's blessings upon you," he murmured, his voice weak. "You are worthy of the tallest palaces in Ahnatep." Then, struck by a sudden, maddening urge, the Benshira kissed her once more, this time on the lips. He grasped her by the base of her neck and tilted her chin up to meet him, eyes closing as the wind's chill was momentarily forgotten. She tasted sweet to him, sweeter than anything he had experienced in an excruciatingly long time, but he did not allow himself to revel for too long in that pleasure. Breaking away once more from the Eypharian, Hirem gave her a quiet nod. "Thank you, Rosela." He gestured over the Alements proper, using his free hand to wipe the last tears from his cheeks. "Shall we return inside and speak of more pleasant things?"
He was wrong. Looking at Rosela, he could see her shock as plain as day. He shuddered and tried to pretend it was for his sake.
He could see the tears in her eyes, running down her cheeks. His teeth chattered together in the cold.
He could see the fear driving her back, making her step away from the caged beast. Now he knew that he could not ignore the obvious any longer. There was no Eypharian look in her eyes now... now it was just a look of barely contained terror.
Beyond Rosela, the black waters of the Suvan roiled in the wintry night. His eyes glazing over, the Benshira stared out to he ocean, his mouth ajar and hands twitching at his sides. From this height, and with little light, it was impossible to spot the tides. A blanket of unblemished night spread out to the distant horizon... it seemed inviting to him, in that dark moment.
A hiss of air escaped his lips. Tearing his gaze away from Rosela, Hirem stared up at the roof of the patio and clenched his fists tightly together. His heart was racing, desperately clamouring for some kind of answer from the poor woman he had just regaled all his horrors to. He felt weak all over, feverish, ice cold and burning heat. It was all talk, he realized then, thinking on his brave words earlier. Offer your woes to Yahal in full, and he will pluck from them the road to your salvation... all lies. All I have gained tonight is more regret, more guilt, more of everything I have been trying to escape. He was glad that Rosela had not decided to let go of her secrets, for if they had been released, she would likely be as devastated as he felt. This was a mistake, he thought, closing his eyes. All of this was a mistake. I should have just let us talk of pleasantries, of sweeter things... I should never have decided to speak of our sins. Feeling a wave of frustration rise up within him, Hirem bit down hard on his lip and had to restrain himself from lashing out.
Finally, Rosela had something to say. "You...what you did to those people...I think...any sane, free man would have done the same." Hirem turned his head and stared at her in disbelief, eyes red with tears. She was not quick to meet his gaze, making him shake with despair. She cannot bear to look at me. She cannot bear to look at this criminal before her. It was amazing that Rosela was trying to continue talking with him, after hearing about what he had once done to her countrymen. "To fight for one's freedom is natural. It's...right. For their deaths, I think your regret is punishment enough." "Ha!" Hirem breathed, only just able to prevent himself from bursting into sobs. "If I had been acting naturally, I might have stopped with Suli... with Rajar and Efrans. There was no need to murder Shasti. There was no need to slaughter the others. I was not fighting to protect myself... I was fighting to kill." It was hard to speak in this way and thus break whatever last remnants of faith Rosela had in his good nature, but he could not keep the truth to himself. She had to know that there was no defence for what he had done.
"Hate is a terrible, painful thing, and if you let it lead you, it only brings you more of the same." She was right, so completely and awfully right, that Hirem could only nod his head up and down, gasping for words. He had spent so much time hating the Eypharians for the crimes of three prideful young men, that he had forgotten the truth of the world; there was good and bad in every sphere. To ignore that was to ignore the belief of Yahal that everyone could be redeemed so long as they had faith. The Benshira tried to maintain his calm in the face of Rosela's comforts... and couldn't. Closing his eyes, Hirem let out a quiet whimper and hung his head low, legs barely able to keep him supported. "Why...?" he whispered in Shiber, covering his eyes with trembling hands. "Why?"
Through the sound of his own erratic breathing, he heard Rosela continue to speak. "I said Riverfall is a place that lets you leave the past behind. I think you could do that, if you wanted." Hirem glanced over to her, feeling that familiar kindle of hope light in his heart. That's what I want. That's what I want more than anything. And he was almost there, wasn't he? Just a few more hurdles were left. Just a few more steps, and he could be a new man. "Maybe your god will want to have a few words with you over what's been done, but as one mortal to another...I think you're okay." He nearly broke out into more sobbing, wanting to believe in Rosela so much that it hurt. He wanted her to be right. He had no idea what she thought a 'good' man was, but he wanted very much to be 'okay' in her eyes. Wiping the tears from his cheeks, Hirem watched her approach warily, instinctually thinking that he might have to run for the door. What does she want now?
Then she hugged him.
Rosela re Ahnatep, seamstress of Red Diamond Fashions, hugged him.
Hirem could scarcely believe it. He stood, shocked, as her arms encircled him, wondering if she had just slipped and was using him to brace her fall. The touch of her hands upon his back, on his skin, made him feel nervous, confused, scared... and yet relieved, all at the same time. I can't believe that I've forgotten what it felt like, he remarked, thinking on how long it had been since someone had done something so significant as give him a hug. It's been... a very long time. He was only taken aback for a moment longer before surrendering to the hug, closing his eyes and wrapping both arms tight around Rosela. He breathed in her smell, felt her warmth, and enjoyed the heat of her breath. "I know you don't really care about my forgiveness, and I don't think I'm entitled to give it anyway, but I still think you're okay." Smiling into the woman, Hirem tenderly reached up and stroked his hand through her hair, allowing the tears in his eyes to dry up. "Thank you," he murmured mindlessly, repeating the words over and over again in barely-pronounced Common. "Thank you."
After what seemed like bells, Hirem finally let his arms fall to his sides, stepping away from Rosela with a dizzy smile on his face. He loathed to break the contact, but he felt ready to move on. To be reborn. Gently brushing aside the hair from her forehead, the Benshira leaned forward and placed a kiss on her brow. "Yahal's blessings upon you," he murmured, his voice weak. "You are worthy of the tallest palaces in Ahnatep." Then, struck by a sudden, maddening urge, the Benshira kissed her once more, this time on the lips. He grasped her by the base of her neck and tilted her chin up to meet him, eyes closing as the wind's chill was momentarily forgotten. She tasted sweet to him, sweeter than anything he had experienced in an excruciatingly long time, but he did not allow himself to revel for too long in that pleasure. Breaking away once more from the Eypharian, Hirem gave her a quiet nod. "Thank you, Rosela." He gestured over the Alements proper, using his free hand to wipe the last tears from his cheeks. "Shall we return inside and speak of more pleasant things?"