[Kaitanu's Scrapbook] Holding Things Together By A Thread

[Kaitanu]

Just a place to keep random thoughts, character-related images, and general nonsense. Also Estrellir's marvelous boxcodes!

[Kaitanu]

Rolling Hills.

The Pale Horse.

[Kaitanu]

Some images of Kai that inspired me:




More clean-cut.


Older Kai, possibly no longer a slave. Healthier, with longish hair.

[Kaitanu]

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Common- Fluent Pavi "spoken" and signed- Basic Equine Language- Fluent

[Kaitanu]

Some images of Kaitanu as a horse:

Using photos based on coat color rather than gender (Kai would be closer to a mare in size and build. He'd also be somewhat thinner than normal, even while healthy).

His eye color is not represented (it's not found in normal horses of the pre-Valterran.) Eye color indicates perhaps that he has Denusk blood somewhere, or something like it. Slight Denusk traits might come forth if he bonds, unsure on that.

(Horse breed not quite determined yet http://www.mizahar.com/lore/Horses) )


Healthy version (pics don't show lingering scars)







Shows his muzzle and mane coloring; Kai's coat has no speckles









Unhealthy/scarred Kai

Level of scarring (might be covered over more when he's healthy). This image always makes me so sad because Kai could be a gorgeous animal but his masters made that almost an impossibility:


Skinny/slave version vs. healthy/free version:


Kai under the majority of his masters:


Face scars:

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[Kaitanu]

Vague Ideas About Kai

(from a letter to Lian Windrunner)
"That’s what would make dealing with the issue so interesting- the contradictions. Also the fact that Kai wouldn’t ever get in his face or anything, but he might make Lian confront his own thoughts and feelings about slavery, and therefore Serei. Kai’s views on himself when he first came to the pavilion probably would have fit in with Lian’s view of ‘others’, and how Serei is not a person, and should be grateful and give herself up because Lian kept her from dying in the Sea of Grass. Kai himself was “bred” against his will in addition to all the other indignities and suffering a slave goes through. It was always to serve the masters. Kai was always aware that he didn't want/like being abused that way, but he would have found Lian's attitude not all that surprising. The idea that it's wrong never occurred to him because he's a slave, so that means he has no rights. It is in the natural order of things that masters and freemen/women can take what they like from him because he's not a real person. (At one point he was being experimented on at the Kelvic Research Institute, which included breeding to figure out various kelvic traits and genetics and such. He may or may not have children floating around out there, if they weren’t seen as defective by the Institute or former masters and killed off.) He's more willing to see such things as wrong when they're done to others than when they're done to himself. Kai is only just starting to think of himself as a person, rather than a tool. He would obey Lian like he would obey Dravite and the others, but once he learned about Lian’s views he would be very afraid and confused about what Lian might do to him, even if he didn’t show it. Kai is starting to question things now because Dravite gave him his freedom, and therefore gave him the right to do so (in Kai’s mind.) Still, if Lian were the sort of man to take Kai for his own pleasure, Kai wouldn't even try to fight back or protest (unless Drav or Raven 'ordered' him not to let it happen. even then he'd have a hard time making himself fight back.)

I love that both our characters have these deep disconnects in their minds (as you put it). Kai being Other might make his thoughts/opinions/whatever completely unimportant to Lian, but they might shake him up a bit. Who knows? If Kai was ever to meet Serei he would treat her as he treats everyone else- as better than/above him. He can’t help it. There’s even a hierarchy among slaves, so that gets in the way as well. Very few people are “on his level”, so to speak, and no one is beneath him in his own mind. To him Serei would be like Pearl, or Yuki, or any other freewoman. Once he learned of her relationship to Lian Kai would think of her as a slave but still treat her with quiet respect. It would be kind of a weird place for his mind to go that he’s no longer a slave but others are, and he’s supposed to be above them as a freeman, but he’s not, really…. And his brain might just explode; I don’t know.

Kai will probably be perpetually stuck in Outsider mode until he dies, even though he’s doing his level-best to be as useful as possible. But he’ll always be foreign. Poor Kai would likely never bond with a Strider because he’s a horse kelvic, so what’s the point? And given his past I don’t think he’ll EVER want to be “intimate” with anyone, much less sire children (which is expected of Drykas). Ah, the complications! (Kai agrees with Lian on “weird, meat-eating horses”, though XD)"