Honoring Debts (Waisana)

by **Lian Windrunner** on October 14th, 2014, 8:00 am

Lian had never considered the fact that anxiety and stress could become bad enough to have consequences that might require a healer's attention. But he was thankful that Waisana was keeping an eye on the situation, and he thanked her sincerely for doing so.

"Of course I don't have any objections. In fact, I find myself further in your debt than I had thought I was. I hope that you will be willing to continue keeping an eye on Seirei's condition...for a number of reasons."

Lian hoped that she would realize that he wanted to be informed when Seirei started showing signs of being pregnant, too. But she had already all but refused to tell him. Lian had seen what her hands had said that her words had not. He wasn't stupid. But maybe the healer would realize that he did want Seirei to accept her new life? To even find happiness if such a thing was possible in her circumstances? At the very least, she might realize that if he knew Seirei was pregnant, he would stop trying to impregnate the girl. He would continue using her, of course. If he admitted it to him self, he enjoyed using the girl. It wasn't entirely duty to his people. Even so, once he knew the girl was pregnant, nightly sessions would cease, and he would take her only when his needs grew too powerful to ignore. Likely, it would only be once or twice every few weeks. His own pleasure came as a distant second to the health and safety of his captive, and any unborn children she would one day carry.

Lian felt acutely uncomfortable. Healers always made him nervous. And he wanted nothing more than to take his leave now that his business with this one was concluded. His hands shifted, conveying his discomfort without his being aware that they were doing so.

"I would be happy to pay you for your services, of course. If you think of anything I can offer in exchange, please let me know through Seirei."

Lian fell silent, and stood awkwardly. He wanted to leave, but he didn't want to be rude. So he stayed to see if the healer wanted to add anything. If she didn't say anything after a few minutes, he would thank her again, and take his leave.

by **Waisana** on October 28th, 2014, 10:48 pm

The teen was making no effort to hide her dislike of the man, her eyes narrowing. Too right he was in her debt. If it wasn't for her anything could have happened to Seirei. The youth might have decided to take her chances in the Sea of Grass and been killed by predators. If she was lucky. If she hadn't been killed by predators then she could have had a slower death by exposure or starvation or dehydration. Or maybe his walking womb would have done some permanent damage to the only part of her that Lian cared about and dashed all his hopes. She doubted that preventing any of those things or similar ones were the reasons Lian was on about though.

"You mean like letting you know when she's good for breeding?" the blonde hissed, her eyes conveying her hatred for him at that moment. "Let you know when your brood mare is useful? Those your reasons? Nothing else matters to you." Her accompanying gestures were full of scorn and derision. Her head shook back and forth, disgust evident in her features. The man was a hypocrite, a horribly cruel hypocrite. She wasn't a person to him and yet he tried to act as if he thought she was. He wanted her to have friends, wanted her to like her new environment but he couldn't see her as human. Or so he said. He could twist it any way that he liked to make it sound better to her ears - it didn't - but he saw her as a person and was too much of a monster to actually care.

"I don't want any payment from you. I won't be paid, no... bribed to do your bidding." The young woman hadn't been able to find an appropriate word in Pavi and so had had to resort to Common to find a word that was ugly enough to convey her meaning. She had no idea if Lian would know it and it had been something that she was lucky enough to know herself. A visitor to the city had had quite a bit of trouble conveying the meaning to her father but the whole family had been introduced to the corrupt word belonging to places beyond the tent city and the Sea of Grass.

"Services for Seirei's benefit I would do even if I had to be pecked to death by glassbeaks afterwards for my trouble. I don't want any payment from you." Her words were sincere, her body and hands conveying the truth of what she said as clearly as her face. The "through Seirei" comment irked her but she didn't mention it, just regarded the man with a cold expression as he stood uncomfortably before her. He should be uncomfortable. While she had other things to do and didn't actually want the other's continued company, she'd gladly increase his discomfort if she could. It went against the grain of her personality but with Lian she was willing to make an exception.

by **Lian Windrunner** on October 30th, 2014, 5:48 pm

The blond healer hissed her words at him. Her tone was filled with heavy dislike, and her hand gestures conveyed her scorn and derision all too clearly. Lian scowled in irritation once more. It seemed likely to become a permament expression for him if he spent too much time with the young woman standing before him.

"Letting me know when my captive is good for breeding? Yes...no...well, yes...but not exactly...not only for those reasons."

Lian flushed. His posture was defensive. His hand gestures were sharp and abrupt with frustration and anger even as they betrayed his conflicting emotions. Yes, Seirei was a captive. As such, her value was in the children she would bring to the Drykas people. It was that simple. Did he see the girl only as a brood mare...as a means to an end, in this case as a way to give children to his people? Yes. That was exactly what she was...nothing more...and nothing less. For now, at least.

"Seirei is a captive. That means she is a brood mare for all intents and purposes. That is why the captives were taken. We need children, and these women will give them to us. Should we have asked them first? Taken only women who were willing to come and bear us children? Maybe. Probably. But that would take too long. Too few would be willing to give up their lives and come here. How many people were lost to the sickness? You as a healer should know that. How many good men and women and children died? How many children would they have had had they survived? How many more will we lose to hunting accidents, and xith raids, and everything else? Without children to replace those who are lost, the Drykas will die. Do you truly want that?"

Lian knew that there was far more involved that simple numbers. Children could never truly replace those who died. The people who had succumbed to the illness, or simply the hazards of living were part of the whole. They were someone's child. Someone's brother or sister. Someone's mother or father. Someone's friend or lover. Lian knew all of that. He missed Lukar and Lily every day...and he knew that he always would. Nothing could ever replace them. How many times had he wanted to confide in his older brother, or seek advice from him...only to remember that he was gone? How many times had he seen something in the market that he knew that his younger sister would love...only to walk away when he realized that he would never be able to give it to her and watch as her eyes lit up with joy? Sometimes he missed them so much that it hurt to breathe, simply to exist. And yet...he knew that they would want him to. But none of that changed the big picture. If more people died than were born for a long enough period of time, then eventually his people would cease to exist. How long would that take? One genertaion? Two? Ten? How long before there were too few Drykas left to continue to exist as a people?

Lian took several deep breaths to calm himself.

"I want to know when I succeed in getting Seirei pregnant. I need to know so I won't harm the unborn child by mistake. When she does bear a child, I want to know when it is safe to try for another. I do know that getting her pregnant too soon after she gives birth is bad for her."

One of his mother's friends had died that way. He had only been a young child at the time, so he didn't know the details of the situation. But he did remember when it had happened. He had only been five, and it was the first time he had seen his mother cry. It had been late at night, and he'd woken up after having a nightmare. He heard a soft sobbing coming from his parents' bedroll, and it had horrified him. In his memory, he could see his father holding her as he tried to comfort her. Lian hadn't been able to hear much since they spoke in muffled whispers, but he had heard his mother say that "she died too young," and that "it never would have happened if he hadn't worn her out with too many children." and "It was too soon."

"I don't deny that I want to know these things more for the sake of the unborn children Seirei will provide than for her sake. But can you deny that my knowing these things will make it easier on her as well?" he asked sharply.

Lian listened as the healer told him that she didn't want any payment from him. The Common word bribed was unfamiliar to him, and his expression showed his confusion clearly. All the same, he scowled at her when she said it. He might not understand what the word meant, but by her tone, and the context with which it was said, he realized that it must mean something bad.

Lian's first impluse was to snarl "Fine!," then turn and stalk away angrily. He didn't. He wasn't a petulant child who stomped his feet, and threw a tantrum when he didn't get his way. He was an adult, and should act as such. So he closed his eyes, and counted to ten slowly. When he finished, he felt slightly calmer. Enough so that he could keep hold of his temper, at least.

"You don't like that I see Seirei as a broodmare. I can understand that. Many feel as I do about the captives...and many don't. I don't think we will ever agree on the matter."

His words and hand gestures showed his sincerity as well as his frustration and anger.

"But there is one thing you can do if you want my treatment of her to change. As she is now, nothing will change. In my eyes, she is a brood mare, nothing less, nothing more. Valuable only for the children she will bear. But if she were Drykas...things would change."

Lian smirked as he threw down his challenge. And his eyes glittered with his emotions. He couldn't help it. He didn't believe that his captive would ever embrace the ways of his people and become a Drykas himself. Deep down, he hoped that she wouldn't. Because if she did...guilt at the way he was treating her would eat him alive. At the same time, watching the healer try should she take up his challenge might well be amusing.

"You are her friend. Teach her our ways...if you can. If she embraces them, and becomes one of us, I will release her. I will even do what I can to help her start a new life here. But you can't tell her what the stakes are. She must learn to truly want to be a Drykas for any of this to happen. Not just learn how to mimic our ways in order to gain her freedom. And she must bond to a strider as proof. There is no timeline on when this has to happen. If it does, I will release her. If not, she will remain a captive, and bear children for our people for the rest of her life."

Lian studied Waisana carefully, searching for her reaction to his challenge.

"I don't think that you can do it. Care to prove me wrong? If not, then I will thank you to stop giving me grief about the way I treat the girl."

Lian knew that his words were likely to infuriate the healer even further. But at this point, Lian didn't care. The same part of him that had wanted to stalk away in anger earlier wanted to make the healer feel as awkward and uncomfortable as he did.

by **Waisana** on November 6th, 2014, 10:01 am

The medic felt some pleasure for setting the man on the defensive, especially as he couldn't even form anything coherent to stick up for himself. She watched him splutter, enjoying the moral high ground. He seemed to regather his wits soon enough though and once that happened the girl was subjected to what he considered adequate justification for his actions. It didn't help his case much that he tried to appeal to her racial pride. Of course she didn't want the Drykas to die out but that didn't mean that it was fair to use it to make her agree with something that she thought was horribly wrong.

"Of course I don't want that but there are other ways. Would you like it if one of those captives had been your mother? What about all the children born to them? How will they feel?" she shot back, her posture issuing a challenge. Let him justify that one if he dared. Her temper was up, a rare state for Waisana to achieve and it was clear to see in every inch of her demeanour at present. She was all aggression. It wasn't just her with blood running hot through her veins however if Lian's measured deep breaths were anything to go by. He ploughed on soon enough, his arguments doing nothing to temper her rage. The blonde wanted to tell him that it'd be fitting punishment for him if he killed his own child through his violence but she held her tongue, disgusted by her own thoughts on the matter.

Lian just had to put forward points that were too thought provoking to ignore. Waisana wanted to fling him out on his ear from the tent right this tick but such a thing wouldn't do and she wasn't able to do it anyway. She didn't want Seirei to go through the trauma of a miscarriage even if she didn't want the child and of course she didn't want her to be impregnated at the earliest opportunity and end up permanently damaged. The Opal girl wouldn't tell him when Seirei carried his child - if only he knew of her suspicions! - but he could certainly learn how long he must wait to avoid damaging her.

"If you weren't a brute then you wouldn't have to worry about murdering your child and perhaps making Seirei incapable of bearing afterwards," she pointed at calmly, her gaze accusing as if he had already done such a thing. "If she births your child safely and you breed her again then it will not only be bad for her but also the child she's already had." The healer allowed her words to sink in so that Lian's mind could run over possibilities that he'd had no knowledge to consider. He had only known the predicament of the mother. "If she ends up pregnant too early, stops milk. Mother's own milk is best, not another's. Two seasons. That's how long you cannot touch her." The young woman made a hand gesture that expressed that her words were true, a sign for promise quickly following it.

A slight shake of her head. No, they'd never agree. They could agree to disagree at least. His next words surprised her and she listened closely, his accompanying emotions making her frown. What was he... His challenge sank in, the girl's jaw dropping as she took in the full implications of what he was saying. If Waisana could make her Drykas he would truly release her but only if she truly became one of them and had no knowledge of what such a thing would mean for her. That made things considerably more difficult.

The blonde teen became thoughtful, truly considering her words before she spoke any further on the subject. "I will try, which is all that I can do. If you tried, you would fail." She allowed her words to hang in the air between them, head tilted to the side as she glared at him. "You say I should make her Drykas but you don't want to teach her yourself. If you want her to let go of what she was in order to become one of us then why don't you find out what she gives up? Do you even know where she came from, how she was raised? You could not teach her because you don't understand what she is already. Perhaps if you tried you would learn something that might surprise you. Would such an interest kill you, Lian Windrunner?"

by **Lian Windrunner** on November 7th, 2014, 12:01 am

The healer's questions made Lian's frown deepen. But it was a pensive frown, not an angry one. Her words had caused a shift in his emotions. What if his mother was a captive? No, no...that wasn't possible. It wouldn't have been even if she had been alive. She was Drykas, after all. And yet...what if another city had suffered the same illness Endrykas had? What if Syliras had? And what if they had decided to take captives to repopulate their city as the Drykas had? His mother would still be safe from a life of captivity. But Lian would hate to see any of the women he knew forced to live a life of captivity, forced to bear child after child for a complete stranger. Lian wouldn't even want this healer to suffer such a fate.

That made Lian think. People who weren't lucky enough to be born Drykas were still people. They still had hopes and dreams, thoughts, and feelings. Lian had nothing against these people. He really didn't. Traders who came to Endrykas were welcome because of the merchandise they brought with them. They provided a valuable service to his people. They brought goods that the Drykas couldn't produce on rheir own, and sold them in trade for goods that his people had in abundance and wanted to sell.

Likewise, the captives provided a valuable resource. Lian knew that his people needed children to replace those who had died. The women they had taken captive would provide them. But that's where the similarity broke down. What did the captive women get in exchange for bearing children for his people? Lian frowned pensively. There was no anger in his expression. It was just a reflection of deep thought. No matter how he looked at it, the captives weren't getting anything in exchange for the service they were providing. Oh, he could say that he had saved Seirei's life when he brought her to Endrykas rather than leaving her to her fate out in the Sea of Grass. And yet...he could have handled it better. What would have happened had he explained his people's need, and asked the girl to bear him a child as payment for her life debt? Was there really a chance that his people could have gained her as well as the children he forced her to bear?

Lian's frown deepened. His hands shifted restlessly, betraying his indecisiveness, and his confusion as well as the fact that he was truly considering Waisana's words. Because it seemed deeply wrong to Lian to take something without giving something back in return. It was a lesson he had learned young and often. You didn't take something you didn't earn. It was wrong to do so. His people had a need, yes. But did that need make it right to simply take what they needed without giving anythng in return? But he had been silent for too long. He would have to think about this more later.

"My mother is dead."

Lian's tone, posture, and hands all betrayed how much he still missed her even now.

"But if she was alive, of if my sister was alive, and they had been taken captive...I would kill anyone who treated them the way I have treated Seirei." he confessed.

And wasn't that a sobering thought? Lian had never even thought of killing another person before. But just the thought of Lily or his mother suffering what he had put Seirei though enraged him enough to make him certain that he could kill anyone who hurt someone he loved that badly.

"What do you mean 'how will the children feel'? The children will be Drykas. They will be raised as such. How will they feel about what?" Lian asked, as much to distract him from his growing realizations as to learn what the healer meant.

Lian scowled in irritation at being called a brute, but he paid close attention to the healer's words. He had had no idea that breeding...getting Seirei pregnant too soon after she gave birth would harm their child as well as harming her. It never even occured to him that a nursing mother would stop producing milk if she got pregnant again too soon. He was a hunter, after all, not a healer. And nothing he had ever learned had even made him think that such a thing was possible. But now that he knew, he would take the healer's words to heart. He would be very careful not to risk getting Seirei pregnant too soon. Waisana's hand gestures mirrored her words, and Lian didn't even question the truth of what she was saying.

"Two seasons. I will remember that." he promised. his own hand gestures emphazing his sincerity.

Lian tried to remember how old his little sister had been when she first started eating solid food.

"Would three seasons be safer?" he asked.

His posture, and hand gestures showed that he was willing to go along with what she told him in this matter. Waisana was the healer, after all. She was the one who knew what was best in these matters.

Lian couldn't help but enjoy the healer's reaction to his challenge. It felt good to surprise her after she had shaken his beliefs so throughly. But before he had the chance to savor the moment for long, she came back with a challenge of her own.

"You...have a good point." he admitted.

His posture was tense, but there was no anger in his tone, expression, or demeanor. The tension within him was the tension of careful thought and consideration rather than anger and rejection. It showed that he was truly considering what the healer said rather than dismissing it out of hand stubbornly.

"You are right. I do not know Seirei. And if I want her to become a Drykas, it is only fair if I learn who she is now."

Lian's posture and hands emphasized his words, showing his sincerity, and willingness to take Waisana up on her challenge.

His expression softened.

"It would not kill me to take an interest in Seirei beyond the children she can produce. So like you, I will try. It may be too late. She may never be willing to tell me of such things. But I will try."

Lian wasn't sure how he might go about learning about his captive. Discussions of that nature required a level of trust that simply didn't exist between them. Being nice to the girl wasn't enough. It was unlikely that Seirei would trust a sudden change. But if he started treating her better gradually, and taking a genuine interest in her at the same time...it was a place to start, at least. A chance.

by **Waisana** on December 15th, 2014, 9:30 pm

Her attempt to force Lian into seeing Seirei as a person had certainly given him something to think about. He was left frowning in thought, considering her words while the girl looked on. She was waiting for him to tell her that she was right, to tell her that he understood how terrible this situation might be for his captive. The first thing he said though was not something that she had expected.

His mother was dead.

She winced as she realised what a sore spot she had touched, his body language betraying the keenness of the loss whether it had been recent or not. Her body conveyed an apology, which her mouth intended to reinforce but the man spoke before she had a chance. He managed to make her feel even more when he drew another link to Waisana's point but through yet another dead, female relative. The fact that they were dead didn't change the impact of the point that she was trying to make and he touched on the exact thing that she'd been trying to make him understand; he wouldn't want anyone doing that to his female kin, no matter the reasons. He'd confessed it himself - she hadn't accused him this time - and so now he would have to face his conscience, which she hoped would make him stop. She was worried that his thoughts on the matter might have already been too far ingrained to be shaken now.

He didn't understand how the children came into this situation and her body read exasperation at the density of the man. Hadn't she brought his mother up? Could he not connect his willingness to kill for such abuse to how his own child would feel? How the children of the other captives would feel towards their fathers? No, apparently he didn't. Although it might have been that he didn't want to admit it to himself. He was spouting words before he'd really had time to think over the matter, spouting them to stop himself from thinking about it. She'd give him a chance to come to it on his own. If she tried to force it then he might obstinately refuse to take it in. He certainly seemed to be the type.

His question caught her off guard, occupied in her own thoughts as she was and so she stared blankly back at him for a few moments before the significance of what he'd asked sank in. She nodded, unable to find the words to answer this apparent considerateness. "Of course it would be better. The longer her body has to heal, the better. It's very difficult for a mother, especially the first year. They have to carry the child, birth the child and feed a child. Babies don't sleep the way we sleep, they get hungry at odd times and so her sleep will be affected. Very difficult to recover. Seirei will be very sensitive to the baby in ways you won't be. She'll react to the slightest noises, the slightest discomforts and she will be anxious about looking after it, more so because it is her first. She doesn't need to go through it all over again before she's gotten over the first. I would say that it would be best to wait as long as possible," the doctor explained, making sure that he was fully aware of the toll that having a baby would have on his captive.

It felt like she'd achieved a small victory today. She seemed to have planted the seeds of doubt in his mind concerning how he treated the girl and the Opal teen hoped that he was beginning to see things her way. If he could see Seirei as a person rather than a brood mare and an outsider then perhaps things would change for her. Hopefully he'd be kinder to her, treated her like a human rather than an animal.

Her hands conveyed her feeling of gladness as she considered how best to take advantage of this positive turn of events. He was willing to talk to the girl but could Waisana make the importance of doing so a little clearer to him? "Yes, it would be good to be able to tell your children where their mother comes from. I'm sure they'd like to know about their roots when they get old enough," she commented.

by **Lian Windrunner** on December 16th, 2014, 7:27 pm

Lian listened intently to the healer's words. He nodded absently from time to time, acknowledging what she was saying, and letting her know that he was truly listening, and that he understood. His thoughtful frown never left his face as he considered what the healer was saying. Her words struck a cord within him. He had been a child himself at the time, so it hadn't really occurred to him what was happening. But after Lily was born, everything had become about the baby. "Don't wake the baby." "Be gentle with the baby." "Watch the baby." It seemed as though no matter how careful he was, he was always doing something wrong. Something that was bad for the baby in some way. At the time, he had resented it deeply. But Lukar had just seemed resigned. At the time, Lian hadn't understood his older brother's attitude about it, but looking back at it now, Lian couldn't help but wonder if Lukar had already lived through the whole ordeal once already when he himself was born. But that was neither here nor there.

"So three seasons, then. Possibly longer if it seems as though Seirei needs more time. This is all new to me, too. What I remember from when my sister Lily was born, was seen through the eyes of a child. I don't remember seeing that it was hard for my mother...but she would have done her best to hide her suffering from Lukar and I. When the time comes, will you let me know if Seirei needs more than three seasons to recover fully?"

The healer continued, mentioning that his children would want to know where their mother had come from. Lian nodded absently, still thinking about what he had learned. Then the words truly sunk in. Their mother. His captive...Seirei...wouldn't be a captive to any child he sired on the girl. She would have a bond with his children that was different than the bond that he had with them. Possibly deeper than his connection to them. It had been that way in his family, after all. His father had loved them deeply, and he had shown that love frequently. He had been the one to teach them many of the skills that kept him alive now when he went out hunting. But his mother had been the one who had truly raised him and his siblings. She was the one they had spent most of their time with until they were old enough to learn how to hunt. She was the one who always seemed to know what they were thinking, or when something was bothering them. And Seirei would be the mother of his children. An important part of their family. Just as his mother had been to him.

Lian's eyes widened slowly. His entire body conveyed his dawning realization even as his hands betrayed just how foolish he felt at the moment.

"I...am an idiot." he muttered more to himself than to Waisana.

"Of course my children will want to know where their mother came from. They won't just be my children at all. They will be Seirei's children, too. Seirei won't be a captive to them, she will be their mother. And I would deserve it if they hated me when they realize how I've treated her. I would if it were me." he said ruefully.

I said it myself, didn't I? That I would kill anyone who treated Lily or my mother the way I've treated Seirei. he thought.

But what could he do about it now? How could he possibly make amends? Getting to know Seirei was a start, but it wasn't enough...it wasn't nearly enough. He had to change. It wouldn't be easy. And it wouldn't happen all at once. Change didn't come easily to Lian. In some ways, he was just as stubborn as Seirei had proved to be in her defiance of him. But it would start now.

"I really am an idiot. Having children goes far deeper than fulfilling my duty to our people for me. I am the last surviving member of my pavilion, so it means rebuilding my family, and ensuring that the Windrunner pavilion continues for another generation. More than that...family is everything to me. Children are..."

Lian shook his head, trying to gather his thoughts. Once again, he was speaking more to himself than anyone else. He wasn't even fully aware of Waisana's presence anymore.

"I'd give anything to rebuild my family. But...I also want what my father had. He loved mother so much that he would have done anything for her. I want someone I can love that much for my own wife. If I was willing to settle just for producing children, I could have married years ago. But I want more than that. Both for myself, and for the woman I marry. Then the illness struck, and claimed the lives of so many. I'm a hunter, and not an especially good one. I try to be careful when I go out, but it would be all too easy for me to get myself killed out there, and then my family would end with me. When I saw Seirei out in the Sea of Grass, it was obvious to me that she had been abandoned, and left to die. She didn't look sick, so the reason she was abandoned didn't much matter to me. I saw in her a way to rebuild my family...and I took it. I told myself it was okay because I had saved her life by bringing her here, and that she owed me for saving her. It made sense to me that she could repay the debt of her life by bringing new life both to my family, and to our people through her children."

Lian winced when he remembered that he wasn't alone. He glanced at Waisana, his eyes filled with conflicting emotions. Guilt and remorse were two of the most prominent ones. His hands and body language conveyed his embarrassment at having said such things to a stranger, as well as an apology for having aired such private thoughts.

"That's not an excuse. I am not trying to excuse or justify what I've done. There is no justification for it. Seirei was a means to an end. An easy way out. A way to get the children I want so badly while still looking for the kind of love that my parents shared. And if I was fulfilling my duty to my people in the process, so much the better. What I did to Seirei was wrong, and it will have to change. She may be a captive, but she deserves far better treatment than what I have given her."

by **Waisana** on May 6th, 2015, 10:26 pm

The man appeared to be genuinely heeding her words. She should have been happy about it but instead his attention made her feel uncomfortable and more than a little guilty. She had misjudged him. The teen had assumed that he was a selfish, inconsiderate monster who couldn't care less about Seirei. He had taken her as his brood mare, had taken her against her will, kept her prisoner, raped her, terrorised her and so Waisana had assumed that he was the embodiment of evil. Yet, he was showing her that he did care about Seirei, even if it was only a little bit. It meant that he didn't fit comfortably into the profile that she'd created for him. She wasn't happy about that although it was impossible for those glimmers of humanity that had come to light to outweigh the wrongs he'd done to his captives. In her eyes, he was still a monster, just not the monster she'd been expecting.

She nodded uncertainly, still somewhat shaken by the consideration he seemed to be showing. "Of course I'll tell you if she needs more time. She's my patient, ensuring her well being is what I'm here for," she responded, her gestures regaining the confidence they'd held before.

The healer hoped that she was giving him something to think about and that he wouldn't simply ignore her advice about talking to Seirei. No doubt he could pick and choose what he would believe in, ignoring anything she said that might be too inconvenient or unimportant to him. What concerned her health was obviously important to him because he needed her healthy in order to breed her, which made her realise that he probably was the monster she'd imagined him to be. Of course that was the only reason for his concern and she'd been enough of a fool to actually believe that he might actually care.

Her gaze snapped up to meet his, her own eyes widening at his words. Had he truly declared himself an idiot? She was certainly surprised but her surprise grew as he grasped her meaning, even going so far as to admit that he knew what he was treating Seirei wrongly. She'd thought it but he'd actually said it. He'd hate himself if he was an outsider, which seemed to justify her own growing hatred of him. It was worse of course because his words marked him as a hypocrite and a cruel bastard. He knew he was doing wrong and yet he was still going to go through with it for what he believed was the greater good.

Lian became so caught up in whatever new emotions her words had inspired in him that he continued talking, sharing more with her than she would have expected. The loneliness, the desperation and the need that intertwined with his story almost made her pity him, the healer unable to quite meet his eye for a few moments. Her eyes closed, the image of Seirei's fragile body marked with the beatings and pain that he had inflicted upon her coming to her as a way to ground herself. You can't pity him, you know what he is and what he's done. Remember! She opened her eyes again, immediately confronted with the guilt and remorse in his own that she found herself flinching from. Despite her best efforts, he was getting through to her. She almost wondered if it was calculated, if he'd considered the best way to worm his way past her defenses but she quashed the idea. He didn't know her well enough for that and besides there certainly seemed to be truth behind it, what he was conveying a raw sentiment rather than a polished and rehearsed one. She had to believe what he said.

It was no excuse or justification, he was right about that. At least he was taking a step in the right direction, admitting it to himself rather than trying to hide behind a sense of duty. It wasn't a big enough step for her though. "These are only words. If you're sorry, it isn't too late to try to undo some of the damage. Prove it. I'll believe you when you take action. Face your situation like a man and rather than cowering behind excuses, deal with it." Her accompanying gestures were full of [color=black]derision[/i] and her gaze was a challenge as her eyes pierced his own. If it made him angry then perhaps that was for the best. Let rage drive him to do what needed to be done, do what she wanted in an attempt to spite her by proving to her that he was a man who could deal with this.

by **Lian Windrunner** on May 12th, 2015, 7:27 pm

A challenge. Lian's eyes narrowed as he considered the healer's words. But his expression wasn't one of anger, or dismissal. It was one of honest thoughtfulness as he thought about what was being said. Was Waisana right? Was there really a way for him to undo some of the damage he had done? To make up for the wrongs he had committed? Lian wasn't sure, but his expression almost screamed that he wanted to believe the healer's words. If she was right, and he did manage to make it up to Seirei, maybe he would feel a bit more comfortable in his own skin.

Prove it. Two simple words...and yet they had the power to solidify his resolve. Was he a man, or was he some weak willed kid too afraid to admit to his mistakes, and make things right if such a thing were possible? He was a man, by the gods' sake, and he would own up to his mistakes, and do what he could to fix them. Prove it indeed. Challenge accepted. Deal with it. Right. He would do just that.

"I will." he said shortly.

There was no anger evident in his voice, but his words burned with an inner conviction.

"You have given me a lot to think about, Waisana. I am not sure yet how I will make things right between Seirei and I. That will take a great deal more thought, and a lot of time. But I accept your challenge, and I will make things right."

Lian knew that there would be no easy fix. No simple apology could make up for the way he had treated his captive. But if he could get to know her more, he might get an idea of how he could make things better. Having completed his task, even if it wasn't to his own satisfaction, Lian thanked the healer with words and hand signs. His gratitude was sincere, if a bit ironic since he had approached the healer in order to work out a fair payment for her services, and instead had been given a difficult challenge that if successful, might have significant rewards. At the very least, success would allow him to feel better about himself.

Lian wanted to think about what he had learned, and begin making plans for how he was going to make things up to his captive...to Seirei. And for that, he needed to be alone so he could think things through without interruption. So he thanked the healer again. Then he turned, and left.

by **Ssezzkero** on June 8th, 2015, 8:38 pm

Grades

That was a lot of reading, fun!

If you have any questions or concerns, PM me.

Lian Windrunner

XP:

Lores:

Notes: Don't forget to edit your post in the request forum as 'Graded'.

Waisana

XP:

Lores:

Closed Honoring Debts (Waisana)