The 10th Day of Fall, 515 AV
Three bells after sunrise and it was already hot, though this was a different heat than in Kenash. In the swamp the heat drowned you, damp and cloying and sickeningly-sweet. Here in the grassy waste the sun beat down unfiltered by trees, oppressive as the overwhelming sky above. The wan blue arched down on every side, colored slightly yellowish near the featureless horizon. Even the keen eyes of a horse could not detect a rise or a change in that wavering, flat distance, except very far off. Kaitanu certainly couldn’t, and he had tried every day for the past three. Kenash was gone, lost in the impenetrable grasses. The whispered tent city of Endrykas remained elusive. Perhaps it didn’t really exist, or was a mirage; Kaitanu didn’t know that it mattered. For the first time in his life, so far as he could remember, he was utterly alone and without purpose. No master, no duties to fulfill, no clothing, no food or water but what his horse form could find for him. Nothing but the harsh sun beating down on his pale flanks, the recent scars from the Wind Eagle’s talons joining his lifelong collection and aching in the heat. Even the air was still; no wind, no voices, nothing of civilization. Except for the buzzing of life among the grasses he might as well have been the last creature on earth.
By the unknown logic of a freeman, Kaitanu should have been happy to be here. He should have been thanking the gods for bringing him so far away from masters and a life of bondage. Kaitanu could hardly have been more difficult to find in these wild lands, and the thought of slave catchers sent chills through his tired limbs. Yet, strangely, he was more terrified of this masterless existence than of whips and shackles. Freedom was an oppressive idea he didn't really understand. It weighed down on him like the open sky above and the brutal sun, this feeling of being unchained. Never before had the kelvic known anything but to serve the desires of a master, to go where he was told, to sleep and eat and dress and whatever else, all on another’s command. Had he not been a horse he likely would have died out in this treeless wilderness, having no knowledge of survival beyond a few edible or medicinal plants. Instinct made him eat and drink, but every day he felt his mind slip a little further as Kenash and his master remained out of sight. The misery of being a slave was all he knew, and like an addict he clung to what had long ago made him a shell. Without it his life had no meaning or purpose. Only the clockwork of survival; eat, drink, sleep, eat, drink, sleep. That, he supposed vaguely, was his master now.
Plodding through the grass, not in any particular direction, Kaitanu heard the sounds of a wild herd he had met yesterday. Obeying his equine side he had followed in their tracks and grazed nearby, but had not truly joined them. Their clustered formation offered no comfort, no sense of belonging. The dappled stallion at their head looked on him with a cold eye, but Kaitanu wasn’t interested in the fertile mares. Without tasks set forth by a master he wasn’t really interested in anything. Only when the wild horses sensed a threat and ran did his senses rise to something beyond dullness; a shared panic punctuated by thundering hooves. That burst of energy was raw and real, but momentary. Kaitanu had not yet learned that there was any joy to be had in the simple act of galloping. Joy as a concept was as foreign to his mind as what lay beyond the stars.
There was only one thing he had to stave off the blackness of mind that threatened to swallow him whole. In the open freedom others craved he had to comfort himself the only way he knew how, by singing softly. Or, rather, by thinking of songs in his head. Strange to turn to his one bright spot when there were no whips or lustful touches to chase away, yet turn he did as he clipped a mouthful of dry grass. Inside his mind ran the tune, wordless, clear-toned, rambling like water. The song would have made little sense to outsiders, but it was all his own; a slave’s one possession. That, and his driving instinct for survival had pushed Kaitanu for three days. How long either would last even he didn't know.
Three bells after sunrise and it was already hot, though this was a different heat than in Kenash. In the swamp the heat drowned you, damp and cloying and sickeningly-sweet. Here in the grassy waste the sun beat down unfiltered by trees, oppressive as the overwhelming sky above. The wan blue arched down on every side, colored slightly yellowish near the featureless horizon. Even the keen eyes of a horse could not detect a rise or a change in that wavering, flat distance, except very far off. Kaitanu certainly couldn’t, and he had tried every day for the past three. Kenash was gone, lost in the impenetrable grasses. The whispered tent city of Endrykas remained elusive. Perhaps it didn’t really exist, or was a mirage; Kaitanu didn’t know that it mattered. For the first time in his life, so far as he could remember, he was utterly alone and without purpose. No master, no duties to fulfill, no clothing, no food or water but what his horse form could find for him. Nothing but the harsh sun beating down on his pale flanks, the recent scars from the Wind Eagle’s talons joining his lifelong collection and aching in the heat. Even the air was still; no wind, no voices, nothing of civilization. Except for the buzzing of life among the grasses he might as well have been the last creature on earth.
By the unknown logic of a freeman, Kaitanu should have been happy to be here. He should have been thanking the gods for bringing him so far away from masters and a life of bondage. Kaitanu could hardly have been more difficult to find in these wild lands, and the thought of slave catchers sent chills through his tired limbs. Yet, strangely, he was more terrified of this masterless existence than of whips and shackles. Freedom was an oppressive idea he didn't really understand. It weighed down on him like the open sky above and the brutal sun, this feeling of being unchained. Never before had the kelvic known anything but to serve the desires of a master, to go where he was told, to sleep and eat and dress and whatever else, all on another’s command. Had he not been a horse he likely would have died out in this treeless wilderness, having no knowledge of survival beyond a few edible or medicinal plants. Instinct made him eat and drink, but every day he felt his mind slip a little further as Kenash and his master remained out of sight. The misery of being a slave was all he knew, and like an addict he clung to what had long ago made him a shell. Without it his life had no meaning or purpose. Only the clockwork of survival; eat, drink, sleep, eat, drink, sleep. That, he supposed vaguely, was his master now.
Plodding through the grass, not in any particular direction, Kaitanu heard the sounds of a wild herd he had met yesterday. Obeying his equine side he had followed in their tracks and grazed nearby, but had not truly joined them. Their clustered formation offered no comfort, no sense of belonging. The dappled stallion at their head looked on him with a cold eye, but Kaitanu wasn’t interested in the fertile mares. Without tasks set forth by a master he wasn’t really interested in anything. Only when the wild horses sensed a threat and ran did his senses rise to something beyond dullness; a shared panic punctuated by thundering hooves. That burst of energy was raw and real, but momentary. Kaitanu had not yet learned that there was any joy to be had in the simple act of galloping. Joy as a concept was as foreign to his mind as what lay beyond the stars.
There was only one thing he had to stave off the blackness of mind that threatened to swallow him whole. In the open freedom others craved he had to comfort himself the only way he knew how, by singing softly. Or, rather, by thinking of songs in his head. Strange to turn to his one bright spot when there were no whips or lustful touches to chase away, yet turn he did as he clipped a mouthful of dry grass. Inside his mind ran the tune, wordless, clear-toned, rambling like water. The song would have made little sense to outsiders, but it was all his own; a slave’s one possession. That, and his driving instinct for survival had pushed Kaitanu for three days. How long either would last even he didn't know.