[Peer Review]Divine Artifact - Ring

[Kyo]

I think your explanations, Azmere, all make good sense. A very good point about the ring becoming OP should you remove the limitations. As for the quick sidenote to the ST's you suggested, it seems to me like that should fit. I think there are OOC notes in the actual wiki already (usually placed at the bottom of articles), so adding one here isn't really unusual or anything.

Concerning the selection section (rhyme), what you added makes perfect sense. But I guess I just don't know how a player OOC would know when their character might be able to summon the ring. It's a game logistics thing I'm concerned about.

Though it could be I'm overthinking this and like a lot of things the ring would only be granted to a player by mod decision. Was that what you had planned?

Sorry to keep picking on this point. It's probably really annoying, but I just want to make sure. ^_^'

[Azmere]

Arch:

I went through and made the suggested changes. For the last point, I changed the word 'door' to portal to eliminate the confusion of gate being used as a description.

Shane:

I made the changes you suggested as well.

Kyo:

I double checked and the lore doesn't specifically cover this in the Artifact List. However, I am fairly confident that one needs to generate an HD ticket to use one of these items in a thread. Furthermore, I believe it has to be moderated. Again; not 100% on that protocol but...it sounds right.

Assuming this is the case, the PC has to generate a very good plot to convince Goss and the others to let them play with such a trinket. I hope this covers everything.

Thanks again, guys!

[Firenze]

So I'm not sure how helpful this will be but I will try my best to Review this for you. Here goes!

Under History:

Her clothes were rags but Cybila carried herself as if she was of noble birth.

Change to 'were'.

Under History, 2nd paragraph:

One of the Seiza who was an Auristic master noticed something odd about the ring.

Adjust to :

One of the Seiza, who was an Auristic master, noticed something odd about the ring.

Under History, 2nd paragraph:

She opened the wrought iron gate and stepped through completely vanishing from room.

Adjust to:

She opened the wrought iron gate and stepped through completely vanishing from the room.

Question:
The boy who arrived in the middle of the court trial, is there a door there? It sounds as though it just appeared. Isn't it supposed to link the user to any door that they'd previously seen? It could be possible he'd seen the door in the room, but where is the small wooden door? Also, would there have been a door that just 'appeared' in the swamp? Wouldn't you have to use an already created door?

Under History, 4th paragraph:

The Knights knew the artifact was too powerful for a child to have it and convinced him to trade it for a guaranteed place in the knighthood once he reached the proper age.

Adjust to:

The Knights knew the artifact was too powerful for a child to have * and convinced him to trade it for a guaranteed place in the knighthood, once he reached the proper age.

*Removed 'it'.

Under History, 5th paragraph:

The Knights laid out a grand cover-up that struck all trace of it from their records as well as eliminated the general lore of it from libraries within their territory.

Adjust to:

The Knights laid out a grand cover-up that struck all trace of it from their records as well as eliminated the general lore * from libraries within their territory.

*Removed 'of it'.

Under Cost, 1st paragraph:

Every use of the ring take a toll on its owner.

Adjust to:

Every use of the ring takes a toll on its owner.

Under Cost, 2nd paragraph:

It is unclear if this is due to the damage done to Aquiras, himself or just the Valterrian itself.

Adjust to:

It is unclear if this is due to the damage done to Aquiras himself, or the Valterrian.

Under Selection:

Speculation has it that any person bearing the god's mark would find himself in possession of it if he was in great enough need.

Adjust to:

Speculation has it that any person bearing the god's mark would find themselves in possession of it, if they were in great enough need.

I hope this helps! This is all purely suggestive, of course. I really love the concept of this ring and I can't wait to see it's mysterious powers floating around Miz and see what kind of mischief it can stir up! Awesome write up!

Good Luck!

[Azmere]

Thank you so much!

I made all of the adjustments except the last one. Also, we talked about the question you had regarding the door.

I used singular terms (himself, he) because someone is a singular pronoun.
You rock, Fire.


Thanks again to everyone for your help!