Musicaly adaped animals (Nidassasyae)

by **Seliarus** on November 24th, 2010, 2:02 pm

To say that someone felt fuzzy when in love made the Dhani hiss out of disbelief. Karma is a funny thing. Sel felt like that just now. The feel of her warm lips warmed his whole being. It was like the feeling cuddling under a blanket near a fireplace on a cold, winter's night. Only more delicate. A lot more delicate. For a quick moment, his knees became soft, and he felt like he couldn't stand anymore. When their lips finally parted, he forced himself to stop acing so weak. This was frustrating. Beautiful, but not something he could simply go with. Yet, he wanted. Just for a bit more, as he kept hugging her, as if trying to warm himself up, for all those nights alone in the forest.

He could feel her nudging his neck, but all he did was lean his head on her own. A soft hissing sigh escaped his lips. One of those moments who you don't wish that they end, but know, deep inside, they're going to. "...You did." He whispered back, rubbing her back with his hand. "And I found you." He ended his sentence.

He knew not if this sort of acting was natural for a Dhani. He did remember his mother showing great care for him and his siblings, even though she was a 'monster' from the point of view of a human. Maybe even the Dhani are capable of a loving nature. Maybe not all, then Sel lived away from the Nest for a long period of time. But he did remember his mother quite well. And if she could show love to those who she cared for, then he could be able to show that to the Kelvic. Not just one Kelvic. To Nidaessasyae. Who was not just a Kelvic. Much, much more to him. "It'sss...Warm now."

by **Nidassasyae** on November 24th, 2010, 2:52 pm

OOCSorry for late reply, had to eat dinner

The leopard Kelvic sighed in contentment, still pressing herself against Sel. She knew they'd eventually have to get up from the boulder, that they'd have to go back into the town at some point. Earlier this morning, the thought might have ruined her mood completely. But now, she didn't mind, not so long as he was beside her. Nidae didn't budge as his hand ran along the length of her back. Somewhere there, a silvery scar stretched from her shoulder blades, down to her hips. An old wound, long forgotten, but being touched there suddenly brought back memories. But now was not the time for such things, and she pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind. For now, all she wished to do was linger in the brief and peaceful moment. Gods knew how many of these they'd have, but she bet the number wasn't too much.

She just sat there with her bondmate, leaning her head on his shoulder as he appeared deep in thought. "Mmm?" she murmured, when she heard his comment about warmth. Did he mean that the day was growing warmer, or that having her pressed again him was warm? Or was it just a hint that she should get off of him now?

"Sel," she whispered, sitting back up, but not quite willing to untangle herself from his grasp. "Do you still think the bond is such a good idea?" Nidae, though almost drunk with the very comfort of the moment, still wondered what he thought. The bond wasn't strong yet, she couldn't control what emotions she sent very well, nor what she received. Even without the bond, she radiated worry and fear. The moment had passed, at least for her. It would have gone on longer, if she wasn't so afraid. Afraid that he wanted to change his decision, afraid that she still wasn't good enough.

Even among her siblings, she was never good enough. Her brother was the best hunter, strong, fierce. Her sister was smart, calculating, able to find the best solution to any problem the family came across. And then there was Nidae. Rash and unpredictable, her one redeeming quality was her speed. She had spent so long, wondering why she was always blamed, why she was never good enough. With anyone else, she wouldn't have cared. They would just have to accept her for the way she was, not even second best. But with Sel, it was different. He should have a choice, he should be able to make sure that his decision was the right one for him.

Would he really settle for less than the best bondmate? Fear clouded her judgement, and she wondered if he regretted it. All the drowsy cat-like comfort that she had felt earlier had melted faster than snow in the desert. Now her eyes were wide with fear, and she sat rigidly, still as a rock, wondering how he felt.

Ever since Nehsmay helped her off the road, torn and bloody, she had covered a part of herself up. Her past had been put behind her, and she tried to keep it that way, to reinvent herself. Doubt would still creep slowly back, no matter what she did. It took doubt this long to reach her again, more than half a season. But it came with such an intensity that she almost cried out in frustration.

Old habits died hard, and she was used to thinking herself much less than second best. Any speck of confidence she might have possessed had gone when she had run from the slavers. She needed to tell Seliarus this, to let him know what he was getting himself into. Before the new and fragile bond had a chance to strengthen, he needed to know exactly who she was. In the brief time they had known each other, the Dhani would only know her as the fierce and feral girl. He could not possibly know about her other self, the part she sought to keep hidden inside her. It was her weakness, and nature culls the weak. But it wasn't nature she was dealing with now, it wasn't her Kelvic family, it was Sel. He needed to know.

If he were to listen to her, to truly listen, then she'd need to be straightforward. He needed to know before the Bond strengthened. Gently, slowly, she slipped out of his arms, sliding backwards to sit cross-legged on the boulder.

"S-Sel," she said, trembling. No, this wouldn't do. She needed to tell him this, without the feelings of the Bond influencing the decision. Nidae didn't know if she could do this, but speaking clearly seemed the best option. If she was to do this, there could be no trembling. It needed to stop now. With a slight hiss, she sank her fangs into her lower lip, feeling the pain focus her, and running her tongue over the blood to take it from her lips.

"Seliarus, would you still think the Bond as the best decision if I told you that there was another side to me? A side that hates myself? I'm rash, easy to anger, and I enjoy the taste of fresh blood. I don't understand the world around me, and my self respect is smaller than a speck of d-dust." she trembled on the last word, almost letting her emotions take hold again. Nidae stopped for a second, composing herself, then went on, "Could you still bear to continue the bond with me? Could you have a bondmate who's not strong, nor clever, or-" her voice trailed off, but it was obvious she could have gone on. "Before the Bond is strong, while it is still a thin strand, would you rather reject it, in favor of a better bondmate?" The last words were painful, but they had to be said. She had to make sure that he was certain, that Sel would understand who she was. Just a girl with sharp teeth, an appetite for blood, and low self confidence.

by **Seliarus** on November 24th, 2010, 6:44 pm

Seliarus listened. Listened to her whispers. To her shaking voice. He could taste her fear. The rising panic. Yet he wouldn't say anything. He would just keep listening, and looking directly into her deep blue eyes. The eyes that were still sparkling from the tears she had shed. The Dhani listened, and savored every piece of information he got. He knew he should be honest with her. And that's what he was about to do. In just a few moments. But first, he didn't want to disturb her. She was pouring her soul out. Admirable. No one ever did that before. The feeling was strange. Almost funny. But it did good. He wanted to smile, but he didn't. There was a much more serious thing going on that this fuzzy feeling. Whatever he should do, and his relationship with the Kelvic, depended on his answer.

Of course he didn't know everything about her. They never talked about it. But, could that really change his mind? He had someone who he can care for, and vice versa. Does he really even deserve the 'best'? Or something 'better', for that matter? Who was he to even think about that. A renegade murderer with a soft side, that now came into being. A snake with a reasoning for good and bad in the human world. He was nothing but trash to everyone else. Except for the Vantha Nehsmay, and for the Kelvic in front of him. How could she say that she was less worth that others.

He couldn't even listen to this anymore. He took a deep breath. It was time for his answer. "Lisssten..." He started, restraining himself from glaring or hissing at her. Instead, he gave off a some sort of smile, yet it looked like a grin. He did his best, though. "The bond isssn't a good idea. Becausssse there isss no good, or bad in here. It'sss the..." He paused for a moment. "Only." He paused some more. "Csshoicssse I can make. And I don't intend to csshange it. Becaussse I don't want too." He said, answering on her first question. Keeping his voice calm, as friendly as possible, and, what is more importantly, a warm tone.

He stayed silent for a moment. Waiting for his words to get the effect he tried them to do. He wasn't used on speaking so deep, but for once in his life, he knew that it was the right thing. Now, he was gathering logical arguments against her other claims. That she wasn't worth of it. That she was bad.

"Rasssh...Easssy to anger... Loving blood?" He repeated her words, as if trying to make her to listen to her own words before continuing. "We all have bad thingsss. You're nothing bad if you have sssomething bad on you. You're bad if you try not to live with it. He said, lightly nodding. "I alssso don't underssstand everything...And I doubt I ever will." He said, lightly shaking her afterwards. "What kind of quessstion isss that? I don't want sssomething ssspecial. Sssomething perfect. I just want you. You're special and perfect enough for me." He said, nodding afterwards. That was somehow too deep for his own liking. He never thought he would even be able to say something like that. But he did. He gathered the words from every scroll he once read, and every word he once heard. He tried to make a series of words that made sense.

He was over a hundred years of age. Yet inexperienced in this. He never spoke about his emotions. He never thought about that. He thought that they weren't worthy his attention. But suddenly, they were worth it. "We all have sssecretssss... They make usss feel sssafer." He smiled lightly. "You're not the only one who hates hisss ssself.. It'sss hard to be a sssnake in a group of raccoonsss. And, I have already told you what the Dhani are capable of. I'm no different. I jussst try to act like I am." He nodded at his own words. Strange. She was the first one who he even bothered to explain his problems.

But he sounded like a confused kid about now. He was hating himself for that. He was a snake for the sake of Siku. A SNAKE. Not a kid. A Dhani! Something made his blood boil. A strange feeling of shifting into his Dhani form and biting something. He shook his head, and hugged the Kelvic again. Not now. Calm down. "...What I am trying to sssay...Isss...Even if I had the chancsse, I wouldn't change anything I agreed on." Hissing lightly, pushing his anger aside. "There isss nothing...No bad feature in you, that would make me hate you." Finally, a well developed sentence.

He took a moment of silence, so he could produce another one, but he couldn't. If he would try to speak now, all he would do is mumble and stutter. He wasn't going to do that. So he simply kept hugging her, trying to calm her down. Trying to show her that he isn't going to leave her. That she was more than good enough. If it would be able, he'd even try to use their bond to tell her that. Even though he wasn't sure how. Or if he would be able. "Remember one thing..." He whispered. "You have been here for me...That iss... -ALL- that mattersss. "

by **Nidassasyae** on November 24th, 2010, 7:22 pm

Nidae felt lightheaded. He thought she was special? But, how could she be, when there were so many things wrong with her. The only thing she could do was hunt. Yet, his words restored that sense of security in her, gave her a bit more confidence. Her bondmate, once again, had assured her that he would stay bonded, would stay with her. Before, he had chased her nightmares away. Now, he chased away the self-doubt. The doubt that she wasn't good enough for him. The part of her that hated herself for running, for not being what she had been expected to be, was silenced. Not forever, but for now, it was quiet.

While Seliarus was over one hundred years of age, Nidae had not yet seen two winters. Yet, by her race's standards, she was as much of an adult as he. Both of them were inexperienced with this.

"But I don't want to live with my secrets, Sel," she mumbled, looking down at her hands. "I don't want to be alone with my past, with what I did." When he said he hated himself, she abruptly looked up, blue eyes burning with unshed tears and anger.

"There is nothing about you that one could possibly hate," she said, looking at him with a mixture of surprise and unsettlement. Perhaps, they were a better pair than she had thought. Both hated themselves, yet could not find anything to hate in each other. "Why do you fear what you are? Why do you hate it so?" she asked him, scooting closer and grabbing his vest, tugging him towards her, trying to tell him to look her in the eye. Where Sel might know how to be gentle, it was harder for Nidae. Much harder. She had told him that she was easily angered, and here was proof. The mystery of females of any race was their ability to have mood swings, and usually confuse their menfolk. Nidae was no different.

She leaned in close, their noses barely an inch away from each others, her eyes smoldering. "You hate yourself for what your race is, for exactly what that makes you. Why, Sel? You are an individual, and I see nothing in you that one could possibly despise. You and I would drink the blood of any animal, with pleasure, I see that now. You and I would hunt down anyone, or anything, if we wanted to. You and I care as little for society's rules as society cares for us." She had turned from regretful to angry in the flash of a second, and wasn't about to stop now. "Your race would eat a human? So would I. We're not so different, you and I. If you could look past how I am, how could you not do this to yourself? They are not faults, not to me, and shouldn't be to you. If I wanted to bond with anyone else, you think they would take me? I, who am more animal than human? I, who would kill without a second thought, and not regret it? They say these are flaws, and I needed to let you know I have them too. But they're not flaws, they're not bad, Sel. The prey will say whatever they want, to escape death. Would you follow our prey?" Nidae looked angry, but also concerned, if that was even possible. After Sel had accepted her, she had learned that that part of her was okay. If it was okay, then he had to accept it too. Even if she could not defend herself against the doubt, she would defend Seliarus.

The point she was trying to communicate was that those things, as much a part of her as him, were natural. She needed to make sure her bondmate knew about that part of herself, in case he did not want a wild bondmate of his own. But once he told her, once she had realized that he accepted those traits in her, and would still have her as a bondmate, those traits seemed like less a burden and more of a part of both of them, as normal as hair or eye color. If those traits were not evil, if he did not mind them in her, than why for should he mind them in himself? It was confusing, complicated, but she found herself more sure than ever, and it showed in her behavior.

She leaned in even closer, so that her nose brushed against his. Nidae cocked her head to the side in a decidedly cat-like way, wondering if she should just back off, or kiss him again, perhaps that might knock some sense into him. Nidae decided that she'd wait for some sort of signal from him.

Nidae wasn't angry at him, not in the slightest bit. She was angry at the logic of the prey, how it seemed that their ways dictated what was right and wrong.

When he gathered her in his arms, she simply melted against him, resting her head on his chest. Even though society called her flawed, enormously so, he still wanted her as his bondmate. But now, the relief was not the only emotion she felt. Nidae also felt angry at the injustice of it all, that he should feel guilty of things that he forgave her for.

by **Seliarus** on November 25th, 2010, 6:04 am

How easily everything can turns against someone, with only saying one word. How easily sadness can grow into anger. It was almost funny, to say the least. He listened to her. Closely. Feeling her breath. Almost like the prey became the hunter. Pushing him in a corner with no escape. Yet, he wasn't going to run away. If she told him something about herself, he could also do that. Even though his mentality was not understandable. Or at least that's what he thought. With a sigh, he started to explain. "My hate...Isss different. I hate myself becausssse I can not control myself. I'm too weak. Every now and then, sssomething in my head sssnapsss. My body moves againssst my will. And I can't do anything to ssstop it. I hate myself becaussse of that....Becausse I'm weak. A ssshame for my race...A laugh for the humansss. He spoke, his cold tone now returning. His words were cold, and with such a hissing tone, they could almost cut trough the skin. "Can you imagine how that feelsss?That what you learned about hunt, vanissshesss. And then your body forcesss you to go hunting. Becaussse it needsss the thrill of the hunt. The blood. Yet you can't do anything to be a part of that. It'sss not -ME- doing the hunt. It'ss my inssstincssst.

He finished, calming himself down. He wasn't going to speak anymore. Mostly because he has nothing more to say. What he just told, was something no one knew. Mostly because on one would understand. Mostly because no one would even listen. His problems were selfish. He wasn't a good person a kid meets on the way to the Baker. He was the guy who robs the kid and proceeds to beat him. He couldn't act different. He tried, but it just resulted in even a much more difficult stage of events. But he hoped she would understand him. She, who is also a part animal. She, who he hopes to trust in. The Dhani was just hoping he wasn't trusting too soon.

"You, and me... We aren't humans. Sso we wont act like they tell uss. We are ssomething more. We are animalss. Predatorss. They fear uss, becausse we are different. They desspite uss because of the jealoussy. They want uss dead becausse they can't be like uss. They don't desserve to be like uss. They desserve to be hunted down. Every lasst one of those who wisshed uss bad." He grinned afterwards, running the tip of his tongue over her cheek. A snake-a-like motion, but sadly he had the wrong tongue for that.

How their line of thought changed rapidly over seconds, their pose remained the same. Locked against each other in an embrace they did not want to leave. Sel disliked most everything that had a free will, then they tended to go against him. His sadistic side could quite easily be shown in his speech. But he didn't mind it. He wasn't going to hide in anymore. Not from her. She did deserve to know what he was thinking. He patted her hair. Like he just couldn't bring himself to stop touching the Kelvic. He was like a bear cub who goes to cuddle with his mother. That was something new. It did feel extremely well. The touch of a warm friend. To be able to touch a warm friend. After so long. All he could do was touch a dead corpse. And that wasn't the same. Here, he could feel her breath. Her heartbeat. Her life. Something no corpses have.

by **Nidassasyae** on November 25th, 2010, 6:47 am

Nidae felt his cold tone cut through her skin, filled with a delicious anger. "Control?" she laughed, almost spitefully. "Yes, Sel, I can imagine how that feels. I know how that feels. Animals have no control, we have no conscience. It's just instinct, the thrill of the hunt in your veins, the taste of blood." His feelings coming through the Bond were affecting her, changing her. It confused her, and at that moment, she thought those feelings were hers. The hate, the anger, her voice and demeanor were different now. "While humans might need to think when they hunt, it is different for us. We feel the prey, smell the scents, and revel in the kill. There is no thought, only action, only the kill." She only partly understood him, but loved him nonetheless. Nidae understood the need to kill, how her body moved of its own accord when she had the prey's scent. What she did not understand was why he hated this, why he hated his instincts. She did not understand why he thought them a weakness. "Why do you want to stop it?" she whispered in his ear, one eyebrow raised. "Consider this, you say that 'Every now and then' you loose control, that your body is not yours to command. This is only 'every now and then', Sel, not all the time. Not every waking moment. At least you have some control, Sel. I have none," her eyes glittered dangerously, "And I don't know if I want it. But if -you- want control, then you've got to fight for it."

She was a creature of instinct: rash, foolhardy at times, but wholly an animal. Her mind simply could not comprehend this anger at his instincts, how he thought himself weak. Even as his hate and spite flowed through the Bond, and into her, she could not understand this. But, understanding or not, he could trust her. She would show him instincts should not be feared, and that no matter how he acted, she would be by his side.

"Their lifeblood will be sweet indeed," she murmured when he spoke of hunting the humans, the gleeful hate like a heady drink, intoxicating. A low sound came from the back of her throat as she felt his tongue on her cheek. Her eyes darkened, and this time, she did not wait for any signal from him. Her face already close to his, the distance between their lips was small. She pressed her lips against his, loosely wrapping her arms around his neck, but ready to pull back if he wished it.

If he kissed her back, she would continue to hold that pose, twining her fingers in his hair. Drunk with the darker emotions, she would simply stay where she was, locked in his embrace.

If he did not wish to kiss, if he pushed her away, then she would let him. Nidae would simply sit back on her heels, the hate and spite slowly disappearing from her eyes, leaving her as calm as a predator who watched her prey.

by **Seliarus** on November 26th, 2010, 6:22 pm

"No...It'sss different. I'm different. I don't want to jusst kill my enemy...I want to...Tassste their pain. I want them to die ssslowly, and laugh by their kneesss when they beg me to ssspare them. Like the godesss Sssiku asssksss. To make a sssacrificsse in her name. But I can't... Becaussse I can't control myself... It'sss not -ME- doing the killing." He said, trying to explain his hate of himself towards the Kelvic. He didn't know if she would understand. He wouldn't mind if she couldn't understand. No one understands what he's going trough. The frustration on his own animal side. He couldn't sacrifice anyone if his animal side simply kills his target. And the worst thing was, he couldn't fight his instinct, as she told him too. He tried. But failed. He looked at her again, with hate and sorrow. But not towards her. Hate towards his animal side. All he could do was shake his head. "...I don't hope you will undersstand me. I just hope you will acsscept me." He whispered.

He stayed silent afterwards, but he wasn't needed to speak anyways. He, again, felt her warm, soft lips pressing themselves against his own. He felt her hands wrapping around his back, and soon after he hugged her even tighter. He had no desire of breaking the kiss, and with their lips colliding, he felt that he started to calm down. His anger hiding back in his conscience. In his inner self. Feeling strangely calm, yet cold. But even his coldness was slowly vanishing, then his body was leeching her temperature. He felt warm, and quite happy. As happy as a sadistic snake could be without casualties, that is.

by **Nidassasyae** on November 26th, 2010, 6:50 pm

It seemed strange to Nidae that the cause of this was wanting to sacrifice a life to... who was is? Siku? She supposed that this was Sel's Goddess. Nidae knew nothing of the deities and their control over mortals, so she supposed that this was absolutely ordinary. The Kelvic guessed that different deities demanded different things. Sel's wanted blood, but she couldn't figure out what Nehsmay's Morwen wanted.

"So start small. A stab in the stomach would work quite nicely, all you'll have to do is sit back and watch them die slowly. I'll help you Sel," she said in a solemn tone. "You want control, and I'll do my best to help you get it."

"I'm just beginning to understand. I might not understand completely, but I'll try" Her voice faded off when she heard the second sentence in his whisper. All this time, she had never heard him speak like that. Sure, he had spoken confused and broken sentences earlier, but this was different. His voice was so soft, full of hope and sorrow.

"I accept you," she whispered back, "I always have. I'll be beside you, through thick and thin. To the bitter end."

The hateful emotions she had felt earlier started to fade away as Sel calmed down. She didn't realize that they had come from him, that they were not coming from her own mind. Regardless, it didn't matter to her at this moment. All that mattered was the press of his lips against hers. Her arms brushed against the cool skin of his neck, but she didn't notice how he slowly warmed up.

Crushed against him, the Kelvic girl shivered, but showed no signs of wanting to break either the embrace or kiss. She was used to the heat of her animal body, how her fur retained even the slightest bit of warmth, a necessary trait in the cold North. In her human body, she was a bit warmer than a normal human, but this didn't really matter survival wise. If she needed warmth, it would be in her leopard form, not this silly human body.

by **Seliarus** on November 28th, 2010, 12:44 pm

The Dhani calmed down fully now. Strangely, not even a pinch of aggressiveness stayed in him. As fast as it stormed to being, it also vanished. Of course not for ever, but, he could at least enjoy the moment of peace. He could feel the Kelvic pressed up against him. The only person who he was able to trust in almost four decades. And it felt more than good. Strange how it was, even the most bloodthirsty wolves were off on a rampage, they needed their pack. It was a bit of the same here. Even though without the fur and paws. Seliarus needed someone. And that someone was her. He still couldn't quite believe that. Locked in a kiss with someone who understood him, and felt the same. The same hate. Confusion. Lust for the hunt.

Even though, he was forced to grin when she said the thing about stabbing someone. How easy would that be. As tempting as it sounded, that was too easy. Too cheap. That wasn't the torture Siku would smile upon. That's the way bandits treat their hostages if they misbehave. His methods should be more interesting to watch. More complex to make. Sadly, for that he needed his instincts out of the picture. So he could focus on what he is doing. That was the biggest problem. He couldn't control himself. But she was right. He had to try fighting it. Somehow. It didn't matter now anyways. He was going to worry about that later, but for the moment, he was just there to feel complete.

After a while of cuddling, the Dhani would try to lightly tip his head backwards, breaking the kiss, and smiling down on the Kelvic.Yet he could still feel her touch on his own lips. He didn't know what to say at this moment. Nor was he thinking about that. He wasn't too good with keeping a conversation alive, but, he felt like the two needed no words. He didn't need no words to show his affection towards her. How he grown fond of a person in pretty much a week. How he simply wanted to wrap himself around her and never let go again. He needed no words for that. Words were for the humans who never know what they want. Or always want more. Or better. Pathetic.

by **Nidassasyae** on November 28th, 2010, 1:05 pm

OOCShould we wrap this up?

Nidae almost protested when he broke the kiss. She slowly pulled her head back as he did the same, staring into her bondmate's slitted eyes. A surge of warmth ran through her body, and she felt dizzy, lightheaded. For a moment, she simply concentrated on inhaling as much oxygen as she could.

Her brow creased as she just realized something. "Sel, aren't you supposed to be at the Golden Swan soon?" It was possibly the most unromantic thing she had ever said, but the two had been so distracted that they hadn't noticed time go by.